


Of Secrets and Truth

by rhysdelamar



Series: The Secrets'Verse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Post Fall, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-13
Updated: 2013-09-04
Packaged: 2017-12-19 08:03:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 43
Words: 120,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/881427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhysdelamar/pseuds/rhysdelamar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The failure to close Hell and the exile of the angels brings severe repercussions. Dean, Sam and Cas have to find and work together more than they ever have. And a new friend comes forth to finally help guide them all to what they want. Through it all, Dean and Cas make their way to each other, finally realizing the truth and the power of free will</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Fallen Host

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So this is my very first fic, but its been formulating for months in my mind. I have a nice map of where I want this to go. However, I would love reviews so I can improve the series. Actually, I am creating an entire 'verse here, so there is a lot of content I would love to share. Everything is canon right up to the last second in Sacrifice. Planning on some Destiel eventually, but I want to build up to that.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of their characters from CW. I am not profiting financially from the creation and publication of this story. Any and all real persons and situations are purely coincidental.

Of Secrets and Truth

Chapter 1

The Fallen Host

For many people across the globe, a shooting star is memorable in that it grants a wish. It is because, perhaps, a shooting star is brilliant for a split second, never to be seen again. It never comes down to Earth, it is but a streak of light from the heavens. Much like a wish, brilliant and real for a time, but soon gone, its acknowledgment fleeting. A falling star though technically the same thing, does not hold the same wonder. Its end is fire and destruction, marred by the fact it does come down to the Earth. And it stays here, never to return to the skies.

* * *

Sometimes being in the know sucks Dean thought. By rights, what was happening in the skies above was beautiful. The bursts of shining light and the flaming stars all across the night sky was something to behold. But, he knows what is happening. Too much was happening actually. He has a shadow of brother who's sick and coughing. He has a half cured King of Hell in a church behind him. He blew the chance to close hell because he was selfish. He was angered that Castiel left him to deal with the dick Metatron when he needed him most. And now, and now, somewhere between horror and the anger, he was worried about Castiel. Seeing that those stars where angels, de-winged and falling, nearly made him pity them.

"Castiel! Get your ass down here!" Dean yelled to the falling heavens. He knew that either Cas or Metatron caused the angels to fall. When Cas failed to materialize, he felt a pang of hurt, worry and anger all at once.

But he had enough on his plate at the moment, and his brother takes up one huge plate. Sam is stronger and smarter than him. To see him reduced to this shell of what he was, coughing and unable to move without assistance should be his primary concern. But he'll take Sam as he is, which is alive, any day over him being dead. Again. Sam's barely conscious, sweating and coughing that he dimly noticed the light show. Castiel and his stupid ass will have to be dealt with later.

"Dean!"

"What Sammy?!"

"We can't leave Crowley in there. cough He may not be cured, but he has a conscious now. And Abaddon is gunning for him now. cough Gotta take him." Sam had a difficulty keeping his head level, instead he opted to keep his head down.

"Sammy, I don't care about him! I have to take care of you. This…"pointing the still falling angels, "…this is a whole new bag of trouble. Trouble we don't need. You're coughing up a lung man, you're feverish. You can't stand for crissakes!" Dean lowers his voice, Cas must be out there, falling as well. "Cas….I don't know about Cas. You come first, we're heading home. We'll sort this mess out when you get better."

"Dean! Listen to me dammit! cough We have to take him, he is our responsibility now. Crowley isn't fully human, but he's about there. And if any other demon comes, he's toast. We did this Dean, we did this to him." Sam gave him a hard look, and damn, did it look more intimidating with his skin taunt and pale. Fury boiled in Dean in response.

"I don't owe that son of a bitch shit Sam! Abaddon can roast that smug ass of his. I don't care. You need to rest, get better, and find out what the hell is happening. Sam, you nearly sacrificed your life in there. You aren't dying on me. You'll get better, and then we find Cas." He lowers his voice again, giving Sam a look of worry, hurt and loss. "Man….Cas." Dean looks up at the sky; there are less streaks of light now. How many angels were there? He can't help but wonder what the hell happened up there. What if Cas is dead? No, he can't think that. Won't think that. Cas fell, cause if he fell, then he's alive.

* * *

The trials nearly took everything from him, and he was ready to give it all up, to close hell. Deep down, Sam knew that was always going to be the case. It wouldn't be Winchester fashion to have the cake and eat it too. But damn, it hurt like a motherfucker. The light was something like a hot electric fire, purifying in its pain. Letting go of something like that is not going to be easy. And as soon as he stepped outside the church, we was in agony. It like being sucker punched in the gut, with a crowbar to the head. Legs felt like Jell-O. Dean had to carry him to the car.

It hurt so much he didn't even notice that the heaven was being emptied of its celestial occupants. When Dean said the angels were falling, he couldn't believe it. It was impossible. Then again, impossible is a word that doesn't stick to his life. He did wish Cas was here though, if only to explain what was happening. Would be great if he could heal him, but Cas already said there was damage he could not undo. Finishing the ritual with Crowley should have finished him, but also release him from this burden.

Crowley. If that demon…man, being was anything, it was always surprising. He did not expect the confession that all Crowley wanted was love. Sure, he hated him for all the trouble and death he dealt to the brothers all these years. But he wasn't malevolent, or cruel for the sake of it. He had a business to run, though granted it was hell and souls he traded in. He had to be cruel and evil if only to stop those who wanted chaos and bloodshed. He thought Crowley wanted two things, power and order. But with him rediscovering his humanity, he voiced the one thing that everyone at some point wanted, has or had. Love.

Sam couldn't stand to leave Crowley in there alone, tied up and helpless. He knows Abaddon will come back, or some other demon jockeying for power, will kill him. No. They had to bring him. He'll admit, it's not the best idea, but it is the right one. But convincing Dean would be an uphill battle.

"Dean, look, I know these falling angels is a big worry. I know you are worried for Cas, hoping he's out there, alive. Cas, he pulls through, I'll pull through. But Crowley is here with us. Don't get me wrong, I hate him as much as you do." At this, Dean gives a cautious look. "But, that was before we returned his humanity to him. He wants forgiveness. He….he wants to be loved" Sam looks down, quite. "Dean, he is genuine about this, he wanted to be cured. The last few injections, he did not resist. I can't explain it, but I feel his need for love. There is nothing more human than that. That is something, even Kings of Hell, can aspire to have."

Dean is in disbelief, Crowley confessing all he wanted was love? He glanced over to the church. Could Crowley be telling the truth? It has happened before, but there was always an ulterior motive. Looking back at Sam, he sees in his brother the absolute conviction of his belief of his words. Love, in the life of Dean Winchester, is tragic. But he has loved. Loves. Loves his brother, loved Bobby as a father. Loved his parents, Lisa and Ben. Hell, he even loved Benny as a fellow hunter and friend. And Cas, well, Cas is his best friend and pain in the ass. All of this love though, has earned him nothing but heartache, betrayal and death.

"Fine, we take him with." Dean frowns and gets up.

"Thank you Dean." Dean leers at Sam. "Really, thank you." Sam tries to get up, but somehow he can't muster the strength to do so. Dean grabs hold of him and opens the door for Sam to sit down, whose face is grimaced in pain. Dean furrows his brow and nudges Sam to the passenger side.

"Well, if Crowley wants love. He's welcome to have it." Dean looks up at the now still sky. Slightly under his breath, he adds, "God knows I don't want it." He straightens himself up, looks at Sam with a smirk. "You and his highness can have all the chick flick moments. But we're keeping him locked up tight. Capisce?"

"Yeah, Dean, I'm not stupid." Sam replies groggily, his head resting on the passenger side window already.

"Ok, now I am going to get his recently deposed ass in the car. One wrong move, and its over for him." Dean closes the door and walks back to the church. Sam strains to look back, sees Dean heading up the steps. Sam isn't stupid, and he also isn't deaf. He heard Dean, and he can't help but shake his head. Dean, his emotionally stunted brother, fails to see how much he is loved. Oh, he knows Dean loves him, but they're brothers. Charlie loves Dean too. He'll admit Benny did love Dean as a brother in arms. Bobby loves the boys as his own sons. And Cas, well, Cas is whole different level of love. Sam sighs inwardly, if they only knew how much they cared for each other.

Sam closes his eyes, and barely audible, prays to Cas. "Castiel, if you hear my prayers still, please come back. Come back to us safe. Come back to Dean. He needs you."

* * *

When he awoke, he had a backache. His neck felt strained, the ground underneath him was hard and poking in unpleasant places. Then he scrambled to his feet when he realized what was happening. Castiel took in his surroundings quickly. He was in a forest, no signs of nearby civilization. It was quite, all he heard was the rustle of the leaves and his own thundering heartbeat. Then he saw a flash of light above. This cannot be good, what has Metatron done he thought. He needed to see what was happening.

He rushed to the nearest clearing to him, which happened to be beside a large lake. It was mostly still and was like a mirror, what it reflected was so heart breaking, so devastating, he could not speak. Slowly looking up, he saw his brothers and sisters thrown out of heaven. With tears beginning to well up as they burned as they came into exile. Their wings were shorn away before landing violently either in water or the unforgiving Earth. Castiel was dumbstruck, he caused this. He already killed thousands of his family, and now the rest are falling. Confused, afraid, angry and lost all because of his actions.

Just as the angels rained down in fiery despair, tears now flowed freely from him as well. Ha sank to his knees, eyes still facing sky. All he wanted was to help, to protect his family and those he loved. But every time he tried to do so, it always caused more damage than good. He should have listened to Dean. Dean was right; he should have come to him. Dean would have stopped this from happening. How can he face him now? Dean would probably scorn and berate him, rightfully so, he deserved it. He deserved much worse. This cause Castiels heart to ache, even more than he could handle.

And then it hit him. He is human. Completely human. Metatron took all his grace. He reached within himself, but felt nothing, save for a slight…what was the name of this sensation…hunger. Even when at Stull, he still felt small traces of his grace, though he was unable to use it. Now, he felt nothing, felt empty. He couldn't reign in all his emotions, not like when he was an angel. They were crashing all over him, the anger for being duped by Metatron. The fear for his brothers and sisters, the sting of guilt knowing it is all on him. The hopelessness of his situation and the sadness he will certainly cause Dean.

Castiel then felt a glimmer of hope, the Winchesters. They have survived through a slew of tragedies and even an apocalypse or two. If there was anyone on Earth who he can hope in, it is in Dean and Sam. Courage and righteous fury compelled him to stand. Perhaps they might help him, or perhaps not, but it was worth a shot. He owes it to them to be completely honest now, to lay bare his sins. He didn't know why, but he felt a bit happy in the prospect in seeing the brothers, especially Dean.

By this point, the host had stopped falling. It didn't appear anyone landed near him, for which he was thankful for. He wouldn't know what to say if he saw a sibling. It is very possible they would try to kill him. Castiel beat down his emotions and focused on making a plan. Logic took over and he began looking over the area he was in. It appeared he wasn't close to the brothers or to the bunker. He tried looking at the stars to get a clue to his exact location. His angelic memory was mostly intact, but he had to concentrate on the constellations. He thinks he is in the western US, maybe Montana? Sparsely populated region, best chance is to find a road, find a town. He checked his wallet. Jimmy was moderately well off, and Amelia never cut off his credit card. He cashed out when he took the tablet, and took the bus around the country before he did his quantum tunneling in Biggersons. He had a couple hundred dollars, enough to get to the Winchesters.

He may no longer be an angel, but that did not mean he had to give into the fear. He had a mission, a purpose enough to drown out the guilt and depression. He had to find Sam and Dean.


	2. Isn't This New?

**Chapter Two**

**Well, Isn't This New?**

Crowley heard a great deal of ruckus happening outside, and he feared that Abaddon or some other demon has come to either kill him or free him. At this point, he would have come up something witty to say, but all he can think of is regret. He has to admit, he was a horrible selfish person when he was mortal. He was petty to make a deal with a devil to enhance his manhood. Horrible and cruel to his son, who carried a grudge against him even after death. He valued power, so he did everything to get more of it. He was patient, calculating and methodical. Oh, he didn't so much like death and destruction as sport, but he wielded them like the tools they were. His mother taught him that.

However, since Sam started this ritual, he can feel parts of him thought long dead or non-existent come into being. Demons are human souls still, though twisted and blackened by whatever sins they committed. Humans are born neither good nor evil, it the choices they make that make them who they are. He choose poorly. He enjoyed the power he wielded for a long time. After a while though, it become routine, boring. The only fix he saw was gaining more power. He got it, but at what cost.  _It was worth it though._ Was it? Was it truly worth it?

A splash outside interrupted his thoughts. What is happening out there? He can sense something immense is happening. He tried to peer out of the window; he thought he saw a falling star through the cracked pane. Pretty little things, he always wondered what it would be like to fly. Where did the Winchesters go? Surely they didn't mean to leave him here. He felt genuine fear; he didn't want to be left alone.

A few moments passed and he heard footsteps behind him. He tried to crane his neck to see who it was. It was Dean, and he had a hard focused look on him. In other words, unmerciful and cold. Dean turned to face him just outside the devils trap. He gave Crowley a look over, and a smirk peeked through.

"So Sam says you want to be loved." Dean now looked thoroughly amused now. Crowley saw right through that, he saw that Dean's mind was elsewhere.

"Don't we all?" Crowley thought it would be best to be cautious, Dean is notorious for being unpredictable, and that usually involved pain. He tried to smile as sweetly as he can. Somewhere along the line though, it become a tear rolling down his check.

"Well, I don't think you deserve it. I should end you right here, right now. Save the world a whole lot of trouble, hell too. That you deserve. The shit you pulled over the years, the innocents you killed. I should leave you here so Abaddon can tear you a new one."

Crowley knew Dean was right, he did unthinkable things. He thought he was better and more civilized than the other demons. He wasn't, he knew that now. The only 'good' he did was only to his benefit. But he now felt the weight of his guilt. His human consciousness, buried under his lust for power, made it known how his sins saddled him.

He looked at Dean, and meekly replied, "You should. Leave me. I'm not much of a demon now. I don't want to go back to Hell. I don't want to rule, or seek revenge, or power. I want….I want, forgiveness. Absolution. No one should love me, I don't deserve it. Leave me." Crowley had a river of tears coming down, and his voice began to choke. "I don't deserve it."

Dean looked at the former King of Hell. Sam may buy this act, but he wasn't. He did promise Sam to bring him though. Sam was right though, they couldn't leave him here. The sight of a weeping pathetic Crowley was a sight to behold though. He nearly wanted to feel smug about it, gloat even. Yet, even though he still thought this was an act, it wasn't his place to do so.

"No shit you don't deserve it you son of a bitch. But we aren't leaving you here. I am bringing you along to keep an eye on you. You're staying chained, and I have some holy water always on hand." To make his point, Dean doused him with holy water.

Nothing happened. Crowley stopped his crying and looked completely astonished. Dean was frozen with the flask in hand. There wasn't even a sizzle.

"That…that felt good."

Dean looked pissed, 'You're still staying chained. Now c'mon."

* * *

Dean shoved Crowley in the back of the Impala, still chained. He didn't offer any resistance though, and stayed quite after the holy didn't water didn't burn him. The fact that it didn't even phase him is disconcerting for Dean. If holy water no longer has an effect, could a devils trap still work? He wasn't in the mood to speculate, for the moment, old fashioned chains will do the trick.

He glanced over to Sam, who was snoring softly on the passenger side. He looks peaceful at the moment, but he knew better. The first two trials were destroying Sam and he hoped by completing the third one, Sam would return to normal. With the third trial incomplete though, he had no idea what was happening to his little brother. He hoped that maybe there was something in the tablet that they can use. For that though, they would need Kevin.

"Damn." Crowley crocked an eyebrow at him but remained silent. He forgot he was sending Kevin out of the game. Cas sacred the living bejeezus out of him in trying to translate the angel tablet. He whipped out his phone and called Kevin. It was then he noticed Kevin tried calling him the past hour. He hit redial.

Kevin answered frantically. "Dean! The bunker is lighting up and alarms are going off everywhere! There's all these red dots on the table. What the hell is happening out there!?"

"Whoa. Calm down Kevin. Ummm, well, Sam is not doing so great. We had to abort the last trial. It would have killed him." There was an indefinite silence on the other end of the line.

"What? You kidding me!? You fucking kidding with me right now!? You promised to shut those motherfuckers in hell Dean! You promised! What the hell! I sacrificed everything Dean. My mother is dead. And it's all for nothing! Fuck you!"

Kevin is right, and he had every right to be angry. He sympathized, he really did. Right now, it's not the right time, Sam is sick, very possibly dying. The tablet might hold some clues. He needed Kevin to read the tablets.

"Listen, Kevin, I know. I choked up; I wasn't prepared to let Sam die to close the gates of Hell. But he's dying; the trials might still consume him. I can't..." He glanced over to Sam, blissfully asleep, "I can't lose him again Kevin. I know I sound selfish, and I was…am. Not going to lie to you. You deserve better, Kevin. Right now we need you. Metatron screwed us all over. All the angels were cast out of heaven."

Kevin was silent again for a long while. Dean could practically hear the wheels turning in his head. "Fine. I'll do this. But I won't forget Dean. My life is already destroyed, so I may as well wallow in it. Thanks to you Dean." At that, Kevin hung up.

Dean stared blankly at the phone. Kevin has every right to be angry at him. Helping Sam and him cost Kevin his future, his girlfriend and mother. The hunting life though, or in this case, the prophets life, chooses you. No one in their right mind would do what they do. Dean let out a sigh and sat down in the driver's seat.

"Dean." He looked at Crowley in the rearview mirror. He looked…so small and weak at that moment. He continued in his halting accent. "I don't know how to earn forgiveness, but I can at least help where I can. I heard you speak to Kevin. We didn't kill his mom. She gave us the slip but she left behind some clues. That's how we found Kevin. She's still out there." Crowley smiled, "She's a slippery one, she is."

Dean just nodded in assent. Crowley could be lying of course, but if he was telling the truth? It would calm the waters between him and Kevin. But those waters would soon be rocked as soon as Kevin sees Crowley. Kevin would be liable to kill him. Keeping those two apart will be an absolute joy.

Damn, Dean though as he turned baby over, there is no win-win in this scenario. He began driving away, just in time to see a man walk out of the lake. He thought about stopping, but kept on going. The angel problem will have to wait. He'll add it to the to-do list, after finding Cas, and now Linda Tran. 'Cas', he prayed to himself, 'be safe buddy, we'll find you.'

* * *

He received a notification on his smartphone first. He was over in Los Angeles at moment, looking over some recent acquisitions. It read ' _Celestial Event L5-Global Impact.'_ This was not good. Last time there was a level 5 Lucifer was released. He stepped outside from the warehouse and looked up. It was a mesmerizing spectacle. It looked like the nighttime sky was crying tears of fire. He looked around him, everyone was looking up. Returning to the sky, he focused on one meteor that appeared to be closing in close to his location.

"Is that…is that a  _person_?" A worker beside him exclaimed.

He looked harder, yes indeed, it was person, female by the shape. With wings. Then the wings were burned off while she continued to fall. He looked on with despair as she landed with a thundering crash about a block away. Everyone around him rushed to help the woman. He also made his way over, but at a measured pace. Running into things without caution tended to yield unwanted results. There were still people falling, and given the prismatic light in the sky and the wings, he deducted these people were angels. Formerly angels.

She was in the middle of a smoking crater, no went down to help her though. The heat was still intense around her. He stepped down though, the heat was not a problem to him. He reached down to check her, make sure everything was all right. She was awake, dazed but whole.

"Where am I?" She looked confused, and there was no mistake, there was fear in her voice. She was wearing a black pant suit, and despite being a fiery meteor a minute before, looked unburned. She was a lithe woman, with brown skin and salt pepper hair. He did not recognize her vessel, but recognized her aura.

"Mehiel." She looked up at him, surprised that he knew her name. "Are you all right?"

"I can't…I can't sense my grace. Am I on Earth? How did I end up here? Why am I here?"

"Yes, this is Earth. For the latter questions, I do now know. But...you are not an isolated incident." Slowly they both turned their gazes back to the heavens. "You must come with me." He turned his attention to the spectators around the crater rim. "I am taking Mehiel with me, she is fine. Please return to what you were doing." While he was saying this, he was also weaving a quick spell to push their memories of this aside.

"Who are you?"

"I am, my sister, an exile, just like you now." He took her hand, and helped her up. Together they began walking up from the impact zone and onto the street. The other pedestrians were already heading back to whatever they were doing. However, others have already turned their gaze heavenward. Angels were still falling.

His mind was already going through the possibilities. The past several years have turned up more supernatural turmoil than the preceding several millennia. The Host being expelled is the latest in a string of…changes in the Earthly realm. The Leviathans were unexpected. Before that Castiel declared himself God then disappeared after his 'miraculous' work. The Apocalypse was started, but then abruptly ended.

To do this though, not many beings had this kind of power or knowledge. It was a mystery. Good thing he specialized in mysteries.


	3. Ways and Means

Chapter Three

Ways and Means

The sunrise was swiftly approaching when he finally found a road. Castiel figured he must be west of the Winchesters, and headed east. The road was paved, and look used enough that it may yield him a ride. There was still no sign of his exact location. That only reminded him how powerless he is now. When he had his grace, he could pin point any location on the planet and then fly there instantly.

Thankfully, or regretfully, he cannot decide which, he had been powerless before. After Van Nuys, he was so drained of his grace that he was practically human. Even then though, he could feel his wings. Now their absence gave weight to his current state. He was mortal and had no shred of grace left in him. Walking for several hours has now left him fatigued, and what was a small hunger was getting much worse. He was also thirsty and was dimly aware he was now pushing his body's endurance.

Being powerless beforehand had at least prepared him for the mechanics of being human. He knew he needed to eat, sleep and use the restroom. Dean had remarked that his hygiene and personal grooming could stand some improving in Purgatory though. Castiel thought it was irrelevant as he never understood the importance of looking 'presentable'. Especially in Purgatory, there was no need to be presentable. It was preferable to be alive and filthy than clean and dead. He stated as much to Dean, who just snorted and smiled at him. Benny just rolled his eyes at them both.

He remembered though, so when he returned to Dean, he made it a point to clean himself up after he talked to the brothers. Dean was too suspicious at the time of him to really notice the effort though. Thoughts of Dean made him sad and anxious. Walking all this time alone allowed him to think, and he had a lot of thinking to do.

Metatron came to him as a friend, a fellow angel in a self-imposed exile. The legends surrounding Metatron were both numerous in Heaven and Earth. Some said he was an archangel, some said he was originally an angel from one of the lower orders. On Earth they said he was originally human that ascended to angelhood. In any case, he was chosen by God to be his scribe. God spoke to him directly; he might have even seen the face of God himself. The knowledge that was given to him though was priceless and held power over all of creation. He may not have been an archangel, but he had the know how to be on par with them. As such, he understood why Metatron ran away from Heaven.

When he came to Castiel with his supposed plan to close Heaven, he was skeptical. It certainly offered a way to make penance for what he had done, and ensure the safety of Earth. However, experience, which curiously had had the voice of Dean, told him that this was too good to be true. He was very nearly going to decline, until he can talk to the brothers, to undertake the trials until the Nephilim forced his hand. At that point, he made best of the situation and continued the trials. When Naomi can down to plead with him and Dean, he wouldn't accept what she was saying. To accept what she said would admit he choose the wrong course of action yet again. That's why he left Dean there beside the lake. He couldn't bear to be a failure again, and agent of destruction.

Seeing Naomi on her desk unmoving, with her own instrument of torture impaled in her head, his heart sank. Then he felt Metatron with a blade at his neck behind him. In that moment, he knew he had failed again. Having his grace forcibly removed from him was not exceedingly painful, but knowing that it was the final component to complete the expulsion spell was the most painful. Then that pain was magnified tenfold when he saw the angels falling.

He did not know how his brothers and sisters were faring on Earth. The majority of them never had occasion to come down, even when the Apocalypse was happening. Even those that did come down were on missions, human interaction was always limited. It looked like they came down in vessels, but it was not possible for all of them to have one. Whatever the case, they would find themselves in a most perplexing and frightening ordeal. The first time he had to expel waste was unpleasant, and even now does not look forward to doing so. Surviving on the Earthly plane is going to be shocking.

The Earth was beautiful though. The sun was now peeking over the tree tops and stirring life in the forest. The road was clearer now, and he saw that it went for miles. He stopped to rest his feet for a moment. These shoes were not meant for long distance walking he mused. Already there was an ache in his feet, but he had no choice to press forward. Jimmy was an avid jogger, and he now wished he had the proper attire to go on a run. It would expedite the journey to the bunker somewhat. At least the current attire of a holy tax accountant would keep him warm. He still doesn't understand that reference from Dean, there was no use of money in Heaven, hence no taxes.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts he did not hear the car coming in from behind him. Its honk startled him. He turned around and saw that it was an old Chevy truck with an elderly gentleman behind the wheel. He pulled over and rolled down his window while motioning to Castiel to come over. Castiel obliged him.

"Hello there young man, peculiar time of day to be out for a walk ain't it?" Though he looked elderly, his voice and mannerisms clearly indicated he was quite spry.

"I lack any other form of transport at the moment." He replied selectively.

"I reckon so, I don't recall falling cars last night. You one of those fellows that come crashing down last night?"

Castiel knew that phenomena like last night would not go undetected by the population at large. He was not privy though to the scope of the fall though. It was a risk to confirm he was a fallen angel. Yet, he had no other cover story that would be viable to the elderly man. Even so, he tensed himself in preparation to defend himself if need be.

"No need to worry about me. It's all over the radio and TV. They say these folks landed all over the place. Local authorities are asking everyone to keep an eye out. Name Steve, what's yours?"

Castiel thought for a moment, and thought the risk as acceptable. "My name is Castiel."

"Castiel? That's an unusual name, but you look like a good person Castiel. The radio says that you people just dropped down from the sky. What was it aliens? Newsman says those folks call themselves angels. Not a god fearing man myself see, so I find it hard to believe." Steve just smiled sweetly at him. He was just conversing with Castiel like he was a normal person.

"I am not certain how I can to be in this location. I am endeavoring to reach my friends in Kansas though." Castiel saw no reason to lie to Steve, but the whole truth might be overwhelming.

"Well now, Kansas is a far ways off from here Montana. Now listen here son, I know you are one of those folk that crashed last night. No doubt 'bout that. Don't know how you came here, nor do I care. You look like an upstanding man Castiel, so I'm offering you a ride to town. These woods are not safe even in daylight."

Steve appeared to be a trusting person, but experience of late told him to be on guard. Still, he appeared genuinely concerned and his offer was tempting. "I have money. A ride into town would be much appreciated."

"No need for your money Castiel, it's just a neighborly thing to do. I'll take you over to Bozeman. Not quite the direction you're heading. There's a Greyhound you can catch there though." Castiel was humbled by the generosity. He moved over to the other side of the truck and got in. "Thank you."

"Not a problem, I used to drift when I was younger. It wasn't as dangerous back then, at least I never thought so. The lure of adventure and freedom, it was a good life if you knew how to live it." He pulled back onto the road, swung the truck around and headed east. "It was fun. Work in a spot for a while, save up some cash, go down to the travel center, get a ride to someplace new. Good experience. Learn a lot about people on the road. That's how I know I can trust you."

"I am sincerely thankful for your generosity. I do not know how or when I would be able to repay you." Castiel was primarily happy to be off his feet and in a resting position. He took a moment to stretch himself when his stomach loudly reminded him he was hungry. Steve laughed. "Tell you what, there's a diner some miles up, coffees not bad but the omelets are good. You buy, and I'll consider ourselves square."

"That would be much appreciated. Do they have burgers though? I am quite fond of them."

Steve just gave him a puzzled look. "Bit early for a burger son."

"My friends just call me Cas." Steve just smiled. "All right then Cas, let's get some grub. The day don't start until you had a cup of joe."

"I am not certain I want to drink Joe." Cas replied solemnly. Steve laughed and drove on.

* * *

Dean pulled up to the Men of Letters bunker in the early morning. The several hours back home were mercifully silent, with Sam sleeping and Crowley deep in thought. He did not know which was more disturbing, Sam's fitful sleep or Crowley's silence. Sam looked pale and weak, but at least he was not doubling over in pain. He didn't know what could be wrong with his brother, but it was connected to the tablet. As such, there was no way going to a hospital would be beneficial. Their best bet was to find something in the tablet, or something else in the bunker might help them.

The bunker at some point it became a home for him and his brother. Bobby's was for the longest time was a home, but it was Bobby's home first. Even though Bobby was like a father to them, they were always guests in his house. Most nights, he would spend in the living room on the couch. Rufus's cabin was nothing more than a rest stop. When he thought about it, he hadn't had a proper place to call home, besides the Impala, since he was four. He was grateful for his grandfather giving them access to this place. It's one legacy he was happy to inherit as a Winchester for once.

He gently shook Sam awake. "Wakey wakey sleepy head." Sam blinked a couple of times and slowly turned to face Dean. "Jerk."

"Bitch. Seriously though, how are you feeling?" Sam took a moment to close his eyes and let out a deep breath. "Better I suppose, I'm not aching all over." He looked outside. "We're back already? I slept that long?"

"Slept like a babe you did." Both brothers turned to Crowley, who was sporting a mischievous smile. He still looked disheveled and was bloody still. Sam turned to Dean. "Thank you."

"Just to let you know, I am not on board with him being here. Kevin blew a gasket at me for not allowing you to complete the trials. Not sure what's going to happen when he sees his highness over here."

"Kevin is still here? Thought you said he was leaving."

"Yeah, well, he called me actually. The bunker went all haywire apparently when the angels fell. I asked him for his help with the tablets still. You aren't doing great Sammy, and there might be something in there about helping you."

"Dean, don't you think Kevin would have told us a way to abort these trials before? I don't think there's anything in them about this. The trials were meant to be a one way street. No going back for a do-over."

He looked at Sam with his 'don't you dare' stare. "Sammy, we need Kevin still. There might be something, the tablet is whole now. And we have the angel tablet too. There has to be something in there we can use." He pointed to Crowley. "We're going to keep him in the dungeon, under lock and key. For our protection and his."

"Linda Tran is still alive too." Crowley interrupted. Sam whipped around to face him. "What?"

"Uh, yeah. Apparently she gave them the slip but she left some stuff behind, that's how they found Kevin." Dean scratched his head. "Thinking we lead with that, and keep those two apart."

"Yeah. Yeah, that might work." Sam looked back at Crowley. "Ok Crowley, you promise to be good? I know you want forgiveness. I can't cure you, and for that, I am sorry. But I'll help you as much as I can if you help us."

"Thank you moose, I will." Sam just rolled his eyes, but looked pleased.

"Ok, cut the bromance. Let me talk to Kevin though. Stay in here until I give the all clear." Dean got up from the Impala and headed to the bunker. Opening the door to the bunker he headed down the stairs to the war room. Kevin wasn't kidding, all the consoles were lit up, and the table had red dots covering nearly every land mass. Dean hadn't bothered to listen to the radio or check the news on his phone. He had no idea angels landed across the entire planet. 'Cas could be anywhere in the world,' he thought to himself. How would he find him. What if he is in Africa, being chased by those bees who loves so much? Or in the middle of the Amazon. God, he could be small deserted island in the middle of nowhere. Maybe there was a spell they could use...

"The alarms stopped a couple of hours ago. But all these consoles are up. I have no idea what they are doing though." Kevin said surprising Dean from his train of thought.

"Hey. Thanks for staying man." Kevin crossed his arms, "I am doing this for Sam. I didn't know the trials would do this, but I will look. That, and any chance of a normal life flew out the window last night."

"About that….'" Dean tried to think how this will play out on the drive down. Best to start with the bad news, "…Crowley is with us." Kevin dropped his arms and was about to say something when Dean held up his hand. "Sam mostly cured him. He's basically human. Holy water doesn't even burn him anymore. We got him chained up though. Couldn't leave him, Abaddon tried to kill him last night." Kevin eyed him warily. "What's your plan with him?"

"Keep him here for now. Locked up in the dungeon with the demon chains and devil traps. He…..he wants forgiveness." Kevin gave him an 'oh really' look. "I know, I don't buy it either. We'll see how this plays out for now. And there was something else."

Dean took a deep breath, straightened himself up and looked at Kevin right in the eye. "He says your mom is alive. They almost got her though, forced her to leave most of her stuff behind. That's how they found you, but she evaded them. She's out there still." Kevin looked dumbfounded. He didn't speak or move.

He gave the prophet a moment. "We'll find her, I promise. I am going to bring them down now ok?" "Yeah, yeah, that's fine." Kevin replied distantly as he headed back to his quarters.

"Well, that went better than expected." Dean headed back to the Impala to get his brother and Crowley.

* * *

Speaking to the local archbishop was usually a pleasant occasion. He was a bright soul, devoting his life to the church in the hope of making the world a better place. He had the good fortune of running into him back in the late 80's when an old monastery was being haunted. He took care of the problem, and since then, they have been friends. This morning though, he was already tired and on edge when he called in.

"I don't know what's happening. Five of my priests have already called about the situation. Other churches have also called. Pastor Collins is trying to organize an inter-faith shelter. The mayor's office is also getting bombarded. We're clueless here Mr. Vega. I need your guidance. Is it true what they are claiming? Are they angels?" The archbishop sounded tired and skeptical, but he knew a little of what was truly out there.

"They are, but to be accurate, they are fallen angels. As such, they are mortal and are just as human as you or I." The archbishop really, he only looked human. "I was at hand at the landing of one of them. I currently have her with me. She speaks truthfully, as it is in their nature to be honest Benjamin"

"Well, I'll be blessed. Angels are truly among us."

"Fallen angels archbishop, and they are in need of our help. From what I have gathered, most of them have never been on Earth. They have never encountered humans and don't know anything about customs, social interactions and all of that. They are, in fact, innocent to the world." He was one of the few who were genuinely curious about humans so many years ago. Among the angels, that was why he was considered anathema.

"What should we do? We can't offer them all beds. We simply don't have the room or the resources." Sadly, he knew this to be true. Thankfully, he had a contingency plan.

"I have a warehouse that I am more than willing to donate. Co-ordinate with the mayor's office about getting the proper permits, possibly funding. If you run into problems, speak to Councilman Reyes. I suggest contacting the other churches in the area as well. Get people out there to find these angels. Ask for donations of clothes, money and especially time. These angels will need a crash course in humanity."

"We can work with that. Oh, don't you think it's miraculous? Live angels! What knowledge they have, the wisdom! Thank you Mr. Vega, thank you." If he only knew what most angels were really like.

"You are quite welcome Benjamin, but please, contact your people. The angels will most likely be confused and lost; we must help them with all expediency. I would also ask to downplay the angel part, for everyone's sake. Say rather….that they are lost souls new to the world."

"Of course, I'll have my staff work on it immediately." He smiled as the archbishop hung up. There was much to do, but he'll call in all his favors and use all his power to help his family. He had already called other leaders across the world, trying to protect the angels as much and as fast as he could. Thankfully, most of the groundwork was done when the Apocalypse started. He'll have his political allies begin making an official response. A sudden population surge of several hundred thousand angels that fell from the sky tend to make people jumpy.

The real mystery though, is why it happened. A good detective though, is patient and observant.


	4. So Close, So Far

**A/N:**  This is a Dean-centric entry. I had not intended to make it this long, but I got carried away. What can I say? Anyways, I wrote the first three chapters back to back. The next series I am working on now, so expect them in the coming week. Please kindly review if you like, I am looking for more input to enhance the story.

* * *

** Chapter Four **

** So Close, So Far **

* * *

The bunker was usually quiet, nothing stirred being underground, and even the ventilation system was soundless. Now though, the old consoles hum and there is a clicking noise that pops up every so often. Dean looked at the map of the world. All the red dots marked where an angel fell. Every continent except Antarctica had an angel on it. He didn't know if it was Metatron being merciful or luck of the draw that they did not fall in the middle of the ocean or desert.

He had returned to the war room after helping Sam down to his room and locking Crowley in his. He asked Dean to find a cot so Crowley can rest in the dungeon. Fortunately the brothers cleared the room of all the files before leaving previously, so the space was empty except for the chains. When Dean found an old army cot, he found Sam handing Crowley a couple of books and a pencil. Before he could protest, Sam told him it was a journal and book about forgiveness. He just scoffed at the idea, but allowed Crowley to keep them. Afterwards, they locked the door and put up extra warding. Dean would keep the key, and he was confident that neither Kevin could get in or Crowley out. Sam then went to his room, complaining of a headache.

"Where are you Cas?" He looked hard at the map. He had no idea where Cas was. Or what state he was in. Despite Cas running out on him again and causing the angels to fall, he cared for him. Cas somehow always came back to him. Though he constantly messed up things for the worse, he always had the best of intentions. What actually hurt Dean the most was that Cas never came to him, lied to him.

The first time was when Cas was discovered to be working with Crowley to open Purgatory. When he confessed in that ring of holy fire, refusing to meet his eyes, he just nearly cried. It took everything he had to cover up the fact that he felt he was just stabbed in the heart. When Cas came back later that evening to speak to him one on one, he was still reeling emotionally. He was not lying when he told him he sees Cas like family. But when the angel rebuked him, he was taken back. He did not expect that, but he would do what he needed to do to stop him. When Cas flew away, he was alone again. He hung his head between his legs and allowed himself a single tear to be shed.

When Crowley attacked Ben and Lisa, he was grateful for Castiel for the healing and the mind wiping. His grief over the loss of the Breadens coupled with the grief of the loss of trust with Cas. Thoughts of one brought the other to the fore and with the mission being to stop the opening of Purgatory, Dean could not escape thinking of him. When he finally broke Sam's wall, he was so full of anger, only fear for his brother tempered him. The losses he bore that year were all directly tied to Cas. He was afraid of what Cas had become, but what drew more fear is that he himself was the one that set Cas on this road.

When Sam stabbed Cas in the back, he never felt such a conflict of emotions in his life. Happy that Sam was there, astonished that he stabbed Cas, horrified because he was happy about that, terrified because it didn't work. Then, declaring himself the new God, he demanded their love and worship. Dean was in fear of not what Cas is, but that because he allowed this…God...to usurp a person he considered his best friend. Gratefully, Cas left them to tidy house upstairs, leaving Bobby and him to tend to Sam.

Watching this new God do his 'miraculous works', he poured his anger and hurt into repairing the Impala. He was still hurt and full of anger when he came up with the idea to enlist Death in stopping the new God. When that plan failed, well, he turned to his old coping mechanisms of alcohol and sex. Well, porn that day, no ladies around. Then Castiel came at Sam's call, looking like he went through a meat grinder, the plan to return the souls to Purgatory came into play.

Cas trying to make amends before, what he was assuming would be his death, with Dean fell on deaf ears. His temper was still hot from everything Cas pulled. It wasn't until Cas was cold and not breathing did he realize he could actually lose Cas for good. However, habits break hard and the angel returned to him again. Only to promptly be possessed by leviathans and liquefied in the nearby aquifer.

Dean wished then he could have listened to Cas then. Now the angel was certainly gone again, never to be seen. He would not be given another chance, and he felt he deserved that. That's why he kept his signature coat. To remind himself to live while he could and make amends when he should. He also kept it in the forlorn hope that maybe Cas will come back to him. He brought that coat with him on every mission, in every car they took. Sam certainly noticed, but never made mention of it. He said to Castiel on more than one occasion the coat made Cas look like a holy tax accountant, or John Constantine, but in either case, Cas owned that coat. It was the only thing he had of his best friend, the only physical representation of their connection. Even the scar of Castiels hand on his arm faded over time, probably healed somewhere along the line by Cas himself.

But then, he found Cas, though inadvertently. He was shocked and surprised that his angel was still kicking. However, he was a bit jealous how the angel was able to get married and live a relatively good life the year he was gone. Yet, he was glad, if not wary, of Cas's return into his life. He nearly allowed himself a 'chick flick' moment when he handed the trench coat back to its rightful owner. By that point, he had mostly forgiven the angel. He wanted to let Cas know that he still believes in him, wants him to be part of his family again, his way of telling Cas he needed him.

However, the Winchester obsession of self-sacrifice rubbed off on the angel, when he took Sam's insanity as his own. Dean should have known then, that Castiel thought it was better he was sidelined, to do his penance. This drive for penance, for forgiveness was what Dean used to secure his assistance in killing Dick. Though he was getting annoyed on how everyone thinks they are a couple. Especially coming from Meg of all people, though that suave Balthazar also mentioned it. It never really occurred to him before that Cas might actually care for him beyond being a friend.

Killing Dick and having them both sucked into Purgatory and Cas running away yet again put him back at square one. When Benny found him, he was a killing machine, hacking his way to find the celestial being. Benny, now there was a brother in arms, he was honorable and noble. The vampire was more human that some humans were. He wouldn't have survived without him. Now he had a chance of getting out, but he's taking Cas with him. So together, they made a trail of blood to that river.

Seeing Castiel again, whole, if dirty and with peach fuzz, was of great relief to Dean. He just wanted to hug him and never let him go again. Sure, he was mad that Cas left him, but the 'I did it for you Dean' just makes him fonder of him. The self-sacrifice syndrome he developed was now as much a character flaw in Cas as it was in Dean. Logically, its hard to dispute Cas, that's why he loves him. But then he lost Cas at the last possible moment.

Sam knew better to probe him deeper on what happened in Purgatory. During those couple of months back, going through missions, he always felt he left Cas down. He failed Cas this time because he wasn't strong enough. When he started seeing Cas at random, he really thought he was losing it, that his guilt was getting to him. It wasn't possible for Castiel to get out, not alone. And he was alone now, because of Dean.

But then Castiel really did return, Dean was surprised and happy. He kept is guard up though, something this good always had a catch. Winchester Law of Equivalent Exchange, you don't get shit without getting some shit. There was something, off about his friend. He just didn't know what. Cas actually tagging along for an actual hunt was also new to him. Dean was willing to let Cas stay with Fred though, to let the angel sort out himself out as much to let him sort himself out. His confession to Dean about possible suicide brought forth an icy seizure in his heart. He would not Cas think this way, suicide was not an option, he wouldn't lose Cas to despair. The death of Samandiriel brought out more concerns that went unanswered when Cas flew away. These confusing signals did nothing to calm Dean down, but as always, he kept his feelings close.

The first trial and his confession to Sam that he was just a grunt turned his attention away from the MIA angel, but only for a while. When he was done with dealing with the gods of Olympus, thoughts of Cas and his brothers well-being he finally broke down and prayed to his angel. He needed his best friend to strengthen him, to confide in. In Missouri though, running into Cas and teaming up again, it almost felt like the old times. Yet, something still nagged him and Sam saw it too. Something was off about Cas, he had the sad feeling welling up again that Cas was yet again lying to him. Meg didn't help things either, though he wouldn't judge the two if they wanted to bump uglies. He'll admit, he was kinda turned on by the kiss those two shared.

Cas beating him to an inch of his life was not though. Dean had a gut feeling that when they got the Angel tablet, things between him and Cas would come to a head. He knew better to fight Cas, but he wasn't going to go down without one, he wouldn't leave Cas again. So he fought with words, knowing that this wasn't  _his_ Cas. Since the very beginning, they both shared a 'profound bond', a bond that always leads them back to each other. Dean hoped that bond was strong enough to break whatever hold this Naomi had on him. He had to be strong enough though to give voice to this bond, make a confession he never would have made in any other circumstance. So he laid the bare god honest truth to Cas, he  _needed_ Cas because he loved him. He thought for a second he did die when he saw that bright flash of light.

When he dimly saw that Cas was reaching down, he thought he failed, that he was going to die. At least though, he would die knowing the truth was out, and by the hand of a person he respected and not some random evil being. Feeling that rough hand over his check though, the unique warmth of angelic grace thrum through him, he was surprised, shocked even. And Cas, he looked so…so downtrodden, so sorry that he nearly killed him, Dean accepted his apology. When Cas began telling the story of Naomi's mind control, Dean just thought of another name to add to his kill list. What happened next though, hurt him more than his recent near death experience. Cas, flying away with the tablet because he had to protect it from Dean. Dean interpreted that as Cas not trusting him, again, and that hurt worse than a knife to the heart.

He wasn't about to have a touchy feely time with his brother about this. So they didn't talk about Cas the next couple of weeks. Hunters' helper was an essential sleeping aid for him, not just for Cas, but for Sam's worsening health. He felt the pang of rejection, and of loss that he built up a wall around his heart. Stronger and higher than before. When Cas came back to them, limping and damaged, he gave the angel the cold shoulder. He didn't want to deal with Cas, not now, not with the trials so close to done and Sam nearly dead because of it. Still though, Cas was family so he went along with Cas, at Sam's insistence. When Naomi came down to talk to them, his first instinct was to try and kill her. He had to restrain him and Cas though, because though this bitch was the one fiddling with his angels brain, she looked genuinely distraught. A far departure from the usual stoic nature of angelic superiority, it was enough to give him pause. However, when she mentioned that Sam was in danger, he had to get back to his little brother. Castiel obliged him, but soon disappeared again to help Heaven. And then the angels fell.

Last night though, last night was rough. This was the first chance he had to digest the scope of what happened. Yesterday the day started on the cusp on the greatest victory the Winchesters ever fought, besides the Apocalypse. And the Soylent Green leviathan fiasco. Now, he had a deposed human-ish king of Hell locked up, a teenage prophet, ex-angels on Earth and a broken brother. Oh, and Hell was open for business with a Knight of Hell on the loose, gunning for all of them. If there was a time he needed someone to confide in, to lend him strength, it was now. He needed Cas back.

Looking back at the map though, it felt like a looking for Cas was a hopeless cause. He couldn't spare the time to look for him, not with everything on his plate. At the same moment, he wanted to drop everything and look for Cas. They never seem to part on good terms, and Dean was tired of that. He admitted months ago to Cas, and to himself finally, that he needed the angel because he loved him. Over the years, through the ups and downs, they always seemed to find each other. They were connected in a way that was different from his brotherly love for Sam, or the romantic love he had for Lisa. In truth, he had no idea why or how he loved Cas, he just did. The more he thought about it, the more confused he become. He isn't gay, but he's not above admiring men or men admiring him. Even so, he had no idea on how to act on it, that's one reason why he gave Cas the cold shoulder. That was something he now regretted.

Shaking his head, he decided he needed to get a little bit of shut eye. The coming days did not look promising, and to be honest with himself, they were shooting blind. To sum it up, he was simply lost.


	5. Never Far From My Mind

**Chapter Five**

**Never Far From My Mind**

After having a simple breakfast of just eggs and bacon with toast, Castiel found himself satisfied. The company of Steve was actually comforting while he regaled him of his past travels as a youth across the United States. It reminded him very much about the freedom Dean so enjoys, the freedom of the open road. He didn't say much, but it was a mostly one sided conversation anyways. Not that he would say much, there was simply no way the old man can comprehend the life Cas leads.

The diner was abuzz about the falling angels, and everyone had a theory. One middle aged woman theorized that the angels were in fact time travelers. Another person theorized that they came from a parallel universe. Some truly believed that they were indeed angels. One young man named Chris actually was stopped by one of the falling people. To this particular tale Castiel listened intently. The angel was named Tiel, which was one Castiel never meet before. Apparently Tiel was just wandering in the middle of the road when Chris nearly hit him. Tiel came to him and asked him where he was, recounting that he just fell from Heaven. Chris thought the man had just in an accident, having sustained a head injury to explain the impossible story. He didn't see signs of another car or accident though, so he thought it prudent to contact the police. The police department asked him to keep Tiel in his sight, they would send a cruiser to pick him up. Apparently, the hospital and police were so overwhelmed by the panic and concern of the angels falling, they advised everyone to keep away but keep an eye on them. The police chief then had all his deputies round them all up and kept in the local jail. Ostensibly, this was for as much their protection as it was for the civilian population. Word on the street, a curious phrase if Castiel ever heard one, was that the police were treating them as illegal aliens. It is said over a hundred were in the jail at the moment. Several townspeople thought this a good action for the moment, until more information came.

At this, Cas looked at Steve, who was gauging his reaction to the tale. The old man just grabbed his arm gently and whispered that he wouldn't turn in him. He just slowly nodded and resumed eating. These eggs were quite delicious, he had them scrambled as he remembered Dean ordering them thus before. And the bacon, he was nearly enraptured by the salty sweet crispiness of them. He had eaten before when his grace was depleted but the memory of the tastes he enjoyed diminished when he was repowered. The concept of taste was something that eluded angels, having no need for actual sustenance.

Looking at Steve, who was enjoying his eggs benedict, he wondered how to get back to the Winchesters as quickly as possible. There was no point going back to the church by the lake, they would have left that ages ago. It was logical to head to their new base of operations, the Men of Letters bunker. The Batcave as Dean fondly called it, though he was curious why having bats in a cave could be considered good. Well, besides their guano, that was actually valuable. Still, he recalled no actual bats. But Dean was not talking to him then, so he didn't inquire about the matter.

The early piece of information from Chris complicated his journey though. It has always been difficult to predict how humans will react, especially to 'supernatural' events. In his experience, it was usually to ignore it or with violence and prejudice. In this case the local authorities are corralling up his brothers and sisters. He felt a flash of anger at such injustice, then profound sadness since he was the one who started this whole mess. However, in his current state, he could not help them. He had to be, under the radar, using a colloquialism that actually made sense to him from Dean. Thankfully, he had a fake ID courtesy of the Winchesters from a previous hunt in his pocket still.

"Well son, looks like we're about done here. How about let's head back on the road" Steve said as a waitress brought them the bill. "Yes, that would be a prudent action." He paid cash and got up with Steve back to the truck.

"Lots of interesting stories in there, Tabitha has quite an imagination, with the time travel bit." Cas continued looking at the road ahead. "Yes, though she is incorrect. Nor are we aliens or from a parallel dimension."

"So the whole angel bit is actually true?" Steve lowered his voice, and Cas looked over to him. Steve kept his eyes on the road, but there was a definite change in mood. Cas answered warily, "Yes."

There was silence for nearly a half hour. Cas returned to looking at the road ahead. "So where is God? Is he really up there?" "No. God left a long time ago. We don't know where he is. He left us all." Steve actually smiled at this, "Well, I was right all this time." Cas was now puzzled, and returned to looking at the old man. "See here, my wife was a good women. Went to church every Sunday, helped in the community, was a good godly women if there was ever one. But she died, horribly, from cancer in the prime of her life. That's when I stopped believing in God son. I couldn't believe that just God would allow that to happen."

Cas digested this confession, not sure what to say. He tried to think about what Sam would say in this situation. Dean would most likely say something pessimistic and unhelping. "I understand. I needed guidance some years ago, a sign, anything from God, to see if what I was doing was right. He never replied. I made a terrible choice, one that hurt me and my friends. Still hurting. So I understand your position." Cas took a deep breath, and continued. "But, I never lost faith. I may not have faith in God anymore, but I have faith in trying to make the world a safe, better place. I placed my faith in my friends, and I still do." He then realized that he just came to a profound truth, he has faith in Sam, and especially Dean. Yes, sometimes they struggle, lose or fall down, but they still try their best. They in return, had faith in him, even with all his faults and mistakes, they still took him in. He smiled a little bit as he felt a spark of happiness.

"Well, coming from an angel, I'll believe in that. Been on this good green Earth a long while, and I believe in helping each other. God may not be here, but I am, and I'll keep on doing what I have been doing." He looked over at the angel. "I help others because that's what my wife would have done. I suppose, I have more faith in her than I do God." He smiled and returned to the task of driving. The atmosphere in the cabin was now much more relaxed. The next couple of hours passed in quite peace that lulled Cas to sleep. His last fleeting thought before falling to the black of sleep, was of Dean smiling.

* * *

It was a constant hum of energy, that was slightly too warm to be comfortable. The migraine throbbed in the back of his mind. Food had no taste, sleep never rejuvenated him. All his energy felt as if it was being drained away, he felt like he was wasting away. Sam opened his eyes to a dark room. Since the beginning the trails, the entirety of the side effects were worth it to close the gates of Hell. He was doing this for Jess, for his father, his mother, Bobby, Kevin, Sarah and all the people who had suffered at the hands of demons. It was, and always for, Dean he was doing this. His brother lost just as much as he did to their unholy hands.

He sighed, but he didn't do it. Dean begged him not to, so he didn't. He really wanted to finish the trials though, even though he always suspected they would end in his death. Go out with a bang, slamming Hell down, to make all their sacrifices worth it. His one regret if he did complete it though, was that he would leaving Dean alone. Sam smirked, not really alone, he had Cas. Sure, the angel pulled a lot of shit, but he always came back, back to Dean. Sam was actually kind of jealous about it. He knew Cas cared for his well-being too, but it was always in the context of being Deans brother.

Getting up from his bed, he shuffled out to the kitchen. Getting a glass of water he headed to the library. He may not be able to do much, but he can still read and research. This angel situation had to be resolved as well, maybe along the way he could find something to help himself. Kevin was already at a table, looking over one of the tablets. He smiled to the best he could manage, before flopping down across for the teenager.

"Morning." Kevin apparently did not see Sam come in, as he was startled by Sam's greeting. "You look…horrible." Sam just laughed.

"Well, you weren't all pretty a couple weeks back either." Shifting his gaze to the tablet, "Which one is that one?"

Kevin looked down to the tablet. "Demons. Thought this is the best place to look. Now that the tablet is whole, it's much easier to read. But there isn't anything in here about the person becoming 'purified' at all. " He looked back to Sam. "I am sorry Sam, I had no idea this would be part of the trials."

"Don't worry about it. You did the best you could, and I would have done it anyway even it did come with a disclaimer. Metatron mentioned that I was resonating with the Word. How are you holding up though? Last night was kinda hectic." He actually wanted to ask Kevin how he felt about his mom and about Crowley being here. In this case though, he thought it best to skirt the issue than approach it head on.

Kevin was quite for a moment. "Good. Mom is out there, but now that I know she is alive, I feel a whole lot better. She can take care of herself, but I do want her back here with me, or at least, someplace safe. And I know you want to ask me about Crowley." He paused, and closed his eyes, and calmed himself down, reopening his eyes. "I won't do anything to him. I will not lie though, I want him dead. He tortured me, nearly drove me insane, almost killed my mother, and just generally ruined my life." He paused. "I know he's practically human, and at our mercy. He's more valuable alive in this state than dead."

"That's…good. He really opened up back there. I think that's how the ritual works. It forces their humanity back to the forefront of their mind, their guilt and desire to be forgiven paving the way to finally banish the evil from them. I…I feel responsible for him now, since we have made him practically human. But I can't complete the exorcism, if I do, I would die. So he's stuck, between human and part demon, until we can find another way to fix him."

"Yeah, that's why I am not going to do anything. I don't even want to see him. But I won't forgive him, never. He ruined my life." With that, Kevin returned to concentrating on the tablet before him. Sam got up to retrieve his laptop, thinking it best to leave the prophet to his task. He should probably check on what's happening in the world. The fall must be causing huge waves across the world.

* * *

He has been on the phone non-stop since last night. Calling sheriffs, mayors, politicians, priests, bishops, pastors, friends, community organizations, even a couple of generals was becoming tiring. Even to him. He never had to play this one by ear so quickly before. With the Apocalypse, he had a warning from Joshua on what was going to transpire, even though his own resources pointed out as much as well. This event, the falling angels, was so massive and so sudden, it was difficult at first on how to respond.

Thankfully, the initial shock wore off after a minute and he set to work as soon Mehiel and he went to his closest base of operations. First thing was to try to keep the angels as safe as possible. It was evident that they had no clue as to the reason why they fell either. To this end, he needed them located and given a safe haven as soon as possible. The groundwork for that began almost immediately, organizing local leaders to find them and keeping them safe. It was likely he would not be able to find the majority of his brethren though.

Second was to organize a more coherent response from the respective governments across the world. Mobilizing religious leaders was meant to increase pressure on the politicians and encourage calm with the people. Primarily, it was to send the message that the angels were harmless, lost and confused. Also to downplay the angel aspect, but as of yet, a viable alternative lie was not yet constructed. That they also needed help while on Earth, for however long that might be.

The third was to organize long term care and possible integration for the angels. Since the reason why the angels were expelled was unclear, there was no basis of conjecture that allowed them return to Heaven. As such, it was logical to assume that they were here for the long term. Which lead to the fourth primary objective, which was to find out they who were responsible and why did this.

In that objective, he was already moving to a secure room in the basement of this residence. It was an old room, with seemingly outdated equipment, but was in fact incredibly advanced. It was a small outpost, personally constructed by him for those few guardians left in the world. He now just had the time to access the network he set up decades ago. He hadn't checked on it for some time, since the leviathans kept him on the move the previous year. To avoid them, he left the country for some time, to check on other parts of the globe. He just returned a week earlier, and was going over recent purchases when the angels fell.

That's when he noticed something peculiar. The primary hub was active. Now that was peculiar, no one had the key to that location in over sixty years. It was a sad loss when the Men of Letters leadership was cut down, but at least access to their vaults was nigh impossible. If someone was in there now, that meant they had the key. It was the only way into the bunker. Barring God himself, no being could forcibly enter that location. He surmised that Henry Winchester had the key, since Larry confirmed he gave it to him. That would logically mean that Henry, or someone he trusted, must have opened the door, as the demon detection protocols were not activated.

Winchesters, they always surprise you.


	6. Be Curious and Be Rewarded

Chapter Six

Be Curious and Be Rewarded

Dean awoke with a killer hangover, but that was not new. One side effect from being in Purgatory is that he was never hungry or thirsty; it also meant he had to go dry for a year. As such, he found that his tolerance for alcohol was diminished. It now only took a quarter of a bottle to get him drunk, and not quite half to pass out. At least he had the privacy of his own room, and a comfortable bed to pass out on. Still, drink all he want, it never did really the job of making him forget. The loss, the helplessness he's been feeling always resurfaces as soon as he sobers up. Those feelings only magnified last night. So he tried, in vain, to drink them under, to no avail.

He can't be perpetually drunk either, with Crowley, Sam sick and an emotional volatile prophet all in the bunker, he'll need to be constantly on the watch. He wished he had Bobby still, the crotchety old man always had their backs, knock some sense into all the people here. Well, likely knock Crowley out for sure. He would have loved it here; there were enough books to sate Sam, and enough protection sigils to calm Bobby's paranoia. At least he's in Heaven now, for certain, and plus, there wasn't more than one douchebag angel at the moment up there.

"Cas." Dean looked down at his feet, which had one sock on. He felt old and dirty, sleeping in his cloths he wore yesterday. He probably reeked. Dean also felt alone, there was no one he could turn to for help. Charlie would, if he asked, but she needed her own space now too, and he didn't want to drag her into this world more than she already has. Sam was sick and heaven forbid he goes to Kevin. Cas, Cas would have listened, offered some advice, or at the least, said something weird and funny. He chuckled, Cas was never funny on purpose, which made it even funny and adorable. "Well, no use crying over spilled milk," he said to himself. He'll just have to man up and deal with it.

After a refreshing shower he found some clean clothes and headed to the kitchen. He was hungry and one of the few joys he actually has is cooking. His cooking proficiency wasn't much beyond hamburgers and the quick meals of hunters, but it distracts his mind. He heard Kevin and Sam in the library, so he set to fixing a breakfast for all of them, knowing those two don't cook beyond hot dogs and salads. Bacon and eggs seemed like a good choice, so he cracked half dozen eggs and set the bacon in the pan. Trick he learned from Lisa, was to cook the eggs in the bacon grease. Unhealthy to the max, but delicious, and delicious trumped healthy in his book. After all the cooking was done, he set up the trays and headed to the library.

Figures, Sam had his nose in a book and Kevin was staring at a tablet while his hand wrote on a pad beside him. "Breakfast of warriors and lore masters coming in." He set down the tray while the other two looked up from their tasks, then to the food now being served to them by Dean. Kevin turned to Sam, "You have food service?"

"Naw, Dean cooks, pretty good actually." Dean smiled, he wished he could have cooked more often when they were growing up, but now he was making up for lost experiences.

"Thanks for the breakfast Dean. But I am not that hungry." Dean glared at Sam. "Sammy, don't bullshit me, you need to eat. Just eat something, keep your strength up." Sam eyed him back, "Or what, going to make me drink a half drunk beer with a reeses pieces?"

Kevin interrupted the nascent argument, "Sam, you should at least eat the eggs. The protein would be better for you, and I'll have your toast." Not waiting for permission, Kevin swiped the toast from Sam's plate, and proceeded to eat them gleefully.

Sam and Dean looked at Kevin surprised. "Hey, I tricked Crowley into getting me some decent food. I got tired of hot dogs and hot pockets, so I enjoy what I can."

"Could you chew with your mouth closed though?" Dean said. Kevin just smirked and shoveled in some eggs. "Wow, these are good."

Dean just smiled, sat down and began eating from his plate. Well, after he stole some of Sam's bacon who tried to stop Dean by slapping his hand away. Sam ate his eggs though, and drank his tea. That was good enough for Dean.

"So, what's the plan?" Sam asked. Dean thought for a moment, there were so many things to do, but no direction of which to undertake. "Don't know, figure we get you better and lay low. Keep a look out for Cas and Kevin's mom. Monitor the angel situation"

"Yeah, I figured as much. I called Garth, let him know about Linda. He'll take point on that one. He's curious on what the plan is for all the angels though. He was in North Dakota last night; he said hundreds fell up there." His brother, half dead and still doing what he can for the team.

"When they fell, all the consoles suddenly started working, and alarms were blaring everywhere. The map lit up like crazy with all these red dots then. I figured that it represented angels falling." Kevin added.

Sam continued, "Looking at the web, it's definitely global in scale. They fell in both populated and unpopulated areas, but not in any place extremely hostile, like the Sahara and Artic. Rough estimates are saying anywhere to one hundred to three hundred thousand angels. Reports are they can speak in every language and call themselves angels, but other than that, they have nothing remarkable. Seems when they fell, they fell without their grace."

"Figured, when one of them was falling near us, I saw the wings burn off." Dean recalled that quite vividly, he wonders if Cas fell like that, having his grace torn away so violently.

"So where did all the grace go then?" Kevin asked. "Garth told me about Anna and how her grace became a tree when she fell to Earth. Do you think their graces are somewhere on Earth?"

Dean thought about it. Good question. Maybe if the grace fell to Earth too, then it's just matter of finding the right angel to the right grace, and poof, problem solved. Get a couple of angels up there to take care of Metatron and they can all go home. Sam shot that down though. "Not likely, all the reports say the falling stars were just angels. No other reports of falling stars springing up whole forests or miracles. Even so, Anna was born human. All these angels have full grown vessels. That is another question in itself." Dammit, couldn't anything be easy for them?

"Where did it all go then? It's not on Earth then, suppose Metatron has it?" Kevin asked. Sam put a hand on his chin, stroking this stubble.

"If that's the case Sammy, we're screwed. Metatron all juiced up and alone up there? Might make himself the new God for all we know."

"I don't think so; he didn't seem I want to rule the universe kind of guy." Kevin said.

"Well, neither did Cas until he made himself a junkie on all those souls." Dean remarked bitterly.

Sam disagreed. "If that were the case, we should have seen some sign of a change in management by now. Grace is a type of energy, but it's unique to every angel. An angel can't take the grace of another. Cas mentioned that to Bobby when he had to power himself up with his soul. So Metatron can't hold them. At least, I hope not."

"Well then, it's just peachy problem we now have. Tens of thousands of newly minted human angels who don't know shit." Literally. Cas told him he found 'expelling waste' very uncomfortable and disturbing. Not as uncomfortable as Dean though at that moment. The memory, though awkward, caused Dean to wonder off mentally.

After a moment, Sam looked at him with number 16, the 'I know you mean something else and now I am concerned look'. "You think Cas is out there, with no grace and no idea where he is do you?" Sometimes it sucked having a far too perceptive brother…or sister. But the Sasquatch was right. Dean looked down at the empty plate. "Yeah, I am worried about him." But he shot back at Sam with his don't push this line of thought further look. "We don't know if he's even down here. Hell, he could be stuck in Heaven with Metatron as a prisoner. Cas could be on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean, or hurt, imprisoned or... I…I…don't know."

Apparently disregarding the warning, Sam pressed him with the question he feared to ask himself. "Do you think Cas might be….dead?" Kevin was also turned directly at Dean, who got up from the table and turned his back on them. No, no Cas can't be dead, can't be. He fell, he's alive. Dean would know if he was dead. He hoped. He took a minute to calm himself down. Unclench his hands that somehow fisted themselves. He spoke softly, almost like a prayer, "No, Cas is alive. Somewhere, I know it."

Kevin and Sam looked at each other. They nodded to each other that the Cas question was best left alone for now. For their sake as well as for Dean's, so they silently mused on which concern they should focus on next.

Sam broke the silence, "About Crowley. He's mostly human. I told Kevin about what happened. I can't cure him without…well, dying. Maybe we should try to develop his humanity, maybe cure him still?"

"Cure him? But you said you couldn't." Kevin looked at both brothers.

"That's right,  _I_ can't. But one of you two can. Maybe even Garth. The ritual seems pretty straightforward. Confess, inject, and recite." Dean sat back down and looked at Sam, who continued. "Look, he still is part demon. I am not certain how long that will last. In any case, there's a sliver of a demon in him, and given the time, might turn him over again. At the very least, there must be an internal battle in his mind. Like he was being possessed, is possessed actually."

Silence fell between the three men. This was heavy stuff Dean thought. Would he cure Crowley? Not a chance in hell. As always though, Sam had a point. Crowley was still part, even if a small part, demon. The deposed king was still a threat then, and he knew what it was like having two parts of your mind war within themselves. His stint in Hell, when he almost became a demon, those memories haunt him still.

"Well, why don't you ask him?" The Winchesters turned to Kevin. "You guys have him locked up tight, he isn't going anywhere. I would do it, but only because I could have revenge, not for his benefit. I think that excludes me from curing him"

"I don't think intent is part of the consideration Kevin. I wanted revenge too, for all the crap Crowley dumped on us over the years. But…he also helped us. He could have betrayed us several times when we did work together, but he didn't." Sam replied.

Dean countered, "Only because it was necessary to his own survival. Otherwise, he has actively tried to kill us. Remember too, he kept Bobby prisoner in hell when he should have been in Heaven with Ellen, Jo, Rufus and the whole gang for spite. And he is the one who tempted Cas in the first place with Purgatory." Though it was Dean that opened the possibility of Cas accepting that offer, he also sadly remembered that.

Sam through up his hands in surrender, "Ok, ok, I get it. Neither one of you want to cure him. Just putting it on the table for consideration. For the moment, he is safely locked up." He coughed and put his hands back on the table. "Abaddon also attacked us. I set her meatsuit on fire with holy oil. She might be back."

"Might? Hell, it's practically guaranteed. First gramps pulls her through time, I stabbed her, we cut her up, and then you set her on fire." Dean tuned to Kevin, "Anything in there about a Knight of Hell or how to deal with them?"

Kevin looked at the tablet. "Nothing about Knights of Hell I have seen so far. There are some extra wards we could use or maybe the demon bomb will work on her?"

"Doubtful, she was able to resist the demon killing knife. I don't think the bomb would do anything but make her mad. Hey, I just thought, why is that?" Oh Sam and his curiosity. "Alastair also was able to resist the knife." Dean cringed at the name.

"Well, according to the tablet, a demons power correlates to their age and experience." Kevin supplied. "So the older and smarter, they become more difficult to destroy."

"Henry…granddad did say knights were the first fallen, the first to become demons. That might explain why she can resist other wards and immunity to the knife. She must have been made shortly after Lillith….."

"Oh no Sammy, you're not drinking demon red bull again."

"Dean, I'm not stupid. Of course not, I was just thinking out loud." Sam yawned. "Besides, I got myself mostly purified now; do you think I want to add demon blood back into the mix?" He was right, detoxing from the blood was hell, if Sam were to through it again, it would certainly kill him.

Kevin picked up the tablet and began writing again. "Well, if you guys don't mind, I am going to look for stuff on knights too." He looked at Dean, "I'll try to see if there is a way to send the angels back up. And for what it's worth, I hope Castiel is ok too."

"Thanks Kev, you're my new favorite prophet."

"What happened to the other prophet?" Kevin didn't look up but continued writing.

"You know, we have no idea. It's like he vanished. That's a good thing, no more books from him, thank God. Chuck was a good guy though." Sam answered.

Kevin put down the pen and looked at both of the brothers. "Chuck Shurley, aka Carver Edlund? Writer of the Supernatural series that has a huge following?" Both of them gulped. "Yeah, that one." Dean confirmed.

"He was a prophet too? Damn. He is missing by all reports. However his secretary found manuscripts for the conclusion of the series. His publishing company is making them now. Channing was a fan of them, one of the few 'liberties' she allowed herself." Sam and Dean groaned.

Sam opened his laptop and typed in a search, and sure enough, everything Kevin said was true. One book review was called 'Hammer of the Gods'. Reading the summary, he surmised it was about the stay in the Elysian Fields Hotel and the death of Gabriel. Then a link caught his eye. What was this, a Supernatural Wiki? Oh this he had to see. He clicked on the link. They thought Charlie brought bad news, this was worse.

Dean was looking over his shoulder now."We have a wiki? On us? Is that a hand print?" Dean peered in closer. "That's the hand-print Cas left on my shoulder!" He stood up, and moved around Sam. "Just great, just fan-fucking-tastic." Dean picked up the plates loudly and stomped back to the kitchen. Sam continued browsing through the site. He had to hand it to Chuck, he was very detailed. Painfully so. That's when he saw the link to the fandom. God, he hopes its not more Wincest. But his curiosity won out.

In five minutes, he saw enough entries about Wincest, Destiel, Sabriel and a host of portmanteaus he wished he never saw. Except for the Destiel one, that was a given. He was privately glad he wasn't the only one who saw it. Everything else, he wished he could bleach. Curiosity indeed, killed the cat.


	7. Journey On

** Chapter Seven **

** Journey On **

He was walking up to the bunker, at long last. He finally reached his destination, he made it to the Winchesters. To Dean. The Impala was parked by the side in its usual spot, otherwise the road was clear. It was raining hard, and he was soaked. The clothes weighed him down and his shoes sloshed with every step. His hair was plastered to his forehead, every drop stealing a bit of warmth from him. But he was almost there, he was so close, all that stood before him was now the plain iron door to the depths of the bunker.

He knocked with as much strength as he could muster, which resulted in a rather paltry effort. Castiel hoped someone would hear him. He was tired, wet, hungry, cold and worst yet, guilty. Some minutes passed when he leaned his head against the door. "Please, it's me Cas. I'm here. I need your help." He was barely speaking above a whisper, knowing no one would hear him. It was really a prayer, a prayer of the lost.

The locks on the door started making noise; he lifted his head immediately and stepped back. It swung open slowly. It was Sam opening the door from behind and Dean holding a gun in a defensive stance in the corner. Their eyes meet, and Dean lowered his gun.

"Hello Dean." Dean looked at him, but he didn't smile, he didn't say a word. He just walked up to him and punched Castiel right in the jaw. The impact and surprise was sufficient to knock him to the mud. He felt a coppery warm taste in his mouth and immediately spat out some blood. The punch dazed him for a second then he looked up at Dean with a hurt questioning look. Dean just stared him down coldly.

"You son of a bitch." Castiel never heard such venom, such contempt in Deans voice before. "You think you can come back crawling to us, wanting help?" Dean crouched down on his toes to look Cas right in the eye. "You halo wearing bastard, you deserve this, you brought this on yourself. You didn't listen to me." Deans voice grew louder and deeper, his eyes filled with an anger that silenced Cas. He pulled Castiel up by the lapels of trench coat when he stood up. "Well, I got news for you pal! I'm through helping you! Through ya hear me. Done! Don't ever come back here. Stay the fuck out of our lives!" With that Dean threw him back into the mud and headed back into the bunker.

His face landed in the mud, he struggled to get back up but he was in shock. Cas looked up, wiping the mud from his eyes in time to see Sam sadly shake his head while he closed the door on Cas. He did not know if the wetness on his face came from the sky or from his eyes.

* * *

"Son, you ok?" Castiel snapped awake. He looked over to Steve, who had a worried look on his aged face and his hand on Castiels arm which he was just shaking. "Seems to me you had a bad dream there."

"Yes. It was a…unpleasant dream. Thank you for waking me." He replied his elderly friend looking at him with gratitude.

"This Dean fella, he that friend of yours you're heading back to?"

"Yes, but how did you know? We have not discussed him." Castiel was still trying to find his mental footing from the pain the dream caused him. When Dean threw him down, it felt as if his chest suddenly felt constrained while his heart ceased to beat. He looked outside quickly. He noticed that they were parked near a shopping center and the sun indicated it was near mid-day.

"Well, you talk in your sleep. Figured you needed rest from all that walking. You mentioned Dean quite often. 'Have to get back to Dean' you said more than a dozen times. Put two and two together." Steve smiled a grin to the angel. "Good friend?"

Castiel was silent for a moment while he contemplated his response. He knew the dream he had of Dean was not real, but it  _felt_ so real. He never dreamed himself before; last time he slept it was a comforting blackness. Never had his  _own_  dream, and not be in someone else's was new experience. Cas decided he did not like having his own dreams. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine the dream Dean had by the lake, the calm serenity of it. He let that serenity flow into him now.

"Yes, Dean is a good friend." Cas paused for a minute. "Without him, I would not be who I am today." He added.

"Now that's good to hear, friends should be like that, helping each other out. I hope we're friends Cas." Cas tilted his head to the older man.

"Of course. You showed immense generosity and kindness without due cause. You took a risk in assisting me." He tried to form a smile on his face, but found it was already there. Most curious. "I am proud to call you a friend."

"Good to hear. Now, I hate to break it to you Cas, the bus will be here soon. I checked the station while you were snoozing." He pointed to the station. "It's heading east, which is where you want to go if you want to get to Kansas." Cas looked at the small bus depot across the road. His desire to go back to the Winchesters, even shadowed by his dream, was immensely strong, but tempered by the sadness that he would have to say good bye to Steve.

"I do not have knowledge or means to convey my gratitude adequately." Though their encounter was brief, they were comfortable with each other. Steve just smirked and huffed. "Well, you bought breakfast and you gave an old man a reason to have faith through these troubling times. We're square Cas. Now you stay low, avoid the police and trouble in general."

"I will. Thank you for all your help." Cas moved to open the door when he felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned to face Steve again. He was handed a scrap of paper, it had a phone number and an address. "If you get to your friends and make it through all right, give me a call or write a letter."

"Yes, I will do so. I believe correspondence would be acceptable, eh, and enjoyable." He tried to smile again, and once again, found that he was already, albeit small though.

"Good then. Now git going, head back to Dean and watch his back. And you take care now." He turned the engine over, and put the truck in drive as Cas closed the door. As he peeled away, he waved good bye to the angel through the rear window before merging onto the main road back to his home. Cas waved slowly back. It was dangerous to keep up a correspondence, as it may endanger the elderly man, but he owed it to him to write at least a letter. He hoped some of his brothers and sisters found such kindness in others.

Turning to the station, he headed to the ticket stand. He had a little over two hundred dollars and a fake ID of one James Hetfield. With the amount of cash he had, he can get over to Omaha, Nebraska the ticket board read. That would put him considerably closer to the bunker but also deplete most of his cash. Last time he was stranded, Bobby wired him some money. He did not want to put undue hardship on Amelia, so he would not use the credit card again.

He wished he could phone Sam or Dean, but he did not memorize either one's number. With his 'angel radio' it was much faster and easier for them to pray and him fly to their location. He sighed, being graceless, as Dean would say, sucks. He had to be careful with his remaining funds, for not only did he have to travel, but he needed to eat. It was unlikely he could afford a motel, but he will forgo sleep if need be. The nap that Steve allowed him rejuvenated him immensely. He could also rest on the bus, as he pretended to do when he was first travelling with the angel tablet.

Walking up to the ticket stand, he laid down several twenties to a bored looking woman with too much make up. "One way to Omaha please." She sighed, took his money and typed on her computer. She took down his name, showed her his ID and handed him his ticket. The bus came about twenty minutes later. It was nearly a twenty hour ride from Bozeman to Omaha, and Castiel did not look forward to all that time alone with his thoughts.

* * *

After reading about the supposed history of the War in Heaven, which he mused should be called the First War in Heaven since there's been a couple by now, he put the book down. Sam closed his eyes; his migraine was just exploding in pain now. There was no point on continuing on reading, the lights, even though subdued, seemed way too bright in the library.

The day progressed slowly since breakfast; Kevin spent most of it with him in the library, reading the tablet. Sam was looking at cases and theories on fallen angels. Dean was nowhere to be seen or heard, but he figured Dean would skulk for a while. After seeing the website with Cas's handprint, he stormed off. Sam knew that the subject of Cas was always a touchy one with Dean. Especially now that Cas was missing, perhaps even dead. So Dean would avoid dealing with it like a rational person and cope by either drinking, watching porn or use the shooting range. He wouldn't doubt that Dean could do all three at once either.

His older brother said he would always put Sam first, now and always the night before. Sam appreciated the sentiment, he really did, but he also knew it was unhealthy for the both of them to be so dependent on each other. Seems though, they would only move on from each other if one of them was dead. As it was shown with him in Hell or Dean in Purgatory, they both moved on to form 'normal' lives. Sam was able to attend Stanford for those few years because he was more or less disowned from both his brother and father then. That was before they knew he had demon blood and was Lucifer's vessel though. He cupped his head in hands, his elbows on his knees. He tried taking a deep breath to alleviate the pain, but to no avail. All this thinking made his head hurt worse. Maybe lying down would be a good idea.

"I am going to lie down for a bit", he said to Kevin who looked up at him getting up. The prophet just nodded and returned to looking at the tablet. Sam turned to the main hallway and was walking out when Kevin called out to him. Sam turned around and looked at Kevin, who was looking tired as he was.

"My grandmother used to get really bad headaches; she used to meditate to ease them. She said empting her mind of everything put her at ease. Maybe you should do the same Sam, who knows? It might work." With that, he returned to his task of decoding the tablet.

The kid had a point. He did a couple of meditation sessions back in college, an activity offered to help students cope with the stress of school. It wouldn't hurt to give it a try again. He'll try to meditate when he was in his room. Hopefully it went better than his first try in Stanford. Falling asleep public space when students have sharpies is never a good idea. At least here, if he dozed off, he can sleep on his own bed.

* * *

Crowley only had a small light in the far end of the dungeon, a couple of books and a cot that was extremely uncomfortable. The chains on his wrists made them raw, and he was surrounded by silence. Alone with this own thoughts, the Winchesters could not have been more cruel, or helpful to him.

He deserved this. In his own dungeons in Hell, the cells were much worse and the treatment of the damned horrible, but then it was Hell. Now he was one of the damned as well, but he was in a better situation. No demons came to torture him, though Dean was liable to do so. Even if Dean or even Kevin came down to torture him, he deserved it. For the past day, he has been reflecting on all his sins. Whereas before he didn't care, or was even pleased and proud about them, all he felt now was guilt.

Never before had his past actions felt so wrong. Even the points where he helped with world, like with giving the boys the Colt or his blood, it was for his own ass. Those actions were just a sham, shallow good deeds to allow him to work his evil.

' _Come now love, t'was for the best. If it weren't for us, the Winchesters and the world would be burnt to a crisp three times over.'_ That voice in his head, he knew that was all that was left of his demonic self.  _'Yes, your TRUE self. Or don't you remember? Can't recall being the King of Hell? YOU'RE THE KING OF HELL! How can you be reduced to such a blathering fool?'_

The internal struggle between his guilt and need for redemption, for love battled with his former pride, his demon self, was being reflected on his face. He was still filthy from his beating from Abaddon, but he looked pale, and there was dried tear trails down his face.  _'Abaddon, that bitch! We'll show her the proper respect we deserve. Take our throne from us will she? Ha! She can try.'_ She can have it he thought.  _'Let her have it? Do you remember how Hell was before we organized and made it more civilized? She takes over, it'll be chaos all over again. Just as bad a Lillith and Azazel! Can you live with that?'_

He was right, if Abaddon comes to power in Hell, who knows what she'll do. Lower demons flock to the strongest demon, out of self-preservation and reward. And no one would be stronger than Abaddon. She could do what he has been striving for centuries, fully claim hell. Abaddon had the power, the strength and the tenacity. Once her power base was secure, she could lead more demons onto Earth. With the angels grounded, there was literally no force to stop her or a demon army.

Wanting forgiveness and seeing a path to redemption, he drowned out the demon in him for now, and concentrated on how to help the Winchesters with Abaddon. He began writing all he knew that could help them fight the soon to be new Queen of Hell.


	8. It's Not the Destination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I was recently checking on the Supernatural panel for SDCC. Oh my gosh. So to be honest, I am writing this work based on what I assume were the logical steps the Winchesters would make. To hear some confirmation(?) on some potential arcs just blew my mind. At least for these initial chapters. So I will continue to write along those lines, incorporating new facts as they come along. I seriously cannot wait for Season Nine, and a spinoff!? Chuck have mercy!

 

Chapter Eight

It's Not the Destination

The ride began easily enough, the bus was nearly empty and he had chosen a seat in the middle of the bus. A couple of hours in, he realized he had to use the restroom, a function he was hoping to delay as much as possible. Using the cramped lavatory while moving was not pleasant and difficult. When he finally vacated the restroom, his body felt much relieved but his mind was withering in anger and humiliation.

Returning to his seat, he once again looked out the window. He knew Dean loved to drive, and he liked Dean driving him around even if it was infinitely slower than flying. He remembered Dean telling him, "It's an American thing, just hittin' the road when the feeling comes over you. On the road, it's freedom. Speeding in baby with some good tunes, nothin' like it man." Then Dean proceeded to sing along, woefully off key, to the song playing. He smiled at the moment, because the memory was a happy one. Dean was carefree, not caring that he was off key and going nowhere in particular. Then the dream from earlier cast some doubt in him. Would the Winchesters want him back?

Upon reflecting on everything he has done up to this point, there is very little reason for the Winchesters to trust him. In the past couple of years, he lied, fooled them and kept them in the dark. The day when he was trapped in that ring of holy fire, when the ruse was up, he couldn't look at Dean. He couldn't because to bear witness to the breaking of Dean's trust in him, causing Dean nearly to weep for it. It was too much for either one of them. He was too proud though, to admit that the course of action he took was the wrong one. In hindsight though, he knew he should have come to Dean. When he came back later that night, he hoped to show Dean the righteousness of his cause, and how it was because of Dean he was doing this.

Dean was the one that taught him to question, to find his own way. The truth was not something that is told, it is something you discover for yourself. This is the corner stone of free will. Angels were not supposed to have free will; they were created to follow orders. The ones who did, like Anna, were defective, and that was why she and others like her fell over the ages. In Heaven and on Earth, angels are thought to be the pinnacle of creation. They were above human frailties such as disease, aging, pain, hunger and emotions.

Angels do feel emotion, but they feel them in a way different than that of humans. To them, it is a something that tingles at the edge of the mind, safely pushed to the side. It's an aspect of them that they do not encourage, that they find illogical and more trouble than they are worth. Humans lack such control, having such limited skills in controlling their emotions. Emotions are so ingrained into each and every human, it amazes most angels how they even function. The only emotion the two species indulge in is love, but the love of the angels is reserved for God alone. Even then though, the 'love' that they have for father is used more as an excuse to do one's duty, demeaning the word. Love should be given freely, never demanded or forced.

He realized that when he and Dean were in the Green Room so many years ago. Dean rejecting the paradise that he and Zachariah were promising not out of spite, but because he wanted to have the choice. The choice to make his own mistakes, find his own path, to find his own happiness. This was the power of free will, the ability to make choices. So he made a choice, because he knew Dean was right, it was wrong to start the apocalypse, to destroy Fathers greatest creation.

He thought when he was resurrected the first time from his futile stand against the archangels, he was indeed on the right path. This new found free will he had was confusing though. Giving himself the mission to find God was in truth a means to find direction as much as it was to save the world. When Joshua said God will do no more for the Winchesters or him, he lost faith in that hope. So he got drunk, which since that's what Dean did when he was sad or angry, thought might be a good way to forget the ache he felt. His diminishing grace also diminished his ability to rein in his emotions, and apparently his tolerance to alcohol. When Dean nearly said yes though, he was so angry that Dean nearly betrayed everything he taught him. He displayed his anger like a human, with his fists, wishing the pound into Dean's skull the immensity Cas had given up. Still, he happily chose to go into battle with Dean and Sam, even when it was nearly certain he would die. He did it because it was the right thing to do.

It cost him a lot though, almost his entire grace was spent. Yet, there was enough to save the brothers from Pestilence. He was glad to do so, and he will admit, it was pleasing to throw the Molotov cocktail at Michael. Though assbutt is not the best word he could have used, it somehow fit Michael perfectly. God reconstituting him once again assured him that his choice, and therefore Dean's choice to have the world go on as it did before, was the right one.

Dean, though he originally thought him as broken shell of a man, still was the Righteous Man with the shinning soul. He considered the elder Winchester his friend, the closest he had ever been to humanity. It was under his tutelage that Castiel appreciated humanity and the Earth. He may have reshaped Dean when he pulled him from the pit, but Dean had shaped him just as much. They both changed each other, for the better. Yet, seeing the aching hole that Sam left, Deans attempts to fill it with Lisa and Ben, he could not bear to bring this upon Dean. So he brought Sam back, though he did not know at the time that he left behind Sam's soul. He chose to do so, because Dean deserved happiness in his life.

The events at Stull confirmed to him that the choice of free will was meant to be shared with all angels. However, free will cannot be taught either, and it is something that eluded the majority of angels. So he had Raphael wanting to restart the Apocalypse and those few angels who did not. The choice to have war in heaven was not taken lightly. Angels had not fought each other on such a scale since the Morning War. He wanted to desperately to head to Dean, to seek his guidance. Seeing him content and safe, though not exactly happy either. Dean had already fought so many battles, so he took it upon himself to take this war as Dean took on the Apocalypse. The deal with Crowley, which was the only way he could make a stand though. So he had taken the proverbial 'deal with the devil'.

He continued looking out the window to the darkening sky. That was the biggest mistake in his life. That choice to ally himself with Crowley had a cascade effect in all their lives up to this very second. If only he had listened to Dean, they could have avoided the leviathans, the discovery of the tablets, and the fall of of the angels.

Dean was far from perfect. He knew that. No human, or angel for that manner, could be perfect. He even doubted God was perfect. But through it all, they kept faith in each other. They might disagree on what the right thing might be to do, but they were able to do so because they had free will. Free will is the greatest lesson that Dean ever gave him. It hurts him to see Dean disappointed in him, but over time, Dean forgives him.

But will he forgive him for this? He once again ran out on him, did not listen to him, and once again, disappointed his best friend. Maybe this is the one time too many for Cas. He alone brought two species that were never to be on Earth. He did so foolishly because he thought he knew better, in the name of doing what is right. Now his brothers and sisters were thrown all across the world, lost and confused. Perhaps some will be kind and give shelter to them as Steve helped him. However, he knew that some people did not have the best of intentions. It was certain some have been hurt already, or perhaps even worse.

The dream, or nightmare, he realized, was a reflection of that regret and his perceived punishment for his failure. He did not know if it was in fact just a dream, or if it was a vision. Even if it was a vision though, he had defied prophecy before for Dean. He would do so again.

After several hours, Cas wished he had a book, or a magazine to read. There was only so much he can endure replaying his memories over and over. First he tried to think of the peaceful times he had in heaven, before the entire apocalypse started and he went down with his garrison to get Dean. Those memories though, seemed hazy, and incomplete.

He tried to remember his journeys on Earth when it was still new. He and his sibling walked across the planet in their true forms, for no mortals yet existed. These memories also seemed so far away, he couldn't draw them out completely. So he tried other memories, and since he had existed for millions of years, he should have a lot. All he found was glimpses, snippets of what he knew was there. It was if a curtain was being dropped on his memories. So he tried more recent memories. Bobby and Dean summoning him for the first time, the cupid hugging him, Dean winking at him, Sam asking him stupid questions. He found these ones easier to remember though with not as much detail. Then it dawned upon him, his human vessel… _his_  body actually, could not comprehend all the memories of being an angel.

This frightened him considerably. So he tried thinking more technically, spells, languages, histories and lore. Without a focus though, he could not really gauge what he retained and what he had lost. Languages seemed to be ok, internally, he still thought in Enochian, but he believes he can easily read English or ancient Sumerian. Humans have been known to speak up to several dozen languages, so he wasn't too worried on that one. These memory drains made him angry and despair at the same time though. Angry because there wasn't much he could do to stop it, despair because his knowledge is one of the few things he can offer Dean in lieu of his mojo. So he took it upon himself to train up his mind to retain as much as it could. Silently with his eyes closed, he started recounting Enochian spells. Somewhere in the midst of reviewing binding sigils, he fell asleep.

* * *

The gym that Dean found weeks earlier hardly deserved to be called a gym. Then again, it was built in back in the day, so he'll give it some leeway. It consisted of some simple weights, a sparring area and a punching bag in a moderately sized room. There wasn't a radio down here, so he brought down a cassette player he bought at a garage sale. Plugging it in, he took off his shirt and started binding his hands. Turning on his favorite mix from AC/DC, he steadied the punching bag.

It's only been a little over a day since the angels fell, and he's been on an emotional rollercoaster. He tried drinking, and with no ladies around, he needed to vent his frustration on something bad. He started punching the bag, starting off light. The damn hand print on that website, with his whole life story to for the entire world to read, it pissed him off. Their lives were some spectacle, a Truman Show for books; it wasn't real to most of the readers. It was real, all of it, and still, he would never be thanked for it. With the angels having their wings clipped though, that might change the story.

He started punching the bag a bit harder. Crowley cured? By his hand? Not fucking likely. The douche of a demon deserved to be put down. He'll defer to Sam for the moment though. If he causes trouble though, then it's a one way ticket back to oblivion. Kevin seemed calm for the moment, taking the news of his mom in good measure. Hope Garth tracks her better than he did protecting her. Dude wants to fill Bobby's shoes, then he's welcome to try, but he is doing a piss poor job.

Sam's still weak, sick. He's working up a good sweat now. How the hell is he going to help Sam? So he's resonating with the word, or filled with some weird light like those fairies from that vampire show. And when the hell did vampires become sexy? Besides Benny, who was good looking as men go, with his deep Cajun accent…ok, where did that come from? Vampires are bad in general, and sparkly ones are especially bad. Seriously though, having your blood drained while being bitten is not cool.

How to get Sam better, that's the question. He's no doctor but he can handle shots, bites and the occasional stomach bug, but this is out of his league. Cas said even  _he_  couldn't fix Sam, that that was before trials two and three! So how the hell is he going to make his baby brother ok again? It's not like he can stick him in the panic room and wait for him to get over it. No, this shit is right down to his molecules or some shit like that. There's nobody that he know that can even remotely help them. They just have to have hope they find something in the tablets or bunker to help. And soon, Sam was barely walking straight and looked worse than Death. And he meet Death!

Then there's his stupid ass of an angel. He's punching with all he's got now, pouring all his pent up frustration on the old leather. His stupid angel, somewhere lost in the world, probably hurt. Cas, who just wanted to do the 'right thing' and ended up doing the worst thing. How the hell does that even happen? Winchester luck must have rubbed off on the bastard, that's what. Now there's all his dick brothers and sisters stuck on Earth, no idea why and just as lost as anyone else on this God forsaken planet.

"Fucking God, deadbeat dad, bet he still wouldn't even help his kids." It tore him up to see Cas lose faith in God, so much that Dean basically lost his faith too. 'Dammit, Cas, I need you, now more than ever." His hands were tired, but he was still clenching his fists tight. The bandages had spots of blood on them now on his knuckles. "Cas! Why don't you ever listen, why don't you ever come to me!" He punched one last time with all his strength, that when he impacted the bag, there was a sharp pain and possibly a crack. "Shit." He cradled his injured hand, realizing that the room was silent. The tape had run its course. He was covered in sweat, and breathing hard.

Dean just plumped himself hard on the cold concrete floor. Tucking his knees up slightly, he rested his left arm against them while the other arm was used to wipe his sweat away. Damn, that was a workout. He felt much more relaxed now, but the ache was still there.

He wished he had Cas by his side, angel or human, but at least alive.

"Please be alive. Just…please." Dean looked up and the plain grey ceiling. "Please Cas, I forgive you. Come back to me. "He looked down to the floor now, and he wasn't sure if it was sweat or a tear that now splashed down. "I need you man."


	9. Stranger Danger!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello everyone! Thank you so much for your support! Since, yesterday I have been writing like a madman. I know its been a long read, but its's getting there. Why, I see a reunion in the next chapter! It has come to my attention that I never posted a schedule when I release the chapters. That said, I aim to release one every two or three days. Anyways, thank you for reading! And please, I appreciate all comments/reviews.

 

* * *

Chapter Nine

Stranger Danger!

'This hamburger is most unsatisfying.' Cas thought to himself. It was small and misshapen, nothing compared to the supposed perfection that was advertised. 'How could over a billion of these have been sold?' He continued to chew the rather bland food. While not appealing, it did contain enough calories to fuel him for a while, and inexpensive. The ticket to Omaha took most of the cash on hand, so he had to find the most cost efficient method for something to eat. He had twelve dollars and sixteen cents now. The distance from his current location to the bunker he estimated was just about two hundred miles. The two disparate amounts afforded him no fast or easy travel back the brothers.

When Steve was advising him of the etiquette of hitchhiking during breakfast the previous day, Castiel listened intently. Since he was technically 'hitching' a ride from Steve, it was only courteous to know how to react in future scenarios if only to be polite. He was thankful that the instruction his new friend gave him would be soon be put to use. The bus stop had a map that he took, and he now opened it up on the table at the fast food establishment.

Omaha was north east of Lebanon, he would have to take Interstate 80 west then turn south near Grand Island. It was late afternoon, almost evening now. He was advised to not hitch at night as most people are wary of travelers in the nighttime. It was also a possibility that anyone who may pick him up may not have altruistic motives, so he had to be on guard. However, he did not have a place to rest and wait until the next day. He would have to risk hitching a ride in this late hour. Looking at the map once again, he figured the nearest highway on ramp would be the most likely location to find a ride.

He stood nearly an hour with his thumb sticking out, from what he was told is the universal sign of needing a lift. Most drivers passed him without as much as a glance. Perhaps if he smiled? No, Dean said he 'creeped' him out when he smiled, so best not. At least he had thought of a cover story. He is just going to say that his vehicle broke down and he lost his phone. It was believable and vague enough to not raise too may question if anyone should ask.

There were no other fallen angels in the vicinity as well, and he was not certain on what to make of that. It may be possible that other cities may have adopted the strategy that Bozeman had. In any case, he hoped that his siblings were in safe. As soon as he was able to reach the Winchesters, they would formulate a plan. If they were willing to help.

When he fell asleep earlier, there were no dreams or nightmares. However the nightmare from the previous day still cast a dark shadow of doubt on him. They were will within their rights to refuse him help. However, he owed it to his brothers and sisters to at least try. If they declined to assist him, he would do what he can. That line of thought made him depressed though, so he avoided it. Dean not wanting to see him stung. "Concentrate on the current objective," he said to himself.

An unloaded semi-truck pulled over near him and the passenger side door opened. He walked over and hoisted himself up into the cabin. The driver was somewhat obese middle aged man with a beard and bald head that was covered in a cap. He looked grim and it was difficult to read his face beyond that.

"Where you headin'?" His accent indicated Midwestern to Castiel.

"Lebanon, Kansas."

"Ain't heading there, but onto Hastings, north of there. Can give you a lift thereabouts."

"It would be much appreciated. My name is James. My car broke down and I lost my phone."

"John. Come on in." Castiel settled into the seat and closed the door. James turned back onto the onramp and merged onto the highway. "Strange days we're having. Seen some weird stuff but that lightshow took the cake."

"It was a…interesting night." It was only logical that the primary subject would be about the angels falling. He had heard it in the diner, the bus and everywhere he went. There were endless theories about the cause, but he avoided them, knowing the truth. Every story was just a reminder of his failure. So he wanted to turn the subject away to anything else, however his people skills seemed to be eternally rusty. Steve said it was best to share personal stories that might connect with the driver. "My friends' fathers name was John. Never actually meet him, but I am told he was a good man. To my understanding it means Graced by God."

"Well now, didn't know that. It was my pops name, I'm a junior, but I don't like being called junior though. Friends call me Big John."

"My friends call me Jimmy." Jimmy, he recalled, did not like being called James. It was interesting how humans came up with nicknames. Angels had one true name, each given to them by Father when he created them. When Dean started calling him Cas, he understood it to be just an illogical shortening of his name. Dean explained that Castiel was too long and weird to pronounce all of the time. Sam offered, with a smirk, that it was because it was a sign of affection from Dean. Both explanations did not explain why they shortened his name, but he liked it, so he kept it.

"So what brings you to hitchhiking? A fella looking like you is not the type who usually hitches rides."

"I was travelling doing some business in Omaha when my car broke down. I lost my phone at my last job so I did not have a replacement or numbers to call for help. It is…a rather embarrassing situation." Cas was hoping this cover would hold, he hadn't thought of anything more specific.

"Know how that goes, never remember anyone's number these days." John flipped out a phone from his pocket with one hand. "These days you just tell it to call whoever and it does it. Technology I tell ya." He put the phone in the center dash. "So what line of work do you do Jimmy? May I call you Jimmy?"

"Ah…yes, that is fine. I am…a tax accountant. For churches." He hoped Dean was telling him the truth when he said he looked like a holy tax accountant.

"Oh. That sounds…interesting."

"It is not as interesting as one would think. The paperwork can be quite substantial and repetitive." He was really hoping that John would not press further. He had no idea about taxes.

"I bet. Nothing worse than taxes. Pops said death and taxes, only two constants in the world." Cas wondered if Death would be amused with this comparison. He doubted it. "Listen bud, I am going to listen to the radio, so relax and enjoy the ride, k'?"

"Yes, of course, thank you." John turned the radio onto a news channel. The primary topic was no other but, in what was now termed, The Angel Fall. Cas listened earnestly on the news while the hills rolled by.

* * *

Sam felt somewhat better after his meditation induced napped. He still had that headache and too warm feeling, but he needed to stretch his legs. Though his body was sluggish, his mind worked perfectly, and he needed to get out of his room to see how things are going. Checking on Crowley would be a good idea; he doubted Dean would do so. Dean had the key to the locks though, so he needed to find his older brother.

Dean wasn't in his room, the kitchen, the main hall, library, shooting range or that new gym they found. So he had to look for his brother in the huge and mostly unexplored bunker. Kevin was asleep already, so he was no help. It looked like it was going to be a game of where's Dean? He turned down a hall that he was not familiar with. When they first moved in the bunker, they were just simply amazed at all the resources the Men of Letters had. Though it was sad they the order was no more, they did a hell of a job when they were around. The library alone surpassed any hunters he encountered, including Bobby's. The main library was mostly aesthetic though, the archives in the other rooms held a wealth of information that he had no idea existed. Then there were the vaults. He thought his dad had a big lockup; these guys put that notion to shame. There were endless boxes of stored cursed objects, weapons, charms and just…things he had no idea what they were.

The 'War Room' as Dean liked to call it was a bit of a mystery, just like everything else in this place. It certainly looked like a control center, but the consoles were not connected to anything in particular. Though they did a quick cursory check when they first moved in, he still had no idea how there was power or water coming in to this place. There wasn't a generator room he was able to find and it was doubtful that the power company would keep the power flowing here. The EM jamming field was curious; he had no idea about it until Charlie told them. However, for all its mysteries, it was their legacy, and more importantly, it was their home.

He spied a mostly closed door at the end of the hallway. Pretty sure Dean was in there. Most of these rooms were just archives, but after the hidden dungeon find, he wondered what else they might hide. Reaching the door, he was about to come in before he decided to knock. He had seen more of Dean than he would care to admit when he neglects to knock.

After a couple of knocks and no response, he opened the door. Dean was passed out on top of some boxes. There was a mostly empty bottle of scotch near him on the floor. Sam just rolled his eyes. This must be a room where Dean must have stashed some liquor. It's not like he doesn't know his brother drinks excessively when he is depressed, but he would hesitate to call his brother an alcoholic. Dean was though, though he usually kept it well under control. There was no point to stage an intervention, every hunter he knew drank heavily, came with the job. So he was an enabler, but seriously, they had it under control. Mostly.

If Sam were up to it, he would carry his brother to his bed. As it was though, he barely had the strength to keep himself up. So he just grabbed a few old blankets from a storage locker and threw them around Dean. Then he saw that Dean was reading a book called the Sons of God. Picking up the book, it was some information on fallen angels. Sam just smiled and placed the book near Dean. His brother hated doing research, but the fact that he was looking for information on angels told Sam the exact reason why his brother was depressed. Castiel, his brothers best friend, the one with whom he shares a 'profound bond'. Sam still wouldn't let Dean live that one down when times were happier.

These are far from happy times though. So he understood why his brother drank himself to sleep. He put his hand on Dean's shoulder. "It's ok Dean, we'll find him. We'll get him back." He just got a small grunt in response. He dug into Deans pocket and fished out his keys. It was likely his brother would tear him a new one when he found his keys missing, but he'll deal with it.

Heading to Crowley's room, he thought on what to converse with the former king. They were so focused on the angel situation today he almost forge about Crowley. He was hoping he didn't need to eat or use the restroom. Demons, like angels, have no need to do so. Crowley was mostly human though, so it was likely he needed to, in which case, they were horrible hosts. Wardens. Whatever.

Opening the door, he was surprised at what he saw. Crowley was hunched over the journal he gave him, writing away. He didn't even notice Sam was there for a good minute before he looked up. No black, so that's a good sign, still filthy from the brush in with Abaddon.

"Hello there moosey. Forgive the state of my quarters, I have been busy."

Sam sighed and crossed his arms. "Hey. Just checking in on you, making sure you're all right." Sam arched his eyebrows. "What are you working on?"

Crowley gave his patented smirk. "You Winchesters gave me time to think about what I have done over my time. Reflecting upon my sins and deeds, on how they have hurt so many. I want to atone for that." He gestured to the journal. "Abaddon is likely undertaking a takeover of Hell in my absence. As a Knight, she has the strength and power to do so. So this is intel on Hell, demons in charge, Hell Gate locations, plans I had made and all that."

Sam uncrossed his arms and held out his hand so Crowley could give him the journal. He did so, and Sam noticed that wrists were raw from the irons. "Jeez Crowley, you should have said something about your wrists." He took the journal and laid it aside before returning to the former demon. He did not fear Crowley, so he took his hands and examined them closely.

"Oh Sam, you care about me. Don't fret though, they don't hurt. I deserve them, and please," Crowley looked at him straight in the eye, "don't take them off. I still feel it inside, I hear a voice." Sam quickly got up and stepped back. "I hear the demon you see, its snarky and I feel its…foulness, the evil. I am holding it back though. I don't want to go back to that. Feel like Gollum I do."

"You mean Smeagol?" Sam was worried this might happen. The demon aspect was not fully purged as he suspected.

"Yes, whatever one was not evil, never watched the films. But you know what I mean." Crowley looked at the journal beside Sam. "I hope to earn repentance, to find forgiveness. To that end, I will undo what I can, help where it can offered. That's only a small portion I have. Please, use it. You can't let Abaddon have control of Hell. She'll lead an army and raise hell on Earth."

"And with the angels fallen on Earth, there's nobody to stop her." None of them realized this. Crowley did though. If there was anyone who had any idea about the workings of Hell, it was Crowley. "Oh my god, we're wide open to another Apocalypse."

"Bingo my tall friend, but she'll need time. There were many in Hell who resisted my rule, and most likely will resist her. She can kill them though whereas I couldn't."

"Thank you Crowley, I know this means a lot to you, and I appreciate what you have done so far. I don't have the authority to forgive you though. Honestly, I don't know who can." Crowley looked remorseful on that remark. "However, I think this is a great way to start." Sam bent down to look Crowley in the eyes. "It is because of me you are like this, and I can imagine what you're going through. We will find a way to cure you. Trust us."

Crowley gathered himself up and smiled. "Of course moose. Now run along now, you look as bad as I feel."

"You too man."

* * *

John dropped him off in a gas station north of Hastings. The rest of the ride was silent and fast thankfully. The news program gave little information about the Angel Fall itself. Mostly, it was highly opinionated debate between a theologian, a local politician and an atheist about the situation. Still, he was able to gleam something useful. Most of it was not good, except for one point. Some cities on the west coast had begun to organize shelters and services for his brethren. Many churches and community organizations were working in tandem to find all the angels. This strategy was now being copied across the globe. He felt some ease; at least some of his siblings would have help.

Focusing back onto his own predicament, he took out his map. From what he could determine, all he had to do was head south for about seventy miles. It was possible to travel the distance on foot, but it would take him another day at least. It was now late evening, and highly unlikely to find a ride. He was not tired, having rested enough on the bus, so he decided it would be effective to start walking and hope someone might see him.

After a couple of hours and one car passing him, his feet were giving him problems. As he encountered a couple of days earlier, his shoes were not made for comfort. The back of his feet, almost felt like it was being rubbed raw. However, he endeavored to push on. When Dean first dug himself out, he had to walk a similar distance to the store. He remembered watching him, tried to talk to him, though Dean could not understand his true voice. Instead he shattered all the glass and nearly destroyed Dean's ears.

He sighed. The past couple of days have been an illuminating experience. However, as the time passed, he felt more and more human. His angelic nature once enhanced his memory and suppressed his emotions. Without it though, he could not recall everything he thought he should. His emotions, though sometimes threatening to overwhelm him, never felt so  _real_ before. It was curious, and though he was scared of them, he wanted to know more. A most perplexing desire he thought.

He saw a car coming in the opposite direction heading north. The vehicle seemed to be travelling at a high speed that was well above the limit posted. It sped past him while he continued walking south. Then he heard a loud screech of tires so he turned around. The car, which was a small four door sedan, was doing a U-turn and heading back south. He continued to look at it when it neared him and then pulled to an abrupt stop. The passenger side window rolled down. Taking this as a sign that the driver wanted to speak to him, he bent down to look at the driver.

She was a young woman with blond hair and blue eyes. She was wearing denim shorts and a form fitting shirt. However, there were some very large dark stains around her eyes. For a second he thought it was a leviathan but realized that was just her cosmetics. Evidently, she had been crying.

"Hey there handsome, where you off to?"

"Lebanon, Kansas. My car broke down and my phone is broken." She looked him over, and a smile beamed over her face. The effect was most disconcerting for him, he was not sure on how to interpret this.

Her voiced lowered and become softened. "Well now, that's not far off from here. Who you got there in Lebanon?"

"My friends have a residence that I was travelling to."

"Oh…are they cute like you?"

The brothers seemed to attract a good number of male and female admirers, by conventional beauty standards, they were attractive. "Yes, I believe them to be handsome."

"Oh good! How about you hop in and we'll have ourselves a party!"

Cas was unsure if she would actually take him here, but his desire to get to Dean was quickly as possible was overriding his rational thought process. Still, he erred on the side of caution. "You were heading north previously, I would not want to inconvenience you. "

"Oh no sweetie, I was out for a drive nowhere in particular. Lebanon is just as good as anywhere else in these parts. Promise I don't bite." She looked at him on what he believes what would be called puppy dog eyes. He had seen Sam employ this technique on several persons before. He had to admit, it was rather effective. He nodded at her and let himself in the compact car. He barely closed the door when she suddenly accelerated.

"Holly Madsen." She shifted in her seat, getting somewhat clase

"James. Thank you for your assistance."

"You always talk so formal? What are you? A professor or something?"

"Ah, no. Tax accountant. For churches."

"That sounds so boring! How did someone like you get in that line of work? You could be an actor or model! You're too hot to be behind a desk." He felt himself blush slightly. No one had been so direct in complimenting him before. However, he did not know how to reply, should he also compliment her appearance? She was by contemporary standards, pretty. Thinking as if he were Dean, he figured that Dean would be flirting with her. However, he had no desire to flirt with her, but he could pretend.

"Thank you for your compliment. I also find you attractive."

"At least you think so, Brad didn't. Stupid asshole." She took a drink from a flask she had stashed on the driver side compartment. Cas suddenly became worried that Holly might be intoxicated. He eyed the speedometer. They were going close to seventy miles per hour. At this rate, he would be in Lebanon in forty minutes. It also meant if they were in a crash, his death was likely.

"I am fairly certain that it is unwise to consume alcohol when driving. It may impair your reflexes and at these speeds, the results of crash would be undesirable. May I suggest slowing down?"

She gave him a mean look, but she slowed down a bit. "Don't tell me what to do, you're cute but that don't mean you tell what to do in my own car!" Then she smiled at him. "Oh, don't worry, I'm a safe driver." She patted his thigh a couple of times. He tensed up immediately. Her hand lingered there in response, slowing massaging the muscle underneath. "Relax there cutie."

Cas was not to certain what was happening. Her demeanor was similar to the lady of that house of inequity Dean took him too. It made him uncomfortable. He did not know how to feel, it felt…wrong. She was intoxicated, he surmised that she had an argument with Brad, that she was just using him to get back at this Brad. No, he had to stop this.

He gripped her hand lightly from him, and putting it on her side of the car. "I feel that it would be best if you let me out. I also recommend you return home or to place where you can…sleep it off."

She slapped him across the face, "Fuck you! You gay or something? Goddammit!" She screeched the car to a sudden stop. "Just get out, get out you homo!" He quickly unstrapped himself and exited the vehicle. Before he could turn around she slammed the door, spun the car around and headed north again. That was a very uncomfortable situation; he did not know how to process what just occurred.

He hoped that Holly would be safe. Humans under emotional duress often make irrational choices. When he thought about it, human rarely did anything rationally. Then he remembered he was one of them now. He sighed.

It was difficult to tell how far they had travelled. Estimating, he figured he had to be nearly fifty miles away. Deciding that hitchhiking was no longer an option this late at night, he walked alongside the road south. It would be long, but he was so close, it spurred him on toward what he hoped would be a haven for him.


	10. Hope Against Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys, I forgot to load this chapter here on AO3! I beg forgiveness. Anyways, here is the long awaited reunion.

Chapter Ten

Hope against Hope

The blankets that covered him were scratchy. Sam must have found him and he winced at his brother finding evidence of his binge drinking. It's not like Sam didn't know he drank, a lot, it's the principal of it. And he's the one who was supposed to be looking out for Sammy, not the other way around.

Dean glanced at his watch, surprised to find that it was nearly afternoon. The batcave was cool and all, but it was underground. Without the clocks, they would never know if it was day or night outside. Being hunters though, it wasn't a nine to five job so it really didn't matter. As long as he got his four hours, he's good.

Stretching and popping his back, he stood up and looked around. Figured, Sam put the bottle away somewhere. Dean realized how stupid he must seem hiding the hard stuff all over the place, but it's a habit he picked up from his father, both adoptive and biological. Dean used to hate it when John would drink himself to sleep, not thinking about him or Sammy when he was drunk. Ironic that he does the exact same thing now. "Apple didn't fall far from the tree." he mused glumly.

Walking back to the main area, he saw that no one was around. Heading to the living quarters section, he heard Sam softly snoring and Kevin was…quiet. Dean was about to knock, but he figured Kevin would be ok without him checking up on his activities. The kid has been through enough without him mothering him now, so he'll let him be.

He checked his phone, which had some voicemails. It was from Garth and Charlie, which made him morose. His circle of friends always seemed to get smaller every year. Both of them were awesome though, Garth was weird and Charlie is like a sister. Garths message was just an update on tracking Linda. Said he had a promising lead that he was following up on. Also seems the angel problem was being taken in stride by most people. Charlie's message was just calling in to check on Sam and himself. She also hoped that Cas was alright too. Dean couldn't help but smile. She never meet the angel, and here she was caring about him. She's a sister that's awesome, not like the big one snoring away.

Still, after two days of research, nothing has come up on either helping Sam or getting the angels back upstairs. They have been in binds like this before, and Dean knew that there was only so much research can yield. Usually at this point, some break would come along, but one had yet to materialize. He fleetingly thought about maybe asking Death, but Death wasn't the kind of guy you can just call up. And he really didn't want to die again. So no go on that one.

Wandering into the kitchen, he just grabbed some cereal from the shelf and poured himself a bowl. The kitchen wasn't too big, just enough to serve up to a dozen people. They had to get a microwave, but other than that, everything in here worked great. Dean even found the pots and pans. When they first moved in, he was actually looking forward to cooking. Looking at the pantry though, it was still pretty much bare. Usually they buy only what they needed for a day or two. Life on the road doesn't include long term food storage or cooking.

Figuring it was time to do some grocery shopping and a good chance to get out of here, he went get ready. Once showered and wearing relatively clean clothes, he went to his baby. The sky was a threatening grey when he stepped outside. 'Good thing I got new wiper blades,' he thought was he eased himself in the car. He turned the ignition and the Impala roared down the road.

* * *

Cas decided a couple miles back to take a more direct route to the bunker the closer he got. Once he was in Kansas itself, he made for the back roads. The Men of Letters location was not actually in Lebanon, but a bit northwest of it. He was able to see the small grove of trees where the bunker should be, but not the building near it. It was likely the bunker was hidden by a spell or charm. They certainly took many precautions, and there were wards everywhere, both in and outside the bunker. When he was still an angel, there were hidden wards as well, worked into door and even the interior. He was not able to fly in or out, but retained his grace to heal when he was inside.

He wished he had his grace still, but then he wished and hoped for many things. Now all he had was quite literally on him. Walking through the night and morning in itself made him tired. The lack of food or drink though was affecting him more though. He had not had the chance to encounter a convenience store nor restaurant. More than anything else though was his shoes. In the early morning, he just took them off. Looking at the back of his heel, he saw that it was rubbed raw and bleeding. Now in just his dress socks, he continued on, but every sharp rock was rather jarring. All these issues had a cumulative effect of slowing him down to basically a crawl. Still, he estimated that he was no more than a couple of miles away.

That's when he felt the first raindrop. So intent on reaching the bunker that he neglected to notice the weather. Looking up, the skies were an unfriendly and threatening grey. He faltered for a few moments as he remembered his dream. Was it possible it was a premonition?

"No," he said to reassure himself. He was no longer wearing shoes, he was in the dream. He knew he was being irrational though, grasping at any small variance to avert the truth of the dream. However, prophecy was not always exact and he had defied it before. Walking again with a quicker pace, he resolved to get back to Dean, if only to see him briefly, grief or not.

* * *

Dean was heading back from Concordia with some fruitful bounty in the back seat. He picked up a great deal of fresh food this go around. Sam always preferred fresh foods, always preaching about the health benefits of them. Usually, he ignored his weight watching brother with a juicy hamburger, but Sam was right. He and Kevin could stand to eat somewhat healthier.

Living with Lisa for that one year taught him a lot about buying food for a household. He got mostly just essentials, like bread, eggs and milk. Soy milk for Kevin because he was lactose intolerant, which he thought was a horrible affliction. Also the beer, always had to have a brew in the fridge. He paid in cash, not wanting to use the credit cards. One downside of the bunker was that it was a fixed location, so they couldn't use the cards often for risk of being caught. So they used their hustling winnings in town and the cards when travelling. Sometimes, just sometimes, he wished he was paid for what they did. But the worlds unfair, so what's he going to do?

The rain was really coming down now, it was only mid-afternoon but he turned on the headlights and set the wipers to their fastest speed. Driving baby always made him feel better, and he was thinking about what to make for dinner when he pulled up the path to the bunker. Letting himself out, he was about to open the back door to get the groceries when he heard something.

He whipped around with his gun drawn out, scanning for anything unusual. The rain somewhat blinded him, but he didn't see anything unusual. The bunker might be protected, but the area around the bunker was basically open game. He strained to hear anything, but all he heard was the platter of rain against the roof of the Impala.

Whereas a normal person would call out to see if anyone was in the area to see if they were alone, a hunter knows better. Now that he was on alert, he would only stand down once he checked the area out. He doesn't want anyone, or anything, snooping around their home. Walking as silently has he could manage in the rain, he headed into the tree line.

Putting his back behind a large tree, he tried to peer around it to see if anything was out there. He didn't see anything, but he had a gut feeling something was out there. He cautiously eased away from cover and made his way uphill. Then he heard a branch break to his left. He quickly went behind a tree closest to the sound and once again leaned over to see what was out there. He just caught a glimpse of something brown heading down the steep hill. Dean went up a bit more to he can have the higher ground and cocked his gun to whatever was now between the trees. All he saw was just a dirty tan overcoat and a mop of wet black hair.

He couldn't believe it, there was only one possibility of who it could be. Lowering his gun he called out, "Cas?" just loud enough to be heard over the rain. It was not possible to hide the slight tremble in his voice about the doubt and hope he had.

Cas turned around to face Dean who was up the hill by a dozen yards or so. Castiel was absolutely drenched; nothing on the poor guy was dry. Everything was sticking to him and he looked like he was shivering. Dean noticed that he wasn't wearing any shoes either. Yet, though obviously miserable, Cas squinted his eyes at him, tilted his head and said those two words he just realized he's been waiting days to hear.

"Hello Dean." Hearing Cas's gravelly deep voice comforted him more than he ever realized.

They stood there looking at each other in the rain for what seemed eternity. Cas made the first move to head up to Dean, who seemed frozen in place. It was so unreal to him, he hoped against hope that Cas would come back. Now he was here, but he seemed so…human. As the former angel was climbing up to him, Cas slipped, falling backwards.

"Cas!" He yelled while he ran toward the tumbling angel. The hill wasn't big but there were some pretty big rocks lying about. He hoped Cas didn't hit any on the way down. The angel landed near the Impala in the mud. He tried to push himself up for a second, but faltered and stayed facing downward. Seeing Cas just lying there in the mud just spurred him faster, he can't get Cas back only to lose him again.

Dean slid onto his knees next to Cas in the mud. He turned him over onto his back and patted his friend down checking for anything broken, then checked his pulse. Cas was wearing his ever present suit and coat. Seeing it so, dirty and torn in some places now, it symbolized how human the angel was now. He was breathing, but it was shallow and he didn't open his eyes. He lifted Cas's head gently to see if he would wake up. "C'mon Cas, wake up," he pleaded. "Don't you die on me again you son of a bitch." His heart was not only pounding from its immediate excretion but out of fear for Cas. Then he felt something warm on his hand, he pulled it back and saw it had blood on it.

He quickly but gently felt around the skull to locate the source. Finding it, he turned Cas toward him to get a better look. Finding it, it was a small gash on his left side, but it didn't look serious. He took a second to calm himself down. Help. He needed help.

"Stay here man, I am going to get help," he told the still unconscious Cas. He took off his jacket and placed it as a pillow to keep him from moving his head. Dean got up and ran to the bunker.

Fumbling with the key, he opened the door and ran down the steps to the main balcony. He saw Sam and Kevin talking in the War Room. Sam saw him first, and seeing that Dean was wet and covered in mud he knew something was up.

"Dean! What happened? You ok?" Sam was already moving up toward the steps but kept an eye on Dean.

He took a deep breath of air he needed, "It's Cas! He's hurt outside." He looked at the other two who were now racing to his side. "I need help." Not waiting for more instruction Sam and Kevin went upstairs followed by Dean.

Together they lifted Cas, who was far too light to Dean thought, to one of the spare rooms, and laid the Cas on the bed who was still out cold. Kevin went to get the med kit and Sam dropped off some towels before heading off to get more blankets. Dean took it upon himself to strip the wet clothes off him. Not a time to be modest, he took off all the cloths and padded Cas dry. He was too cold to be good. He had no idea how long he was in the rain. A least the bleeding had stopped. The others returned and Sam started cleaning the head wound while he and Kevin wrapped Cas in the blankets. After they were done, they all huddled in the hallway adjacent to the room they left Cas in.

"Dean, are you going to be fine?" Sam asked him. He was still somewhat dazed that Cas was back, but worried sick that he was injured. At least he had him back now. "Uh…yeah," he replied. Scratching his head, he looked back into the room. He really should stay with Cas, in case he wakes up.

"He'll be fine Dean, I'm sure." Dean turned his head to face his brother. "You sure about that Sammy? Look at him. He's not healing. He got no more mojo." Returning his gaze back into the room, "he's not an angel anymore." Metatron, that son of a bitch was going to pay for this, he swore to himself.

"We figured that might be the case Dean. He was human before though. And he survived these past few days ok from the looks of it. Once he comes around, he'll fill us in." Sam crossed his arms and looked over at the door. "Let him rest for now. The cut wasn't bad, and I don't think there is a concussion. Just let him sleep. I'll.."

"No," Dean said, cutting off Sam. "I'll stay with him." His tone shut down any argument otherwise. Sam just rolled his eyes and Kevin just shrugged. Dean walked into the room to retrieve Cas's clothes on the floor, and handed them to his brother. "How about you wash these, maybe find him some clothes that fit him ok. Dry clean that coat though. Oh, and there are groceries in the car."

"Dean, could you at least clean yourself up?" Sam was giving him the do this one for me look. "You're tracking mud everywhere." Dean looked to the floor, sure enough, it was caked in mud.

"Sure, fine. Give me a minute. Keep an eye on him." Dean sped over to his room, changed his clothes, washed his hands and face, and came back out in under three minutes. Kevin and Sam were talking quietly in the doorway when he returned. "Back."

"Don't worry yourself out ok?" Sam hugged his brother, his silent way of assuring Dean he's here for him too. "Will do, Sammy," Dean replied. With that he let go of the hug and walked into the room and mostly closed the door.

Sam walked back to get the groceries leaving Kevin alone in the hallway forgotten. "Guess I'll get the mop," he said while rolling his eyes.


	11. Chicken Soup, It's Good for the Soul

Sam was really glad that Castiel was back. Sure, he was human and still unconscious, but he has back. What he didn't know was if he was happier for himself or for Dean. His brother who rarely vocalized his emotions, was easier to read than ever before since yesterday. His face and demeanor told Sam everything. When Dean was worried, he set his jaw tense, and he spoke low and deep with barely moving his lips. His eyes though, that spoke the most, the way he slightly squinted like he was trying to hold something back. Even so, it was plain to see the dark clouds in them.

Usually, he would feign an attempt to talk to Dean, who almost always declined. Then there would be a moment of tense silence, and then Dean would move onto something, anything, else. In most cases, either to a drink or some hookup if they were near a bar. This time though, he was still sitting next to Cas, waiting for him to wake up. So he let them be.

With Dean all preoccupied with Cas, he didn't make anything to eat. Sam realized then that it was Dean doing all the cooking since they moved in the bunker. He was more amazed that he actually wanted to eat something. Since the trials began, his hunger had been ebbing. For the moment, other than the eternal migraine and he always felt hot, he felt better.

Heading to the kitchen, he just got some fruit and headed to the library. Since Crowley gave him notes on Hell, he had been working with Kevin on how to take the fight to them. They hadn't told Dean yet because they knew he would immediately run off without back up. For all he knows, Dean thinks they are researching still about angels and helping him. He checks on Crowley when he could, giving him some clothes and a chance to clean up. He was grateful for everything Sam did and his need for penance was nearly as bad as Cas's.

Sam knew that the Crowley problem would have to come to a head soon. When the king told him about the other voice, his demon side, talking to him, he knew that meant trouble. However, Dean and Kevin won't lift a finger to help him whereas Sam couldn't. Perhaps with Cas back, they might be able to find another solution.

He was actually more worried about Cas. Not only about the being human part, but his emotional state. Seeing his entire family coming down in flames would be enough to have an emotional breakdown. They were still in the dark about what happened in heaven. Media interviews with the angels indicated that they were just as clueless as everyone else. They would need to approach the situation delicately, but Dean is anything but. As soon as Cas was awake and ok, they needed have a meeting, make a game plan.

* * *

He first felt warm, then sore, then the body ache and throbbing pain. He was also very hungry and his mouth felt parched. His mind was slowly coming back to full awareness. He remembered seeing Dean on that hill in the rain. They just stared at each other for what he felt was an eternity; he was so relieved and afraid in that moment. Happy to see Dean and complete his long journey, scared that the nightmare might actually come to pass. So he just stood there, cold and wet, waiting for Dean to make the first move.

But Dean just stood there, his gun lowered and mouth hanging slightly open, as if he couldn't believe he was there. In truth, he couldn't believe he had made it mostly unscathed as well. The past three days, he was so intent on reaching the Winchesters, everything else became secondary. So he wanted to speak to Dean, face to face, about what happened, about everything. Then he slipped and he remembered falling down. That was blur to him, and everything else was blank after that.

Opening his eyes slowly, he saw a rather plain ceiling, so he must be in a room. It was dimly lit, and there were no windows. Turning his head slowly to the left, he saw a plain wall and desk with a brass lamp. He figured that he must be in the bunker, this room was similar to the one he had last time he was there. Looking down his feet by lifting his head slightly, which was a feat of strength since his head felt unnaturally heavy. There was simple dark wooden dresser and the door, which was closed. Finally turning to the right, he saw Dean sitting in a chair right next to the bed. He was slouching in the chair with his arms crossed, his head somewhat leaning forward and down asleep. Dean looked peaceful, that was perhaps the reason why he preferred to watch over Dean when he slept. Sleep offered an oblivion that angels cannot participate in, he envied Dean then. However, in his limited experience, he was not fond of it for the moment.

He felt a urgent need to relieve himself then. Moving slowly because that was all he could manage, and to avoid waking Dean, he began removing the blanket. Only partially lifting the blanket did he then become aware he was naked. Not that he had any sense of shame that most humans associated with being naked, he was aware of the last time he appeared so to Dean. That garnered him a negative reaction, so he would prefer to avoid it if possible. He looked around the room again, but he saw no sign of his clothes. Then he felt dizzy from his exertion and he lowered himself back down. The movement was enough to get a reaction out of Dean, who slowly raised his arms and yawned loudly with his eyes closed.

Cas was lying back down, looking at Dean when he opened his eyes. He froze when he realized that Cas was awake. Once again, their eyes meet and there was a calm silence about them. "Hello Dean," he spoke, not knowing what else to say. Dean straightened himself up and leaned over to Cas.

"How you feeling Cas?"

"I feel sore, tired and I believe I am hungry. Also, I need to relieve myself."

"Ah…good. Good to hear, you got pretty banged up going downhill. You hit your head, but we patched you up." Dean looked away to the door. "The bathroom is at the end of the hall." Looking back at Cas, he lowered his voice, "How are you Cas? I mean, are you ok man? We worried about you, seeing all the angels, no word from you. I was worried you were on the other side of the world."

"Dean, I appreciate your concern, but I really need to use the restroom." The feeling of urgency was building up considerably. He despised this bodily function. However, he was rather comfortable in the bed and he would prefer talking to Dean. He believes he now understood the meaning of 'nature calls'.

"Uh, sure man. Need help getting up?" Dean moved to get himself up and to make room so Cas can do the same. Cas looking around the room, "yes, however, I am in a state of undress. May I have my clothes?" he asked.

"Oh. Yeah, sorry about that. Umm, Sammy is washing them. They got pretty tore up." He paused for a moment. "You're about my size; I think you'll fit in some sweats or something until we get your clothes. Sound ok?" Cas nodded in the affirmative. "Ok, good. Be right back." With that he was out of the door and back in a couple of minutes.

Cas was able to get up most of the way but ultimately needed Deans help on getting all the way up. His nakedness didn't seem to offend Dean as it did last time, be he still dressed as quickly as possible with his assistance. Dean only brought some sweats and a t-shirt for him, but they were clean and comfortable. They also smelled of Dean, which comforted him more than he initially realized. He wasn't able to put his full weight in his feet, apparently they were chafed in the back and one might be twisted. Dean noticed him wincing when he tried to walk, so he just put Cas's arm around his neck so he can support Cas. Together, they made it to the restroom where Dean him go without any help, but stayed right next to the door. After he was done emptying his bladder, his stomach reminded him that it was empty too. Opening the door, Dean just took his arm again silently and they started heading back to the room. The little walk left him tired once again and slightly dizzy.

"Dean, I do not mean to inconvenience you, but do you perhaps have something to eat? It appears I am in need is sustenance." Dean just chuckled, "You hungry then?" he asked. Cas was about to respond when his stomach growled loudly for him. At this Dean just laughed. "No problem. Want to wait in bed or do want to head to the kitchen with me?" Cas thought for a moment, his bed was comfortable, but he wanted to stay near Dean. He did not understand this irrational need, but he gave into it nonetheless. It also occurred to him that Dean wanted him to stay close to him as well. "I would like to go with you if there is no problem." Dean resumed leading them to the kitchen now, "naw, there's no problem Cas."

Together they slowly made their way to the kitchen. There was a small island in the kitchen that Dean sat Cas at. Looking at the clock on the wall, Cas noted it was about one o'clock, if it was morning or afternoon, he had no idea. He also noted that he had not heard Sam either. He hoped Sam was doing well, he was not in the best of conditions last they meet. Kevin may also be around the bunker as well. It would be best if he apologized to the prophet for his rather excessive use of force to persuade him to translate the tablet. Refocusing on watching Dean, he was happy that Dean was receptive on him being here. The nightmare he had days before was just that, a nightmare and not a vision.

Dean was going back and forth around the kitchen. He grabbed some ingredients and warmed up a pan and a pot. In a couple of minutes, there was delicious smells in the kitchen accompanied by Dean humming and a sizzling pan. A couple of minutes later, Dean served him some yellow liquid in a bowl and some bread that he had fried. "It's chicken soup and a grilled cheese sandwich Cas. Soups good for you to build up your strength. Maybe later I'll make you some of Dad's chili." Dean also served himself and began eating with gusto across from him.

Cas tentatively stirred his soup before taking a spoonful. It was warm, salty and though it was a liquid, had a quality that lent it texture. He made some more, making sure he took some of the noodles and chicken bits in it. He looked up at Dean who was just watching him smiling. Cas then took the sandwich which was warm from the pan still. The top layer he bit through was a buttery crispiness that led to a melted cheese that was delicious. He has eaten before, but these simple foods tasted better than those hamburgers he had before. He began to eat faster, enjoying the sensations of taste.

"Whoa, slow down there. You don't want to eat fast, gives you a stomachache 'k" Dean said.

Cas just gulped the last bite he took and slowed down as requested. 'These are very good Dean. The viscosity of the chicken soup is interesting, and it feels good going down my esophagus. The sandwich is a perfect complement."

Dean just laughed, "Just say its feels good going down Cas." Seeing that he was nearly done with the sandwich, "You want another?" Cas looked at him wide eyed that answered his question. "Ok, that's a yes."

While he finished the soup, Dean explained to him how to cook a grilled cheese sandwich. "Use real butter, not the margarine healthy crap. I use provolone and cheddar…" Dean went on about the proper grilling technique, but Cas was just taking in the moment. He had actually made it back. Here he was sitting in a kitchen, Dean making him food like it was just the two of them alone in the world.

The reality of what he needed to do know hit him then. He had to find a way to save his brothers and sisters. Find a way to get his grace back. Seek vengeance for the treachery of Metatron. Had to get better. Deal with being human. Write Steve his letter. Find balance in between heaven and the Earth. His mind was racing with all that he knew of what was demanded of him. How can he do it all?

"Cas!" He snapped out of his trance with Dean in front of him gripping his shoulder looking upset and worried. "You ok?" Dean asked, his voice laden with concern. He just looked at the hunter, he didn't know where to begin. Was he ok?

"I…I don't know Dean. I feel tired. Perhaps I should lie down once again?" He looked up at Dean with remorse. He wasn't hungry any longer, he did feel very tired. In fact, all he wanted to do was sleep.

Dean looked at him warily, but just nodded. "Sure, let's get you back to bed." He walked behind Cas and offered his support as he had done earlier. Once again they headed back to his room and Dean helped him into bed. Being horizontal did lend him a sense of relief when he felt the blankets being pulled up to cover him.

"Thank you Dean. I apologize for not finishing the meal you cooked." He yawned. "I suddenly felt very tired." He felt a hand on his forehead.

"Don't worry about it. Just checking your temperature though," he said as he withdrew his hand. "You feel a little warm. Listen man, you might be coming down with a cold. Just rest and you'll be ok."

Cas was barely conscious now, the warmth of the food coupled with the coziness of the blankets lured him back to sleep. Still, Dean deserved a response from him. "Yes Dean," he said yawning again, "I'll always try listen to you from now on." Closing his eyes, he fell back into a dreamless slumber.

* * *

When Cas was asleep again, Dean just settled back into the chair, resuming his vigil over his friend. So he should have asked what the hell happened in Heaven, but that can wait. Cas just needed some rest, that's all he told himself. Hell, Cas has come back from the dead a couple of times! Looking down at the sleeping angel, he chided himself realizing he's the one watching over Cas while he sleeps. That's irony for ya.


	12. All These Feels

 

* * *

The past couple of days were hectic, and if he were mortal, he would be dead tired. Thankfully, he is not and was able to persevere despite some drawbacks. In the parts of the world where he had little influence, it was more difficult to organize help for his brethren. Still, he did everything he can do and at this point, had to trust in the goodwill of others. Now that he had some free time at last, he turned his thought on the mystery of the central hub and why the angels fell.

He wished he could speak to Joshua. They were friends long before he was exiled. Joshua was wise and usually had an idea what was happening in Heaven, even if he did keep himself preoccupied tending The Garden. Though he could not use an angel summoning spell as Joshua was not an angel any longer, he modified it to be a locator spell. It took a few tries, but he was able to find his old friend in Vancouver, BC. Now Joshua was being ferried to his primary residence and will be there in a couple of hours.

Turning his attention to the Men Of Letters bunker, the small satellite location was not able to provide much information. Over the decades, they have slowly updated the system with new technologies. What interested him was Henry Winchester and the possibility of him returning. The youth had a promising future, possible being elevated to Grand Master in time. Sadly, Abaddon uprooted all of that. However, the mystery deepened when he thought critically. Why wait until now?

For some time, he speculated of a possible connection between Henry Winchester and the now infamous Winchester Brothers. He had heard of their exploits with both admiration and worry. The Winchester line was always destined for something great, but no one knew what. He could not believe that it was coincidence that the ones who started, and ended, the Apocalypse happened to be Winchesters. Perhaps Henry was able to pass the key to Dean and Sam? It was a possibility, but in either case, he needed to personally see what was happening at the central hub. There were too many priceless and powerful objects in the vaults to be left to chance. Whoever is inhabiting the central hub, it was high time to meet them.

* * *

Dean stayed with Cas most of the night. When he was sure Cas was out for good, he cleaned up the kitchen and changed into some more comfortable cloths. He dozed off himself a couple of times, but he always shook himself awake to make sure he was awake the next time Cas woke up. But he slept right on till late morning. Sam came in for a bit to check on them both. He told his brother that Cas did wake up but might have a cold. Sam just nodded and left them to make breakfast.

He should be looking out for Sam too, but he's looking stronger and healthier these past couple of days. Maybe whatever the trials were doing to him might be going away or something. At least, he hoped that was the case. Besides, Sam hates it when he babies him, but it's his prerogative as older brother to do so. He's thinking that Sam and Kevin are up to something though, but if it's a plan for something, then he's game. Honestly, he had no idea what to do next, Sam is the brains of this operation.

Cas stirred, drawing his attention. Cas slowly opened his eyes and once again, they wandered to meet Deans. "Hello Dean." Seriously, he doesn't think he'll tire of hearing that. Dean just smiled. "Good morning Cas. You sleep ok?"

Stretching a bit, Cas answered, "I feel rested. Thank you. I believe I had another dream last night, this one was quite pleasant. You made me chicken soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. They were enjoyable." Dean smiled, "That wasn't a dream Cas. That actually happened. You hit your head when you fell the other day. How you feeling by the way?" Dean reached out and felt Cas's forehead, which was warm but not too warm. Taking his hand back he got up to stretch himself.

Castiel contemplated for a few seconds, "I feel hungry, also sore but much better than before." He then removed the blankets from himself and began to get up from the bed. He was moving sluggishly still, but Dean left him alone, he would help if Cas asked him though. "I also need to relieve myself once again," he added glumly. Then looking at him, with what appeared to be puppy dog eyes, he asked, "May I have another sandwich Dean? Please?"

How could he say no? "Sure, no problem Cas, but how about I make something else you might enjoy more." Cas was trying to get up from the bed, but as soon as his feet touch the ground, he winced and looked down. Both of his feet were wrapped in bandages. "I had to wrap your feet last night Cas. What the hell happened to you shoes? You had some cuts and you heels were raw as hell." Dean moved closer to him and offered his hand.

Taking the support, Cas lifted himself up. "The shoes I normally wear were not designed to be comfortable for long distance walking. I removed them when they became too painful to wear." Steadying himself, he took a careful step to the door without Deans help. As he passed, Dean got a whiff of him. "Dude! When was the last time you showered?"

Turning around, Cas looked at him quizzically. "I have not had occasion to bathe. Am I unpleasant to smell?" Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. He was hoping Cas would now some basic knowledge of being human. He knew how to eat and use the restroom at least. Looking at Cas, he also saw that he was growing a beard too. He probably needs to be shown how to shave too. "Yeah, you kinda do Cas. Don't get me wrong though, it's not bad, it's just B.O."

Tilting his head ", B.O.? What is that?" Dean just sighed.

"It's body odor Cas. Like sweat you know?"

"Oh. I did not know that my aroma was unpleasant. Yours is rather soothing"

Dean choked, "Jesus Cas, you don't say something like that to another dude!"

Cas hung his head sadly, "I am sorry Dean if I made a social faux pas. As you are aware, my people skills need improvement."

'Shit,' thought to himself. Now he made Cas sad, which is the last thing his friend needs. How does he make this better? Then it dawned on him. He walked over to Cas and gave him a hug. "It's ok Cas. That's…uh…nice you think I smell good. Weird, but ok. We're good," he broke the hug but still had his hands on Cas's shoulders, who was looking right at him with a confused face. "Cas, I'll help you through this. We all will." He let go of him and resting his hand on the small of Cas's back guided the both out the door.

In the war room, Sam saw them come out and immediately went to give Cas a pat on the back. "Good to have you back. Dean was worried sick over you." Dean gave Sam the 'don't be sly look'. Sam read the signal loud and clear, "Ahem…I mean, we all were. Even Kevin."

"Thank you Sam. You also look better than when we last meet. So the Prophet is here then as well?" Cas inquired.

"Yeah, when the ang…when we tried to close everything down, all the alarms went off in here." He gestured around the room, which was still full of blinking lights. Cas also noticed how the table was covered in red dots. "He was here when it all went down. We persuaded him to stay to help us, since we have both tablets now."

As if by providence, Kevin walked into the hall carrying some clothes and looking upset. "Just because I am Asian doesn't mean I know to do laundry and fix clothes guys." Seeing Cas, he amended his demeanor and tone. "Hey there Cas. Good you're back. I could use your help." He placed the clothes on the table, "I also washed and ironed your clothes. Your coat needs to be dry cleaned and your socks were done for though." Without even looking he held up his hand to Dean, "Don't say anything." So he was going to make a small joke, so what?

"Thank you Kevin. I apologize for being less than gentle with you previously. Regrettably, you were correct in regards to the trails. Metatron was not closing Heaven, he was preparing to banish all the angels. He did so for revenge." Dean looked over at Cas, who was supporting himself by holding the back of a chair. However, he was gripping the chair so tight, he knuckles were white. Dean reached over and put his hand on Cas's shoulder.

"We'll get that son of bitch Cas, I promise you." Cas looked at him and Dean saw in his blue eyes the anger and hurt, and damn, he felt for him. "You don't understand Dean," Cas said in a dangerously low voice, "he took my grace, he slit my throat and drained it out like blood. My grace was the final component for the spell. I did this Dean. I caused this." He went back to looking to the table, meeting no one's eyes. Dean glanced over at Sam, who looked horrified. Then he gestured to Dean to do something. All he wanted to do though was gank Metatron. He  _slit_  Cas's throat.

"That smug self-righteous sweater wearing bastard." Using the arm he had already on Cas, he gently tightened his hold and made Cas focus on him. "We'll fix this Cas. We always do. So you messed up, but we all have. That douchebag pulled a fast one on all of us Cas." He felt Cas loosen up somewhat, and looked back at Dean.

"I should have listened to you earlier Dean. Even before Metatron, when I first broke loose Naomi's control over me. I should have stayed with you." He looked at Dean with the saddest eyes he had ever seen, "I regret that I did not do so. It seems that any attempt on my part to correct my mistakes result in larger ones." Cas sighed and continued, "Apologies to everyone. It was never my intent that any of this occur. I am grateful for the help and mercy you all have shown me. For what I have done, I do not deserve it."

"Dammit Cas, cut that crap." Dean was tired of this penance that Cas had imposed on himself. Taking his hand back, he moved closer to Cas. "You're family Cas. I know you pulled some shit in the past, and yeah, I was angry about that. I know you always try to do the right thing, and it gets messed up. That happens. We're Winchesters. But you  _try_  to do the right thing, when no one else would when it counts. So, yeah, get over this 'I don't deserve it' whatever you got going on. I don't want to hear you say that again alright. You're family, and we forgive each other too."

It was silent in the War Room for a couple of moments, or it seemed so to Dean. Cas just stood there while Dean looked at him angrily. Then Dean noticed that Cas's lips were slightly trembling and a tear came down his check. Dean checked himself and stepped back, he had no idea what to do in this scenario. It almost looked like Cas was about to  _cry._ He looked around exasperated, finally connecting with Sam who gave him 'you're an idiot' look.

Sam walked up to Cas and handed him a tissue. "Dean's right Cas, it's ok. We want you here, so don't worry about it. We'll find a way to fix this." He took both of Cas's shoulders and looked straight at Cas as Dean had done a few moments before. "How about you take a shower, and Dean will make us lunch. Then we'll catch each other up alright?" Cas just nodded weakly. Sam picked up his clothes and they both went to the restroom. Before they left the room, Sam shot Dean the 'you owe me one and we're so talking about feelings later' look.

"You're kind of an asshole you know that right?" Dean looked menacingly over to Kevin, who just continued. "I mean, you could have handed it a bit more….diplomatically? Tacitly? Cas just got back, he's probably still getting used to being human, and then you just jump on him. Seriously? It's a dick move."

"Now look here Kev, I didn't ask fo…"

Kevin cut him off. "That's the problem Dean, you don't ask, you don't wait and you sure as hell don't think."

Now he was getting pissed off. "Look, I just don't want him to be feeling sorry and down in the dumps ok. I just want him to know we all make mistakes and we're here for him. What's so wrong with that?" Kevin just rolled his eyes.

"Presentation Dean. You got up all in his face and you got on an angry look. Listen, I know you meant to be nice and show support, but you basically scared him. Angels weren't designed with great emotional capacity besides love and loyalty. At least that's what the tablet says. He's human, so he's gonna have human reactions that he probably doesn't understand."

Dean hadn't thought of that. He was so caught up worrying about Sam and Cas that he didn't really think what it would be like for Cas to be fully human. He's such an idiot he thought. But he had a reason to be worried about Cas's line of thought. When Cas confessed earlier that year about committing suicide, it scared him to death. And this, this was  _worse_  than killing thousands of angels. Metatron, using his grace kicked all of the angels out of heaven and are stuck down here as human. He doubted many were taking it well. And of course Cas saw this as all his fault.

Dean sighed, finally getting why Sam and Kevin were on his ass. "Ok, I get it." He gripped the chair that Cas was just using moments before. "I'm just worried about him alright. I was there in Purgatory with him, and when he came back. Kev, he  _wanted_  to stay there. For his penance or some shit like that. I just don't want him feeling down."

"No. You don't want to lose him again. And that's ok." Kevin just shrugged and walked over to the library. "I am going to work for a bit. I'm hungry though" he called over his shoulder.

For a teenager, Kevin was remarkably insightful at times. Also annoying a t times. It didn't lessen his foul mood when we went over to the kitchen to start lunch…dinner…whatever.


	13. Mysterious No More

 

 

The bathroom in the Men of Letters was communal, but it was divided up to so the shower stalls were private. Sam led him to the showers after Dean yelled at him. Cas knew Dean meant to be encouraging, but he felt fear and sadness instead of comfort. Previously he was so focused on getting here and worrying about his reception that he not fully explored his emotions. Angels have them yes, but they don't feel them as acutely has humans do. It now dawned on him that he really didn't have a grasp on his emotional responses. It was if some primordial part of this body reacted instead of his conscious mind. This was all rather distressing, and he nearly cried, which he now felt embarrassed for. Thankfully, Sam took him here away from Dean.

"Sorry about that Cas. Dean can be an idiot sometimes." Sam was laying his clothes on a table adjacent to a stall. "He means well, but…let's just say he's not the best when trying to cheer someone up." Because he's emotional constipated Sam thought to himself though. "Have you taken a shower before Cas?"

"I have not had occasion." Looking into the stall, there was a shower head at the top and two knobs in the middle. Sam walked into another one and came out holding some items.

"Ok, it pretty simple. See these here," he pointed to the knobs, "the blue one indicates cold water, the red one is for hot. Water comes through here. Most people have a preference, personally I like the water to be cooler. And I got you these." He handed him some bottles and a something wrapped in paper. "That's shampoo and your own bar of soap. The soap you rub over your body, it cleans off the grime. Better if you had a washcloth or sponge, but we don't have one at the moment. The shampoo is for your hair. This bottle is conditioner, you use that one after the shampoo. Make sure you rinse yourself before getting out and bingo, you're clean." With Sam explaining it, it seemed relatively straightforward. "You dry yourself off with a towel," pointing to a stack in a corner, "then put on some deodorant….which we don't have right now for you." Sam looked around. Walking to another end of the washroom, he picked up a small square object that appeared to have some type of gel. He handed to him with a smirk. "Here, use this one for now. Then after that, put on your clothes. You got everything?"

"Yes, thank you Sam. Dean mentioned earlier that I had a B.O.. It would be nice to no longer have that." Sam rolled his eyes. "As I said, Dean is sometimes an idiot. Anyways, usually, most people take a bath or shower once a day. Now you good?"

"Yes. I believe I can do this myself."

"Good, now you'll need to take off those bandages, you don't want them getting wet. We'll put new ones one once you're done."

Cas looked down at his feet. "Of course, thank you again Sam."

Sam smiled, "It's not a problem Cas, you are family. I forgave you a long time ago. For the wall and everything. So don't worry, we're here for you." Cas suddenly felt like crying again, but he was able to reign it in this time. "Take a shower and I'm sure you'll feel better. I'll be outside if you need anything." Turning, he left Cas alone in the washroom.

Removing all two articles of clothing that Dean lent him, he stepped into the shower. Experimenting with the water temperatures, he found that he preferred it just under steaming hot. Doing as Sam instructed, he washed all the places he could reach and shampooed his hair. For several minutes though, he just stood under the shower head, reveling in the sensation of the hot water trickling down his body. It was certainly relaxing. Eventually though, he came out and dried himself. Looking at the deodorant, he saw that it was used previously, but as to who's it actually was, he had no idea. He applied it and began to dress himself. Though the entire process took far longer than it would have as an angel, this was more enjoyable. In fact, he was looking forward to another shower. However, he slowly headed out the door, his stomach was reminding him it was time to eat again.

* * *

Sam came stomping into the kitchen to have a 'talk' with his older brother. He found Dean cooking something that smelled delicious, but it didn't deter him. "Dean, what the hell?"

"Can it Sammy, Kevin already made me feel like shit." He didn't turn around to face him, Dean continued flipping what he guessed were burgers. "I know what I did. I was an idiot all right." This surprised Sam, Dean hardly ever admits he's an idiot this quickly. Dean put down the spatula and faced Sam. "I don't want to lose him again Sam. I didn't tell you this before, but he told me when he came back that he might commit suicide because of what he did in heaven. And this is way worse than that. So I am worried about him."

Well, damn Sam thought. No wonder Dean reacted angrily. It all made sense now, Dean thought if Cas sinks into a depression, he might do it. Or he might start using like what Dean saw happen in the future Zachariah sent him to. All Dean wanted to make sure was that Cas has support because Dean needed him. Those two, they had the weirdest relationship at times. But they supported each other, and the bond they share was something even he didn't understand. His brother acted…odd whenever Cas was around. And he was always protective of the angel. Wait, hold up, Dean loved Cas. At first he thought of it as a joke, an epic bromance of the highest order. He was sure of it now. Oh boy.

Dean eyed him warily, Sam realized he must have made a face with the recent revelation. "I see. Ummm, yeah I see your concern Dean. We'll all keep an eye on him alright." Looking around for a distraction, "need help setting up anything?"

"Yeah, can you set up the plates and get the chips? I bought the veggie ones you wanted."

"Sure." Sam moved over to the panty. He actually felt hungry and Deans burgers are a treat. He must be making them for Cas. He shook his head. The harder he thought about it, he recalled all the times they were called out. And now there was even a name for it! Destiel. If the world wasn't going down the drain again, he would poke fun at Deans expense. But…Cas is just learning how to be human. Better not then, for Cas's sake. Poor guy, it's gonna be hard for him to adjust. And Deans the worst possible role model, so he'll have to take it upon himself to help Cas adapt.

* * *

Dean saw Cas come in from the bathroom from the kitchen. He quickly put down the burgers he was assembling and walked over to Cas. "Cas, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Cas turned around and though he looked wary of Dean, he came over. He was wearing his usual white shirt and dress slacks, sans socks and coat. Dean led him to a small alcove between the hall and kitchen. Looking around to make sure no one was in earshot, he looked back at Cas. They were facing each other, but Cas looked like he was uncomfortable and wanted to break away. Dean felt like a jackass now and he really didn't want Cas to feel bad or be afraid of him.

In a soft voice, Dean started, "listen Cas, I know I seemed mad earlier, and…and I want you to know that I'm not. Just want to make sure you're ok," Damn, this is harder than he thought. "I...uh… I don't want to lose you again alright. When you were missing, or back in Purgatory, I missed you man." Was he blushing? Oh man, why is this so difficult? "So, are…are we good?"

Cas was silent, and for a moment, he had the angel stoic look again. Then he just came up and hugged Dean. Speaking over Deans shoulder, "Yes Dean , we are good. I know you meant well. Forgive me, I do not have full control over my emotional responses." Dean was ok with that, so reached up and patted Cas on the back. He doesn't do hugs, but he already has done two today, and its Cas, so why not? They each let go off each other and Dean straightened himself up.

"So, I made burgers. You still like those?" Dean was taking a chance cooking burgers, it was his specialty so he wanted to impress Cas. But halfway through cooking he remembered the time when they ran into Famine. Maybe Cas hates burgers? God, he hopes not, that would suck.

However the look on Cas's face was just priceless, he was positively beaming. Actually, it almost freaked Dean out, last time he smiled that big Cas exploded. "I look forward to eating your burgers Dean." He looked like the kid who just won free ice cream for a year.

"Cool, just…um, head over to the table. Can you get Sam and Kev, they should be in the library."

Cas nodded and headed over to the library. He noticed that Cas was barefoot, and realized that Cas had no shoes. And no clothes. No nothing actually, he came here with literally nothing but the clothes on his back. Heading back into the kitchen to finish serving, he was already thinking when they should go shopping for Cas. Loading up the plates, he went over to the main hall with the dining table.

Sam, Cas and Kevin were all seated and waiting for him. Sam had the goofiest grin and Cas looked eager to eat. Kevin was looking at some notes. Dean placed the food down and gave them each a burger, and beers to all of them. Dean realized that he probably should get a wider variety of drinks other than beer. Kevin shouldn't be drinking, even though John let him drink when he was younger than Kevin, still, it's the principal of the thing. They all waited politely while Dean served himself, but as soon as he sat down, Cas took a huge bite of his burger.

If Cas freaked him out earlier, it was nothing compared to the pure wonderment that danced on his face as he chewed. His eyes were wide and he was actually making moans. Everyone looked at Cas in horror and wonder, but Cas paid them no attention. He was lost in his own world.

"Ummm…enjoying that much Cas?" Sam asked.

Cas closed his eyes and just nodded. Finally swallowing and opening his eyes, he looked over at Dean, "This is the most delicious food I have ever eaten Dean. Your cooking skills should be praised. " Now Dean really did blush that Sam and Kevin barely were able to contain themselves from laughing. Cas then tilted his head at both of them and then they burst out laughing.

Dean was just embarrassed now, "Thanks Cas, but then you just started eating. Wait till you have pie." Sam and Kevin were finally able to calm themselves and started eating.

"I wish to try pie Dean, since you espouse its superb deliciousness quite often." Dean thought he head Sam choke and he shot his brother 'shut up' look. Sam just smiled wide in response. "I went to a fast food establishment, I found their burgers rather underwhelming and bland."

"'Cause that's fast food Cas, its mass produced. It's not even healthy to go there, they stuff it full of preservatives." Sam chimed in.

"So. How did you get here anyway? We were worried that you were in Timbuktu or on a deserted island." Kevin inquired before taking another bite.

So Cas went over his journey from Montana to Kansas, which from the most part seemed uneventful. He was surprised that Cas handled that drunk driver with class, if Dean were in his place, he probably would have done the same. He is a gentleman…sometimes. They all cracked up at Cas's cover though. He really took the holy tax accountant and ran with it. That's his angel, thinking quick on his feet. Cas mentioned several times about the discomfort his shoes gave them. For the most part, Cas made the journey rather fast on his own. Dean said it would great if he wrote Steve back.

They were done eating by the end of Cas's account of the journey itself. He sadly added that his human experience had been less than stellar, and he worried most about his memory retention. To test him out, Sam spoke in Latin and Sumerian, and Cas able to translate, so that was a good sign. He also added that he would need some assistance in defending himself, he no longer had his sword and his proficiency in firearms was less than ideal. Dean volunteered for that one. So while Dean was nearly pulling out his hair in worry, Cas was mostly riding along safe and sound back to the bunker. He almost felt stupid for feeling that worried. But Cas was back now and that's what mattered.

In their turn, they caught him up with Crowley. Cas looked less than pleased that the almost ex-demon was in the bunker, but understood Sam's logic. Crowley's knowledge would be invaluable. The Abaddon situation was a great worry to Cas, especially that no archangels were available to handle her. Then came the tricky part, the news about the angel fall. Kevin and Sam took the ball on that one. They gave him the estimates of the angels on Earth, which correlated with Cas's estimate as well. He took the news about the coalition of community, city and church organizations locating and helping the angels fairly well. After what happened in Bozeman, he was concerned about his sibling being imprisoned.

"There is a new overarching organization that was set up yesterday," Sam said, smiling, he continued, "it's called the Celestial Assistance Services." It was nearly Dean's turn to choke.

"They call themselves what again?" Dean exclaimed. Cas looked quizzically at Sam, not understanding. Looking at Cas, Sam answered, "It's an acronym Cas. Celestial Assistance Services spells out CAS." Cas just sat there, so Dean didn't know how he is taking it.

"I would say God has a sense of humor, but I know that the bastard isn't up there." Dean snarked.

"It is purely coincidence that the agency's acronym spells out my shortened name. However, it is good news that many of my brothers and sisters are being taken care of." Cas felt a great burden lifted off him, though it did not lessen his guilt.

"So here's the million dollar question. What do we do?" Dean asked the team. "There's no way we can help the angels besides trying to find a way back upstairs."

Kevin nodded, "I haven't found the spell the Metatron used to cast them out yet. So I don't know if there is counter spell or not. No info about knights of hell either on the demon tablet either, though I did find a nifty piece of information you guys can use." The prophet took a swig of his beer, "I found the way to forge a new demon killing knife."

"Hot damn, that's actually useful. Good going Kev." Dean raised his bottle in salute.

"Don't thank me yet, it's incredibly hard to make. First you need iron from the heavens, wood of a dogwood tree on sacred ground, holy water and it takes a whole lot of chanting. It's pretty intricate."

"Well, it's useful still, maybe one day we can do it," Sam said. He continued, "Crowley is still locked up, I have been checking up on him. He doesn't need food or anything like that, it's likely his demon side is still keeping his body in stasis. What worries me is that he still has a bit of demon in him."

"It is a worrying situation, he still poses a significant threat. In lieu of curing him though, it appears we have no other alternative but to keep him contained." Everyone agreed with Cas's assessment.

"The info he gave us though, we can use that now. Maybe take out some of his top dogs, sow some chaos in hell," Dean added. He really felt it was time to do some killing now that the team is back together.

"I think that would be unwise until we get more information." Everyone looked at Cas. "It is entirely possible that those same demons are resisting Abaddon. Perhaps we should try to find out who is likely to side with her and take those ones out." Sam nodded in agreement. Damn, he really wanted to gank some demons though.

_Knock knock_

Everyone turned their head to the back of the hall. 'Who the hell can be knocking?' Dean thought. The only other people who knew about this place were Charlie, Garth and Hayley. Everyone else was in here with him. He turned to look at everyone, who were all looking at him.

_Knock knock_

"No one ordered pizza did they?" He was hoping that it was some delivery or lost person. The alternative meant someone, possibly Abaddon, had tracked them down. No one said anything. "Right. Ok, Kevin, you stay put. Cas you open the door, I'll try to peer through to see who it is. Sam, you're back up, stay behind me." Everyone nodded, Dean and Sam took out their guns.

_Knock knock_

They made their way to the stair well that lead to the outside. They all took their positions and Dean nodded to Cas to open the door slowly. He did so gently and quietly as possible. Dean positioned himself as flat to the wall as possible, to see what was outside.

In the middle of the road, outside the door, stood a person, waiting patiently. He was tall and had light brown skin. He had brown short hair and beard; he was wearing a blue dress shirt and tan slacks. His ethnicity was difficult to determine at first glance, he looked Latino, but Pacific Islander yet also Asian. The man wore horn rimmed glasses and a dark jacket. It was almost like he looked like a professor. Dean didn't sense any malice from the guy, who just smiled serenely. Seeing Dean, he extended his arms out to show he was unarmed.

"Hello Dean Winchester. It is good fortune to finally meet you." This dude knew his name, that's a big warning for Dean. He stepped out and aimed his gun directly at the stranger.

"Who are you and how do you know me?"

The stranger did not flinch and just continued smiling. "To answer the latter Mr. Winchester, in the circles we both run in, it is more a question on how could I  _not_  know of you. I mean you no harm to you or your brother."

Sam came out beside Dean, also leveling his gun at the strange man. His accent was weird, it was as if he had an accent and none at all.

"Ah, Samuel Winchester, good fortune indeed. Now to answer the former, may I humbly request you lower your arms? I assure you, I am no threat."

Neither of them did, Sam asked again, "Who are you? And what's your business?"

The stranger just raised an eyebrow slightly and sighed. "Of course, you are quite right to be suspicious. It is always best to question something or someone you do not know."

"Just answer the question buddy," he said in his most menacing voice he could muster.

"Of course good sirs. I am now known as Rey Vega, philanthropist and sometime adventurer. However…my real name, as given to me by Father, is Raziel."


	14. The More You Know

Cas looked out from behind the door, the brothers were still aiming their guns at the stranger. When he announced himself as Raziel, Cas felt a sudden elation of happiness, quickly followed by dread. Raziel was once one of the most powerful angels, but he angered God and was seen no more in Heaven. At least, that is the 'official' story. After his rebellion against Michael and his conversations with Anna, he suspected many things he was told were not in fact true. If this was indeed Raziel, he could prove to be an ally, though he could equally prove to be a foe.

Stepping out from behind the door, Raziel noticed him immediately. "Hail Castiel, Angel of Thursday. It has been overlong since last we meet." Cas tilted his head. It was rare even in Heaven to be addressed by his formal domain. Nor does he recall ever meeting Raziel, though with all the probing Naomi did, it is possible he can't remember because it was removed.

Dean kept his attention trained on Raziel, but called over his shoulder, "You meet him Cas?"

"Unfortunately, I cannot recall if I have Dean. However, it is possible I may have. Naomi has tampered with my memories. There are things I cannot recall." Cas looked over at Raziel, who still had his arms open but his smile disappeared.

"It is sadly likely she has Castiel. I did not part Heaven on the best of terms." Raziel sighed and dropped his arms to his side, "I am an exile from Heaven, but I did so of own accord many millennia ago. Long have I been on Earth, helping humanity as I can. This bunker was designed with my assistance with the Men of Letters, I was a friend of theirs before Abaddon came."

Sam was the first to lower his gun, "You knew the Men of Letters?"

"Yes. I helped them establish themselves centuries ago, and other organizations like them through the ages. It was unfortunate what happened to them, some of them were my friends." He stepped forward opening his arms once again, "I assure you, I mean you no harm. The bunker systems recently were activated, that is what alerted me that someone has entered. Henry Winchester was the last known person with the key. To be honest, it was my hope to meet him."

"Well, sorry man, you just missed him." Dean was still had his guard up. Cas walked over to Dean, he was still barefoot though, and he disliked the gravel on his still tender feet. Reaching Dean, he put his arm on Deans and lowered it. Dean shot him 'what are you doing' look but allowed Cas to let his guard down.

"He means us no harm Dean, if he wanted to fight, he would have done so by now," he said. Dean looked upset, but he did put the gun away.

"Indeed, I do not want to fight. I am here to actually be of assistance to you." Looking directly at Cas once again, "brother, am I not mistaken to assume that you no longer possess your grace as well?" Cas shook his head sadly. "I see. My apologies Castiel." Turning his attention to Sam, "Recent events have forced me to take a more active hand in supernatural affairs than I usually do. Specifically, the Angel Fall. Before I can continue, may I come in?"

Sam turned to Dean, who just shrugged. Turning back, Sam replied, "If you're a friend of the Men of Letters, what's their symbol?"

Raziel smiled, "The Aquarian Star, a unicursal hexagram that was on the gates of Atlantis. It was actually just on one of the back doors to a temple though."

Cas, Sam and Dean all looked at each other. He wanted to know more about Raziel, but it was ultimately up to Sam and Dean. He could tell Sam was interested to know this new angel better as well. Dean was always on guard though, he might not want to take the risk.

"As a gesture of goodwill, may I give a gift?" They all looked at Raziel when he spoke. Raziel walked up to Cas and Dean was about to shove him away, but Raziel sidestepped him and landed two fingers on Cas's head. He felt a warm tingle throughout his body. The headache and foot pain he had disappeared instantly. His task done, Raziel withdrew to his hand and stood in the middle of the three of them. Dean was about to punch Raziel but he froze as soon as he healed Cas. Dean and Sam quickly looked over at him, seeing if Raziel did anything to him. It happened so fast, he was still processing what happened.

"What did you do to him you son of a bitch!" Dean yelled at Raziel, who remained calm and smiling.

"Why, I healed him Mr. Winchester, sprained ankle, some cuts and bruises. It is what I can do at the moment."

Cas had never been on the receiving end of a healing, it was unusual to feel another grace heal him. The momentary touch of grace though made him long for his own though. He shook himself from his daze and looked at Raziel, "Thank you." His brother just nodded. Cas turned to face Dean directly, "He healed me Dean. I feel much better. Also, he intends no harm." Dean looked worried, so he sought to assure him, "I am all right Dean, and no, he did not 'mind whammie' me." Dean arched his eyebrow, apparently he pre-empted Deans next question.

Sam coughed beside them and both Cas and Dean looked at him. Sam motioned his eyes over to Raziel, who now had folded his hands behind his back and was patiently waiting for them. Sighing, Dean spoke, "all right, but any funny business and it'll be trouble."

"Naturally Mr. Winchester."

* * *

Sam was super excited to have Raziel, the  _Raziel,_  in the bunker with them. As soon as their guest named himself, he recognized the name. Some lore and spell books mentioned a Raziel as the source of arcane knowledge. In fact, he was regarded as the Angel of Mysteries. The knowledge that Raziel was offering him was nearly enough for him drool. And, as a kicker, he also had angelic powers still. He could not have arrived at a more opportune time.

"I see that it is intact and the mostly the same." Raziel was looking over the ledge to the War Room into the library.

"Yeah, but all the consoles down there all light up when the angels fell about a week ago. We've been here for some months and they never did anything," Sam explained.

"They wouldn't, not unless they were manually activated or a sufficient event occurred to warrant an automatic activation, such as the angles falling. This bunker was supposed to be a hub monitoring supernatural event across the planet. In this case, this one is the American Central Hub. It is not coincidence that it was built here in the center of the country. Well, the center of the country back then." Sam nodded, he figured that it being here in Lebanon was on purpose. Dean and Cas were already heading down the stairs toward the library. He and Raziel followed suit.

When they reached the library, Kevin eyed the visitor with suspicion. Dean was the one to make introductions. "Kev, this Ratziel, an angel. Ratziel this is Kevin Tran, prophet." Sam rolled his eyes, Dean was purposely being annoying. However, Raziel took it in stride, "It's actually Raziel," he held out his hand to Kevin, "pleased to meet you Kevin. The last time I meet a prophet was when Jamestown was founded." Kevin put down the tablet he was working on and shook the angels hand. Seeing the tablet, Raziel let out a small gasp. "Is that a Word of God?"

Kevin looked down, "Yeah."

"Oh, I haven't seen one of those since the 7th century! May I ask which one is that one?"

Kevin looked at Sam, who shrugged a 'why not'. "This one is about the angels."

"I see, the last one was about gods. Last I heard, Lucifer himself took that one. Didn't want anyone getting an advantage over angels." Raziel began stroking his beard. "Fascinating work, the Words of God. Only can be read by a prophet, and only can be fully read after nearly a full lifetime of study."

What? A lifetime is one too long to be any use to them. "What do you mean a lifetime? How much info is on these things," he asked.

Raziel continued stroking his beard, "Usually, a prophet is only given one tablet. The more you read it, the more understanding you gain, this in turn unlocks more knowledge. God himself designed them as such. Even though Metatron wrote them, God designed it with hidden messages. It's one of his most brilliant safeguards." He stopped stroking his beard and looked at Sam. "I take it you have more than one?"

"Uh, yeah…we also have the leviathan and the demon tablets too." Sam wasn't sure if having more than one tablet was a good thing just then. Kevin was nearly driven insane by half of one.

"Goodness gracious! You guys got all the big ones! That's quite a feat." Looking at Kevin, "You must be tired out of your mind prophet. Three is much to handle for any mortal, prophet or not."

"Thank you! Someone who gets it finally!" Kevin just grinned at the brothers, "I like him."

Dean just fumed, his annoyance was just rolling off of him in waves. Sam knew Dean being rude and upset is mostly show, it's his way to test if he can trust someone. It's effective, but Sam thought there more diplomatic methods. So far, Raziel has given no indication of an ulterior motive. After Metatron though, it may pay to be cautious. He was wondering how Cas is taking this, he stole a quick glance at Cas. Cas reverted back to his usual stoic stance, silently observing his brother interact with the prophet.

"So you got mojo if you were able to heal Cas?" Dean interrupted.

"If by mojo, you mean my grace, then yes Mr. Winchester, I do." Raziel seemed perplexed by the question.

"Good. Now can you fly up to Heaven and lets everyone back in the clubhouse." Dean apparently wanted to dive straight to the point. Sensing it was time for more talking, Sam motioned everyone to take a seat. Cas and Dean sat together while he sat next to Kevin. Raziel took the head of the table.

"Alas, I cannot sadly return to Heaven. I am an exile. Actually, that's one of the reasons why I am here." Raziel took out a sleek smartphone. "I was alerted about the angels falling by the detection system. That's why all the consoles activated; they respond to any major event and track it. There are not many beings that have that type of power or knowledge to cast the angels out. It was too much of a coincidence for me to ignore. I would have come sooner, but I was held up."

"Doing what? Being a dick?" Dean interjected. Sam gave Dean a 'stop being rude' face and turned to Raziel signaling apology. The angel once again took it in stride.

"Afraid not Mr. Winchester, I was organizing a response to help my brethren. Contacting mayors, pastors and everyone I can think of, I made a concentrated effort to find the angels across the world. It was not an easy task. Currently, we are projecting about seventy percent of the angels have been located and are now in safe havens." Sam looked over at Dean again, who was looking speechless. Sam kicked him under the table which jolted his brother, and gave him 'you're a douche, now be nice' look. Cas looked in awe and gratitude of Raziel though. He personally thought though, save Cas, this angel did more than to help than any other of the Host. Well, maybe Gabriel too.

"So you're the one who got that ball rolling," Kevin asked.

"Yes and no, I was not the only one out there trying to help the angels. All it took was a little coordination. That's all." He began stroking his beard again. "The real mystery though for me, is  _who_ did this. Perhaps one of you fine gentlemen can answer that?"

"Metatron" Cas looked pained to actually say the name. "He deceived us into being a friend and assisted us in what we thought was closing Heaven. In truth, it was a revenge plot to cast out the angels because they chased him out." He looked right at Raziel, "The final component of the spell he used was my grace. He forcibly took it and sent me back to Earth."

"I am so so sorry Castiel. You have my most sincere apologies." Raziel genuinely look sad for Cas. Maybe as an angel himself, he probably understood what Cas was going through. "Metatron, I should have guessed." He cleared his throat. "Metatron was not chased out. He left voluntarily, though it was in fear he left. When Father left, all the angels were bereft with grief. Michael and Raphael took it upon themselves to lead Heaven, however they could not do so with just their strength. The knowledge Metatron has would have been incredibly useful for them. It's the same reason why Gabriel and others left Heaven. Mine is a somewhat different story though."

This was all new information for Sam. It fits perfectly on what they all knew up to that point. However, he as now captivated by the story Raziel was giving them.

Cas spoke next, "It was rumored in Heaven than you were destroyed for disobeying God."

Raziel just laughed, "oh no, I didn't. Well, not exactly." He took a deep breath, gathering himself before continuing, "It's in my nature to eavesdrop. God created me to be especially curious and intuitive. As such, I listened to God speak to others and himself quite often. You would be surprised how often Father talked to himself. Anyways, some of the stuff I wrote down, like astronomy, mathematics, alchemy and all of that. I also found humanity to a curious and interesting species, especially once you developed sentience. When God sent Adam and Eve out of the Eden though, I felt pity for them. So I gave them some little tidbits of knowledge to ease their life." He paused, as if he reliving a memory. "Raphael was not happy about that, so he caused such uproar in Heaven that I was dragged in front of the throne for my 'crime'. I argued that God did not forbid us from helping humanity, and it was merciful and beneficial to open the mind of humanity to think beyond pure survival. God decreed that what I had done was indeed merciful and right." He took another deep breath, ",but because I acted without the consent of God, I was to be forever banished on Earth, to watch over and guide humanity selflessly."

"So God cast you out? What a douche." Sam shot Dean a bitchface to shut up.

Raziel chuckled, "Offically, yes. Unoffically, he wanted me on Earth. It was always God's intention that I would be placed here. To be perfectly honest, I would be bored up in Heaven."

"So he knew all along, and still he banished you? Why didn't he just command you to stay on Earth then?" Sam asked.

"Oh, he could have. But it's not the same. I  _choose_  to help your ancestors out of my own free will. If he had commanded me, I would do what I was told because I had to, not because I wanted to. I still want to help humanity. It is my mission from God himself."

"Bullshit! Where were you when the Apocalypse started?" Dean roared. Cas gently placed his hand on Dean's arm. "Dean, please calm down." Dean looked over at Cas angrily, but Cas was just quiet and had a sad pleading look in his eyes. Sam saw Dean practically deflate and calm down.

"I was all over the globe, helping those affected by the battles the demons and angels fought, and eventually from the four horsemen. The Apocalypse was supposed to be a set thing, once it started, it wasn't supposed to stop. There was nothing in my power to avert it. But word reached me that two Winchesters, an old man and a fallen angel stopped it." Raziel took off his glasses and cleaned them, all while continuing, "That's how you two came to my attention. I rarely work with hunters these days, but eventually, the names of Dean and Sam Winchester became widely known. It was not until recently I was able to connect the dots linking you to Henry Winchester and the famed Winchester line."

"You know more about our family?" Sam couldn't help his interest. There was scant family history for him and Dean, but Henry hinted of a heritage that he always dreamed of having.

"Somewhat, Winchesters have been part of the Men of Letters since the mid-17th century. I meet one of your ancestors," he paused for a moment to remember the name, "ah, yes, George Winchester. Nice fellow, owned a small public house in Boston in the 1740's. Your grandfather had great potential in him too. The Grand Master was planning on grooming him to succeed him. Anyways, your family history stretches back to the dawn of humanity. Well, specifically Adam and Eve, but it's complicated. Your family was always destined to change the world."

"That's …awesome." Dean was smiling a little. Sam noticed that Cas still had his hand on Deans arm. "So, ok, you're cool and all, but why can't you break your exile and kick Metatron out?"

"That Mr. Winchester, is impossible for me to do. God himself banished me, and only He can give me leave to return to Heaven. But others have tried."

"Others, what others?" Kevin asked.

"Other angels my young prophet." Cas looked at Raziel curiously, who continued. "As in, angels who were not in Heaven at the time of the fall. Mostly cupids, guardians and other exiles." Raziel looked around, they were all looked confused. "From what I gathered, those in Heaven were sudden sent down to Earth. Those on Earth found that they had their grace but no way of returning to Heaven. No one knows what's happening up there right now."

"Wait, you mean to tell me not all the angels fell?" Sam asked in response.

"Oh no, it appears anyone not in heaven is still a full angel. But most of those here are cupids, their job requires them to be on Earth quite often. Some are other exiles, but they cannot reach Heaven." He pointed to his head, "we're connected, all angles are, telepathically. There are so few of us now who have our grace."

Sam found this interesting, but now another question arose. "Wait, when Cas rebelled, his grace diminished to where it was practically gone. Why hasn't yours?"

"Nothing escapes you Samuel. Castiel was an exception to the general rule. Usually, even when cast out or fallen, an angel maintains a connection to Heaven to replenish grace. When Cas rebelled, Michael placed a block on Cas replenishing his grace from Heaven."

"I was not aware that Michael had such abilities." Cas added.

"It seems brother, that there is much you don't know. There is much you all do not know." Raziel stood up now. "I wish I could have come to your aid sooner Castiel. To all your aid in truth." He bowed and opening his arms, "Ego autem tibi fidem et clientelam."

Sam quickly translated for Dean. "He's offering us his support." Dean had a surprise look, apparently, he wasn't expecting this.

Cas stood up, "Accipiendo hoc pignus in honorem." He bowed in return.

Everyone was silent, breaking it, Kevin asked, "Ok, what just happened?"

"Raziel has offered to help us using an obscure Roman pledge, I accepted on our behalf," Cas replied.

Dean made his 'I'm just going along' face. "That's cool. So…you're not going to pledge anything else…like a sword, or ax…or bow?" Sam huffed.

"Mr. Winchester, do you take me for a conjurer of cheap tricks?" Dean laughed, actually laughed, surprising everyone.

Cas looked more confused than ever. "I don't understand, why would Raziel pledge a weapon?"

Sam chuckled a bit himself. "It's from a movie Cas."

Cas sighed, "I find it distressing when you use cultural references I do not know." With that, Cas slumped back into the chair next to Dean.

"Aw, cheer up Cas. When we got a moment, I'll show you Lord of the Rings. Just the two of us alright?" Dean patted Cas's back in assurance. Cas just nodded in assent, looking somewhat happy at the prospect.

Kevin and Sam looked at each other, thinking exactly same thing. Dean just basically promised Cas a movie date.


	15. Eagle Eye

Chapter Fifteen

Eagle Eye

So this guy was ok. He hadn't tried to kill them, so that's a bonus. However, just because he pledged his help to the team, he wasn't about to trust Raziel. However, he knew he had no chance at the moment to take him on. Cas however seemed willing to trust him, but he could tell that Cas was being wary as well. After Metatron feigning to be a friend, it's understandable. He won't admit it anyone now, but he knew something was up with the guy when they first meet him. This go around, his gut is telling him to trust him.

Looking over at Cas, he realized that his angel isn't an angel anymore and needs a crash course in humanity. Dean hadn't paid much attention to Cas's mannerisms before because he was, well, an angel and it was usually funny as hell. Raziel was unlike other angels, he actually got stuff he was saying. Then again, the guy had been on Earth since before the Pyramids probably, so he had time to get used to humans. Cas has been fully human for less than a week and he wasn't taking it exactly well.

So he is going to take it upon himself to Cas be more human. He's not going t lie, he's kinda excited to show Cas all his favorite movies and shows. Maybe Cas likes classic rock? He never complained when he rode with him before. Dean was lost in his own thoughts when Raziel attempted to get his attention.

"Mr. Winchester? I have something else I might help you for the immediate future." Why does Raziel keep on calling Mr. Winchester? He's not old. Well, that old.

"Call me Dean, Mr. Winchester is too formal, its kinda creepy."

"As you wish. Now, when the Men of Letters were in operation, they had several investments to ensure proper funding. When they become defunct, some of those investments were placed in a trust that I have access to. As you are the grandsons of Henry Winchester, and therefore Men of Letters legacies, I can release those funds to you."

Sam and Dean looked at each other in astonishment. Holy shit, was this guy for real? Sam was the first to regain his senses, "So, you're saying we have an inheritance?"

"Yes, of sorts. I know most hunters get around by…less than conventional means of dubious regularity." Raziel cleared his throat and continued, "it's mostly in the form of bonds and some stock investments. I personally don't keep track of it, but a trust fund that some…clandestine organizations use does. Also, I think they kept some hard currency in the vault."

Dean was just…dazed. Money was the last thing he had on his mind. Yeah, sure it wasn't easy hustling and committing credit card fraud to pay for whatever little he and Sam had. Hunting was a mostly thankless and non-paying job, but saving people made it worth it. When Crowley started killing all the people they saved, it was as if he was destroying their self-worth. Wait, did he say hard currency?

Dean coughed to focus his mind, "Hard currency? What kind of figure we talking about?" Raziel arched his eyebrow.

"Oh, it's a modest some, nothing spectacular. Some several hundred thousand I think." Both he and Sam gagged at the same moment, causing Raziel to pause. This was too good to be true. Gods, he hoped this was true and not some cruel joke like when he pretending to be Jensen.

Kevin, seeing an opportunity to add his two bits, "So…does this mean we can get the good stuff now then? Like a tablet?"

Cas looked at Kevin curiously. "You already have two tablets Kevin."

Kevin smiled, "I mean, like computer tablets. Or a decent computer. Or a TV?"

Dean was still trying to wrap his mind around this. "Oh…yeah…sure." Hmmm, a widescreen plasma in his room. And he can take Cas shopping for clothes and what not.

"I gauge from your reactions that this is good news then?" Raziel asked.

"Oh yeah, best news since Dr. Sexy was renewed," he answered.

"Very well, I will make the necessary arrangements then." Raziels phone buzzed. Picking it up, he read something on it and put it in his pocket. "I have a meeting in Madrid in a half hour. It appears I must take leave of you fine gentlemen until tomorrow." Taking out a card he handed it to Dean. "That's my contact information, or you could pray, either way, I will hear you." When he stood, Sam stood was well.

"I'll take you to the door." Raziel nodded and together they headed to the door.

"Raziel certainly brought…good news. Is that the correct term," Cas asked. Dean looked over at him and smiled. "Yeah Cas, that was a bunch of good news."

Kevin coughed, drawing their attention to him. "Raziel certainly seems legit. We can really use his help in some things. Maybe figure out some stuff we've been stuck on." Looking at his notes, then back to Dean, "and I would really like a tablet." Kevin on the sweetest smile to boost his chances.

Why not? The kid certainly earned it. He and Sam can geek out about all that computer stuff. "I don't see why not. If he comes through, we won't have to worry about money for a long time." Turning back to Cas, "and we can go shopping. You need a new wardrobe since you can't wear the same thing all the time."

Cas looked at him upset and confused, "why is that Dean? You never indicated that I should wear something different before."

"Well, um…you can't magic your clothes clean Cas. You have to wash them and fix them, and they get worn down." Seeing Cas frown, he decided it another tactic, "listen, let's have you try on some clothes, find what you like and go from there. Shopping can be fun." He was lying though, he hated clothes shopping, since all they usually could afford was from thrift stores. However, maybe he could take Cas to someplace decent, get some new clothes and not hand me downs.

"Very well Dean. Could you assist me on choosing some aesthetically appealing apparel? I am not certain I understand the nuances of human attire." Dean smiled warmly, "no problem Cas."

Sam came back into the library. "So he flew away like an angel once outside the door. He said the sigils prevent anyone from teleporting in. And he assured me that not even Metatron can get through these wards."

"That's good, no surprises from his end then." Sam nodded and sat back down.

"He's offering a lot of help, and we can really use it. We're kinda in a dead end here in research. Maybe he has some idea on what to do about the angels, maybe Crowley and Abaddon too." Sam made a face that Dean recognized that his brother was thinking very hard. Sam continued, "I recognize his name, several books of magic and spells refer to him as the original author. He knows his stuff, maybe even some things that Metatron doesn't. That gives us an advantage."

Sam was right Dean thought, if Raziel had some know how that no one knows about, then he can be really useful. The ultimate question is if they could trust him though. "I don't know Sammy, it's almost too good to be true. And we can't take another Lando Calrissian."

"Yeah, I know that Dean. I think we should stay careful and see what happens." Dean just shrugged, that's about all they can do at the moment. Dean turned over to Cas.

"Want to practice some shooting Cas?" He put on his happy face, "might be fun."

Cas mulled it over for a min, and gave a slight nod and got up. Dean got up as well and began leading them to the shooting range. "You guys clean up, and Sammy, can you check on Crowley? See what he knows about Raziel." Sam nodded and began picking up the plates.

Dean lead him down a hallway to a shooting range. Walking over to a counter, Dean took some guns and ammunition. He recalled the time he had to use a shotgun in the warehouse. Cas found firearms to be primitive and had a disdain using them. Angels are in themselves weapons, their swords an extension of their arm, and symbol of their nobility and power. In general, most firearms were useless against most creatures that the brothers hunted. However, as he had found back then, they can be useful.

"So, I know you used the shotgun last time." Dean said coming back with a couple of guns. "Shotguns are great, but you'll probably want to get used using a pistol. They're easier to hide and they carry more ammo." He laid out the guns in front of Cas. "So what I am going to do is disassemble the gun, put it together and how to load it," picking up one, "this is a Beretta M9, it holds 15 shots and is pretty accurate to about 40, 50 meters."

Dean did as he said, disassembled it again and gave it to Cas. He was able to execute the assembly without any problems. Laying down the weapon down for Dean to inspect, he saw that the other man was smiling widely.

"Ok, looks good. Now, let's see how you shoot. I am going to shoot first, and you watch me, then you try." Cas nodded.

Walking over to the stall, Dean widened his feet slightly. "You don't want to have your stance too wide, want to make sure you're firmly grounded." Cas was taking note of everything Dean was saying. "Now, you want to hold the gun like this. Showing him his grip, Cas noted how Dean used his right index finger was on the side above the trigger, his thumb around the back and the three on the grip. His left hand covered the right and both of his thumbs were together. "We call this marrying the thumbs, it's usually the best way to shoot. Gives you stability and a firm grip on the gun."

"Now, make sure you have a good grip, and keep your arms loose. Don't go rigid, tires you out. Aim the gun at what you want to shoot, and shoot. Better if you breath out when you do too. Got that?" Cas nodded. "Ok, good, now watch your ears." He didn't understand and looked at Dean.

"I am not sure by what you mean watch my ears Dean. They are located on the side of my head and cannot see them without a mirror." Dean dropped his head and sighed.

"It means be careful, it's going to get loud. Usually, you should wear some ear muffs but we don't have any."

"Dean, it is unwise to discharge firearms in an enclosed area without proper protection. The damage to your hearing can be accumulative if you continue to do so."

Dean huffed and Cas could tell he was agitated. "Look Cas, I know. I've been doing this my whole life and I hear just fine. Just looking out for you alright?"

It was his turn to be agitated. "Dean, I may be human but I am not weak. Because I no longer have my grace it doesn't mean I am capable of protecting myself."

"Dammit Cas, I know!" Dean put the gun and calmed himself, "I know ok." Moving closer to Cas, "I just want to make sure you're ok. I mean, I don't know what it's like for you right now, you haven't said much since you got here. You know I'm here for you."

"Dean, I know." He stepped closer to the hunter, "It's…hard to explain. A part of me is missing, I feel…confined to this body, and I feel its limitations. Whereas last time I gradually lost my grace, this time it was taken away. Fully away suddenly." He paused, this subject was making him sad and depressed. "I can't feel my wings Dean. Before, I still felt them, even diminished as I was. Now they are gone. And…" he choked a bit, a swelling sad sensation came from his heart and his eyes blurred a bit, " I don't know if I will feel them again." A few tears escaped, going down his face.

Dean softened his face and took a handkerchief from the table. He wiped the tears from his eyes and Cas looked at him. "Cas, I won't pretend to know how you're feeling. But I am here for you. I'll always be here for you." Cas nodded, he knew Dean would be, he always has been, he just ignored it. That made him feel even more depressed.

"I always avoided going to you Dean. If I had only done so when the war with Raphael began, we wouldn't be here. It is all my fault, the devastation in Heaven, the Leviathans and now what's left of my family is stuck here on Earth." He was trying to refrain from crying any further, failing miserably.

"Why didn't you man?" It still hurt that Cas never did come to him when it counts, but he isn't angry about it any longer.

"It wasn't supposed to be your burden Dean. You earned your reward after trapping Lucifer and Michael, losing Sam. That's why I brought Sam back, so you can be happy. I thought, in my arrogance, that I could handle it without your assistance. The more I worked with Crowley, the more I knew I could never be honest with you. I…" he paused, "I did not want to lose your trust in me, but I did anyway. So what does it matter?"

Dean took Cas by a shoulder and used the other under his chin to move his head to meet Dean's. "Cas, yeah, it was stupid, but I forgave you for that a long time ago. And it hurt, but you still have my trust, I never lost faith in you. We don't need you for your mojo, or your knowledge, but just you. Angel or not, you're Cas and you're like a brother to me." Dean rethought that last bit, "you're my best friend, and I never had one before. So I need you Cas, and I will be here for you too."

Cas just nodded, willing his emotions to remain under control. It was difficult, he felt he should just cry until he could not. He also felt something akin to happiness, hearing Dean reaffirm their friendship. That is what gave him the strength, he had to be strong for Dean as Dean was strong for him.

"Ok, now I know what'll make you feel better." He moved behind Cas and gently pushed him to the gun. "Just shoot at the target. Imagine it as Metatron, vent out it out."

Forgetting why this emotional breakdown began, Cas felt red hot anger displacing his sadness. He took the gun as instructed and aimed at the man shaped target. He did as Dean suggested and imagined Metatron there, or Naomi and a myriad of other enemies.

He emptied the entire clip. Cas still kept trying to fire even though there wasn't any ammo. Dean was still behind him, and he reached around and firmly took hold of his hands, lowering the gun. Cas then realized that there were no more bullets and rested the gun the ledge. He turned to face Dean.

"You are correct Dean, that felt enjoyable. Thank you."

"No problem, remind me to not piss you off though." Cas tilted his head.

"Why is that Dean?"

Dean just pointed at the target. Cas saw then that he shot the target mostly through the heart and head.

"I think we can safely say, you're a good shot Cas. That's good because Sam can't shoot worth a damn."

"Does this mean I can accompany you on hunts then Dean?"

Crossing his arms, Dean thought about it for a few moments. "Yeah, I suppose. There's some stuff you need to go over, but yeah, I don't see why not."

Cas smiled, "Can I sit shotgun?"

"Hmph, you and Sammy can rock, paper and scissors for it. How about that?"

"How does a rock, paper and scissors determine a winner? Are they items we have to find?"

Dean just laughed. "No, it's a game of chance. I'll explain it to ya. Just remember, driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole. Capisce?

"I capisce."


	16. It's the Hardest Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am releasing chapters sixteen and seventeen tonight as I will be enjoying a mini-vacation. Bon temps!

The next day Sam woke up early. The past week he was slowly better, not at a hundred percent for sure, but better than he was before the third trial was aborted. After Raziel left, the team spent the rest of the day meandering about the bunker. He checked on Crowley, who, was honest to god, trying to find inner peace when he wasn't writing notes on hell. After that, he joined Kevin in the library doing research. Only after they discussed what computers they wanted though. When Dean and Cas came back from shooting, he saw they both of them more relaxed and…closer? Dean always used to be upset when Cas got in his personal space, but now it seems the role is reversed. And neither had any qualms about it, in fact, he would almost say that neither wanted to be away from each other. However, Cas is still learning how to handle his emotions, so he has to keep an eye out on both of them. Otherwise, it was the blind leading the blind scenario.

Cas took a seat at the table with them while Dean…does whatever Dean does. Cas found a book called the  _Sefer Raziel HaMalach_  which was a book he was familiar with. They discussed Raziel for a bit before Cas felt tired and went to bed. Checking the time, Sam also went to bed as well. He has been having [trouble sleeping](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/16/Of-Secrets-and-Truth) though. He always felt too warm and he could never find a comfortable position to be in. Before finally falling asleep out of sheer exhaustion, he resolved to buy a fan.

Climbing out of bed he went take a shower and get ready for the day. He was actually anticipating Raziel's return, he had so many questions. Once he was done, he headed over to the kitchen where he heard some Led Zepplin playing, meaning Dean was in the kitchen and in a good mood. Turning into the kitchen itself, he saw why. He was cooking from what appears to be an obscene amount of pancakes…and a practically salivating Cas waiting for him to be done. He noticed that Cas was wearing what he word the previous day, which was his usual dress slacks and white shirt. Dean noticed that he had walked in.

"Mornin' Sammy! Grab a plate, almost done." He turned back to the skillet and flipped the pancake over. Sam just smiled and sat by Cas at the island.

"Good morning Cas, you slept good?"

"Yes, I did Sam. It was pleasant and rejuvenating. I had not had an unpleasant dream since I arrived." Cas smiled his genuine smile, not the fake and frankly horrifying smile he does when he is lying.

"That's good, what you dream about?" It wasn't until the last word escaped his lips that he thought he should not have asked. Immediately Cas blushed, but he kept his smile. "Uh, you know what, you don't have to tell me. As long it was a good dream ok." He almost hoped Cas would tell him, he was curious on what do angels dream about? Smiting?

Cas looked up, his blush fading away slowly, "It was a good dream, yes." Sam could almost swear that there was a note of mischief in it. He didn't know if he should be impressed or scared.

Dean sauntered over and laid out a huge plate full of pancakes in the middle and took a seat himself. Pointing to the pancakes, "So I have buttermilk, blueberry and chocolate ones. Help yourself." Sam was flabbergasted, Dean never cooked like this, not even for him. Still, he wasn't about to complain. He helped himself to some blueberry ones. Cas on the other hand, took one of each. Dean then told Cas about the wonders of butter and poured a nauseating amount of syrup on his and Cas's pancakes.

"Dean! Do you want to give Cas diabetes?" Cas looked surprised and Dean gave him a stinkface.

"You can't have pancakes without syrup Sammy, and let the man enjoy his first pancake." Sam shook his head, when did his brother go all domestic?

Carefully cutting off a piece, Cas took a chocolate pancake and slowly chewed. Once again, the delight on his face was a spectacle to behold. Sam was happy Cas was enjoying eating, but he needs to show Cas healthier foods. Sure as hell Dean wasn't going to eat anything healthy any time soon. He voiced as much and though Dean gave him a back off look, Cas seemed enthused about the idea. The ate the rest of breakfast going over some pop references to further Cas's introduction on humanity. Eventually, Sam hear a knocking on the door.

Dean and Sam stood up and checked their guns, Dean motioned for Cas to stay put. Together, they went to open the door. As expected though, it was Raziel.

"Good day Brothers Winchester!" He was wearing what can only be called as a professor outfit, complete with a bowtie. He was also holding a large briefcase, which Sam assumed held the paperwork. "May I come in?"

Dean tucked his gun away gun and opened the door fully to allow passage. Once he closed the door, the three of them went down to the library, where Cas was waiting from them. Laying the briefcase on the table, Raziel opened it and produced an envelope to Dean.

"I assume you would want to go straight to business, so here you go." Dean looked at the envelope and then inside the briefcase. Sam did the same and whistled. There was a lot of papers in there, it looked downright daunting. "I thought it prudent to get a small cash advance for the moment, everything else is tied up in bonds and stocks." Dean now looked inside the envelope. Sam could swear Deans eyes were about to pop out. More worrisome, Dean had the most mischievous grin on his face. Dean took out some bills and grabbed Cas's arm.

"C'mon Cas, we're going shopping." God, Raziel just literally bought Dean's friendship. Cas was basically dragged by Dean up and they were heading out of the library.

'Dean! You better not take him to strip joint!" Dean with large amounts of cash on hand has been known to blow a bit at a stipper bar. He might even try to cover it as educational for Cas.

Cas called over his shoulder, "Do not worry Sam, I do not want to go to another den of iniquity." That threw Sam off. Another? Dean already tried taking Cas to a strip joint? How long has Dean been trying to corrupt Cas? Raziel stood beside him, nonplussed about the entire situation.

"Well then Sam, it appears that it is just us two." Sam turned to face Raziel, "Yeah, I guess."

"No worries my tall friend, now, do you want to go over that," pointing to the suitcase, "or do you want to discuss anything else?"

"I think we might need an accountant now." Sam picked up the envelop Dean left on the table. He gasped, there had to be at least twenty five grand in there.

"Small advance, as I said. I hope it serves you well." Sam slowly nodded. He thought of himself pretty good with finances, as far as hunting goes, but this might be out of his league. Maybe he should call Charlie? She seems pretty good with this type of stuff. Yeah, Charlie, good idea. He'll give her a call when he gets a chance.

"You have no idea. Thanks for this." Raziel simply nodded, Sam continued, "how about we finish that up later?"

"Very well. Do you have any questions you wish to ask me?"

That was a loaded question. There were so many things he wanted to ask. Better start off simple though. "Tell me more about the Men of Letters."

"Of course, the Men Of Letters, its current incarnation before becoming defunct, were established in the mid seventeenth century in Boston from parts of other orders in The Old World. They stemmed from a long line of societies that has existed through the ages. Their primary purpose was to observe, understand and when needed, contain the magical arts. Eventually, they focused on purely academic pursuits in the supernatural world." Walking around the table, "this bunker was begun in the 1870's as a vault to store dangerous artifacts. Over the years, it was enlarged and modernized, the last major update occurred in the early 1930's in response to the Second World War. Many artifacts were brought over to keep them out of Nazi and Thule Society hands." He paused, and looked around. "I was only peripherally involved in the organization, only the elders knew of me. I was one of the contingencies they had to ensure their work continued."

He looked at Sam directly, "you and your brother are all that's left of them. Abaddon did not only attack the leadership, her minions went after the entire order. Very few survived, and those that did, swore never to get involved in such work again." Sam nodded, he remembered meeting Larry, who was disheartened from the entire ordeal.

"Now I have a question for you." Sam looked surprised, what could he possible offer that Raziel doesn't already know? Raziel continued, "I see you tried to complete a series of trials, close the gates to either heaven or hell."

"How could you possibly know that?" It was surprising question to ask he thought. No one here on the bunker even bothered to discuss it, since they failed to do anything.

"I can see the divine energy within you Sam. To close the gates to either is an act of rebalancing the universe, something only God can do. What you have is a smallest essence of the power of God to do such a task."

Sam sat down, the burning light, the purification he felt, if Raziel was saying is true, maybe he knows how to get rid of it. Looking up at the angel, "Can you remove it?"

Raziel smiled sadly, "no, I cannot. The trials always meant to end in death, to allow the energy, and soul, to be released to Heaven. The power, the energy you have coursing through your body is almost too much to handle. No demon, angel or any other being other than a mortal human can handle it though."

"You mean a human can only do the trials?"

"Yes, the Earth is your realm. Demons have Hell, the monsters have Purgatory, the Fey theirs , Heaven for angels and so on and on. The Words of God were meant to protect humanity, not to be used by any other."

"Did you ever know that the trials were?"

"No, never did. I only know of them from whatever I gleamed from God when I was still in Heaven." He looked concerned at Sam now, "I know it's almost too much to handle, but it seems you're adjusting now to the presence of it. However, you want to be rid of it?"

"God yes…eh, excuse the language." He smiled weakly; this was a lot to digest.

"I see. Well, I know of no way to actually get rid of the energy, but perhaps you can let go of it." Sam arched his eyebrow. "Let me clarify, you try to empty your desire to close whatever gate you were aiming for. It's your desire, or rather choice to close that gate that keeps it within you. That's my best guess though; I have limited knowledge in this area."

Sam thought about it, the more he wanted to complete the trials, the weaker he became. Now that he doesn't, the pain and energy has slowly been ebbing away. But to completely rid himself of the desire to close hell? That's a tall order. Part of him still wants to shut all the demons up still, always will.

"I don't know if I can do that. After what Azazel, Lillith, Ruby, Alistair and all the others did to us…I don't know if I can just let that go."

"Sam, the most difficult act anyone can ever do is forgive." Raziel was smiling serenely at him. "If you truly want this, you can do it."

"I'll, have to think about it." Sam looked up at the ceiling, then another question popped in his mind. "Hey, how does this place have power? You've been paying the power bill?"

"Oh no! This place is fully self-sufficient. One of the elders knew Tesla, who designed a special generator for this place. Coupled with some magic and Atlantean crystal technology, this place is set to survive just about anything."

"The Atlanteans had crystal technology?" This was sounding like this came from Stargate or something.

"Not as wonderous as you think. They found a way by infusing magic and crystals, you can store a nearly unlimited amount of energy. They were solar powered though. Zues though this was dangerous for humans to have, so he teamed up with a bunch of other gods and warred upon the Atlanteans. Never liked humanity, though he certainly liked sleeping with them."

"Ah, well he's dead now. Artemis killed him when she killed Prometheus."

"Really? Good riddance, you know where he's been hiding the past couple of centuries? Monaco, just partying and sleeping with everyone, though he was smart enough to get himself fixed. Pagans Sam, they were always a wild card, some really knew how to have a good time though."

Sam remembered Gabriel then, pretending to be Loki. "Did you ever know Loki? Or Gabriel?"

"That Gabriel took over Loki's job as a cover? Yeah I knew, but I avoided him. Gabriel was always a prankster even in Heaven. And he loved to torture us, but that was his way of showing his love. He didn't do something just because, he always had a reason."

Sam frowned, remembering the archangels sacrifice. "He's gone too. Lucifer killed him. To protect Dean and I, and he also showed us how to lock Lucifer back up. Sorry."

"Ah, well, it was an honorable sacrifice. Kali told me, never seen her so depressed before." Raziel looked around the library once again. "So, how much of the bunker have you explored?"

"Only a couple of levels, seems like this is the main living area though, all the other rooms are just files or lockups."

Raziel looked at him curiously, "you've been living in the novices rooms?"

"Novices? They're the only rooms we found in this place!"

"Ah, well, I suppose you wouldn't know. There are hidden passages and areas here, and some of those are hidden by illusion spells. Remember the Men of Letters were an academic organization, the more knowledge you gained, the more power and privilege you had." He paused for a breath and to give Sam a moment , "as such, novices could never fully explore the bunker until they graduated to the next level." Sam was confused and amazed. "Hmm, perhaps you need a demonstration Sam, follow me?" Raziel got up and Sam with him.

They went down a corridor that he's walked down dozens of times. They paused at what looked like a blank wall. Raziel then paused facing the wall, held up his hands, and said, "in muro usque ad portam aperiant, qualis numquam faciunt hic. Dicit mihi apertum, litterarum magistro." Sam blinked and from where there was a wall, there was now a heavy double wood door with intricate designs. Stepping back, he saw the Aquaian Star overlaid on the paneling. Opening the door, Raziel stepped in followed by Sam.

If he thought the door was beautiful, the area they were now in was simply astounding. It looked like an old Ritz Carlton hotel lobby. It was a hexagram in shape beyond the small apex where the door was, and in that was a small dome. The walls were a deep mahogany, the carpet was plush and the ceiling vaulted in the apex. The dome itself had a chandelier set in a fresco with men and women in robes with scrolls in their hands. Beneath the chandelier was a small wooden marble table that held a large book. There were five doors, placed equidistant from each other under the dome as well. Between each door was a small alcove, which held either a statue or some artifact.

"The elders wanted to have 'comfortable' quarters when they were in the bunker." Raziel pointed to one of the doors. "I thought it was an indulgence, however, they did have taste. The rooms have a bed, small study and personal bathroom."

"Oh man, Dean is going to flip when he sees this." In his mind though, Sam was already moving his stuff down here, in the best room naturally.


	17. Choices, Choices and More Choices

Dean doesn't know why, but he feels really good when he woke up. Looking over at the clock, he saw that he slept for nearly six hours. Almost chiding himself about it, he realized that he felt better rested today than he had in past several weeks. It was still early enough though to know that everyone would probably still be asleep. Getting up from bed, he got his stuff and headed over to the bathroom. It did not occur to him that has been some days since he drank himself to sleep.

Once he was done cleaning up, he figured he should make breakfast. Dean knew his strengths and weaknesses, and though he wasn't bad at doing research, he would prefer to leave that to Sam. Walking past Cas's room, he say the door was ajar. The concept of privacy still eluded the ex-angel, but Dean isn't complaining. Peeking through the door, he saw that Cas was still asleep but had a small smile on his face. Must be dreaming something nice, Dean thought. He also noticed that Cas folded all his clothes neatly on the chair next to the bed. If Raziel came through, he was taking Cas shopping to get new clothes. Dean already found the nearest mall up in Grand Island.

Closing the door just a bit, he walked over to the kitchen. Poking around the kitchen, he decided to make pancakes. And since he had time, he'll make a couple varieties. He was about done with the blueberry pancakes when he felt a presence behind him. Looking around his shoulder, he saw it was Cas who was rubbing his eyes awake. He was wearing Dean's sweats and t-shirt, which apparently he took as his sleeping clothes.

"Morning Cas, good sleep?"

"Yes, I feel rejuvenated and I had a pleasant dream. I think I enjoy sleeping now." Cas yawned. "Though I do not like how long it takes for my body to become fully awake."

"Part of being human Cas. But at least you slept good." Turning back to the pancake in the pan, "you hungry?"

"I am…" Cas squinted, rolling his eyes up thinking, "starving."

Dean smiled, "Good, I'm making pancakes. You can help me make some coffee though."

"I have never made coffee before Dean."

"It's real simple." Motioning Cas to come near him, he showed Cas how to use the coffee maker. Cas seemed fascinated with the appliance when it started percolating.

"You know the legend of the goats finding coffee is actually true." Dean just nodded at Cas and went over to get two mugs. Setting them down, he poured them both full cups. "Do you take yours black Dean?"

"No, I usually don't. How do you know that?"

"I spent a considerable amount of time in Biggersons. I had to order coffee constantly, so I become familiar with all it varieties."

Dean looked impressed, "Ok, makes sense. How do you like yours?"

"I never paid attention. I was focused on keeping ahead of the other angels." Dean shook his head.

"Well, I guess we're going to find out."

Cas tilted his head. "that won't be necessary, I'll have mine like yours." Dean arched his eyebrow at Cas. "If that is all right with you Dean."

Dean didn't mind at all. He put a little bit of creamer and sugar in their coffees and handed Cas his cup. Cas eyed it as if he was compiling a scientific analysis. He took a small sip and smiled at Dean. He took that as Cas liking it.

He left Cas drinking the coffee while he resumed making pancakes. He was mostly done when Sam joined Cas at the table. Placing the pancakes in the middle, they all enjoyed the simple breakfast, even though Sam was going on about the benefits of his rabbit food. Eventually they heard a knock and he and Sam went to open the front door. Of course it was Raziel and as soon as he handed Dean the envelope, he felt like a kid on Christmas. Well, what he assumes what a kid feels on Christmas at least.

There had to be at thirty grand in there, he grabbed some bills and was already leading Cas out the front door. Sam can handle Raziel, they can go do whatever geeky historical stuff his brother enjoys. Once in the Impala, he and Cas made their way north.

He was about to turn on the music when he thought he should ask Cas his opinion. "Hey Cas, you like the music I listen to?"

Cas looked over at Dean, "I thought the driver got to pick the music and I had to shut my cakehole."

"Uh, well, usually, but I figure we'll try to figure out what you like to listen to. It's about an hour up to where we are heading."

Cas thought for a moment. "In Heaven, angels sang for the glory of God. That is the only music I am familiar with." Dean hoped this did not mean that Cas wanted to listen to gospel music, but then he remembered that the head honcho is MIA, so probably not.

"Well, all I have here is rock when it was still rock, not that pansy stuff they call rock today." Dean thought for a moment. "I know, let's go through the radio and see what catches your interest." Reaching over, he turned on the radio and randomly found a station.

The first one they happened upon was a country music. Dean actually didn't mind that so much, he liked the old country like Johnny Cash. In this case though, it was some cheesy pop song being labeled as country. Looking at Cas, he saw no perceptible change, so he turned the dial again.

He hit country a couple more times, ran into a Mexican mariachi one, a sad excuse of rock and one top 40 station. He hoped that Cas didn't like that one, but no reaction was to be had from the ex-angel. He hit upon an old timey jazz station, and he noticed that Cas perked up a little bit.

"You like this one Cas?"

"I was remembering this song. When humanity invented radio, we thought of it as a novelty so some of us listened in. This one is by one Billy Holiday." Cas listened to the song for a tad longer. "However, must of us never understood the meaning of the lyrics, more often than not, they contradicted each other."

"Fair enough." Dean turned the dial again and hit upon a classical music station. Cas really perked up on this one.

"I think I like this one Dean. There are no lyrics and the music itself follows…principals I find beautiful." Hot damn, Dean found out the music Cas likes. Sure it's classical, but why not? Letting the Cas indulge in the music, he left it on that station for the rest of the ride.

* * *

When they got to the mall in Grand Island, the first thing they got was shoes for Cas. He was wearing one of Deans boots at the moment, but they were a size too big for the guy. They didn't spend much time on it, once they found one that Cas liked and felt comfortable in, Dean bought them and had Cas put them on to break them in.

"Why would I want to break them Dean? You just purchased them." Dean pinched the bridge of his nose, it's going to be a long day.

"It's a term for getting used to them Cas." Cas nodded, understanding.

They then started with the basics, which was the underclothes. Dean just threw in some basic white undershirts and socks, the underwear he wasn't sure of. Dean couldn't recall what Cas was wearing when he came to the bunker, and he is sure Cas has no idea about the differences between men's underwear either. Should he assume Cas get boxer-briefs like him, or get something more airy, like boxers. Plain tighty-whiteys? The idea of Cas and underwear was weird no doubt, and it consumed him so that he didn't know Cas already picked the ones he wanted.

"May I have theses ones Dean?" Shaken out of his train of thought, he looked at what Cas got. Boxer briefs, though he picked some bright colors for them. Cas continued, "I thought these ones would be best, they offer the most support for my genitalia." Dean balked.

"Cas, don't…just don't say genitalia ok?" Looking down at the package, "so, why the colors?"

"I thought they were pleasing to the eye." Dean usually went for all black ones himself, but if Cas likes it, why not? It's not like Cas is going to be parading them around the bunker. He hoped.

"Sure, ok, so let's get some pants." Dean went on about the greatness and durability of jeans, so they spent considerable time looking for ones that fit Cas just right. It escaped Cas, but Dean certainly saw some women checking Cas out. He had to hand it the angel, he picked a pretty good looking vessel. It was sad to hear that Jimmy was well and truly dead now after Stull. However Cas did assure the brothers that he was in heaven, safe and sound. Well, for a human soul at least.

Cas then came out wearing some god awful pink and white striped pants. Where did he pick that one up? Dean was just…shocked to see Cas in something so…out there. Regaining some composure, "uh, Cas…where, no no, why are you wearing that?"

Giving him a befuddled look, "I thought these looked appealing and I wished to try them. Is there something displeasing about these Dean?"

This was turning out worse that shopping with Charlie. "Cas…just no. Just plain hell no."

"Why Dean? They are quite comfortable." As if to accentuate the fact, Cas walked around…which to Dean horror was now in full view of the public. Some poor schmuck glanced over at Cas and walking into a display, another lady collided with another shopper.

Pointing to the unfolding chaos, "that's why Cas. They stand out….a lot." Stepping closer to Cas, "and when we go hunting again, I am not sure the monsters will either laugh at us or be afraid." Getting a sad look, Cas nodded. Now Dean felt bad for striking down his new found taste, "listen Cas, we'll get just some regular jeans. Shirts we can have more freedom with ok?"

Perked up a little bit, he went to change back into the clothes he came in. Grapping a couple pairs, they headed over to the shirts. Dean thought Cas would gravitate to the dress shirts, but he become distracted by some t-shirts. Looking over Cas's shoulders, he saw Cas was holding one that said 'Batman' with the logo behind it.

"You should get this Dean, since you call yourself Batman quite often." He handed the shirt over to Dean. Here he was, getting Cas all new clothes and he picks one out for Dean.

"Thanks, that's pretty cool." Taking the shirt, he pointed to the other ones on the wall. "See any on there you like?"

"Most of them have animated characters and phrases I am not familiar with." Dean was about to motion them to move on, but then one shirt caught his attention that just nearly floored him. At first he couldn't believe it, but it would be perfect for Cas.

"Hey Cas, look at this one!" Taking the shirt down, he handed it to his friend. Cas looked at it in surprise as well. The shirt was all black, but on the front it had a red flaming Molotov and the word 'Hey Assbutt!' on it.

"I do not understand, how can a clothes manufacturer know that I said at Stull?" Crap, Cas probably didn't know that Chuck published his books up to that point.

"Let's just say the Chuck finished his work before disappearing." Cas held an impartial stare to the shirt, but took it with him. Heading over to the dress shirts, they got some basic white and blue ones along with some ties. Cas admitted that he was still not familiar on how to correctly tie the knot, but Dean told him he would take care of that. Dean of course advised that plaid outdoor wear is basically a hunters uniform, so they got a couple of those too. They also selected some plain t-shirts and henleys to finish. Cas seemed interested in getting a really poofy blue vest that Dean caved on. In the end, Cas had a full wardrobe.

Loaded with bags, he told Cas to change in the restroom to get used to his new clothes. Coming out, he looked like a bonafide hunter. Dean was surprised earlier in the year when Cas wanted to be a hunter, and to be honest, he never thought Cas as one. He always thought of Cas as being, well, Cas. No other explanation needed. Noticed that he was starting to get some peach fuzz though, and his hair was more unruly than usual. Thinking to himself, Dean added an electric shaver to the list. The hair….he'll leave that one to Sam .

"So Cas, how do you feel?" Dean couldn't help but smile, it was weird to see Cas without his usual outfit, but he looked…good.

"These clothes are comfortable Dean, thank you."

"Thank your brother, he's proving to be not a dick."

Cas squinted his eyes at Dean, which would only mean Cas didn't like what he said. Dean raised his hands up, now wanting to argue with Cas on a good day like this. The next thing Dean was going to ask wasn't so much of choice, he and Sam discussed it the night before. Cas had to get a protection tattoo.

"Now Cas, there's another reason why I took you up here." Cas tilted his head. "You need to get an anti-possession tattoo."

"That is a wise precaution Dean."

"It's gonna hurt, not a lot, but it will, just wanted to let you know."

"Dean, I have been shot, stabbed and exploded, I believe I can handle a small needle." Shit, Cas was right, why was he worried about getting a tattoo? Wait, was the ex-angel being sarcastic? "Your concern though is…nice."

Well, he's only looking out for the newest human former angel best friend. "Just looking out for you man." Cas gave him a small smile. "You look good though. I don't know if you want to have your coat back, but we can get it cleaned if you like."

Cas thought for a moment, "That would not be necessary Dean, I am not the same being I was when I first took it. Perhaps it is more ideal that I start afresh. But I would like to keep it." Dean understood that, Cas wanted to have a fresh start. He wanted it too, he thought, when he tried living with Lisa, but…the past catches up. Unlike him though, Cas has support, and he's still in the game, even if he's playing a bit different now.

Together they left the mall and drove over to a tattoo parlor Dean called earlier while Cas was trying on clothes. Walking in, they were greeted by a thin young man in a tank top that had work all over wherever they could see. Noticing them, he put away his tablet and smiled politely with his snake bite piercings.

"Hey, I'm Dean, this is my friend James. I'm the one who called earlier?"

"Yeah, I got ya." Looking over at Cas, "so what tattoo you want?"

Dean opened his shirt a little to show him his tattoo. "He needs one like this, exactly like this."

The kid nodded, "no prob, a lot of couples get matching tattoos." Cas looked at Dean skeptically.

Dean pointing between him and Cas, "uh, no, we're not a couple, just friends." God, why does everyone think that!

"Sure, whatevs." The kid motioned for Cas to sit down on the chair and began the prep work. "Where do you want it man?"

"The same place Dean has his." The kid looked at Dean with a smirk, "no problem."

After a couple of moments, Cas barely flinched when the needle began its work. In fact, he barely moved at all, as if he was mesmerized by the sensation. Thankfully, it didn't take long and they were soon done.

As they were leaving, they noticed that was evening, and both their stomachs reminded them of their imminent hunger. They found what looked like a promising diner and were about to enter when Dean's phone rang.

It was Garth. Sighing, he flicked the screen to answer the call. "This better be good Garth."

"Oh, it's good Dean. I found Linda."


	18. The Games Afoot

Cas really enjoyed the day with Dean shopping. He forgot all about the troubles in the world and focused on crafting a new image of himself. The suit and coat he wore for the past several years just happen to be the ones Jimmy was wearing when he allowed Castiel in. When he first entered Jimmy, it was a curious sensation. In his true form, he was a giant of pure bright light of awesome height. To be…condensed in to a frame of skin and bone no taller than six feet was constricting at first. In time, he grew accustomed to it and Jimmy and he had, if begrudgingly in the end, good rapport. After Stull, when he was put back together by God, it was without Jimmy's soul. The vessel at that point, actually became his body from that point. Cas continued to wear the same clothes though, repairing them after every battle, as a honor to Jimmy.

This time around, fond as he was of the suit, tie and especially the coat, he felt it was time to ascertain his own personality. Heaven demanded uniformity, which always manifested in the dark suits angels are usually found in. True, he also wore a suit, but it was not one that he manifested, it just so happened the vessel was wearing one. He was now a full human, graceless and exiled. Drawing from the strength that Dean and the others gave him though, he sought to live as a human as best he can. That meant trying to find things that he liked.

Which is proving more difficult than he originally thought. He did not understand the many nuances and subtleties that most humans employ, even on a subconscious level, why they pick what they picked, be it clothes, cars, and any other item to symbolize their personality. Some he found were quite logical, like the jeans he and Dean selected. Others were a bit more confusing, such as when buying [deodorant](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/18/Of-Secrets-and-Truth), which apparently he had been using Deans. Going down that aisle, he saw a wide selection of products that all did the same thing. But there were minute differences between fragrance and types of applications. He asked Dean about why there were so many choices, and all he said is that some people just like to have a choice. (In the end he got the same brand as Dean.)

He tried to review his memories when he was living Daphne, but he left many of the decisions, including his attire, to her, so that was not helpful. There was no other experience that he can recall that can give him guidance. So he did what Dean told him, go with his gut. Though he did not understand how his stomach can influence his decisions besides food, he knew what Dean meant in regards on acting on instinct. When he saw those pink striped pants, something in him made it feel those pants felt like…fun, or joy. So he wanted to try them. With the underwear, he liked to have color. He practically begged Dean for a blue puffy vest because it felt comfortable and he liked how plushy it was. Slowly, he came to begin to find what he did and did not like. He also learned that personality had to be tempered in their case by their practicality. In this, Cas found rational and acquiesced to Deans judgment.

Cas was thankful that Dean elected to spend the time with him shopping. He knew that Sam could have just as easily brought him here as well, but he felt closer to Dean. He always had, ever since he found him in hell. Sometimes he wonders if Hester was right, if it was at that moment that Cas was forever changed. Noami hinted at something more though, that even before locating the righteous man, Cas was defective. He isn't an angel anymore though, so matter does it play now? He wasn't expecting to get a tattoo, but it was wise precaution. He doesn't understand why Dean was giving the young artist his serious annoyed face though. The process itself was not painful, not in comparison to other situations he found himself in.

When they left the parlor, he was rather hungry and looking forward to eating again. As human pleasures go, eating is his favorite. Apparently Jimmies fondness for burgers transferred over to himself, or was it because he wanted to emulate Dean? Either way, Cas now had a taste for a good burger, though he doubted he could find one better than Deans. They were just pulling into a diner when Garth called.

Dean and Garth chatted for a few moments, then Dean hung up. He then turned over to Cas. "Hey Cas, I know you're hungry, so we'll get this to go. We're going to drive out to get Mrs. Tran if that's ok."

Cas nodded, "It was be in her and Kevin's best interest if they were reunited as soon as possible. Am I to assume we leave as soon as we order the food?"

"Bingo. Seems pretty simple, Garth says she's holed up in an old church in Illinois. It's a several hour drive from here. Told Garth to keep an eye and to not approach until we get there." Dean reached into his pocket and handed Cas some money. "Now you go and order for something for both of us. Can you do that?"

Cas nodded. "I have seen you exchange money often enough today that I understand how to conduct business with it now."

"Good, order anything that catches your eye, I'm gonna call Sammy and fill him in." Cas nodded and headed inside.

* * *

As soon as Cas closed the door, he turned his attention to his phone and called Sammy.

"Dean, you're not going to believe what we found today. The bunker is way more awesome than we thought!"

It warmed Dean up fuzzy and happy to hear how excited his brother was over the phone. It sure seemed that Sam and Raziel were spending some good times together.

"Aw, Sammy made a new friend."

"Jerk"

"Bitch"

"So what's up?"

"Well Sammy, Garth just called, he found Mama Tran for us. She's not too far in Illinois. Cas and I will go get her since going back home would be backtracking."

There was silence for a few moments before Sam responded. "Ok. You sure Cas is up to this though? And should we tell Kev?"

"Yeah, he's good Sam. Hell, he's a crack shot and he can handle his own. We're fully loaded if there's trouble, but Garth isn't encountering anyone else on her trail at the moment. Should be a simple pick-up. And don't tell the kid, don't want to raise up his hopes until she's actually there."

"Good point, ok, I'll stay put and watch. I'll just say you're going to a salt and burn for now. And Dean?"

"Yeah Sammy?"

"Watch out for Cas all right."

Dean was about to say something snarky back, but he knew Sam was just as concerned with Cas's well-being as he was. "Don't worry Sammy, I have his back, and he got mine."

"Well, ok then. Be back soon."  _  
_

* * *

Cas came back after another ten minutes. He was carrying a couple bags and they smelled delicious. When he entered the diner, he was about confused as to which item he should order. There were several burgers available, but there were other items he also wished to try. One was a chicken fried steak that interested Cas. If it was chicken, how could it be a beef? In the end, he ordered a couple bacon burgers with extra bacon, fries, some pop and a pie. It was a sour cream raisin pie, which sounded interesting.

As soon as he was in, Dean started the Impala and began driving to the highway to head east. Keeping his eye on the road, he used one hand to reach inside the bag. "Whatcha get me Cas," Dean asked.

"I got us both bacon cheeseburgers with extra bacon." Cas unwrapped his own and began eating it. He is certain that bacon is one of the best creations his Father ever made, though why several religions deny themselves in his name is confusing, and ultimately, ironic.

Dean took a bite out of his as well. He looked over at Cas briefly and nodded with a content smile at him. "You picked good man."

Cas smiled back with his own full mouth and they continued to eat in relative silence. Dean reached over and put in some of his music. Cas did not mind at all, he remembered Deans rule. He liked classical music mostly for the lack of lyrics in most compositions. There was minute details and patterns that he heard, and though he yet to fully understand all his emotions, he found that the music reverberated within him.

"Now this Cas, this is Creedance Clearwater Revival. One of the best band of all time, hands down." He stuffed a couple fries in his mouth, "you don't mind?"

"No, I do not Dean. I have to shut my cakehole." Cas reached for the pie inside the bag nearest to him. "Though I will do so with this pie." He opened the container slowly and cut slowly into it with a fork.

"You bought pie?" Dean sounded amazed, jealous and hurt all at once. Cas turned to look at Dean, who for a brief second, held Sam's patented puppy dog eyes.

"I also bought you one too Dean. It would be impossible for me to forget your love of pie." Cas put his down and reached and got Deans. Opening it, he was dismayed to find there was only one fork. "There appears to be one fork Dean."

"Eh, not afraid of getting cooties Cas, we can share."

"I am not familiar with cooties Dean, are they a type of bacteria?"

Dean signed, "No Cas, it's just a word used in place of germs and stuff, but we're clean and healthy, so there isn't much worry." Looking quickly at Cas, "if that's cool."

"I see no problems, the odds of getting an infection are relatively low." Cas cut into his pie first and took a bite. It was tart, but the topping, the meringue he remembered, offset the filling with a fluffy sweetness. He couldn't help but hum in appreciation. He took another bite, now he understood why Dean loved his pies.

Dean made a slight cough, "can I have a bite before you eat all the pie?"

"Apologies Dean, this is a very good pie."

"Dude, is this your first pie?"

"I believe so, yes. It's a sour cream raisin pie. It is very very good." He smiled at Dean, who didn't notice because he was driving looking out the window.

"Never had that kinda pie, guess it's a first for us both huh?" Cas was surprised, and happy, it's an experience they can both share for the first time together. He cut a piece from Dean's pie and reached over to the hunter. Dean saw Cas lean over from the corner of his eye and opened his mouth to allow Cas to feed him. Judging from his expression and moan that escaped Dean, Cas determined Dean liked it as much as he did. "Cas, this is some tasty ass pie."

"Ass's are quite tasty I am sure, many people eat them in China."

Dean just busted out laughing, offering no explanation as to what he found funny. However he was not worried, he still had a pie to finish off.

* * *

Several hours later, they pulled up a dirt road that Garth told them to meet him on. Seeing him, Dean cut the headlights and pulled over next to Garths Ranchero. Both of them getting out, Garth walked over and gave Dean a big hug.

"Dude! What did I say the last time?" He gave Garth a pissed off look.

"Aw, come on man, it's been forever and I found Mrs. Tran." The scrawny kid had a point, but Dean will give a hug when he wants one, and he doesn't want one now from Garth. Or ever for that matter. Shaking his head, he motioned his hand to Cas, "Garth this is Cas, Cas this is Garth. Garth was the one that wassupposed to keep an eye on the Tran's after we rescued them."

"I recall Dean." Cas and Garth nodded to each other politely. "However, Garth has been proficient in locating Linda Tran, and you said yourself he is a good hunter, taking over Bobby's duties."

Dean shot a Cas a 'you can shut up now' look, which meant absolutely nothing to Cas who responded with his trademark head tilt.

"Really man, you said that?" Garth looked like a happy cowboy, so he just sighed.

"Don't make me regret saying that ok." Looking up the road, "so she up there?"

"Yeah, she's fast and smart. It took a while, but I began finding a pattern, she would usually stay in either an abandoned church or house and set sigils. Once I picked that up, it was more of a race to catch up with her. I guess she's been here a day or two by now."

"The Trans are a very resourceful family." Cas said joining the conversation.

"Yeah, they sure are, though she's liable to punch and bitch at us all. And she deserves to too" Dean walked over to the Impala's truck and opened her up. He took out his gun, handed one to Cas and doubled checked to make sure he had Rubys knife. Never hurts to be careful. Garth was already packing, and together they went up the road a small way to the abandoned church.

It was in a small clearing, surrounded by trees. It was a fair distance from the nearest town and it was obvious it had been abandoned for decades. There was no lights at all either, and it being night already, only the moon and stars shined through. It was bright enough though to see the path though. The church itself looked like a classical turn of the century Baptist construct, but there were no lights at all. Dean did notice there was old Pontiac Firebird just peeking behind the church. Kudo's to Mrs. Tran, she certainly thinks ahead.

Just then a sudden cold wind blew out of nowhere, and it sent chills down his back. They had to cover their eyes because the wind was throwing up debris. There was a definite feeling of malice in the air now. Looking back up at the church, he saw that there was now a figure in their path. Lowering his arms, Dean squinted closely. It was a young woman, who looked like the Queen from the new V series a couple years back in tight fitting leather, short hair, fair skin and black eyes.

"I knew if I waited long enough for you to find this one, I would see your pretty green eyes again Dean." With a flick of her hand, she three all three of them back. Before falling back and getting knocked out, Dean thought, 'shit, how do we fight Abaddon?'


	19. Making an Entrance

When Cas landed he immediately went into a roll, spun around and opened fire on the demon. He figured it must be Abaddon, it was the only demon to actively seek out the Winchesters. Well, the most recent powerful demon with a vendetta against [the brothers](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/19/Of-Secrets-and-Truth). Landing a few hits on her, he rushed over to check on Dean.

Dean was out for the moment, but didn't look seriously injured. He grabbed the knife from Deans pocket in his jacket and rushed over to Abaddon. She was about to send him flying again though when Garth distracted her by shooting her in the arm. He took advantage of the small window and threw some holy water on her face after tucking his gun away. She shrieked in agony, but dodged his attempt to stab her, though he was successful in wounding her arm.

"Garth, take Dean back to the [car](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/19/Of-Secrets-and-Truth)! I'll hold her off!"

"Oh, you think you can hold me off wingless?" She swung at him, he mostly sidestepped her, but he was grazed in the shoulder. It was enough to cause him to lose his balance, but he used his momentum to throw some more holy water on her. Distracted again, he called through into the church when he landed on his stomach.

"Mrs. Tran! If you can hear me, get out there now! Follow Garth and Dean, they can take you to Kevin!" He hoped she heard him, he didn't have much time to dwell on it, he had to push roll himself to avoid getting kicked. He kept rolling until he was able to gain enough momentum to jump [back up](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/19/Of-Secrets-and-Truth). He had just done so, when he narrowly ducked another punch from Abaddon. He knew he had no chance against her, even if had his angelic powers. Only an archangel could take on a Knight of Hell and there were no more. Still, he had to protect Dean. So he fought as best he could. Then a thought, a faint hope glimmered.

He prayed internally while dodging, 'Raziel, brother, if you hear [my prayer](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/19/Of-Secrets-and-Truth), I need your help. I am in battle with Abaddon, Dean is injured and I do not know how long I can last against her. Help him please.'

* * *

"Sam!" Raziel called out in the library. They returned there so he could help Sam with some files after helping him move to his new quarters earlier in the day. Kevin, who was working next to him, looked up surprised. Sam rushed out of one the file rooms in a hurry.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked in a worried tone.

"Castiel and Dean are in battle against Abaddon. Castiel is fending her off for the moment, but he won't last long. We must go to them."

"What! How do you know?" Sam was already rushing over to the weapons room with Kevin in tow.

"Castiel prayed for my assistance. I will fly us there in a moment, but first, I need something from the vault." Both Sam and Kevin turned for to face him. "I also do not have the power to take her on directly. However, there is an artifact I could use to drive her away."

"What is it?" Kevin asked.

"The Lance of Longinus, also known as the Spear of Destiny."

'Kevin, Dean found that a couple months back, it's probably still in one of the boxes in that pile over there. Look for that." Sam turned back to Raziel, "Any other weapons in there we could use?"

"Nothing that I think of at the moment."

Sam nodded and continued getting the weapons, while Kevin searched frantically for the Spear. Raziel mentally prepared himself for battle. It has been ages since he was called into battle, however he has yet to be defeated either. This was done because he knew what fights to pick, and when to run, but there was no choice in this case.

"Found it!' He rushed over and handed it to Raziel.

"Thank you prophet, but I believe it best for you to stay here. This will be a most difficult battle indeed."

"What, no! I can help, I can fight."

"Raziel is right Kevin, even with your know how, you can't help us in a fight like this yet." Kevin looked defeated but he nodded in agreement. "You can do though, it's a fair bet we're coming in with injuries, so get the kits ready." Kevin understood, and moved to the get the kits ready for incoming. Sam turned to Raziel, "ready?"

"Indeed, let us make haste, there is not a moment to spare!" With that, they both ran to the outside so he could fly them to battle.

* * *

Dean woke up as he and Garth nearly made it back to the cars. He snapped to attention as he always does when he's in a fight. Looking around, he struggled to get up. Garth stopped and helped him up. "Where's Cas?!"

"He's fighting off that demon man! She's wicked powerful. Cas told me to bring you here." Of course Cas was. Stupid angel always throwing himself in harm's way to protect him.

"Dammit Cas! New plan, I'm gonna help Cas distract her, you get inside and get Linda out." Garth nodded. "Ok, lets go!"

They ran up the road again, which wasn't a very long distance, so they were there in a minute. The ensuing fight between Cas and Abaddon stopped them both though. Cas was clearly wounded, bleeding from his mouth and one arm was limp on one side. In his good hand though he had the demon killing knife. Dean felt his pocket, son of a bitch took it off him! Dean didn't know to be proud or angry at Cas.

If it wasn't a fight of life and death between the ex-angel and demon, some might say it was a beautiful dance. Abaddons new vessel was sleek and fast, but Cas was every bit as fast and graceful. It was obvious he was trying to delay her, he knew he had no way of killing her. Cas knew it was suicide to try, and that made Dean even angrier. He's not losing Cas, no fucking way.

Dean pointed to the church, "Garth go, Cas and I got this!" Garth ran off to the church while he ran gun leveled at Abaddon. "Hey bitch! Let's tango!" He fired a couple well placed shots to her knees. One of them hit and she buckled, opening a window for Cas to slice her across the eye. Dean heard a motor rev up and assumed it was Garth and Linda making a run. Still focused in front of him, he saw that Abaddon faked a fall in order to do a low roundhouse kick that felled Cas.

"Cas!" Dean screamed, Abaddon turned to him and flicked her hand, sending him back some yards. He got the wind knocked out of him, but he was still conscious.

"Gotta hand it wingless, he put a pretty good fight. Shame he's gonna die…"

"I am not dead yet harlot." Cas rolled over and swiped at the back of her Achilles tendon, it was just a glancing blow, but it pissed her off more. However he used the distraction to roll away from her. Dean used it to rush her head on at the same moment, forcing them both to the ground. However she was far stronger and she was the one that ended on top.

"Now that was stupid, but that's something you Winchesters seem to have an abundance of." Dean knew he was screwed then, he was trapped beneath her legs and he no weapons beyond his fists, which were pretty much useless against her.

"Dean!" Cas got up and was preparing to rush Abaddon again when she flicked her hand sending him away. She smiled in a sickly sweet manner as she began punching him in the face over and over. She stopped after a moment and reached behind her back, pulling out a sinister looking knife. "I think I will cut off your hands first, then pluck your eyes out for mementos."

In that moment, there was bright flash of light, and an unseen force that knocked Abaddon off him.

"You will do no such thing you vile creature." Holy shit, was that Raziel. He worked himself up wobbly and tried to head over to where he thought Cas was. Out of a corner of his eye, he saw the thunderbird take off with Garth and Linda. Good, at least they'll make it out safe.

Adaddon stood up, "What's this? An honest to God angel?" She spit at Raziel, who did not flinch. He held himself in an attack posture with what looked like an angel blade in his hand. "Doesn't matter though wings, you're no archangel, you're no match for me."

"Yeah, well, who said we wanted to fight?" Sam stepped out behind Raziel, with the grenade launcher. Damn he always wanted to use that one. Sam aimed and fired at Abbaddon who looked confused for a moment, which was all they needed. Dean ducked as an explosion rocked where the demon stood.

However, Abaddon calmly walked out of the fire unscathed. "You think your little rocket can hurt me?"

Raziel answered her, "No unclean beast." He leveled his sword at her. "That was merely a prelude for this. I cannot kill you, but I can _banish_ you! Behold, the Spear of Longinus, covered with the blood of God made flesh!" Dean recognized it now, but then it began to glow a golden ruby light. "By the Divine power and blood , I, Raziel of the High Heavens, cast you from this place!" At the moment, a fiery stream of holy fire burst forth from the tip, engulfing Abaddon. At the same time, Raziel's eyes began to glow and the skies began to thunder. He then saw Raziels wings arching menacingly up the heavens. His had to be three times bigger than Cas's. It was a terrifying display of power, though Raziel was dressed like a professor, it only accentuated his serious demeanor.

"I cast you out from this now holy ground!" Abaddon was shrieking with inhuman fury, the very ground was shacking now. "Begone from my sight and the sight of all righteous souls!" With that he pushed closer to the demon, who was impossible to see in the swirling flames. Raziel took one step closer, and then a column of black smoke in what appeared to have embers of golden fire darted out screaming in agony as it vacated its burning body.

"Holy shit, that was the most kick ass thing I ever saw." Sam was right, that was fucking awesome. But he had to find Cas…which didn't take a long since Cas stood up a couple of yards away. He was clutching his shoulder, but for the most part, he looked ok, if bloodied.

Raziel slumped to his knees, leaning on the spear, "Impressive perhaps, but immensely draining. I do not have the energy to fly us back to Kansas." Sam helped Raziel up, while Cas and Dean hobbled over to them.

"What did you do brother? I have never seen anything like that before." Cas said in wonderment, though in pained tones.

"The Lance of Longinus pierced the side of Christ when he died on the cross. Jesus was indeed God made flesh, well, an aspect of him anyway. His blood still stains it. Focusing my grace into a form of fire, enhanced by the blood, I drove her away. Not only that, but I basically banished her from coming near here for little while at least. No way she can catch up or find us." He took a deep breath, "that said, I am pooped and will require a ride back until I recharge."

Just then, the Thunderbird turned back onto the road, Linda looking pissed. Once the car stopped, Garth tumbled out of the car rubbing the back of his head. Linda herself walked up to Dean and slapped him hard across the face, and since it was already beaten up, it hurt like hell.

"What the hell! We nearly died trying to save you!" Dean shouted.

"Some rescue! You needed rescuing yourselves, and then Garth tells me you let Crowley capture Kevin! Again!" She folded her arms and gave them an icy look Lucifer would have withered under. "I have been on the run, by myself, no way knowing if my only son was ok, while you idiots went around doing everything but the one thing you promised to do." Shit, she was right so Dean had no excuse to offer. they all stood there silenced by the mad mother.

"My dear lady, I am sorry you went through so many trials yourself. Most never think of the effects being a prophet has on a family, especially mothers." Raziel bowed low to her, "I am Raziel, an Angel. Ma'am, I have met many prophets since the dawn of civilization, and let me tell you. Kevin Tran is the strongest, and perhaps the most important, I have ever seen. I assure you, he is in good health, and dearly misses his mother."

Damn, Raziel was proving to be quite handy. Linda did seem to calm down a bit. "Ok, I want to see my boy, but I am staying with him, no matter what any of you, or he, says."

Sam spoke next. "We have plenty of room in our new place, and it's more secure than any boat or house out there." She nodded. Sam turned to Dean, "You good to drive?"

"Yeah, I can drive." He has a killer headache, but he's had worse. Cas looks in worse shape than him though.

"Good, you and Cas drive together, I'll ride with Mrs. Tran, Garth, you take Raziel. Let's all head home and I'll call Kev with our ETA. That work for everyone?" Silent assent was reached when everyone went over to their respective cars. Linda and Sam were the first out, followed by Garth. He and Cas took longer because of their injuries so they took their time.

* * *

The ride to the main roads was silent, neither he nor Cas wanted to start up a conversation. Maybe because they both knew that it would evolve into an argument. However, Dean didn't want to listen to music and Cas rubbing his shoulder was distracting Dean.

"How's the shoulder?"

"I think I pulled it, but it will heal, or perhaps Raziel can heal me when he can." Cas said matter-of-factly. Looks like they're going to tip toe around the elephant in the room. "And you Dean? She landed several blows to your head."

"Ah, well you know me and my think head" Dean glanced over at Cas. "Cas, why did you take Abaddon alone?"

"It was the only rational thing to do Dean. Garth is no match for her, not even for a moment. However with you incapacitated and I already fighting back, I took charge of the situation. I stood the best chance to delay her. I also knew I would be able to last long either, so I prayed to Raziel."

"You summoned him? Why?" Not that he's complaining, he and Sam basically saved the day.

"He was the only one I could think of for help. I knew it was suicide trying to fight a Knight of Hell, and she knew it too, she was just playing with me." He looked at Dean straight in the eye, "I did it because you were in danger Dean, and you would have done the same thing. It's what family does for each other."

God damn it, he hates it when Cas hits him with is logic, its airtight right. Dean knew he would've done it, he did it before, and he's liable to do it again. And yeah, he was angry that Cas did it and not him, but his angel has been sacrificing himself for him since day one. He's the older brother, the righteous man, sword of Michael and it should be him fighting first. It's his lot in life. Yet, he knew why Sam, Cas, even his dad and Bobby sacrificed themselves to save Dean from time to time. They did it because they were family.

Dean grasped Cas's hand, but kept his eyes on the road. "You're damn right Cas. We're family, and don't you forget it. But don't do that again, I can't lose you ok." Cas just squeezed back slightly, understanding. It was a simple gesture, but it meant the world to both of them. Slowly they untangled they hand and soon enough, Cas was sleeping. Dean smiled, happy to have everyone alive, heading home.


	20. Familial  Piety

After ten minutes of riding with Linda, Sam felt like crawling out of his own skin. She didn't say a word, never looked at him, hell, she acted like he wasn't there. But the animosity was definitely there, but there was something else. Hope. Sam was the one who usually held on the most hope for the team, he simply refused to lose faith and just give up.

He envied the [relationship](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/20/Of-Secrets-and-Truth) Kevin had with his mom, it was one that he didn't get to have. Then again, his life is so atypical, that at this point, anything unusual, weird and tragic was pretty much the norm for him. Growing up as he did, no real place to call home, no traditional celebrations, his early life was always on the go because dad was a salesman. At least, that was what he was told at least in the beginning. Oh, ignorance is bliss. When he thought about it, it wasn't an unhappy time, it was just all he knew. But the older he got, when the truth got out, he saw that this wasn't the life he wanted to live. So when he could, he escaped to college, earning him freedom but a cold shoulder from his only family.

Yet, while he did miss Dean, and not so much miss his dad, he had a period of time when he was normal. That he could enjoy all the things he fought for other people to enjoy. But it wasn't meant to last though. He eventually got pulled into the hunting world again, first for vengeance, then redemption and now, just fighting to keep the world turning. However, he always held onto the hope that maybe one day, he could have a semblance of a normal life. The trials almost ended that though, he was ready to sacrifice his life one more time for the good for all, but it wasn't to be.

He understood what Raziel said though. If he wanted to be rid of the power he has now, he has to let go of it fully, in no way desiring it. It is true though, it is hard to forgive, and he has had an unforgiving life. However, the more he fought, the more trouble came his way, it was a vicious cycle. So how can be truly rid of this, could he ever be? And who would he talk to? Dean, who is just as damaged as he is? Cas, who is just as lost? Unable to stand the silence, he spoke first.

"I'm sorry Linda that we weren't able to keep you both safe. This past year has been a rollercoaster of…just about everything."

She kept silent, didn't even acknowledge that he tried to [start](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/20/Of-Secrets-and-Truth) a conversation. Sam continued on though.

"You know, I never really knew my mom. She died when I was really young. All I really have of her is just what I am told from Dean, and whatever my dad and grandfather said before they passed too. One thing I do know though, she was a fighter, and she fought for her family. She was a hunter too, but when she started a family, she wanted out. She never wanted for Dean and me to be hunters. Our dad never knew, and for a while, they had a good life." He paused, remembering the time when they were in Heaven. "In the end though, destiny came knocking, it was unavoidable. Hell, we even tried changing the past. She still died, dad became a hunter and here we are now, thirty years later."

Looking over a Linda, "So I have an idea what you're thinking and what you wanted. You never wanted this. Hell, no one in their right mind would want this life. But it happens, and it sucks ass, but we gotta make do. But I want you to know, that Kevin is ok." He paused, thinking for a moment, "and you know what, I would have been proud to have you as my mom."

That elicits a small smile from her, and the mood lightens considerably in the car. The rest of the drive for them was done in quiet self-reflection.

* * *

Garth had way too many questions, tall tales and had questionable taste in music. Raziel was worried about the mental stability of this hunter. As soon as he had the strength, he feigned an appointment with an old friend and flew away to the bunker. Kevin was still up when he politely knocked on the door to be let in. It only took a couple of minutes for him to open the door.

"The night is late, but I come from the field of battle victorious, but weakened. May I enter prophet?"

"Yeah, of course." Kevin opened the door wider to allow passage. When he was inside, Kevin closed the door. "I don't understand, if you help the guys build the place, why have only one key? What if you lost it?"

Raziel smiled. "It was thought best to make just one copy for security reasons. And it wouldn't have stayed lost for long either. The key has an enchantment to find the nearest person affiliated with the Men of Letters. However, the bunker was designed to be inhabited all the time, there would have been someone here to open the door."

"Oh. Seems these guys had a good operation going for a while."

"I hope they can again my young friend." They reached the library, where they both took a seat.

"What do you mean again? You want Sam and Dean to restart the organization?"

"Hopefully yes. They are legacies, and I would almost say they are obligated to do so, but it is their choice. It is also my hope that they are not alone if they choose to do so."

Kevin looked at him puzzled, "alone, what do you mean?"

"I mean, you could be an integral part of this, much as you already are."

"But I don't want to live here all my life, spending it researching and reading arcane knowledge, and I'm no hunter either. I didn't choose this life! I want…wanted a normal life." Kevin sighed, "but the chance for that passed by, best I can hope now is get into community college and, I don't know what anymore."

"Prophet, whoever said you could not?"

"Well, this life doesn't offer a lot of choices," he responded in a downcast voice.

"Perhaps, and perhaps not. The Men of Letters was not a full time job for many of its members. Most lived normal lives outside the order, many of their families never knew at all. And Kevin? If you wish to enter into a university, we can make arrangements to have it happen if you wish. You can study whatever you wished, many past members studied a wide variety of fields from astronomy to zoology. Such professions enriched the knowledge within the Men of Letters."

"You mean, I could be a doctor, or an engineer if I wanted, and still do this?"

"Of course, you're a prophet, it is your task to decipher the tablets. However, you are incredibly talented and resilient, I do not see why you could not do more than for what your intended. It is your choice after all." Raziel smiled his serene smile. "Are you excited to have your mother back soon?"

Kevin smiled faintly. "Yeah, I thought she was dead because of Crowley, in order to get to me. Turns out she gave us all the slip though. I'm just glad that she's coming back though."

"Then I suggest you clean yourself up, and make your mother proud."

Kevin looked down at himself, "what's wrong I took shower and everything!"

"It was merely a suggestion, take it as you will. Now, if you do not mind, I am going to meditate." Raziel walked up and went to down a hall. Kevin tried to follow but it seemed like he vanished. Probably into another secret room like the Elders Suite. That gave him the idea to fix up a room for his mom in there, she certainly deserved the nice digs. And he could stand to clean up.

* * *

It was several hours later, in the early morning hours, they all returned to the bunker. Castiel woke up half way through, and when Dean saw he was awake, put in a cassette tape for some music. It was another rock band Castiel did not recognize, but the tempo was sufficient to keep them awake, which he guesses was the intent. His shoulder was bothering him, but it the pain was ebbing away. They rode in comfortable silence, though they kept checking on each other when they thought the other was no looking.

Cas hasn't had a dream since the night before. It was a rather interesting experience, to dream of something entirely on his own. He knew humans usually pulled elements from the world around them, and their subconscious constructs a dream around them. Some dreams a divinely inspired though, and others are torments by other creatures. His first dream was a nightmare, but he understood it now as a reflection of his fear at the time. The second dream, he really can't recall the details what it was about, he remembered that it felt warm, and being embraced and somehow involved Dean.

Since falling, he believes he has gotten a better hold of his emotions. It was better for him to try to understand his emotions, limited as that knowledge may be, than to bury it. That's Deans preferred method, but he knows the hunter better than most. Dean is a deeply emotional person, and he only shares that with very few people. Cas felt blessed to be counted as one of those few again.

Parking the car, Dean got out followed by Cas. Everyone else parked behind the Impala and also got out. Cas stood beside Dean while everyone walked over to them near the bunker door. Cas saw that Raziel was missing, as did Dean.

"Garth, how did you lose an angel?" The tone in Deans voice indicated he was tired and in no mood for any humor.

"He said he had a meeting a couple hours back, flew right out when I was telling him about Mr. Fizzles." Garth sounded rather sad.

Dean turned to Cas with a small smile, "probably an excuse to run away, I don't blame him." Cas chuckled. By then everyone was in a circle around them. Dean turned his attention to Linda, who had Sam carrying all her stuff.

"So Mrs. Tran, this is the Men of Letters bunker. It is warded against, well everything." Cas continued, "You will be safe here, no one can enter without permission or without the key, which we have."

Sam nodded, "I told her guys, I asked Kevin to set up a room for her. And Dean, I got a surprise for you." Dean looked carefully at his brother, with the tone said surprise, Dean suspected a prank.

Just then Raziel opened the door followed by Kevin. Mother and son saw each other and just ran to each other. There were no words, they just tightly embraced one another, Linda kissing his forehead and him silently crying in her arms. The emotion of their reunion was sympathized in everyone, but Cas was nearly overwhelmed by the loving embrace they shared. He reached out and hung onto Deans arm for support. Dean looked over in surprise, but smiled when he realized what was going on, and gently took patted Cas's hand with his free arm.

Sam moved behind them to go into the bunker, followed by Garth. Dean took Cas's hand and lead him down as well. Cas found it strange, it was if the love between the Tran's formed a wave and reverberated itself in him, allowing to share in their happiness. Whatever the cause, he was glad that Dean took charge to keep him from looking like a fool. Dean let go as they entered the war room though, and Cas immediately missed the warm rough feeling of Dean's hand in his.

"So what do want to show me Sammy?"

"Just follow me Dean, you're not going to believe this." Sam was still carrying Mrs. Tran's luggage, and he continued down a hall. Dean, Garth and Cas followed him. They stopped in front of a blank wall. Sam put the luggage down, smiled at all of them and turned around. The tall Winchester held out his arms and chanted in something that Cas recognized as Latin. After Sam was done though, they all blinked and had surprised looks on all your faces. There was door where there was once a wall.

"You telling me we're leaving in Hogwarts Sammy?" Dean sounded incredulous.

"Dude, wait 'til you see the inside." Sam continued and opened the door, obnoxiously inviting them all in. They all stepped into the anteroom, which Cas found to be impressive in comparison to the rest of the bunker.

"These were the Elders residences. Raziel was showing some the hidden things in the bunker. So things are hidden by spells, like this area, some are locked or just hidden behind something else, like the dungeon. This place is far larger than we ever though Dean." Sam pointed to the far left room, "and I picked that one to move into. The rooms bigger, and it has its own study and, check this out…bathroom."

"Holy shit Sammy, we're living inside Hogwarts aren't we? Do we have the Mirror of Erised or like, a Chamber of Secrets? This is so awesome!" Dean looked excited, and that made Cas smile, though he had no idea what Dean was referring to. Sam looked at them both and shook his head.

"Thought you might like it, Kevin and I moved down here already, and I'm pretty sure he set his mom up in one of these rooms. There are two left for you and Cas to pick from."

"Naw, it's ok Sammy, this is nice and cool, but I like my room. Besides, it's closer to the kitchen and farther away from your snoring." Sam made a bitchface at Dean, to which Dean winked back. Sam turned to Cas directly.

"And you Cas? we can get you set up here if you want."

"I will stay in my current location, I feel no different in larger or smaller accommodations." Sam raised his eyebrow.

"See Sammy, Cas knows to stay away from your sasquatch level snoring." Dean turned to Cas and winked at him too.

Sam coughed, "uh, yeah whatever you two."

In that moment, Kevin and Mrs. Tran came into the antechamber. Kevin picked up the bags at Sam's feet after saying thanks to all of them, and helped his mom into the far right room, which was next to his. Sensing it was time for sleep, Sam bid them good night and went to his room. Dean, Garth and Cas headed to back to the main area. Passing the library, they just saw Raziel floating in midair, apparently in a trance.

Cas remembered about all the purchases they made, and Dean and he went to get the bags while Garth shuffled off to a guest room. They also grabbed a med kit and headed back to Cas's room. In companionable silence, they put all of his new clothes away. His room was still empty of any personality, nothing marking it as his own like Dean has done to his room. It did not bother him though, he had not had the time to accumulate mementos or a 'personal taste' as of yet.

"Hey Cas, take off your shirt." Cas turned around and seeing that Dean was getting some items out of the medicine box , he did so. He laid the shirt on the bed and Dean motioned him to sit down. Once Cas was sitting, Dean walked behind him and stretched out his injured arm. Cas hissed in pain, but it wasn't bad.

"I think you're right, you must have pulled something. Just rest it for a while and you'll be good." Dean released his arm and took a tube of ointment and put some of its contents on Cas's shoulders. It was cool, but as soon as Dean was massaging it in, it began to feel very warm…and very relaxing. He was beginning to lose tension he didn't know he had and eased more toward Dean. He was just about pudding when Dean stopped, but he was so relaxed at that point, he was about to fall asleep.

"Thank you Dean, for everything," Cas managed to say before lying down, eyes closed already.

Dean closed the medicine box and got up from the bed. "No problem Cas, it's what families do. G'night now." Cas nodded and began to breath softly. Dean left the door slightly open, he knew Cas preferred it open. Tired himself, and sore he popped a couple aspirin before heading to his own room to sleep.


	21. Family Is More Than Just Blood

Sam woke up in the new room he had selected for himself in the Elders Suite. The bed was bigger, which was exactly what he needed with his tall frame. In comparison to his old quarters, this room had to be at least three times the size. He had his own personal study space and own bathroom. For Sam, it was almost like living back in the dorm when he was in Stanford. Though something like this was way above anything he could have afforded.

Getting up and ready, he thought on what the plan should be. Now that they have Linda back safe and sound here in the bunker, one of their objectives has been met. However, he did not tell her on the car ride over about having Crowley captive. He was hoping that she would take it as Kevin did, as in not well but not bothering to do anything for him. It was something he could not count on though. Perhaps they should focus on that for moment.

From what he could gather, it seemed that Abaddon was also trailing Linda in hoping to get to him and Dean. That indicated that she had some of Crowley's people working for her now. It was the only explanation on how she knew about the Tran's. That in turn only meant that she was cementing her hold on Hell at this point. Sam had the sinking feeling that they were running out of time. Maybe it was time to bring Crowley into the fold.

Exiting out of the suites, the door faded back in the wall. He had to ask if there was ways to break the illusion spell, it is a bit of a hassle to keep on chanting a spell every time he wanted to go to his room. Heading up to the main room, he found a note by Raziel on the library table. It simply stated that he had to check on some business and would be back in the later afternoon. Looking at his watch, it was already 11 in the morning, so it shouldn't be too long. May as well get something to eat he thought.

Heading into the kitchen, he was not surprised to see that Dean was already in there, but he wasn't cooking. Which is fine, he didn't expect Dean to do all the cooking, though it was nice. He was just looking over a book with a cup of coffee. Seeing Sam enter, Dean put down the book.

"Hey, his highness awakens. Anything you wish or desire my liege?" Sam rolled his eyes at Dean, who thought he was being funny.

"Good morning to you too Dean." Sam grabbed a yogurt and an orange and sat across his brother. "So, Abaddon tracked Linda down, waiting in ambush. How could Garth miss her?"

Dean shrugged, "Hey man, she got past the Men of Letters back in the day, no way we could've seen this one coming."

"Maybe not, but she had no way of knowing about the Tran's unless some of other demons that worked for Crowley are now working for her. That bad news for us." Sam stopped to pop in an orange slice. "If that's the case, we need a way to fight her off. I don't think we can count on Raziel popping in and saving us again. That one attack drained him of everything he had." Looking around, "you see him go?"

"Yeah, gave me the healing touch and flew out. Guys good in my book. But you're right. That was basically a one shot deal. We need to find a way to take her down for good."

"What if you did what Henry did again?" Dean thought about it.

"Maybe, but she'll know what's up this go around. That'll only slow her down though. We need her out of the game for good." Sam nodded.

"You're right Dean." Looking back in the direction to the vault, "maybe there is something in there that can take her out. Like a sword or spell? I mean, we can keep looking. Or…we can try to make a weapon." Dean arched his eyebrow questioningly.

"Make a weapon? Like the knife? Sammy, Kev said that was hard as shit to do!"

"I know Dean! But we have the resources to do it know. Maybe if there is way to juice it up to be more powerful or something. I dunno Dean, we're kinda on a limb on this one."

Both brothers sat in frustrating silence for several moments that they did not notice Linda enter the kitchen.

"So I hear you men need an accountant?"

Both Sam and Dean looked up, startled by her question.

Rolling her eyes, "Look, if I am going to be stuck her for God knows how long, I want to do something other than 'cry my eyes out'." She put up quotation marks on the last part. Sitting herself down at the table, "I am a certified accountant, or have you forgotten when we went to the pawn shop?"

Sam was the first to take up the offer, "Yeah, that would be great. We have no idea on what to do with all of that stuff."

She nodded, "couple of conditions though, I want to invest some of that money for Kevin to go to a university. Second, Kevin and I can go in and out as we please. Third, you have to cure Crowley."

Dean shot back in his chair at the last one. Sam was taken somewhat surprised by the last request as well, he figured Kevin would tell her, but this was damn quick. Dean coughed, and Sam looked over at him, and both their eyes meet. In a quick exchange that somehow they as brothers had, Dean was the first to ask.

"I want Crowley human and defenseless as the next guy, but why would you want to him cured? I figured you want him dead."

Linda gave him you're stupid look, "of course I want him dead. But, I am perfectly willing for him to suffer as a human beforehand." Sam though that Linda was really one cool customer, she was decisive, smart and quick.

Dean just nodded, "yeah, I got that. And we plan too, but Sammy here can't, and Kev and I are no keen on exactly laying healing hands on the bastard."

"Then I'll do it." She sounded so sure about it too, that Sam did not doubt that she would too. Still, Crowley is his responsibility and he wanted to make sure this was in the ex-demons best interest as well.

"You understand, that you'll need to give him your blood, confess and for several hours?" Sam asked in a measured voice, gauging how Linda would take it.

She slowly nodded, "I understand. And that's fine, I want him to know who exactly is doing this."

"I also might want to add then, that Crowley is wanting to be cured." As Sam suspected, this caused Linda to pause for a moment.

"He wants to be cured? How?" She sounded disbelieving.

"Believe me lady, if I hadn't heard it myself, I wouldn't believe it. And I still don't, but Sammy believes he does," Dean added.

Sam continued, "and he has been helping us on how to take on Abaddon and Hell. He has been proving useful." He nearly couldn't believe he was defending Crowley, but there you have it.

Linda was quiet for a few moments, and looked at both brothers with a measured eye. "Would him being human impact his 'help' to you?"

Dean and Sam looked at each other, Dean just shrugged ",'suppose not I guess."

"Alright then, I don't see why we can't do this 'cure' for him." With that, she got up and looked over at the pantry, where she grunted something in displeasure. Closing the door, she went over to the fridge, where she made another disappointing sound.

"What?" Dean asked, looking annoyed and skeptical at once. Sam was curious as well, Dean had been surprisingly balanced in getting groceries for once, not all of it being bad food.

"Oh, nothing." Her tone conveyed that meant the exact opposite though. Dean was already making his angry face and huffing, Sam quickly sought a way to diffuse the situation.

"Hey, Mrs. Tran, want me to show you around while Dean makes us something to eat?"

'Yes, that would be nice." She walked out of the kitchen, evidently waiting for Sam to catch up with her. Sam got up and gave a hands up gesture to Dean, who looked confused as ever.

* * *

When Dean was alone in the kitchen again, he resumed his previous melancholy train of thought. The book he has was one that he picked up absently, mostly as a cover. He woke up after only getting his usual four, and he felt tired, but he never let that slow him down. He supposed it's just the leftover adrenaline from the fight before.

He wasn't expecting a fight, but citing Winchester luck, it was always bound to happen. The day was going great too, not that he would admit it anyone else, but he liked shopping with Cas. One thing about Cas, is that he forced you to think about things you take for granted. When he asked Dean about why women wear bra's, he really couldn't answer them, especially after Cas went on for some length about the history of them. All he knew is that kept them up and in place, until he could get his hands on them at least.

But that wasn't what was disturbing Dean though, no, it was the fact that Cas once again threw his life to save him again. He was replaying what Cas said to him in the car, and Dean once again couldn't fault Cas's logic. They were family, and he didn't know when that happened, but he really can't think of a world without Cas in anymore. However, he couldn't shake a feeling that there's something  _more_ , something that Dean doesn't know.

When he reached for Cas's hand in the car, or again when leading him back into the bunker, the apprehension he normally would have went right out the door. It's like with Cas, it's ok. And the massage? Dean rubbed his palm onto his forehead. What was he thinking? He was doing it for Cas's benefit, right? The smooth warm feeling of Cas's skin in his was just his imagination right?

Dean let out a breath, these aren't things dudes should be thinking about other dudes he chided himself. Cas is his best friend, like a brother to him. All he wants is for the ex-angel to be safe. He'll admit, he doesn't want to lose anyone else anymore; he's tired of that bull crap. For once, could they not die or be sent to some afterlife?

And things are starting to look up a little, they have Mama Tran back, so that's a big plus. And she'll cure Crowley, which he is still hesitant about, but that's on her and not him. Abaddon was driven off for the moment, so that kinda counts as a victory right? So they haven't found any leads for the angels yet, but they will...hopefully. They'll make this right, maybe even get Cas's wings back.

But does he want Cas to have his grace back? Dean surprised himself at this thought, of course he wanted Cas to be a BAMF angel again! Then again, Cas is still BAMF as anything from last night indicates. He kinda likes Cas as human to be honest, if only for the fact that he can't just up and disappear on him anymore. He thinks Cas wants his wings back, he did basically breakdown a couple of days ago about not feeling them anymore. Why would Cas want to be human? Being human sucks. He chuckled, remembering what Cas said in that fucked up universe Zachariah sent him to, Cas belonged to a much better club.

That stopped Dean for a moment. That was supposed to be in 2014, which was less than a year away. He fought back, and that future is no more, but he can't shake another feeling. Lucifer said something's can't be changed. Castiel confirmed that, though it seems they bucked that trend. But now, here is Cas human and that doesn't seem to changing anytime soon. Is this a good thing, or bad thing? Damn if he should know. Time travels makes his head hurt. Still, that future was…disturbing on so many levels. Yeah, he was a douche and Sam said yes, but Cas was…totally different. Is it possible, if they can't get Cas's grace again, would he end up like an orgy happy hippy who's constantly stoned? No way he promised himself, in that future Cas gave up, and he won't give up on Cas.

Sighing to himself, he stopped there. He didn't know what to think of everything going on at the moment. Waffles would be a welcome distraction, if only for a while.


	22. Here's Johnny!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you for reading. So, I've been on holiday and wrote a ton. Story is nearly complete. As such, I am releasing a chapter at least every other day, or back to back. Please review!

Crowley had lost track of time down in the dungeon. He knew it had to be at least several days at the very least, but in truth, he could have been down here for months. Sam's visits were the only thing that broke up the monotony of time. He spent all the time writing all he knew and keeping his demon self at bay. However, the more he fought the more the demon took control. So he tried a different tactic, he tried not fighting it, but to understand that this darkness was part of him, even before he became twisted into a demon.

He had only a few snippets of memory as his time as a human, but what he could recall was nothing to be proud of. In fact, he was prideful, always lusting for more power and prestige. That's how they roped him into becoming a demon. It takes a [special](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/22/Of-Secrets-and-Truth) kind of soul to become a demon, there has to be  _desire_  to become one. Oh, you could torture souls all you want from here to the end of time, but only a small fraction of them will become demons. He wanted to be a demon, he wanted to be the one holding the [power](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/22/Of-Secrets-and-Truth), not subject to it. So he did, and he rose quickly in the ranks of hell.

As demons go, he was a young one, and nowhere as powerful as the older ones, like Lillith, Alistair and Azazel. Unlike Lillith or Abaddon, he was not created by Lucifer, so he could never hope to match their powers. Other princes and lords of Hell got their positions by constant politicking, backstabbing and shifting alliances. He had to rely on his cunning to get to power too, eventually landing himself as the King of the Crossroads. It sounded nice, but as far as the hierarchy of hell goes, it was remarkably low. He lucked out that the big bosses had their own plans or were missing for the past half century to get where he was though.

When he thought about it though, all this power brought him nothing but more trouble. He accepted this, and when his demon side attacked, he stood resolute in peace that the seduction of power held no sway over him any longer. It was not bravado that led him to this, but the desire to finally feel love and have hope. He was in such a moment when Sam and Mrs. Tran came into his [cell](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/22/Of-Secrets-and-Truth).

Linda looked at the former King with disdain and…curiosity. "Crowley," she said softly.

Opening his eyes, he saw the Sam and Linda a safe distance from himself. Seeing that Linda was now here and safe, he felt an curious outpouring of relief and gratitude. In a shaky voice, "you're safe," looking and Sam, "thank you Moosey."

Linda looked at Sam curiously, "Uh…yeah, we found her." Turning to Linda, "he likes to call me moose, I don't know why." Linda just arched her eyebrow.

"Listen here Crowley," Linda spoke with such authority that he and Sam snapped to attention, "I am going to cure you, just so you know what it is to be human again. I am not doing this for your sake, I am doing this for the safety of my son. You try to lay a finger on him ever again, and I will carve you up to be feed to dogs." Sam had a wide eye expression on his face. In his own face though, Crowley maintained an impassive face.

Bowing his head, "I don't deserve your kindness." He hoped his sincerity would come through to her. "Or your forgiveness, but I promise you, I will never lay a finger on anyone ever again." Looking at Sam with a mischievous grin, "unless they want me too."

Sam rolled his eyes, but Linda remained steadfast as her face did not show whatever she felt. She continued, "We'll start soon." Turning her back on Crowley and walked out, now it was just him and Sam in the cell.

Sam looked somewhat flummoxed, "so…sorry, but this is the best we can do. I know it's not the kind of redemption you're looking for. You'll still need to stay here in the bunker until what to do about you long term." Shifting his stance a bit, Sam continued, "Abaddon attacked us last night getting to her. She was waiting in ambush for us. I figure she must have some of your people on her side now."

"So she's making her move then. Time's running out moosey."

"Yeah, I know, but we're no closer on trying to gank her permanently." Sam let out a defeated sigh. "We were only able to hold her off for a little while. If it wasn't for Raziel, we would all be toast."

Crowley knew nothing of this new angel, though he had heard of fallen angels hiding on Earth. However no one was ever able to find them, so they resided in myth and legend. However, even a fully powered angel is no match for Abaddon. They needed something to take her down for good. Sadly, he had no idea.

"I wish I know where Lucy put the Colt, I bet that would do the job." Sam perked up on that remark.

"You know…that's not a half bad lead. No idea where he stashed it though?"

"None, either he destroyed it or hid it somewhere, God knows where." Lucifer was infamous for not trusting any demons, especially the cunning ones. That was one of the reasons why he was more than willing to help the Winchesters originally.

Sam mused on this, but whatever he was thinking, he wasn't sharing it. "Thanks Crowley, listen, I'll be back and we'll get you ready for the cure ok?" Crowley nodded. Sam acknowledged and went out of the room as well, making sure he locked the door after him.

* * *

Raziel returned in the later afternoon, anticipating everyone wanted to rest a bit before going over whatever ideas they might cook up. The battle against Abaddon drained him, and still had yet to recover his full power. Thankfully flying in the least draining thing he could do. Checking with the various organizations, he wanted to make sure his family was being taken care of. For the most part, they seemed to accept the current situation and some were even asking what they could do in return. A good number of theologians and historians have been having a field day as a result.

However, he needed to cull a number of his brethren in the hope of getting their assistance in this new trouble. Consulting with Joshua, he sent out word for several angels to come to him in Seattle. It would take them a day or two, but he is aiming on making a task force to deal with demons. Angels, powered or not, are still formidable warriors and it was still their holy task to protect the Earth. Abaddon was still above their ability to handle, but any lieutenants she may have will soon be in danger. Perhaps Ezekiel and Ithuriel would be best to lead this new task force? He would leave it to Joshua to determine this one. For the moment, he thought it best to stay near the Winchesters.

Flying back to the bunker, he waited patiently while someone opened the door. This time, it was Castiel. Nodding a bit to each other, he reached over and healed his brother, which Cas was grateful for.

"Thank you Raziel, I am not unused to pain, but a lingering pain is a new sensation." Cas sounded glum and nowhere near rested as he should be.

"Brother, have you been resting well? I know that human condition is one that you are not used to, however rest, as I understand it, is critical in maintaining proper function of your body."

Cas sighed, "it is difficult to rest at times, sometimes I dream and others I do not. Some dreams are good, and others not so much. It is a pity I cannot control which dreams I have, some are rather pleasant."

He smiled, he had a fair idea on what dreams his brother were having that were 'good'. However, they nearly reached the library where the others were so he did not want to enter into that conversation as of yet. Sam and Dean were looking over some books, Kevin at the tablet and Linda was going over the paperwork he gave the brothers a couple days beforehand.

"Good afternoon m'lady and gentlemen." Settling into a chair, he turned to Linda. "I see you are going over the financial papers for the Men of Letters. May I assume that you have taken the mantle on handling the purse?" Linda nodded, not even looking up, she was much too occupied going over investments.

"Hey Raziel, what do you know about the Colt?" Turning to Sam who asked the question, he thought for a moment.

"The Colt is a powerful weapon forged by Samuel Colt in the late 19th century. Reportedly a legend, it is said that it could kill anything. Well, almost anything. Why do you ask?"

"Almost anything? We know we can't kill the Devil with it, what else can't it kill," Dean asked.

"Well, it cannot kill God, Death, Michael, Lucifer and Hope. Those five cannot be killed other than each other. Nothing can kill Death though, he'll outlast us all." He remembered the time he meet Death, it was not a pleasant time, though the meal was delicious.

Sam continued, "we had the Colt for a while before we tried to kill Lucifer. We lost it after that."

"I see, you were thinking it perhaps could kill Abaddon? It certainly should, though if it is lost, then we are back at the starting point."

"That was the idea, but we don't got it any more, like I was telling Sam, there's no point in looking for it either," Dean added.

"That wasn't the point Dean," Sam said looking at his brother, he then looked over at Raziel. "The point was, can another gun like it be made?"

"Are you asking me because you think I might have had a hand in its creation? Sadly, I was not here at the time of its supposed construction. Never meet Mr. Colt either, though I certainly knew of him. I do not know how he even began the process of creating such a weapon."

That seemed to deflate Sam a bit, though Kevin chimed in, "well, maybe we do, I have deciphered from the demon tablet how to make a demon killing knife. Maybe if we can apply some of those same principals into a gun?"

Hmmm, perhaps this could work. Humans had a knack for bringing ingenuity to the table. "It is…possible, but I do not know if it would be effective against Abaddon. You said she resisted the knife before?"

Dean nodded and continued, "And I doubt she'll let us do a test run on her."

"Maybe there is a way to…charge up a weapon, much like how you used the Spear to drive her off," asked Cas. Raziel shook he head.

"I am not familiar with all the items in the vault, but there is something in there perhaps, and Kevin, I believe that you should continue reading the tablet, see what else may be in there."

"I wish there was a way we could find out the way to make the Colt, or find it." Dean really missed that gun. The journal they got from the Campbell Compound had no information on how to make it either. Sighing, he continued, "I think we should lay low too for a while, until Crowley is cured and the heat from Abaddon dies down a bit." Turning back to Raziel, "any news on sending the angels back up?"

He shook his head, "no, though several of us are looking across the world for any information. I believe our best chances lie in the tablet itself. However, I recommend we focus on Abaddon for the moment."

Dean nodded, "yeah, that's good. Ok, let's do that. Though," Dean had his 'up to no good look' on, "if we're laying low, might as well get a TV right?"

Sam snorted, "Dean, we're supposed to be working, not playing video games." Though he sounded serious, Raziel knew that he wasn't.

"If I may, I can quickly bring back a television and such much faster than you can drive. I wouldn't be more than a half hour. Remember my friends, all work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy. And we all know what happened to Jack?"

Everyone laughed a little, though Cas had to ask who Jack was, at which point, Dean just about died.  
Once he recovered himself, Dean slapped Cas on the shoulder, "Cas, if anyone needs a movie marathon, it's you." Turning to Raziel with the cheesiest smile he has ever seen, "so…can you get the stuff?"

As an angel, it would be nearly impossible to think or execute one's rolling of the eyes, but somehow, he did.


	23. Lights, Camera and What Again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, after some thought, I figured to release these two chapters together. In hindsight, I should have made it just one chapter. Trying to keep all chapters under 2500, but eh. Enjoy!

True to his word, Raziel was back in less than thirty minutes with all sorts of electronic devices. He handed all of them tablets and to the Tran's new laptops each. Cas held the tablet in his hands curiously, it was a sleek black device that, what appeared, to have a bitten apple logo on the back. Sam and Dean lifted what he was told was a [plasma television](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/23/Of-Secrets-and-Truth)of which appeared longer than Sam is tall. They lifted that one to an area that Dean was now calling the theater room. Raziel also brought along smaller televisions and appropriate players as well. Pushing his luck, Dean also asked his brother to bring along some movies, to which Raziel declined, citing a business appointment and promptly disappeared. Dean was about to curse the sky when Sam gently reminded him that they can stream movies from the internet.

The Tran's remained in the library, going over their [new laptops](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/23/Of-Secrets-and-Truth). Linda was getting slightly frustrated because of all the files she had to scan and organize, but Kevin was happy to have his own laptop again. Once Sam was done helping Dean set up the television in the theater room, he called Charlie about some sort application he wanted. Garth left shortly afterward as well, sleeping well into the afternoon. Everyone seemed a bit happier when he left. That left Dean and himself alone in the theater room.

Though Dean was calling it a theater, it did not mean it is a theater. The room was a mostly empty filing room that had the TV on one end, and a small sofa facing it. However, there was only one light in the room, and it was small enough that the one could focus on whatever [program](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/23/Of-Secrets-and-Truth) was showing.

"Wish I had asked for speakers, like surround sound you know, makes the explosions better." Dean was mumbling mostly to himself, going on about proper movie experiences. Cas wasn't really paying attention. He had not slept well the previous night, and though he went to sleep content when Dean massaged his shoulder, he woke up soon after. He did not have a nightmare per se, but there was an uneasy feeling that he could not shake. Deciding not to tell Dean, he rationalized it as being human and tried to ignore it. Dean went through the same thing most nights he knew, he watched over him long enough to know, but Dean just kept on going, and so will he.

Sitting down on the couch, he fiddled with the [tablet](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/23/Of-Secrets-and-Truth) for a while. The operation seemed simple, but he had no idea what to use the device for. He supposed he could read the news and do research, but he preferred books. It was also unlikely that any useful information could be found on the internet anyways. Sam was kind enough to show him some basic 'web surfing' in the preceding days, but he did not know what to look for, so he gave up on it. Then he noticed there was a camera icon on the screen, which he pressed. The device took a picture of his legs, which apparently was where the camera was facing. Turning it around, he surmised where the aperture was and curiously, tried aiming the camera at something he wanted a picture of.

So he took several pictures of Dean without him noticing as he was the only subject in the room other than himself. After some more searching, he was able to find the gallery and discovered he was able to alter the pictures. He was enjoying warping and altering the pictures before Dean noticed that he was quiet. Walking behind Cas, who was still enthralled with the app, he looked over his friends shoulder.

"What the hell, are you photo shopping my ass?" Startled, Cas nearly dropped the tablet, but Dean was quick to pick it up. Cas felt himself blush, though he did not realize why, some responses, he sadly realized, are purely automatic. Looking up at Dean, he was almost certain he would be angry, though in his defense, he wasn't 'photo shopping' anything. He just so happened to have a picture of him bending over working on some wires. However, Dean wasn't angry at all, he just had a smirk on his face that Cas wanted to interpret as amused. He hoped.

"I found that this device had a camera, and I was just going over its capabilities. I did not know what else to take a picture of." Cas was perfectly capable of lying, but he found it difficult. He did find 'skirting the truth', infinitely easier though. Dean didn't say anything, he just held up the tablet to Cas's face and gave it back to Cas.

"There, now you have some pictures other than my ass to play with." Dean smiled at him and went back to tying all the wires together. Perplexed, Cas looked into the gallery, and saw that Dean took several pictures of him. They were all of his face, but Cas studied them for quite some time. It is one thing to see oneself in the mirror, and another in a picture. Pictures are truly moments frozen in time he thought, recalling the exact thought he had when Dean snapped his picture. He certainly looked worried and sad? Reading emotions now that he had access to his own was not usually difficult, what he did have trouble with was sympathizing. To him, emotions from others seemed to come over him like a wave, sometimes he was able to handle it, sometimes not. It was an aspect of humanity that defied his notion of being an angel. Former angel.

He looked into his own eyes, perhaps hoping to see a glimmer of grace that he might still contain. It was a futile effort, he knew, but he couldn't help but take a look. Looking around his eyes, he saw that small wrinkles at the edges, the dark puffiness under his eyes. The Novak line tended to produce blue eyed children, and Jimmy was no exception. Looking further down he saw the stubble on his chin. He used the electric razor Dean got for him, but he was amazed on how fast human follicles grew hair on his face at an accelerated rate, but not in other areas. It was almost absurd how quickly hair regrew; bit not how the body was able to repair itself just as quickly. It almost called him to question his father's design of the human genome. Sam helped him in 'styling' is hair now. Previously, he paid no attention to his hair, his grace maintained its health and form. Now it was another thing he had to pay attention to in the morning rituals he had to do.

In all, it was a curious experience looking at his own picture, seeing himself as he was, even if it was just moments ago. With his memory no longer accentuated by his grace, he understood now why human took pictures. Human memory is inaccurate, and is designed to forget the minor details. Photographs preserve an image, untarnished and in detail, to last forever, so that one day in the future, they can be reflected on. Even now, though these pictures are new, Cas is already recalling the thoughts he had when Dean took his picture, and when he took pictures of Dean.

Dean thumped down next to him, with a couple remotes on hand. Looking over to him, "So Cas, everything is ready to go. Ready for a movie marathon?"

Dislodged from his train of thought, Cas took a moment to respond. "Yes, perhaps with watching some movies, I can better understand the references you make often." Looking at the empty table, he was reminded of something else, "Dean, is it not customary for there to be popcorn? I enjoyed that with the last film you showed."

Dean hit his head, "duh, how can I forget! Be right back." He scurried over to the kitchen to make some popcorn. While he was out, Sam popped his head in.

"So…movie night huh?" There was a tone underneath his voice that Cas did not quite recognize, though overall, he felt Sam was being…playful?

"Yes. Dean thinks it would be educational of me to watch some movies, though I am not certain which ones." That was the intent he surmised.

"I totally agree, and if he stretches his arm behind you, totally lean into him. It's all part of the movie experience, but remember, only if he keeps his arm there. Ok?" Sam smiled wide, which is rarely seen, so Cas was inclined to believe his sincerity.

"If that is the custom when watching movies, then I shall." Sam smiled even wider and went on with his business. Dean returned a couple of moments later with a large bowl of popcorn.

Putting it on the table before them, he turned around, closed the door and turned off the light. The 'theater' was dark except for the screen and now smelled like butter and popcorn. Dean fiddled with the remotes and was able to log into a streaming service. Looking over at Dean's face, Cas saw a level of excitement that Dean rarely shows. Inwardly, he smiled, sensing how happy Dean was.

"So, to be honest Cas, there's so many movies out there, I have no idea where to start." Dean was still focused on the screen, which Cas saw as blur of titles. There were certainly many movies to select from.

"Neither do I Dean, though, if I may suggest, maybe one about Batman? I would certainly like to understand your fascination with this character." Dean looked over at him surprised.

"You know what Cas, that's a good call. There's a lot of Batman movies though, because he's awesome." Dean returned to the screen and typed in a search. A few moments later, he selected a title called  _Batman Begins_. "Now this is the newest series of Batman movies Cas, these ones are probably the best, though Tim Burton's Batman was kickass as well."

The movie proceeded to begin, and Cas understood it was time to focus on the movie. After the first hour, he understood perhaps why Dean identified with the Bruce, the loss of his parents, the revenge, and the sense of justice all matched Dean's personality. However, he didn't think too deeply about it as Crane was about to free all the inmates. The film had so enthralled him with its story, even its improbable aspects that he wanted to watch more. Dean just winked at him and found its sequel and began watching it was well.

Around the part where the Joker crashes the party Bruce threw for Harvey, Dean stretched his arms, one arm behind Cas and rested them on the sofa. The sofa, or loveseat as Sam called it, was small, and he was close to Dean. Remembering what Sam said, he moved closer to Dean and leaned slightly against him.

He felt Dean freeze for a moment, and he thought he did something wrong, but then Dean relaxed and lets Cas lean against him. The momentary fear Cas had was quickly displaced by a warm fuzzy feeling in his stomach, and together they continued watching the film. Cas gasped when Rachel died, and felt relief when the boats did not explode. After the movie, Dean moved his arms to get the controls and Cas moved slightly over to his side, reviewing the film.

"I see why you like Batman Dean, and why you relate to him. Despite his trauma, losses and defeats, he continues on for what is best for the city, even when he would be hated for it. You yourself Dean have suffered much, if not more than he, and yet you still prevail. You continue protecting the innocent and saving the world though no one would ever thank you for doing so. Simply out Dean, you are as much a hero as Batman is." Dean turned over to him, with a look Castiel did not recognize, it was if Dean was puzzled, but happy. He had his mouth slightly open and his eyes wide, like he couldn't believe what Cas just said. Not knowing what to do, Cas continued with his summary, "and I see why you call this place the Batcave, it does seem fitting." Cas was not prepared what happened next.

Dean reached over and hugged him tightly. "Cas man, that's the most awesome thing anyone has ever said to me before." Pulling back a little, he looked at Cas right in the face. "Don't ever change ok?"

Cas was puzzled for a second, but he finally figured out that Dean was grateful for what he said. That was a rare enough event in itself, so he simply answered, "I won't Dean, for you."

Dean just nodded, inhaled a deep breath and made himself comfortable again. "There is one more movie in this series, wanna watch it? Not as good as this one, but it's still great."

"Of course." He adjusted himself on his side, but Dean stretched out his arm again, and taking it as a clue, Cas leaned back into Dean as he had earlier. Dean wrapped his arm around Cas, and together they watched the movie well into the night.


	24. The Cure

Sam was still not certain that this was the right move to make, curing Crowley. However, even he couldn't argue with the benefits of having him cured. It would make it safer for all of them if there was no demon taint in him, and they can really start on working on his rehabilitation.

Which, if he was going to be honest with himself, he hadn't thought of. Hell, he's still trying to figure out his own problems with the residual energy from the trials. Taking Raziels suggestion, he tried to meditate on letting go, but it wasn't working. Deep down though, he knew he couldn't just let go of all the pain, the anger and hatred. In this respect, he was just as stubborn as his brother. He was just better at vocalizing his emotions, but that did not mean he understood them any better.

Crowley on the other hand, has going through a similar metamorphosis. He was transitioning back into being a human. Sadly, Crowley couldn't have been put with more bad examples of redemption and forgiveness. They had am angry prophet, an angrier mother of a prophet, a fallen depressed angel and emotionally constipated unforgiving hunter, oh and him, the broken we don't know what the hell is happening with you guy. At least he is going to try, because he forced this on Crowley, and if there is one thing that bothers Sam, is not having a choice.

So the following day, he and Linda got all ready for the purification ritual. They spent the previous day just…laying low, enjoying a moment of rest. He wondered if the joke he played on Cas and Dean worked, but if it had, they never said anything. They went to their rooms around the same time he went to his after their marathon. If he didn't know any better, he would say both of them seemed more relaxed. Not sure what to make of that, he put it on the back burner. He'll have to weasel it out of Cas, Dean would never admit to anything.

They were going to travel to an abandoned church they located a couple of hours away from the bunker. There was a discussion to try the ritual in the bunker as it was more secure. However Cas said that actual consecrated holy ground would be best, he also said that once Crowley was cured, it might tip off their location to other demons. Not that nothing could penetrate the bunker, but that didn't mean they couldn't be sieged in either. Seeing it was unavoidable, Dean, Cas and Kevin would head over to the church and set up as many wards as they could. Once they got the all clear, Linda, Crowley and he would depart and begin the process.

He got the all clear from Dean, and he nodded to Linda, who was waiting with him in the library. Together, they took Crowley from his cell and began the journey to the church. It was a silent trip, none of them talked. Crowley seemed to be muttering to himself, perhaps even praying. Linda maintained he steely gaze while he concentrated on the road. Eventually, they made it to the church.

It was a modern church, an Assemblies of God from the sign apparently. A larger and newer church was built in the next town over, and the congregation merged into that one, leaving this house of God empty. Built with a modern aesthetic, it was the total opposite of the church he tried to complete the trial in. This place was well preserved, had carpeting and all the windows intact. Actually, all they needed was some chairs and power, and this place can be up and preaching again.

Still, it was a church and Dean had already painted a devils trap in front of the pulpit with a chair in the middle. Dean and Cas would walk the perimeter, and Kevin would stay in the foyer. He would be with Linda and Crowley in the nave. Looking around, he saw that there were wards and sigils everywhere. Devils traps were under all the entrances, and the windows were salted too. There were probably more outside surrounding the property as well. Thankfully, the church was a distance off from the nearest residence, so if anything went down, it wouldn't be in danger to any civilians.

After making sure Crowley was secure to the chair, Dean left without as a much word, just a nod to Sam. Sam walked to Linda, who was just exiting a small room to do her confession.

"You ready," he asked while he took her arm to draw her blood.

She still had her face set in stone, but Sam could see there was tenderness underneath. She was doing this out of love for her son, and that was noble, despite what she said. She just nodded and let him take her blood. Once they had enough, they both walked over to Crowley, who looked like a man on the electric chair, which is a fair enough comparison.

"Ok Crowley, we're going to do this again. This time though, we'll finish it and you'll be human in the end." Crowley nodded at Sam and tuned to Linda.

"There are no words to convey my gratitude, I have done enough evil, and I am ready for my sins to be answered. I pledge to never again hur…ARGH!"

Linda withdrew the needle from his throat. "You talk too much." Sam couldn't help but chuckle to himself. Linda walked over to the pulpit and picked up her laptop and began working again. He reset the timer for an hour from now and pulled up a chair. It was going to be a long day.

* * *

Several hours and injections later, they had only one hour to go before the big finale. Sam walked outside to talk to Dean for a little while. Everything seemed pretty quiet, and Sam was beginning to think they can do this without a hitch. He'll call for Raziel in a bit, but now he needed to talk to his brother.

He found Dean near the back of the church. He couldn't see Cas anywhere though. 'Hey Dean, where's Cas?" he called out.

Dean stopped and looked over to Sam, "there a problem?"

Catching up with Dean, they fell into step with each other, "no, no problem, we're almost done in there. Crowley's quiet and Linda, man, she's doing this like if it was a chore. It's not bothering her at all. I just wanted to check up on you before, you know." Dean nodded.

"Going good out here, Cas is on the roof, keeping an eye from above. No way nothing can break these seals."

"Yeah, I see you got everything locked down tight inside too. So…Crowley, we're bringing him back with us then?"

Dean looked over to Sam, "you wanted to keep him, he's your responsibility now, and yes, we're taking him back, he's a liability out here by himself."

Sam just wanted to hear that reassurance from Dean, it was safer for them all if they kept Crowley close. "Yeah, just making sure. Maybe Raziel can find him a job or something." Dean snorted while Sam went on, "I mean, after we're done figuring out how to take out Abaddon and send the angels back upstairs. Speaking of, how is Cas? You two have been spending a lot of time together." Sam didn't mean anything by asking, he was just looking out for Cas, who's his friend too.

However, Dean blushed a little, which threw Sam off for a bit. It took a moment longer for Dean to answer, "Cas…Cas is holding on. I mean, he's hurting, I know he is, he's feeling weak and depressed and he misses his wings. Shit, I would too, especially after losing them to Metatron. I'm just trying to make sure he keeps his spirits up and teach him a few things about being human." Dean looked over to the church roof, where Cas was supposed to be. "He liked the movies last night though, and he's getting the hang of being less dorky, but he's pulling through." Dean sounded proud, but at the same time, sad.

Dean never went into this level of detail about anyone, ever, but Cas was someone special, to both of them. Sam completely understood, he knew this was just as trying on Dean as it was on Cas. Jokes aside, he was happy his brother had a friend he cared for. Smiling, "what movies you guys watch?"

Dean smiled back, "Batman." Of course, Dean's all-time favorite.

"Which ones? The 60's campy one, the Michael Keaton ones or the newer ones."

Dean rolled his eyes, "the Nolan ones dude. No we're going to watch Adam West go ka-pow every other scene." Dean smiled, "we watched the entire trilogy, and he liked it." Dean blushed again when he said that. Now this was peaking Sam's interest.

"Oh, what did he say about them?"

Now Dean was turning slightly red, "well…um, he said he could see why I relate to Batman, he said I was like a hero." Dean cleared his throat, "but he really liked them. I thought he would almost cry at the end of the last one. He wants to watch more movies. He steals all the popcorn though."

'Did Cas seriously say that to Dean?' Sam thought to himself. Of course he did, Cas would analyze everything he saw and made the connection between Dean and his fascination with Batman. Sam himself concluded as such years ago, but to him, Dean is his big brother so he always saw his brother as a hero, a deeply flawed one, but a hero nonetheless. No wonder Dean is blushing, it's not everyday people figure him out. Though, and this was the kicker, Dean would never admit to it. He wasn't going to push for more details now though, time was ticking down to the big show.

"That's cool. Maybe next time I can get in on a movie." Looking at his watch to change the subject, "almost show time. I'm gonna call Raziel down for back up just in case. I'll be inside."

Dean just nodded, and checked his rifle again. "We're good here."

"Ok," Sam called out heading back into the church. He prayed internally for Raziel, who flew in right next to him a minute later.

"Is there a problem Samuel? And why are you all here at an abandoned church?"

Leading the angel through a side door into the nave, he gave a quick rundown of the situation. Raziel was surprised, but genuinely curious about the process. He agreed to observe in the back and be ready to lend a hand if need be. Sam walked over to Linda, who was preparing the final dosage.

"Ok Mrs. Tran, this is it. You ready?" She just nodded. He turned to Crowley, "and you ready?"

"Your concern touches me in indecorous ways moosey, but yes, I am ready." To accentuate his readiness, he closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. Sam looked over to Linda, who just used the knife to cut her hand.

She chanted the exorcism from Father Thompson and placed her hand over Crowley's forehead. There was brilliant white light that shown the blinded all of them and threw Linda and Sam back several feet. A shockwave of power rippled out, shattering the windows.

It took a moment for Sam to recover, and he looked over at Linda, who was being helped up by Raziel. He looked over at Crowley, who looked passed out in the chair. Kevin and Dean burst through the front doors.

"Sammy!" Dean yelled while Kevin called for his mom. Once he spotted her, he sprinted over to her. Sam helped himself up, the warmth of the divine energy felt hotter than it has for days now, and it weakened him a bit. Must be a residual effect he thought.

"Over here! We're good! Check Crowley!" He yelled back. Raziel was walking over to Crowley, checking him over after a couple moments.

"Most interesting. Most interesting indeed." Raziel said after checking Crowley, who was still passed out. By then, the entire team plus Cas was huddling around Crowley.

"Define interesting. Did it work?" Kevin asked through clenched teeth, his mom using him as support. Sam was holding onto Cas, who offered his support to him while Dean aimed the rifle as a precaution at the, hopefully, now ex-demon.

"Yes, yes it did. I daresay, that is one of the most ingenious things I have ever seen! Though, there is a slight problem."

Cas responded in his gruff voice, "what is the problem Raziel?"

"Well...there's  _two_ souls in there now. That's why he hasn't woken up. Both souls are too weak to assert any control on the body, it's just functioning on automatic."

"Wait, hold up, how can Crowley have  _two_  souls?" Dean asked incredulously.

Sam thought for a moment, in the recording that Father Thompson made, there wasn't any mention about another soul. Then it clicked. "Oh my god, we forgot about the soul of the person Crowley was possessing. The demon that Thompson cured must have used a dead meat suit like Ruby did." How could he had forgotten this?

"Ah, yes, that would make sense." Raziel stroked his beard, "I wonder how long he has been possessing this poor man."

"Well, what do we do now?" Dean asked. Raziel turned to him to respond, "I am not certain, one soul will dominate the other eventually. The human body cannot hold more than one for a long period of time. It is possible the mental struggle between the two could damage and possible kill the body as well."

"The soul the body originally had has claim to it, Crowley should vacate it." Cas said.

Raziel placed his hand over Crowley's head. "I am trying to make contact with the original soul and check on its well-being. Just hold on." A few moments passed when he broke the connection. "The original soul is one Mark Badger from New York City. Apparently Crowley has possessed him after his ten year deal expired. He has been the vessel for Crowley for over seventy years."

"So Mark made a deal with Crowley then? Isn't he supposed to go down to Hell after his ten?" Dean asked.

Cas answered him, "normally yes, though it depends on the conditions of the deal. Some might agree to be possessed as an alternative to being in the pit."

Sam asked the next question, "so, what do we do with them?"

"If this person made a deal with Crowley, who is no longer a demon, then the contract is made null. I can either remove Crowley into another container, or I can release Mark up into Heaven."

"You can send Mark up to Heaven?" Sam asked Raziel, who nodded. "Could you do the same for Crowley?" Raziel shook his head.

"I cannot, the sins of Crowley weigh on him heavily. Mark I can do so because he was a good soul, and now that the contract is void, I can release him. Doing so would give Crowley this body, and make it his until the body expires."

Linda asked the next question, "what does Mark want to do?" Sam had to hand it to her, she was decisive and asked the right questions.

"He has been suppressed for so long by Crowley, he truly wants rest now."

"If that is his wish, it should be granted brother." Raziel nodded to Castiel, who looked over at Dean. Dean looked conflicted, but he agreed as well. Sam also agreed as well, it was the guys last wish.

Seeing everyone was in assent, Raziel placed his hand back on Crowley's forehead. After a moment, a soft blue light lifted itself from Crowley's body and coalesced into a ball of pulsing light. Gently raising his hand, Mark's soul went toward Heaven much like how Bobby's did. As soon as the light went beyond the roof, Crowley began to wake up.

Crowley looked disorientated, but he gathered himself up enough to speak. "Am I human?"

"Oh, you're human, soul and all. Had to let your buddy Mark go first, but she aid adios and is now in Heaven away from your sorry ass." Dean smirked.

"Mark? Mark who?"

"The guy you were wearing Crowley. We sent him to heaven, that body is yours now." Sam answered. He felt better now, so he let go of Cas. "You're mortal now."

"Oh? That's a win for the good guys for once." Looking over at Linda, "thank you love for doing that. I feel…freer, lighter."

"I didn't do it for you Crowley, I did it so we can all be safe from you." To emphasize her point, she moved quickly behind him and drew the knife to his throat before anyone could stop her. "Make one mistake, and I will kill you. Don't forget that."

Crowley gulped, "clear as a mountain stream. I promise all of you, I will do no more harm and will help you in whatever way you ask. I…just want forgiveness." Linda released her grip and went over to her laptop with Kevin.

Dean snorted while Kevin and Cas gave the ex-demon a wary look. Sam had to take it upon himself to maintain a dialogue. "So Crowley, you're coming back with us. You're staying in the bunker until we figure out a way to deal with Abaddon. As far as we know, she's gunning after you too." Crowley nodded and lifted up his arms, which Sam unlocked from the chains. "Betray us though, and Linda and Dean here will certainly kill you, and I won't stop them. Got that?"

"Yes moosey, I do. I wouldn't dream of betraying you, not after all you have done to redeem me." He rubbed his wrists, "now, I feel hungry. Who feels like pizza?"


	25. Change is Inevitable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right! I am just about done with the last chapter, so here on out, I'll be releasing a new chapter everyday. I just humbly ask, review if you can! Danke!

Dean was surprised that the curing of Crowley went off without a hitch. With their luck, it was almost certain that someone uninvited would have come to crash the party. Crowley seemed to be back to his sassy self, but even he would admit there was something different about the man. Other than actually being a mortal man that is. As soon as they finished the ritual, Raziel disappeared and they all headed to the bunker. It was just him and Cas in the Impala, Kevin decided to ride with Sam, Crowley and his mom.

Which suited him just fine, he didn't want to be anywhere near Crowley still. There was a liability that he would gut him for no reason at all. Sam was the patient one, so he can handle it. His worry for his brother flared up back at the church, Sam looked like he was sick again. Sam assured him it was just an effect from the ritual, but Dean knew he was still not whole, despite him improving the past weeks. Still, there was no new information on that front either, but overall, the past week has been good. Well, as good as a Winchester could hope for.

He decided that they could all use some R&R the next couple of days, they certainly earned it. He spoke to Garth earlier, who was directing hunters whichever way to deal with whatever. Garth already had them sidelined in his book, telling Dean he would call if there was something especially difficult to deal with. In truth though, he didn't know if we wanted to go out hunting just yet. Ganking an evil son of bitch felt great, but there were too many things happening back home. He couldn't leave any of it alone for any extended period of time. And who would he take? Cas and Sam on the surface seemed ready to go for a hunt, but he knew that they weren't, at least not yet.

Especially with Abaddon on the loose out there, they still had no defense from her, so if they ran into her again, they're dead meat. It almost seemed that something out there was gunning for them, especially the past couple of years. Almost made him wish for the days when he could waltz into a town, save a pretty girl and be on his merry way to the next hunt. The hunt was his life; he didn't know any other one. Sure, he can play the white picket fence thing for a while, but it wasn't him. After Lisa, Dean knew for a fact that he will always be a hunter, and die a hunter's death. Sammy could get out of it though, has actually, before he dragged him back in. Still, if there was any hope of for the continuation of the Winchester line, it would be through Sam.

Dean sighed at the thought, he didn't mind kids, and he even believed that Ben was actually his. Cas noticed his dark cloud and looked up from the show he was watching on the tablet.

"What's wrong Dean?" Cas asked his in deep voice laden with concern. And oh boy, Cas was another situation brewing. Dean just focused on the road.

"It's nothing Cas, just…go back to watching whatever." Cas tilted his head at Dean, a mannerism that he found endearing, which he figured was part of the problem. He didn't mean to sound so gruff, but that was the way Cas was interpreting it. Dean could almost hear the Cas debating about continuing to prod him in the silence in the car. So Dean preemptively turned on the music before Cas could make up his mind. He quickly looked over at Cas and flashed a smile, which was so fake that Cas even knew it was. Seeing that Dean didn't want to talk, he resumed watching his show, but gave up since he couldn't hear anything. So Cas switched over to a game Sam downloaded for him.

Mentally sighing to himself on dodging a bullet, his train of pensive thoughts resumed. He really enjoyed last night, it was Batman back to back. What's more awesome than that?! Cas basically snuggling him was apparently. When Cas leaned into him, he didn't know what to do for a moment. This is something guys don't do with other guys right? But Cas wouldn't know, he's new to being human, so Dean gave him the benefit of the doubt and let Cas settle against him.

And he won't admit this, even if he was on the rack again, but he liked the warm presence of Cas next to him. He could smell the coconut shampoo and the Irish Spring soap from Cas, even a hint of otherworldliness that he had no idea of. It was…relaxing, but at the same time, he felt like slapping himself, because that's  _gay._ Not that anything is wrong with that, it's just not him. He likes women, tits and all, he has a sizeable stash of Busty Asian Beauties hidden in the bunker and even antique porn! Sure, Dean's looked at other guys, he's comfortable enough to admit that, after several drinks of course, but he never wanted to have  _sex_  with a guy.

After the  _Dark Knight_ though, after Cas called him a hero, he felt so…appreciated, that the empty numbness he normally feels was driven back and he was happy. So happy in fact, that he could have kissed Cas. And he would've too, if he hadn't checked himself into giving Cas a hug instead. Still, he was just so slaphappy; he wound his arm around Cas for the next movie. And damn, that felt good too. For that small time, he was completely carefree of the troubles of the world, watching a great film with his best friend…with whom he was cuddling…while he was mildly turned on. By Anne Hathaway, of course; Cas being there was entirely coincidental.

He peeked over at Cas, who was engrossed with whatever game he was playing. Cas was a good looking guy,  _if_  he was gay, Cas was a top notch catch. You only had to get around his lack of human social skills and stoic nature. The man was loyal though, he had died for Dean a couple of times, even after they both made colossal fuck-ups. Turning his attention back onto the road, he thought of asking Cas what sexual orientation he was. He just assumed that Cas was, well straight. Jimmy was, and he was married to that one chick a couple years back.

"So, um…Cas, your straight right?" Dean blurted out, immediately regretting he asked. Kevin was right, sometimes he just doesn't stop to think. He wanted to hide under a rock now, he felt that stupid.

Cas looked up from the tablet and did his squinty eye head tilt thing at Dean. "I am not certain by what you meant straight Dean." Dean felt like hitting himself in the head, now he was going to have a super uncomfortable conversation with Cas.

"Well…it means…straight means heterosexual, your attracted to the opposite sex, that kinda thing." Please God strike him down. Wait, the douchebag wasn't answering anymore, dammit!

"If your referring to sexual preference Dean, I, and by extension, all angels, are indifferent to sexual orientation." Cas's matter of fact attitude about the entire subject was assuring, however his mouth decided to keep on digging a grave for him.

"You were married for a while, did you get to…you know?"

"If you mean if Daphne and I ever had intercourse, then no, we did not." Cas continued after a brief pause, "Daphne only married me for medical and legal reasons, otherwise I would have become institutionalized by the state. She did not want to consummate the 'marriage' until I was ready. Suffice to say, I never had occasion to do so before you arrived." Looking at Dean, "human preoccupation with sexual intercourse is a difficult to understand. I know you have experience in such matters Dean." Dean wished, he has had no other 'company' for a while besides his hand.

Measuring the silence he got from Dean, Cas went on, "would it be a problem if someone of the same sex became attracted to me, or I to him Dean?"

"Uh…no, no…I'm cool with that. Sammy is too. We're cool." What if Cas wanted to go out with another dude! That would be trippy and weird as hell…and why is he feeling jealous?

"For the moment though Dean, I do not have any…sexual urges nor do I intend to act upon them if I do. There are still aspects of being human I am still discovering, and I feel such…preoccupations are a distraction." He felt like Cas was being honest, though he thought he heard a note of sadness in there. However, human sexuality is one huge topic for him to deal with. All he knows that sex is great to have, and that's about it. Anything more complicated, and he'll have to refer Cas to Sam, who is basically a self-styled shrink. Still…

"That's alright Cas…I mean sex is a big thing, and its great and fun and…well, fun. It's a great way to unwind and release some stress. As long as she….or, you know he, is willing, it can be a great experience for both people."

"Yes, I know Dean. You took me to den of iniquity once remember?" Did he remember? It was one of his favorite memories of him and Cas, running away from the bouncers. He smiled at the memory.

"Yeah, I remember. That was a great night…minus Raphael of course."

"Indeed, it is one of my favorite memories." Did Cas just say that? Cas smiled, "I think I understand why you thought it was funny now." Dean remembered he hadn't laughed that hard in ages when they got back to the alleyway. Cas frowned, "I don't think it's funny still. If anything, it is tragic." Once again, he found himself laughing again, if only for a brief second. Cas gave him a stern look in response. Dean wised up and focused back on the road.

"Why the sudden inquiry into my sexual behavior Dean?" The way Cas asked so innocently, it only reinforced the notion that Dean was still an idiot.

"I…I…was, uh…curious how you were coming along on that front. I mean, it's perfectly normal to…um, have…them. Justmakingsureyoureadjusting." He mumbled that last part, this conservation was getting him…bothered. He just wanted it to end, almost to the point where he almost wished Cas had his wings so he could fly away. Almost, he didn't want Cas to go away again. Ever.

What the hell is wrong with him? Dean's heart and mind to be seem at odds with each other, making him very confused. How did they end up here, oh that's right, he and his big mouth. Cas is his friend, his best friend. Last night…last night shouldn't have happened, he shouldn't had let Cas snuggle. But damn, Cas was comfortable and so was he, it wasn't weird then. Why the hell is it weird now? Dean looked over at Cas quickly. Seeing that Cas was looking at him worried, and puzzled, only made Dean feel more conflicted.

"Dean, are you all right? You seem to be acting…erratic." Damn right he is and it's Cas's fault. No, no, it's his, Cas's simple didn't understand, doesn't understand. He can't blame Cas for this one. This one is on him. Dean took a deep breath to calm himself down when he felt Cas's hand on his shoulder.

He instinctively recoiled from Cas's touch like it burned him. The Impala swerved slightly by the motion. Cas slightly lifted his hand, unsure on what he did. The poor guy only looked more confused and…hurt. Dean wanted to feel angry, Cas should know better…but he couldn't find it in himself to be mad. Cas was just trying to be helpful. Dean didn't say anything, he just focused on the road. Just focus on the road.

Cas tentatively placed on Dean's shoulder again, but this time Dean didn't recoil. Instead, he focused on the road only, and not to the spreading warmth from his shoulder, making his heart flutter…oh, no focus on the road. The lightness he felt was, the confusion in his mind ebbing was just because he was concentrating on the road. The warm, content feeling welling up in him was because of the victory they just achieved and him driving baby. It wasn't from Cas's hand on his shoulder, feeling Cas looking at him with concern and adoration. Aw, fuck, it's because of Cas.

Dean let go of the steering wheel with his right hand and gently took Cas's hand from his shoulder. He felt weak, like Cas's hand was the heaviest thing he ever lifted, but he intertwined his fingers with Cas's and suddenly it felt…it felt right. He kept his eye on the road, not daring to look over at Cas's face. Fear crept back into his mind, does Cas have any idea what he's doing? Does  _he_  have any idea what he's doing? What if Cas didn't understand, cause he sure doesn't.

But he felt a gentle squeeze, and Cas guided their intertwined hands to the space between them. It was like when they came back from the fight from Abaddon, except this time, neither of them let go. This time, Dean really let himself  _feel_  Cas's hand, on how it was rough with the subtle softness, not bony but strong. The warmth, the contentment of just simply holding hands relaxed him. He repositioned himself to make himself more comfortable, and Cas seemed to do the same. They said nothing, as if by silent agreement that this was just…ok.

Dean still felt, weird for lack of a better word, but it was overcome by the simple contentment that he and Cas were sharing. It was the same feeling he had when Cas and he watched movies together, the same when he found Cas in Purgatory, and in Colorado and over and over before. The simply elation that they found each other was enough to drown out the worries of a troubled world, if only for a while.


	26. Never Have I

When Crowley awoke the next morning, he was surprised that he even woke up. Being a demon precludes the need to sleep, but he is demon no more. After the ritual, he was 'escorted' by the Tran's and Sam back to the bunker. Knowing better to make light of the situation, he kept his trap shut. When they arrived back to the bunker, Sam escorted him to the bathroom so he can use the facilities, apparently he was beginning to stink as well, which he suspected was mostly the sulfur byproduct of being possessed. Afterwards, he was given some clean clothes and locked into a spare bedroom that they prepared for him.

Evidently they weren't going to allow him free reign in the bunker as of yet, but that was understandable. Sam was a kind warden to him, leaving him books, papers and pens to occupy his time. It was understood that he would help them in ridding the Earth of Abaddon, which he was committed to as much as they are. For the moment though, he was relieved that he no longer had he demon aspect pestering him. Now he could truly focus on helping the Winchesters, which is ironic. Their entire relationship has always been one of give and take, but never outright enemies like they were the past year. It began when he choose the help them and gave them the Colt, and now years later he is the one needing their help.

Sighing to himself, he was happy he was now mortal, being King of Hell was not as great as one would think. Hell was not organized, it was always at war with itself, petty feuds always broke out. Without leadership, Hell would collapse into chaos, which was why it was paramount they stopped Abaddon. Picking up the a pen, he began writing more notes and ideas to share.

* * *

The car ride home with Dean was…unusual, but Cas did not complain, nor ask for explanation. He and Dean just simply held hands for the rest of the drive to the bunker. He did not know why Dean asked such an unusual line of questions, and he was curious as to why. He knew better than to ask Dean at the moment, and asking Sam later would most likely be his best course. However, he did not want to share this with Sam, it felt this was something just between him and Dean, and it should remain that way. So they continued to hold hands until they reached the bunker. Dean always drove fast, so they were there long before the others.

Dean just opened the door and went down to the bunker without a word, with Cas following him. Cas saw him head over to his room and closed the door. Apparently Dean felt the need to be alone, which he did not yet fully understand, but he will respect Dean's 'personal space'. Taking out the tablet again, he began watching  _Sherlock_  again. It was intriguing show that appealed to him by the superb deductive reasoning of its main character. It was a show Sam recommended, whereas Dean suggested something called  _Dr. Sexy M.D_. Eventually the others arrived and after securing Crowley, they all went to bed.

* * *

Sam woke up and called Charlie to see where she was. He talked to her the previous day to see if she could stop by and it just so happened that she was nearby. She was excited to meet the rest of the team and have a proper chance to go around the bunker. Plus the summer festival was coming and she wanted to co-ordinate with her knights. She would be there in a couple of hours. After showering, he headed over to the kitchen where he found Dean making a huge breakfast. He was literally pulling out all the stops, bacon, sausages, hash browns…the works. Sam knew something was up, Dean has been acting odd the past couple of days.

"Mornin' Dean, Charlie's coming in a couple to visit for a while." Dean just grunted what he assumed was an ok, not even bothering turning around. Sam grabbed some coffee and sat down. "Ok. Dean, what's up with you?"

Still not turning to face Sam, Dean replied, "everything's peachy Sam. Just peachy." Sam knew better, peachy was Dean's code for something was bothering him. Question is, what is it and could he pry it out of his brother?

"Uh-huh, right. And how's Cas? He doing alright?" At the mention of Cas's name, Dean faltered a bit, which immediately told Sam it was about Cas. Cas seemed fine last night though, the mystery deepened for Sam.

"Cas. Cas is good."

"Yes, I am good. Though I am hungry." For being graceless, Cas still moved silently when he wanted to, he surprised both brothers. Sam saw Dean turn around to look at Cas though, and it almost seemed his entire stance softened and he smiled. Cas was wearing the shirt and sweats Dean first gave him, taking them as his pajamas apparently. His dark hair was mussed all over the place and he yawned, meaning he must have just woken up. Looking back and forth between Cas and Dean, Sam knew something was up with those two.

"Almost done with everything Cas, maybe another fifteen." Dean pointed to Sam, "how about you two set up everything. Sam, check on Crowley and Cas, check on the Tran's, see if they want to have some breakfast." Sam got up and helped Cas with all the plates and glasses, following Deans orders. Sam knew something was up between Dean and Cas, he was certain about it, he'll just have to figure it out. For the moment though, his stomach won out.

After having breakfast with everyone, except Crowley, who was given a plate to eat in his room. Linda was surprised by Dean's cooking skill, and was satisfied that Kevin was eating fresh food. Dean laid out the plan for the next couple of days, which basically amounted to research and figure out a plan. They were all went about their tasks, when Charlie arrived. Dean answered the door, happy to see the fiery redhead again. She made Sam and Dean carry all her stuff though, citing her position as queen.

As soon as she saw Cas though, she yelped with joy, basically attack hugging the poor guy. "He is sooooo dreamy! Look at your eyes! So blue!" She squealed with delight, "oh man, your hair! We need to fix you up if you're going to be my confessor." Cas looked horrified and looked around for support, which he found in Sam and Dean laughing.

"Your confessor? I…I don't understand." She let go of Cas and stepped back, looking over at Dean.

"You did tell him he's part of my court right?" Dean just shrugged, apparently he hadn't. Sam sighed.

Sam cleared things up, "Cas, this is Charlie, she helped us out with the leviathans and djinn." Cas gave Sam his trademark head tilt, which Charlie squealed with delight at, "she…uh, has read the 'gospels' and we're part of her kingdom." Dean walked over and patted Charlie on her shoulder.

"It's a roleplaying activity Cas, it's a lot of fun. We all dress up in armor and fight each other for the glory of our kingdom and lady." Dean bowed low to Charlie. "I…sorta volunteered you." It was evident the Cas still didn't understand, but gave up trying to, so he just went along.

"I'll fill him in, but I am told I have some work to do though." She walked into the library where Linda was still working on all the financial records. "Hi! I'm Charlie and I am told you need some help?" Linda shook her hand and together they sat down, talking business. Dean turned to Sam to fill him in.

Sam scratched his head, "Uh…yeah, I told Charlie we need help with the new Men of Letters stuff and making a new ID for Cas." Dean gave him a dry look, "she's the best hacker and forger we know ok? If anyone can do it, it's her alright. Besides, we all need to make new identities, we've been using our current stuff for over two years." Dean nodded.

Charlie interrupted Sam, "actually, I can do one better. I can clean your records and everything, got a friend on the 'inside' you might say. Give you great credit, employment history, no criminal record…the works. Also make blue eyes a bona fide legal resident and everything. And with Linda's help, we can set you guys up good." Linda nodded to confirm.

Sam was taken aback, "you can do that?"

Charlie just nodded, "yeah, like its hard?" She turned back to Linda and went over some more details that escaped his attention. She turned back though and looked over at Cas, "hey Cas, what name do you want?"

Sam looked over at Cas, who looked down thinking. After a few moments, he answered, "I would like to use the name of Castiel James Thursday."

Dean looked at Cas dubiously, "Thursday, why Thursday?"

"My domain was once the day of Thursday, it…was part of my identity as an angel." He looked sheepishly at Dean, "I don't know what last name I should take. It has been my understanding that humans place great honor on the family name." He was right about that Sam thought.

Dean thought for a moment, "why don't you use Singer? Bobby would be proud if you did." Wow, Dean can be really surprising at times.

Cas nodded, "I would be honored. Castiel James Singer sounds…pleasant."

"It does have a nice ring to it. And Bobby would be happy too." Sam added.

Charlie understood the significance of the name, so she remained silent, adding it to her bio she's building for Cas. "Hey sweetie, when do you want your birthday?"

Cas was quick to answer, "September 18th, 1974." Dean looked at him surprised again, Cas provided the reason though, "it's the day I took Jimmy as a vessel…and when you first summoned me. Jimmy was born in 1974, makes sense to continue using that year."

"Ok boys, us ladies can handle it from here. I brought my games with me too, entertain yourselves for a while and go blow something up."

Dean didn't need to be told twice, he and Kevin basically ran to get the consoles hooked up. Sam sighed, and looked over at Cas, who looked confused. Walking over to him to talk, "they're going to play video games for a while. You can join them but I gotta warn you, Dean really gets into it. I plan to stay here, study and research still."

"I think I will join you Sam, there was an interesting book I found the other day I wanted to go over with you."

* * *

Several hours and one defeated Dean later, they were back in the library. Charlie and Linda made a good team, and pretty much reinvented all their identities for whenever they start to hunt again. He and Kevin played several rounds of Halo, then Injustice and finally Need for Speed. Kevin was able to beat him out each time though nearly driving Dean insane. He was about to challenge the kid to using actual guns before Cas got them for dinner.

Linda made dinner this time around, and made a couple Vietnamese dishes. Kevin seemed delighted to find his home favorites prepared and Dean heaped praise for her cooking skill. He had to help Cas with the chopsticks though, which Charlie found adorable. Sam chuckled and he shot them both his death glare. In the end, Cas got the hang of it, and discovered he liked spicy. The amount of chili paste he put on his food was almost enough to make him gag. The rest of dinner was mostly small talk, or Charlie asking Cas and Kevin all sorts of geeky questions actually.

After dinner Charlie wanted to play a drinking game, which was a-ok in his book. There wasn't a pressing matter tomorrow, and they all had places to sleep in the Batcave. Linda forbade Kevin to play, but allowed herself to referee. He wasn't about to intervene on that one, Linda scares him enough. Sam looked uneasy about playing, but he joined. It's not like they are going to get stupid drunk, besides, he wants to see if Cas can still handle an entire liquor store.

Grabbing the good scotch cause, why not, he went over to the war room where everyone had gathered. Kevin was supposedly studying the tablet, but he wasn't paying much attention. He's going to let loose and enjoy himself tonight with good friends. It's been long overdue since they had a celebration…for anything actually.

Pouring them all a shot, Dean stood up at the head of the table. "First off, I just want to say that it's great that everyone here is tonight. We cured Crowley, beat off Abaddon and have Cas and Linda back, so I think that deserves a drink!" With that, he drowned the shot he had while everyone followed suit.

Sitting back down, Charlie took over, "Ok peoples, the name of the game is Never Have I. For those who are newly human, it's pretty simple. Each person has a turn, they say Never Have I and then choose something you've never done. Anyone who has done it, takes a shot, if you haven't , you don't. The first person to take ten shots, or pass out, wins."

"Is the point of the game to become intoxicated?" Cas asked innocently. He was recalling the time he and Ellen meet shot for shot back at Bobby's years ago. At the time, he was mostly an angel, so it didn't affect him.

"No, well, yes, but not really. The point of the game is to make everyone comfortable and find things out about each other." Sam assured. "If you can't handle it Cas, that's fine, you can opt out. We'll probably play poker afterward."

Cas thought for a moment, "no, I am in." Dean was proud of his angel, it's going to be an interesting night for sure now.

Charlie could hardly wait to start. "Ok, I'll go first. Never have I…made a deal with a demon."

Sam, Dean and Cas took a shot. Since Sam was to the right of Charlie, he was next. "Never have I…been abducted by fairies." Dean and Charlie took a shot. Dean was next.

"Never have I used a tablet." Cas, Sam and Charlie drank. Now it was Cas's turn.

He thought for a moment, then smiled "Never have I been born." Sam and Dean took a shot. Sam was impressed, Cas can get them with them being human longer than he has. Charlie did not drink though.

"Objection! Being born and/or created is the same thing." Dean thought about it, she had a point.

Cas smiled mischievously, "Clarification, never have I been gestated in a womb."

"Dude…gross," Charlie conceded and drank her shot. It was her turn again, "never have I flown angel airlines." All the men drank.

Sam had to think a moment, which was becoming a bit more difficult at the moment, "never have I…watched all the Harry Potter movies." He was aiming for Charlie, but Dean took a shot too. "Seriously, like when?"

"Reruns in motels. Now, never have I…been to a comic-con." Charlie rolled her eyes and took a shot, but so did Sam. Dean gave his sasquatch of a brother a questioning look.

"I went with some friends when I went to Stanford." Sam mumbled.

It was Cas's turn, to Dean it almost seemed like Cas was, swaying a bit. "Never have I…uh, never have I driven anywhere." Charlie, Dean and Sam drank. Dean was starting to feel a small tingle, but it would take more to feel a decent buzz. Charlie looked positively perky, while Sam looked a bit woozy. Heh, might come down to him and Charlie.

Charlie was next, "never have I been resurrected."

"You know…being resurrected is more of a punishment, at least for me." Cas said after he and the brothers took a shot. Dean could hear that Cas was slurring slightly, maybe he has a low tolerance now that he's fully human. Dean just patted Cas on the back, "well Cas, we're happy you're back though."

Sam took his turn, "never have I been had a profound bond." Dean gave Sam his best bitchface while Charlie giggled. He and Cas took a drink.

"Well you know what Samantha, never have I had to tie my hair in a ponytail." Sam and Charlie took a shot after she stuck her tongue out at Dean.

"This is…entertaining, now…uh, never have I," Cas looked over at Dean, "never have I had sex."

Kevin called over, "dude, way too much info." Charlie took a shot and gave a pitying look to Cas while Sam just covered his eyes. Dean just looked blankly at Cas, who was just smiling at everyone, swaying in his seat.

"Ok, you know, I think you played enough Cas, maybe you," Cas cut him off with slurred but deep gnarr, "no Dean, I'm good." He steadied himself with his hands, "I'm ok. Proceed." Dean and Sam looked at each other concerned, but Charlie spoke in his defense, "the man says he's good, let him play."

Dean just shrugged and looked over at Cas, "your funeral buddy." Cas just smiled wider, which still unnerved him.

"Ok, my turn…never have I…been the subject of Wincest." Charlie looked like she won the damn derby. Sam and Dean were just reeling from the fact that she even knew about it.

"What's Wincest?" Cas asked casually.

Charlie looked more than happy to answer before Sam cut her off, "Charlie, I love you, but if you say another word, we will kill you and dump your body in a river."

"Fine then, but you two have a double, that's my price for my silence." Charlie retorted smugly.

Dean and Sam looked at each other, and glumly took a double shot. It was Sam's turn now. "Never have I, ate more than ten burgers at once." Charlie, Cas and Dean took a drink.

"Never have I been afraid of clowns." Sam took a drink after calling Dean a jerk. Cas was next, and to his credit, it looked like he was holding up for the moment.

"Never have I…rode a ferris wheel." Everyone looked at Cas surprised, that was totally random. They took their shots but as soon she she put her glass down, Charlie asked Cas why. "I saw it in a movie. It looked like fun." Cas gave everyone a droopy smile. Dean figured Cas could take, maybe another shot.

"Ok boys, never have I been to Heaven." Sam slightly cringed, Dean frowned and Cas drained the last of his drink and poured himself another. "Uh oh, did I say something wrong?" Dean couldn't be upset, she didn't know. It was time to take Cas to bed now though. Sam bent over and whispered in her ear.

Dean stopped Cas from pouring a third shot, "ok, I think it's time you called it a night Cas." Cas snatched the bottle from Dean and took a couple of more swigs before slamming it back down on the table. Dean was about to yell at Cas, but Cas tried to get up, but nearly toppled over if Dean hadn't caught him.

Cas was heavy against him, and his speech slurred, "Dean…I don't feel…so…good." Sam was getting up too but Dean motioned him to stay put, he'll handle Cas. "You should've listened to me man, c'mon, if you're gonna puke, puke in the toilet." He half hauled Cas to the bathroom near their rooms.

"S..sorry Dean, I never listen." Cas was slurring still but Dean definitely heard a sad note in there. God, he hoped Cas isn't an emotional drunk. After a couple of moments and near run ins with the walls, they made it to the bathroom. As soon as he had Cas hunched over the bowl, the poor guy puked his guts out. Dean made sure he was supporting Cas, massaging his back to sooth him. After a couple of moments, once Cas emptied everything he ate, Dean lead him to the sink to rinse his mouth.

Cas wasn't as wobbly now, but he was still pretty incoherent, mumbling about how sorry he was to Dean and what a failure he was as an angel. Dean kept himself tightlipped until they reached Cas's room. Reaching down, he pulled Cas's shirts over his head and threw them to a corner. He patted Cas to lean on him while Dean took off Cas's pants next and threw them with the rest of his clothes. Gently he guided Cas to his bed, when the he less than gracefully flopped down on his back in just a light blue boxer briefs.

"…it's like I can't follow anything right, I just keep on messing it up. Dean…Dean, why do keep on forgiving me, I don't deserve it…I'm defective…and my head hurts…"Dean had heard just enough, and placed a finger on Cas's lips. That effectively silenced him for the moment, though he had to smile because Cas almost went cross eyed trying to look at his finger. Then Dean noticed that the tattoo was red and inflamed.

"Cas, have you been putting lotion on the tattoo?" Cas shook his head meekly, and his eyes began to water. Dean rolled his, "stay right here." Dean sped to his room and grabbed some lotion and went back to Cas, who followed his every move. Dean closed the door and sat parallel to Cas on the bed. He squirted some lotion onto his hand and began rubbing it into the tattoo. Cas looked at Dean, with is still watery eyes but instead of sadness, Dean saw…trepidation. He felt…something too, but he continued to massage the lotion onto Cas's chest.

"Cas, I keep on forgiving you because you're family and because…" Dean didn't know still, knew this wasn't the best time, so he stopped talking. He just focused on massaging Cas's chest, how firm the muscles underneath but how the skin was velvety soft. He hadn't meant to, but he brushed against one of Cas's nipples and Cas took a sharp intake of breath. Not thinking, Dean squirted more lotion onto his hand and began using both hands to massage the whole of Cas's chest. Cas was breathing deeper, but all the while, they kept their eyes locked together. Eventually, Cas's eyelids began to lower and in a couple of moments, Cas was asleep.

He hadn't noticed, but Dean's hands kept on moving, and he basically massaged the entirety of Cas's torso. Yet, he didn't feel weird, Dean…felt ok. Dean also noticed that Cas was…tenting down there, but that didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. Truth be told, he was feeling kinda tight downstairs too. However, if he wanted to be really honest, he would have finished that he said earlier. He keeps on forgiving Cas not because Cas is family, but because he loves him.


	27. What Dreams May Come

What Dreams May Come

Cas knew he shouldn't have taken those last couple of shots. He was feeling, as Dean would say, buzzed and had difficulty in thinking clearly. The last time he was intoxicated, he only achieved the sensation of a 'hangover', and failed to get the desired effect of lessening his unhappiness. He still had his grace at the time though, diminished as it was, to keep him mostly coherent. When Charlie mentioned Heaven though, the ability to keep his emotions in check was non-existent and was directed by impulse to drink more. It's what Dean would have done, drown out the guilt and unhappiness. All he achieved though was vomiting all the contents in his stomach in a toilet.

He could not recall if he said anything, or did anything else, he hadn't realized that he was mostly undressed and on a bed. Time seemed to be…fluidic and full of holes. He did remember Dean putting his finger on his lips though and his dizzying attempt to see said finger. Then Dean was gone and he felt a cool sensation on the itchiness on his chest, then a warmth that circled his chest, and then a brief explosion of pleasure on his nipple. He felt himself becoming aroused, and it was curious but wonderful sensation, but it was all secondary to what his eyes were doing. He had locked his eyes to Deans, and in the silent gulf between then, he felt peace. Dean's green reminded him of a far off park in spring, and of happier times, and before he knew it, his mind fully entered the realm of dreams.

At first, it was the green park he remembered in Heaven, however the peace that was offered there was a false peace, and the dream shifted to another, the one he had before. He was at the end of a pier, fishing pole in hand, sitting next to Dean. It was quiet except for the sounds of the water lapping against the pier and the occasional bird. They said no words, didn't even look at each other, they were…content. He tried to hold on to this dream as much as possible, he wanted to be there in reality. If he did die a human, he hoped this would be his heaven.

However, even this peace was false, and in time it faded. He awoke to a large booming sound that rocked the entire bunker. Feeling disorientated, he tried to get up, but found he was lacking the strength to do so. Then he heard a thunderous sound that seemed to rend the very earth, the ceiling cracked and the lights flickered. Using all his might, he pushed himself up, but he still felt as if he was trapped in a haze. Panic began to set in, and it clouded his thoughts, he called out to the only ones he knew he could trust.

"Dean! Sam!" He screamed, or so he thought, it seemed that no sound came from him. "Dean!" he tried again to no avail. Another momentous boom was heard and there was a crash and what he feared was a scream for help. Jumbling to the door, he pulled it open, though it fought him. After a moment, he knew he heard Dean call for him and Sammy, then there were gunshots. Then there was another crash and Dean yelling for Sammy, but Cas heard fear and anger in his voice. Dean needed his help, so he yanked the door open finally and fell into a dark hallway.

It was strewn with debris, as if part of the roof caved in, the light were out though he could see firelight down the way where the war room should be. He heard more gunshots, and a sinister female laugh. It had to be Abaddon, she must have found a way to breach the bunker. Not thinking, he raced as best he could to help Dean. Reaching the War Room though, he stopped when he saw Sam. The tall Winchester had his eyes open, but there was no life in them. He was strewn on top of the world map, with many cuts and gashes, but non serious to be fatal. She must have snapped his neck. Just then, he head Dean yell and then there was silence. Running to the library, Cas was just in time to see Abaddon holding Dean by the neck, though he was fighting her as best he could.

With Dean still struggling, she turned to Cas slowly with a cheerful smile. "Oh hello there wingless. Just in time to see me and Dean settle accounts." Turning back to Dean, she used her free hand to punch into his chest. Cas looked on horrified as Abaddon tore out is heart and threw Dean's lifeless body at Cas's feet. Falling to his knees, he never felt such fear and despair in all of his existence. He tried to reach down to touch Dean, calling for him though he knew there would be no answer. The world ended to him then, and he didn't care what happened. If Abaddon killed him, at least he was resigned to meet oblivion, hopefully for good, for his numerous failings. Especially for this one last failure to protect Dean and Sam. He felt cold hands on his head, then an inhuman twist and flash of pain.

He woke up with a startled cry at that moment. Looking around, he saw that he was in his room alone. Feeling panic rise in him, he rushed out the door and over to Dean's room, hoping to God that he was safe.

* * *

After Cas had fallen asleep, he joined the others for a couple rounds of poker. No one asked about what happened, and he noticed that the scotch was put away. Charlie tried to make small talk and after a few moments, a calm atmosphere fell upon the group. After a couple of hours, everyone retired to the night.

He was still feeling atypical, but calm about his personal realization about Cas. Still didn't know to make heads or tails of it, nor what to do, if anything. Cas was new to being human, and this, this was heavy stuff. For both of them. So better to let it lie, not to do a thing about it. This is just all new to him. Whipping out his flask for his usual nightcap, Dean stripped himself down to his boxer briefs and crawled onto his very comfortable bed.

He was mostly asleep when Cas burst into his room. Ever on the alert, Dean grabbed his knife from under the pillow and was about to jump tackle Cas when he realized who it was.

"Jesus Cas!" Dean tucked the knife under the pillow, and looked over at Cas. He was still in the doorway, but he looked pale and had a terrified look on his face. Alarm rushed over Dean, seeing that Cas was sacred of something. Softening his voice, "Cas, you ok man?"

"I…I had a nightmare, or vision, of Abaddon killing you. I…just wanted to make sure you were alright." Seeing that Dean was ok, Cas calmed down, but still looked scared. Dean knew what Cas was having, having had plenty of nightmares himself still. He was actually surprised that Cas hadn't had one sooner though. Dean was about to send Cas back to his room, but he remembered when Sam was little and had his nightmares. Sam wouldn't go back to sleep unless Dean cradled him.

Keeping that in mind, Dean looked over to Cas. The poor guy was probably hungover, and now running on adrenaline from the nightmare. Cas probably won't got back to sleep, and it's best not to leave him alone, not after something like this. It only took him a couple of seconds to make up his mind on what to do next.

"Cas, close the door and come over here." Dean patted the space next to him. Cas did as he told but stopped at the edge of the bed hesitantly. "It's ok Cas, stay with me tonight alright. Nightmares are not fun, and…you deal with them better if you have someone next to you. You need to sleep, and I'll be right here for you ok?" Cas nodded, and Dean lifted the blanket to let him under the cover. He didn't care they were both in just their underwear, Cas needed him.

Cas slowly lowered himself onto his bed, and stayed near the edge, farthest away from Dean. Laying himself down with his back to Dean, Cas teetered on the edge of the bed. Rolling his eyes, "Cas, you're going to fall off the bed. It's ok, really." Cas rolled over to look at him. Dean saw that he was still dealing with the aftermath of the nightmare, but also nervous. Dean scooted closer to him, and laid an arm on Cas's shoulder. He felt like ice to Dean, and had goose bumps.

Sighing to himself, he knew he had to relax Cas, like he had after Sam had his nightmares. "Cas, it wasn't real, I'm here and I'm ok." Dean leaned in a bit closer, "look man, I've been there too, I've had them. I've seen the world go mad. Lost Sammy, Bobby or you to just about everything. Sometimes I'm back on the rack with Alistair. Or in that fucked up future Zachariah sent me too. Sometimes it's just one, or all of them crammed together." Cas nodded, he knew Dean had nightmares still. "And it sucks, but it's part of being human. But you know what gets me through them?" Cas shifted closer to Dean. "What gets me through them is waking up, and knowing that Sammy is ok. You're ok. We're ok."

Cas nodded, but something in Dean had loosened and he kept on going. "When you were gone Cas, after the angels fell, I had nightmares every night. I tried to drink myself stupid, but that never works. Every nightmare Cas, every one was about losing you. And…and I can't do that again." Dean felt a whole bit lighter, but vulnerable now too. Cas looked at him and Dean saw one tear fall from his eye. He reached over and wiped it away with his thumb. "Cas…please, just for tonight, stay with me? Knowing that you're right here will make me feel better, and you'll feel better too knowing that I am here for you too ok?"

"Dean…this isn't my first nightmare. I had my first one the first night I fell. I dreamed that once I got here, you would reject me and throw me out. Dean…you hurt me, and you said you never wanted to see me again. I thought it was a vision, a prophecy. It instilled me with fear. I do not understand why. This is an aspect of being human I do not like."

Dean reached over and turned Cas over so his back was now facing Dean again, but Dean moved himself that he was now directly behind Cas. He moved one arm under Cas's head and his other around Cas's torso. He had moved on instinct, but he wanted to show Cas that he wouldn't hurt him, he wanted to protect him. Dean whispered into Cas's ear, "Cas, I would never throw you out. Never man, I searched all of Purgatory for you. I would have searched all the Earth for you. You're family Cas, and I need you." Softly, he kissed Cas behind the ear, then pulled Cas tighter to him. In response, Cas leaned into him, and intertwined his hand with Deans over his stomach.

They said no words, and Dean, knowing full well what this looked like, didn't care. Maybe it was the booze, or maybe it was something else, but there was no denying it now. He was deliberately spooning Cas and he liked it. He didn't feel aroused, or weird, he felt something he's known so little in his life. Simple contentment. He rested his head behind Cas's, and kissed the back of Cas's neck. He felt Cas twitch a little, but Cas just moved closer into him, as if he was trying to melt into Dean. Closing his eyes, he enjoyed the warmth from Cas beside him, and from his heart.

* * *

When Dean maneuvered him into a most comfortable position with Dean wrapping his arms around him, he forgot the nightmare altogether. He has watched over Dean countless nights, even when he was with Lisa and other women, but he never did this. And when Dean kissed him behind his ear, it was as if an electric current started from the kiss and radiated a heat that was nearly unbearable throughout his body. Grabbing Dean's free hand over his torso, he wanted to feel that same connection they had in the Impala again. But this was more, so much more. When Dean kissed his neck, he felt an elation he has never known. Such simple gestures gave all the assurance that he needed from Dean. Dean who was clumsy and foolhardy with his words, always in the end relied on his body language to relay what he meant. Dean was showing him that he would protect him, and accept him, no matter what. Any fear he had at that moment simply melted in the glowing warmth he felt throughout his entire being. Falling into that warmth, he closed his eyes and fell into a restful and dreamless slumber.


	28. Punch Drunk Love

It's been a long while since they had an actual celebration. Sure it was hastily put together, but Sam enjoyed it nonetheless. Granted, Cas puking was not fun, but Dean took care of him. Which only deepened his speculation about [the relationship](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/28/Of-Secrets-and-Truth) between Dean and Cas. Yeah, the profound bond thing was no joke, but Sam was fairly certain he brother was in actual  _love_.

Sam loved his brother, and Dean knows that, he'll accept anything from Dean at this point. Still, it's a surprising aspect of Dean Sam never suspected he had. His brother was hedonist, but also had an ample supply of machismo. Liking guys was not part of being macho in his brothers book. Sam knew better to hobnob anyone into a particular category, especially in regards to sexuality. What he worried about was Castiel. He had no doubt that Cas cared for his brother, but exactly what that meant is something only Cas knew. And Dean was horrible in vocalizing his emotions, he always hid from them. Cas was new to them, so it wasn't exactly going to be easy for the guy either.

Sam woke up early, intending to go on an actual jog that he misses. He remembered that Cas mentioned that Jimmy was a runner, so he thought to invite Cas to run with him. It would be good for them to work out and talk. Maybe he could try to figure out how Cas is doing. Cas spent most of his time with Dean, so it was hard for Sam to gauge how well Cas is adjusting.

So he walked over to Cas's room, only to see the door was ajar, which wasn't unusual. Cas liked to sleep with the door slightly open, Sam attributed that Cas did not like to be in small enclosed spaces. However, when he looked in, the bed was empty and unmade. Thinking he might have just gotten up, he checked the bathroom, but no Cas. Sensing something was up, Sam quickly checked the usual areas Cas could be found. Finding nothing, Sam began to worry. Maybe Cas slipped out? He was certainly drunk and very depressed last night, and old habits die hard. Sam had to tell Dean.

Going back to Dean's room, he knocked and opened the door. What he saw just blew everything he knew about Dean out of the water. They two of them were sleeping, Dean slightly [snoring](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/28/Of-Secrets-and-Truth) and spooning Cas. Cas looked as if he was holding onto Dean's arm for dear life, but he had a content smile on his face. The fact they were shirtless and…embracing…threw Sam for a loop. As quietly as possible, he exited the room and closed the door.

Sam couldn't help but smile, somehow, someway, those two were together and looked happy. Ok, maybe Dean might freak out and Cas confused, but for the moment, he was happy for them. Switching on his music, Sam left the bunker and went for a long overdue run.

* * *

Dean woke up first. Opening his eyes, he saw that Cas was still in his embrace, warm and in peace. Cas was still holding his hand to his stomach, and he felt every breath Cas took. Grudgingly, he released Cas so he can take a look at his phone on the table behind him. As soon as he released him though, Cas made a sad moan, but remained asleep. Reaching over, he saw he slept more than his usual four, which was actually becoming unusual. Dean had taken to sleeping a bit longer since Cas came back and Sam getting better. Maybe the bunker life is making him soft?

Putting the phone back, he went back to spooning Cas. Oh, this is so gay, he may as well turn in his man card now. He didn't care though. After what Cas told him last night, he didn't want Cas to be afraid of being cast out. The poor guy gave so much up for them, for the world but he felt Cas did it for him. Still, this is all new to him, and now it started to feel a bit out of his comfort zone. However, the fact that he was holding Cas like this was huge change for him. He never 'cuddled' with anyone, not even after sex or even with Lisa. He wasn't the touchy feely type, never has been. But he liked this, even if it was with a dude.

He had no idea what to do next though. Ok, he figured out he likes Cas more than just being a best friend. But it's difficult to think about Cas in a sexual manner. Hell, if Cas was a women, he probably be sporting a hard on right now. But, nope, nothing. He got a little aroused last night when he massaged Cas's chest, but he wasn't paying attention to getting laid, but helping Cas. But even before that come to that daunting bridge, they had to figure out their relationship.

And a relationship? That scared the hell out of Dean. He's never had a real relationship before besides Lisa, but thinking of her hurts still, even after all these years. That was a failed relationship anyways, so best not to compare. Does he take Cas out for dates? Well, actually, they kinda already had…this is all new to him. Most times, he just charms a woman, have sex, maybe chat, and he moves on. Cassie and Lisa were the only exceptions to that pattern. How the hell do you charm an ex-angel? And Sam? What is he going to say? 'Hey Sam, so I guess I love Cas now, you ok me being gay with him?' God, that sounds so shitty. One step at a time Dean Winchester he consoled himself.

Cas moved a bit, and repositioned himself to a more comfortable posture, which was on his back. Dean had to readjust with him and Cas was now resting in the nook of his right arm. He looked so peaceful and…happy. He was actually smiling, like he was having a good dream. Dean smiled for him too, at least it wasn't a nightmare. Checking on the tattoo more closely, he say there were little scabs and skin peels here and there, but that was expected. Dean reached over for the lotion in his bed stand, dabbed a little on Cas's chest. Ok, so it was a bit weird now, but it wasn't bad. Doing what he did last night, he began around the tattoo and worked from there.

Where there was usually and nice fleshy boob, there was a mostly flat and firm pec. Cas had a thin build, not defined muscles like Sam, but more like him, firm and just as strong nonetheless. His stomach was flat, but Dean could feel the muscles underneath, wiry and tight underneath the skin. Cas had a light dusting of a treasure trail. Dean didn't go further than that though, this is as far enough out of his comfort zone already. However, he knew he was having an effect, Cas was certainly…showing it, besides the soft moans that escaped his hips. Hell, he was even a bit aroused now himself.

Maybe he can enjoy this…but is it the right time? He doesn't want to fuck this up, not with Cas. So he stopped, and laid on his back too next to Cas and closed his eyes. What the fuck was he doing? There were so many gooddamn things to think about. How to break this to Sam, how to…explain this to Cas, and then there's still the Abaddon thing and getting the angels back to Heaven. He was being buried by worry he was surprised when he felt a warm hand on his chest. Dean opened his eyes and saw that Cas was now awake, albeit just awake, and running his hand over Dean's chest.

It was cautious, and curious, the way Cas moved his hand. He traced along his collar bone ad down his chest, to his belly button and the edge of his hem line. Dean felt a tense apprehension, and a rush a blood down south, making his reaction obvious now. But Cas, the tease, went back up and over his nipple, which caused Dean to moan slightly despite his best effort. Cas looked at Dean directly in the face, and had such an innocent curious look, it almost made Dean feel guilty.

"Cas…I…don't know about this," Cas frowned, "not yet, I'm…I've never done this before."

"Dean, neither have I, but your ministrations elicited sensations I have never felt before. Feelings that…I find pleasurable." Cas moved his hand down, tracing along his hip bone. Dean couldn't help another groan. "I remember rebuilding your body Dean, I remember placing your soul back into it, giving you life again." Cas began tracing the faint outlines of his abdominal muscles, "When I had my grace, I felt things differently, as I felt sensations through my grace itself. But now, now I have to rely on nerves and electrical impulses, and have it filtered through my brain. It is difficult to explain. But, suffice to say, there are some sensations that are…highly enjoyable." Cas pinched Deans nipple slightly, causing him to buck slightly. Goddamn, was Cas teasing him on purpose? "I maintain complete anatomical knowledge of the human body, and,"

"Dammit Cas, are you fucking teasing me?" Dean couldn't help himself, he was getting very very aroused now. Cas stopped, but kept is hand right below his belly button.

"Apologies Dean, I was merely reciprocating your actions. It is my understanding that is the appropriate response if someone pleasures you."

"You're….you ok with this? This is not weirding you out or anything?"

"I find this highly enjoyable, the way your diaphragm moves, the smoothness of your skin. This is different when I touch myself." As if to make a point, Cas brushed his lower stomach along the hem line of his boxers. His dick twitched at the proximity of Cas's hand.

Dean gulped, "have…you touched yourself?" Cas looked at him confused.

"Of course, how else would I wash myself?" Dean chuckled, causing Cas to squint at him puzzled. "I gather this means something else?"

"Yeah, touch yourself usually means…masturbation Cas."

"Oh. I see, in that case, no, I have not masturbated." He locked down though, "though it appears I am in a state to do so." Dean looked down, it was hard to miss. "It also seems you are also aroused as well, unless you are experiencing nocturnal penile tumescence."

He had no idea what that was. "Ummm, no that was you. All you buddy."

"How do you masturbate Dean?" Dean nearly choked, oh god, how does he get into these things? However, he was torn, he was now horny as hell, but he didn't want to do this with Cas, not yet at least. Does he? Taking a deep breath, he took Cas's hand from his belly and moved to face Cas directly.

"Cas, before we go any further, I just…I just want to talk first." Cas looked worried, but nodded. He took another deep breath, "Cas, you know what I said last night. You're family, and…I care for you. A lot. I mean…you mean a lot to me ok. Look…uh, what I'm trying to say is like l you than just more than a friend ok?" He couldn't quite bring himself to say love, not yet. He was hoping this was making sense to Cas.

"I do not understand Dean. You say I am like a brother, and also your best friend, which to my understand entail different connation's." Ok, so Cas wasn't getting it.

"Both true, but…I feel something more…uh, our profound bond Cas. That's something between just you and me right?" Cas nodded. "Ok, so it's a connection just between us, and…it's not like family, or a friend…but…romantic like."

"Do you mean to say that you are romantically interested in me Dean?" He sounded so, clinical about it, however he got it now.

"Yeah, yeah I do Cas. I'm…pretty new to this, but yeah. I need you Cas, because, I…just do." Oh god, this is chick flick moment. However, moments passed by with no response from Cas, who was looking down into the bed sheet. Dean was beginning to get worried, what if Cas didn't want him like that? For all Cas knows, this is all normal to him, not knowing any better. Dean was starting to get a sinking feeling in his stomach.

However, Cas instead scooted over to Dean. "Dean, I am newly human, and there are many things, socially, physically and emotionally I do not understand." Was Cas letting him down easy? Dean began to building his wall back up, preparing for the worst. He can take this like a man. "However, even before, when I was an angel Dean, I was always connected to you. I always felt you, and your pain, your loss, but also your happiness, and joy." Cas paused, turning his back to Dean. "As angels, we're supposed to love our Father only, have faith in him only. At least, that is what we are told to believe." Cas reached for his arm, and draped it over himself, "however, I lost faith in God a long time ago. Instead, my faith is in you Dean. Love…is a concept I find difficult to understand, but…Dean, I do not how to say this any other way that our bond is something that even I cannot describe. However, I want to keep on feeling it, I feel…happy, contentment, peace and so much more I do not understand whenever I think of you, when I am near you," Cas nestled against him, like they were earlier. "Dean, you are the most beautiful soul I have ever seen. There is nothing in all of creation that can match what that beauty means to me."

Holy shit. Cas likes him too. At least, that's what he's gathering from that. Dean pulled Cas closer to himself. "Cas, I don't know what I'm doing, but for now, I just want you to bear with me. We'll work on, whatever we have together and see where it takes us." Cas moved a little, but since they were now so close, he rubbed against Dean's dick that was still hard. Dean couldn't help but buck a little into Cas, instinctively looking for more friction. However, wrestling with his impulses, Dean stopped himself. He needed to get out now and take a cold shower. This was too much, too fast. He started to panic. He slightly pushed Cas off him and jumped off the bed. "Cas…I'm gonna take a shower 'k?"

Cas twisted around to look at Dean, who was moving to the dresser. He could feel Cas's eyes on him, but he needed to have a moment alone. In a shower. A very cold shower. Grabbing what he needed, he basically ran to the bathroom. As soon has the water was hitting him, Dean pleasured himself and in an embarrassingly short amount of time, he reached release. Just letting the hot water run down, he stood there with his eyes closed. He had just jacked off because he got turned on by a guy. And not any guy, but Cas, with his innocent caressing, the sweet exploration of Cas's hand over his body, Cas telling him he is beautiful.

Dean bowed his head, and rested his hands on the wall, seeking support from them. What the hell is he doing? What the fuck just happened? Is he gay now? What the fuck? He punched the wall in frustration, angry because he had no idea what to do, not understanding how he felt. Ok, he loved Cas, but was it love love? Maybe he's been without for too long, letting Cas cuddle with him was a bad idea. Cas didn't know better, this was his fault, letting Cas think it's ok. Must've been the alcohol from last night, he wasn't thinking straight. He's straight dammit. Right?

Turning off the shower, he dried himself off and took some deep breaths. Ok, maybe something was there. Shit, he's in for another talk about feelings. But he and Cas, they needed to sort this out. He put on his clothes and headed back to his room.

But Cas wasn't there. He checked Cas's room, but he wasn't there either. He quickly ran to the war room, then the library, then the theater and all the other rooms. He had a bad feeling, but he knew it the second he saw his empty room. Cas was gone.


	29. A Little Time Apart

Cas felt Dean's arousal on his lower back, especially when Dean bucked against him. He found the sensation…arousing, and his body responded in kind. But then Dean jumped away, claiming he needed a shower. Twisting around to look at Dean, he just saw him get his stuff and literally ran away from him. As soon as Dean was gone, he felt like as if a hole was dug out of his chest. At first he wanted to follow Dean, but he didn't know if he should. All of a sudden, he felt the need to be out, he needed air.

Not for the first time, he wished he had his wings so he could fly away to some peaceful mountain or beach. However, he had to make do with his legs. Back in his room, he threw on some clothes and shoes and rushed outside. Once he was past the door, he took a moment to breathe the fresh air and feel the morning sunlight. Still, he felt an aching pain in his heart, and it compelled him to go further away. Walking a bit further past the bridge, he needed to stop, his breathing felt constricted all of a sudden and a sadness came upon him. He froze, not knowing what he was feeling, he felt the warmth from earlier gone, and now he felt…angry, stupid and hurt. He felt like he wanted to punch something, anything and yet he wanted to be held again, comforted by Dean. But at the thought of Dean, he felt as if a knife was twisted in his heart, causing him to grasp for breath. His emotions were overpowering him, and he had no idea on how to stop it.

* * *

Sam was walking to cool off from his run. It felt good again to run, though his stamina is not as it once was. He figured it would be a while until he was back up to speed. He turned a bend in the trail heading back to the bunker when he saw him. Cas was on his knees, clutching his chest, looking distraught. Fearing the worst, he ran over to him.

"Cas! You ok?" Sam was on his knees, trying to get a good look at Cas.

After some gulping breaths, Cas looked up at him, "can't…breathe…" Shit, it looked like Cas was having a panic attack. He was shaking, sweating and it was obvious he was in pain. Dammit Dean, what did you do?

"Cas, look at me," he tried to get Cas to focus on him, "look at me ok." Cas looked at him, pained and scared, but he did, though he was still hyperventilating. "Ok, focus on me and try to take a deep breathe, just follow me." He hoped he can calm Cas down, then figure out what the hell happened. "Just focus, and breathe…in…and out….and in…."he did this for several minutes until it seemed that Cas was breathing normally again. "Ok, just keep on doing that, it's ok…I'm right here, just relax." Cas closed his eyes, but Sam could tell he was trying to hold back tears. Sam just hugged him, offering his support. As soon was Cas was in his arms, Cas began to sob. Sam just let him have it out, patted him on the back. "It's ok Cas, I'm here, you're safe." Cas wrapped his arms around him and held on like he was drowning. It actually kinda hurt, Cas was still pretty strong, but Sam didn't mind. After a few moments, Cas lessened his grip but held onto him still.

"I don't know what I did Sam, I feel…I don't know what I'm feeling."

"That's ok, just start from the beginning, just let it out, I'm here for you." He patted Cas on the back, reassuring him. Cas started from last night, telling Sam everything Dean said, and what he said, and how they ended up in bed and what happened when they woke up. Sam just nodded, taking each piece of information with calm. After a minute, he boiled the entire situation down to Dean declared his attraction to Cas and then panicking because of it, because his brother is an idiot. He was happy that Dean had enough sense to see it himself finally, but he wanted to punch his brother for acting like dick. He should've known better to lay something this heavy on Cas, who has no idea what's really going on. Cas's panic was triggered by his belief that Dean had rejected him, and he didn't know why. Cas was still holding onto him, poor guy, he had no idea what was going on.

"Cas, it's ok. I'm sorry that Dean is acting like a douchebag, but he's not running away from you. He's just…figuring himself out, just like you ok." Cas pulled away so he could look at him face to face. "I know you're still figuring out a lot of stuff right now Cas, and I can't even begin to imagine it, but this…this something you two have had for a long time. I've seen the way he looks at you, how he misses you when you're gone. He loves you Cas, he really does, I know Dean on this one. No one has ever cared for him like you have, not even me." Cas nodded, though he still looked hurt. "Cas, don't doubt that he cares for you, he does. It's…something of a big deal down here about being in a relationship with someone of the same gender. Dean's been straight all his life, and for him to even realize that he's attracted to you is a miracle. But he doesn't know what to do, hell, I don't either to be honest. He freaked out, he panicked, just like you did right now. And that's normal." Cas tilted his head at Sam, confused.

"Look Cas, human sexuality is a major part of your identity, and for the most part, people usually assume you're attracted to someone of the opposite sex. That's considered the norm, but the honest truth, it's not, it both complicated and simple. People are attracted to people, that's it, regardless of gender. Here in America though, and in much of the world, being gay has a stigma attached to it. Some think it's unnatural, others deny it, others embrace it." Sam paused, thinking for a moment, "there's nothing wrong about it, but some people think it is. And that's what Dean's scared of alright, he's afraid of how people will see him, think of him as weak." He knew it was more than that though. "And…Dean's afraid of commitment Cas, he's afraid of losing anyone he loves. Truth is though, we all have that fear. I'm just gonna say that it's not going to be easy, for either of you, but trust him ok. He'll be an idiot, and a jerk, but he loves you, don't forget that ok." He hugged Cas again, and together, they stood up. Releasing Sam, Cas stepped back and look calmer. Hopefully what he said sinks into Cas.

"Excellent speech Sam, you are a credit to the human race." Sam and Cas turned to their right to see Raziel there. He held up his arms and smiled, "Apologies, I wanted to check in with you all and I saw you two here." He turned to Cas, "brother, I do not know what is occurring between you and Dean, but I have been around humanity long enough that sometimes, you need a little breathing room. Perhaps you should come back with me, I know Joshua would be pleased to see you again."

Sam thought that was a good idea, "Cas, you should go with him. He's right, a little break from Dean would do you both good."

"Are you certain Sam? I do not feel that it is best to leave without telling Dean." Sweet Cas, Dean nearly breaks his heart and he still wants to do right by Dean.

"I'll tell him, don't worry about it. He needs this is much as you do." He turned to Raziel, "you look after him ok?"

'Sam, Castiel is my brother, no harm will befall him. We'll go to Seattle, and you have my number. Call us when you wish us back." He stepped over to Cas, who extended his arm. Grabbing hold of him, Sam heard a flap of wings and they were gone. Knowing Cas was good for the moment, Sam started a warpath back to the bunker to kick some sense into his older brother.

* * *

When he couldn't find Cas, he headed back to his room and sat at the edge of his bed remorsefully. Cas left him again. Like he always did when Dean needed him, except this time, he was running away because of him. He got up and walked over by his records, he kept a flask there and he needed a goddamned drink. Taking a swig, he threw the flask across the room in anger. Fucking alcohol, he knew it wouldn't do a damn thing but make things worse. But he was angry and he needed to punch something or drink himself into a stupor. Maybe both. No, what he needs is to get laid, that's all. Time for ride he thought when he grabbed his keys.

But then he dropped them, he couldn't go. He had to find Cas, god knows what trouble he could get into. He turned around and ran right into Sam, who promptly punched him in the jaw. Dean staggered backwards onto his bed, dazed.

"You're a fucking asshole Dean, you know that!"

Rubbing his jaw, "Sam, what the fuck!"

"Don't be an idiot Dean. What were you thinking, doing that to Cas! Man had a meltdown and a panic attack. Fucking anything could've happened to him if I hadn't found him!"

Dean looked up at Sam, who loomed over him terrifyingly, ready to knock him out. "You…you found Cas?" Looking down at the carpet, "is he ok?" he asked meekly.

"Is he ok? Shit no he isn't Dean. You nearly broke his heart, he doesn't understand why, or what's happening. What did you do?"

"Nothing!" he yelled back instantly, knowing it's a lie.

"Bullshit Dean. I saw you two earlier when I was looking for Cas." Dean shut up, he was mortified that Sam saw them, but then he got angry.

"What the fuck! You were snooping around like a pervert Sam?"

"So you're admitting you two were together last night?" Sam retorted.

"No! He had a fucking nightmare and I didn't want him to be alone. I…I didn't want him to be afraid." Sam eased slightly, but kept a threating glare on Dean.

"Why Dean? Why did you let him stay?"

Why did he? Because he wanted Cas to be with him, he wanted to protect him, hold him, guide him. If Sam already saw them though, cats already out of the bag. "Cause I love him Sammy" he whispered. The guilt of what he was about to do crashed over him then, whatever doubt he had washed away and was replaced by a painful ache for what he did to Cas. "Fuck, what did I do?" He cupped his face in his hands, hoping not to cry, not in front of his brother. In this he was successful, but he couldn't face Sam, couldn't let him see his shame. "Where is he?"

Sam spoke softly, "He left Dean."

Looking up at Sam, he asked tensely, "what do you mean he left?" He felt his heart breaking already.

Sam gave him a pitying look. "He left to be with the other angels for a while. He's safe, in Seattle with Raziel and Joshua." Sam sighed, "he needs some time to himself Dean. Give him some space."

Dean felt a stab of regret and he felt out of breath. Cas left. He's gone…because of him. He chased him away, doing the very thing Cas feared most. "I fucked up didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did. Listen Dean, I'm cool about you and Cas. It's been obvious for years now, and I know you love him. And he loves you too Dean. But he doesn't understand it like we do Dean, he's new to being human. And you, you're afraid of relationships because they end up with you hurt. I know this is new for you too, for all of us." Sam squatted to his knees, so he can be eye level with Dean. "Dean, you're my brother, and I'll love you no matter what. But I care for Cas too, he's saved our asses so many times, and he's part of our family. So please, don't fuck this up."

Sam is maybe the best little brother in the world right now. Still, he had no idea what to do, about anything. And Cas gone again, he felt lost. "I don't know what to do Sammy. I panicked ok, I got too close and I panicked. I…I hurt him real bad didn't I?"

Sam gave him a sad smile, "it hurt him Dean, he doesn't understand why. But I think he's ok for now. I don't know what to tell you though. All I can say it, take it slow ok." Sam leaned over and hugged him, "he'll be back, you two need a little breathing space." He squeezed Dean and then let go and got up.

"Sam…I don't know if I can do this. With him. I'm not gay man, and some of that shit freaks me out."

Sam rolled his eyes, "Dean, you're not gay, you just love Cas. That's it." Sam turned around and headed out the door, leaving him to his thoughts. Sam was right. He isn't gay, he just loves Cas. It sounded so simple, if it only wasn't so hard.


	30. Angels in America

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I admit, I shamelessly promote my hometown here. This is mostly a filler chapter, so I will release another chapter tomorrow afternoon. Forewarning, the coming chapters I have to readjust to being mature. As such, I will notate when a chapter has mature content. Enjoy the read.

Angels In America

Sam was always the more understanding of the Winchesters. Castiel was grateful that Sam had put him at ease and offered guidance. He was unsure about leaving Dean even for a little while, but he had to agree, time apart would be beneficial. Also, he has missed the company of other angels for a long time. They were, after all, his family, even though most of them would probably try to kill him if they knew the truth.

Cas has been following the news about the angels across the world as soon as he was able to adequately browse the internet. It has been a couple of weeks since the fall, and most news about them receded into the background. For the most part, they were doing well, adjusting just as he. Some were even trying to be of use in whatever communities they happen to be in. Perhaps, they might learn appreciate humanity just as he, confusing as they may be at times.

Raziel flew them to Seattle, where he maintained a residence in one of the older neighborhoods on Capitol Hill. The house was a modest and unassuming, but well cared. There was a quality of serenity that flowed from the property, and Castiel was almost certain there was a…heavenly quality about it. Following Raziel up the stairs, he did notice the small sigils and wards put up all around the place. He was led to a guest room, where he was invited to rest. Feeling worn out, he fell asleep once more.

It was late morning when he woke up. He felt better, and the ache he felt from early was now a dull pain. Raziel came to him a few moments later and lead to a sitting area that already had a couple of persons, who he assumed were angels.

A weathered elder black man with a warm disposition approached him and held his hand out. "Hello Castiel, it has been a long time. I am Joshua." Cas shook his hand. Joshua continued, pointing to the other two in the corner. "The tall young man over there is Ezekiel, and this is Itheriel. They are here for a mission."

Cas tilted his head, "a mission?"

Itheriel explained, "yes Castiel, God still speaks to Joshua, and we are still angels. Just because most of us no longer have grace, does not mean we abandon our duty."

Ezekiel stepped forward. He had never had the chance to meet him, but his skill as a warrior was well known in all the heavens. "Joshua called for some of us to continue missions here on Earth. Demonic activity has begun to spike in the past couple of days. From what Raziel informs us, Abaddon has begun to organize Hell once again."

Itheriel spoke next, "we don't have the strength to fight the hellspawn toe to toe, so we're making surgical precision strikes against known princes of Hell. We're also gathering as much intelligence as we can. The notes from Crowley are proving to be extremely useful."

"Since most of us are without our grace, the cherubs are ferrying us to locations across the world. Crowley gave us knowledge where he kept stolen angel blades, and we took them back." Ezekiel added.

"Are you using charms or tattoos to keep yourselves free from possession?" Cas asked.

Raziel answered. "It is not needed. Most of the fallen still have a miniscule amount of grace that prevents possession. They are in a similar state as to when your grace was nearly depleted during the Apocalypse Castiel. However, most are wearing amulets as an extra precaution. You are an exception as Metatron took all your grace. It is good the Winchesters took proper precautions to your safety." Indeed, Dean had seen to that. However, he had no grace, which was his essence, does he have a soul?

"I know my grace is gone, however, am I using this body without a soul?" He recalled when Sam was without his, how…inhuman he was. But he has been sleeping, and having emotional responses. Such thoughts had not crossed his mind before.

Raziel and Joshua looked at each other with skepticism. Joshua spoke, "to be honest Castiel, we do not know. There are traces of a soul, but also something that is like grace but not. Truly Castiel, you are unique." Joshua smiled warmly at him, "and God is proud of you."

"Why would Father be proud of me? I've killed thousands of angels, made the rest fall, released the Leviathans and pretended to be him." Cas felt a flash of anger, but also regret at the memories. He has done so much…damage to his Fathers creations.

"Yes, that is true Castiel. But you exercised what so few angels have, that which was always his greatest gift, free will. Some of the decisions you made him grieve, but he knows you did so because you thought it was right. God did not abandon us; he left because it was time for us to grow up." Joshua looked at him fondly, and Cas could feel through him, the pride their Father had.

Itheriel continued, "this was always God's intention Castiel, for us to choose our own path. However, Michael and the others did not understand that. That is why some of us left Heaven, so we can pursue what God intended."

Ezekiel looked puzzled, as was he, this was all new to him. He knew that large chunks of his memory is missing, thanks to Naomi. Seeing their puzzlement, Raziel motioned for all of them to sit before he spoke.

"I know you two must be surprised to hear such things. Heaven was reorganized by Michael and Raphael after God left. This was after the War in Heaven, when the changes happened. The Heaven that I remember was different from what you recall. Itheriel and I left shortly before the reorganization."

"What happened?" Ezekiel asked.

"After Lucifer rebelled and was cast out, there was peace in Heaven. God was still on the throne, but he never left there, watching the Earth and humanity grow. Then demons began to appear and Eve escaped from Purgatory with Lucifer's help. Monsters and demons began to plague the Earth. The remaining archangels with the armies of Heaven descended to protect the Earth from the corruption. However, there were not enough warrior angels to take on the demons, who came up in droves." Itheriel explained.

Joshua continued, "it was at this time the Michael called for all of the host to fight. But not all the host was created equal as you know. There was once many orders of angels, all serving a specific function. Most did not know how to fight. It was then that Naomi proposed repurposing some the angels into warriors."

"She was once my apprentice when I was in Heaven still. Using her knowledge, she repurposed volunteers into becoming soldiers. During this time, God became silent, speaking to few, such as Joshua here. Michael soon demanded that more and more angels were needed. Eventually, most orders were transformed into the garrisons. Once Lucifer was sealed, the Knights destroyed and the Seals set, God recalled all the host back into Heaven, over Michaels objections. He wanted to continue the purge until all the corruption from Hell and Purgatory was burned away. God decreed then that there will come a day when it will be so but not until it was time. This was twisted into what became known as the Prophecy." Raziel continued.

"After Lucifer was locked away, God created the tablets. While he was doing that, Michael began to reorganize Heaven in preparation of the Apocalypse. It was then the Gabriel left with some of the other angels, such as myself." Itheriel added.

"Whereas myself became banished, per his plan." Raziel said.

"And others still waited in Heaven, doing their original purpose, like me. I was to tend the Heart of Heaven, the Garden. After the Words were done, God left. Sadly, Michael followed what he thought was God's plan. He repurposed all the remaining angels except for few, and waited until a time came to trigger the Apocalypse. However, most angels, especially those who were not originally warriors, began to question the authority of Michael and his council. It became the norm for angels to be periodically 're-educated'. That is the Heaven you are familiar with." said Joshua.

Itheriel concluded. "Those of us who knew the truth were either hunted down, forced to hide or be silent. Besides the cherubim, all angelic activity on Earth was suspended. Heaven was reorganized into the garrisons in a hierarchy, headed by the few angels of Michael and Raphael choosing, such as Naomi, Zachariah and others. Then the Apocalypse happened. But because of your choice Castiel, to help Dean, you set in motion the beginning of God's intended plan."

Ezekiel looked over at Cas in wonder and admiration before he turned to Joshua. "You mean to say that God indeed has a plan for us, different from the one our superiors told us?" Joshua nodded.

"Yes, but it's not what you think. Think of it this way, God is a gardener who planted the seeds, but what the seed does is influenced by a number of factors. The most important of which is free will. Your choices influence others and so on and on. However, just as gardener has a general layout of a garden, what actually blooms varies. Sometimes he has to intervene, sometimes he lets it run wild. Only He can see the whole picture, the plan, it's up to us to do what we feel is right."

"So you are saying Gods plan is to let us do whatever we want?" Cas asked.

"Yes and no, that's the gift of free will. Know this though; we're all in this world together. Remember the proverb though, you reap what you sow? Some actions won't have an effect until much further down the road. Your actions have consequences, but the choice is ultimately yours. The universe is in a constant state of flux, some things are meant to happen, and others can be changed. Everything serves a purpose, even if we don't understand it at the time. Or at all." Itheriel advised.

Cas reflected upon this, the concept of free will is still difficult to grasp. His experience taught him his choices usually resulted in something disastrous. Yet, he knew his first (remembered) act of defiance, to help Dean was the right thing to do. And he would do it again.

"Joshua, Naomi said I was always defective, that I always defied my orders. Is this true?"

The elder angel smiled at him kindly, "Castiel, you always choose with your heart. In you is a love so boundless, so pure that no matter how hard they tried, you always did what you felt was right. Love is free will, its source, its end. And love will find a way."

Cas nodded, thinking he understood. Ezekiel asked another question be he was no longer paying attention. He was reflecting on all his past actions, both the bad and the good. Now that he was human, he felt love differently than he had as an angel. Now he understood that the bond between him and Dean was one of love, because it was their choice, their freedom, to choose one another. Remembering when he first saw the Righteous Man, a luminous light swaddled in shadows in the darkness of Hell. Though his soul was covered in sin, gore and guilt, the love Dean carried in him shined through and it reached for him. Grasping him, Cas now remembered the ecstasy of their touch, how its purity drove away the darkness, allowing him to carry Dean out of Alistair's keep unscathed. As an angel, he thought it was the love of God's approval flowing through him as he completed a mission, because that was what he was told. As a human, he realized it was because when he first saw Dean, he saw love itself, and Dean saw it in him, and so they reached for each other.

Raziel touched him on his shoulder, bringing him back to the present. Cas noticed that the others were gone, it was just them two in the sitting room.

"Apologies brother, you seemed lost in memory. The others have gone for now to other duties. Do you wish for some tea? I find I like tea, it is a soothing drink." Cas nodded and Raziel walked away to the kitchen. A few moments later, he returned with a tray with two cups of tea. Handing him a cup, Cas tasted the tea. It was minty and soothing, just was Raziel said.

"Tell me Castiel, how are you doing? You seemed rather distraught this morning."

"Yes, I was. These human emotions are…difficult to understand and control."

"Emotions can be like that, yes. May I ask if the source of your troubles was Dean?" Cas nodded.

Raziel took a cleansing breath. "He's head over heels about you." Cas looked surprised as Raziel. "Oh, it's no mystery Castiel. It was written all over his face when I saw him. The way he looks at you, talks to you. There is a strong connection between you two, your lines are so intertwined, it's basically one. I also see you left your mark on his soul." He calmly took a sip of his tea.

"Our lines? My mark? What do you mean?"

"Your timelines I suppose is one way to put it, paths of possibilities the some can see through time. Your two are so wound together, it's difficult to distinguish between them. And your mark, I saw it on his shoulder."

"But that's gone, I healed that scar a long time ago."

"That wasn't a scar Castiel. That was your mark, and you may have covered its physical manifestation, but it is on his soul. Your grace is mixed in his soul, and bits of his soul is in you. I think, that is the nucleus of your own soul Castiel. Yours is not like a humans, and it is not like grace either. It's something new…and Deans soul is like that too. I am surprised you never saw it earlier."

"I have to physically touch a soul to read it." He remembered the times he had to reach into persons to do so. The experience was unpleasant to both parties.

"What did they teach you up there? Physically handling souls?" Raziel sighed. " No matter, trust me on this, I can see it." He set the cup down, "let me tell you something Castiel. Your love for Dean is profound, immense and beautiful. That is something few in creation share with another person. I also know that love hurts sometimes. Be strong brother, there is nothing stronger in all the realms than love."

Yes, indeed love can hurt he thought. It hurt a lot this morning. Still does, but he knows that Dean loves him, even if he has yet to say the actual words.

"I also want to add the idiom 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' is quite true. Even the Earth cannot face the Sun always lest it burns. Give him time Castiel. Modern western society is going through another period of enlightenment, and the societal norms he is familiar with will be difficult to break. Joshua is right though, love will find a way. Until then, you are welcome here. Now, are you hungry?"

Cas stomach rumbled. He wished it would stop doing that, but it was an indication that he was hungry. He nodded yes.

"Good! There's a lovely little chicken place called Ezell's, best chicken in the US, and Oprah happens to agree with me." Getting up, he offered his hand to Cas. Taking it and getting up, they both went out the door.


	31. The Last Ingredient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rated M for adult themes, specifically sexual content. I know, about time.

He was holding an icepack on his jaw now thanks to Sam, but he deserved it. Boy did he deserve it, because he is the biggest dick douchebag asshole in the lower 48. So yeah, his jaw hurt, but it was nothing in comparison on how he felt in the inside. You'd think he would be used to Cas flying off on him by now, but he wasn't, and it was a hundred times worse because  _he_  was the reason Cas ran away.

Now Cas was a thousand miles away with his family, while Dean was moping in his room like a scolded child. He ran into Kevin in the kitchen, but the teen gave him such a stink eye, he just slinked back to his room after getting the icepack. He put on a Billie Holiday record he had in his room, because Cas mentioned it on the ride before, so he could feel a little closer to him. Then he curled up in his bed, on the side Cas slept. His pillow still smelled like him, and that only made his heartache worse. So there he stayed all day, commiserating in his own misery, wishing Cas would come back. Sometimes he fell asleep, but he woke up soon after because they always had nightmares of him losing Cas.

The first one was when him getting eaten by Croats in that aborted hell of a future. Then it was when Lucifer made him explode. The Abaddon ripping his spine out. It was if his own subconscious was punishing him for being an idiot. So there was not rest from him. And he didn't try to find something to drink either. Alcohol wouldn't do anything except kill his liver, not his guilt.

He was so lost in his sorrow, that he didn't hear Charlie come in. She set the tray of food she brought him on his desk. It was when she turned off the record player, which was just needling at the end by now, did he turn around to see who it was. She smiled at him, but he just ignored her and went back to staring blankly at the wall. Apparently though, she had a mind to talk, so she sat on the bed next to him.

"You know, the books don't do any justice about how sexy Cas looks. Sure it says he had blue eyes bluer than the deep ocean, a voice deep enough to tickle your ears, chapped lips that looked so soft that kissing them would be a dying wish for anyone. The books got nothing on his ass though. I mean, if I was into guys, I would be on him so fast, I would break the light barrier. And he's so polite and sweet. It's so cute when he does,"

"Charlie, are you trying to make me feel any more of a douchebag? Cause I don't think it's possible."

"Oh, it's possible Dean, nothing is impossible for me remember. Ever pay attention to his hands? Those long fingers, not bony, not thick, just right. I bet he has an iron grip. And that jaw line!"

"Please. Stop."

"Do you feel like an idiot?"

"Yes."

"Do you feel like your heart it being pulled out through your throat every time you think of him?"

"Yes."

"Would you do anything to have him back, to have his forgiveness?"

"God yes."

"You really do love him don't you?"

Dean was quiet for moment, he didn't want to move, because he didn't want to let Charlie know he was tearing up. "I love him ok? Now please leave me alone. I just want to be alone."

She placed her hand on his shoulder, "I love you too you know. It hurts me, and it hurts Sam to see you like this. Yeah, you were as dumb, but we're human Dean. He'll be back." She got up and left after that. He just stared into space.

He didn't how much time had passed since Charlie brought him food, but the sandwich was cold and stale, the pop lukewarm. He didn't mind, he only took a couple of bites before he just sat there, looking at the picture of him mom. He was lost in a sea of memories, of regret, pain and loss. Time seemed to blur. Sometimes he sat in the chair, sometimes the bed. He would change out the records once in a while, but mostly they played static. Food was changed out, though he never saw anyone. He only left to use the restroom, but the hallway was always empty. Cas scent was beginning to fade, replaced by the sourness of his unwashed body. His beard was becoming scratchy too. He thought he heard Cas sometimes, calling for him, but it couldn't be him. He won't believe Cas is back until he had him in his arms.

* * *

 

After a couple of days, Sam was getting really worried about Dean. They all were, even Linda was concerned about Dean. But he and Charlie tried to reach out to him, but it was if he never saw them. He was about to call Raziel to bring Cas back when Kevin came in bounding into the library.

"I found it! I found the spell Metatron used!"

Forgetting what he was about to do, he rushed into the library where Charlie and Linda were working. "Ok, how was it done?"

"The ingredients we know. But what's interesting is why. Ok, the spell. 'Angels being luminous and of the heavens, cannot be moved be to Earth without the power of love. The heart of a nephilim, the progeny of love between mortal and angel. A cherubim's bow, blessed with the power to awaken love. The tainted grace of an angel whose love of a mortal soul now branded. In the Garden, let the grace burn the former two, and all The Host in Heaven will fall mortal.' That's it."

"The tainted grace of an angel whose love of a mortal soul now branded? So an angel in love with a human." Sam eyes grew wide. Cas branded Dean when he first raised him from hell. "An angel in love with human," he repeated. Cas has loved Dean far longer than he realized. But that meant something else too. "Oh shit."

Charlie caught on, "it could have only been Cas's grace Metatron could have used."

"It also seems to read that his grace would have been destroyed in this spell. And there's not counter spell that I have found yet." Kevin added sadly.

This would…devastate Cas. The man was fragile enough as it was, and basically finding out you were the only key to expelling your family from heaven at the expense of your grace, which he had no hope of getting back now, would destroy Cas. They could lose him too. Silently, he prayed to Raziel to come quickly, and alone. A couple moments later, he was there after Charlie let him in.

"Your prayer sounded urgent, what is the problem?"

Sam filled him in, and a frown formed on Raziels face. "Indeed, it could have been only Castiel. His grace had small elements of Dean's soul in it, as Dean had bits of grace in his soul. The handmark was the brand. It is likely his grace is gone as well. This is most troubling. However, I believe you underestimate his resolve." He looked around. "And where is Dean?"

Sam looked at him nervous, "Dean is…is in his room. He hasn't come out for a couple of days."

Raziel gave him a paternal disapproving look. "I think it is time Castiel returned home. This news will perhaps bring him guilt and sadness, but he needs Dean's support to pull through this. He'll need all your support." With that, he got up and was out the door before anyone had a chance to respond.

"He's right, Cas is stronger than we think. And we need Dean back too. We need them both Sam. Let's just keep this under wraps until they kiss and make up and then we tell them." Bless Charlie, what would they do without her?

"Ok, yeah, sounds like a plan. Kevin, keep looking for anything to counter the spell. We'll…go about as business as usual." Everyone agreed. Sam went to make a pot of coffee, he had a feeling it was going to be a long day.

* * *

 

Cas was near Union Lake, people watching with the cityscape in the distance. He missed Dean, but he felt he needed time to develop his humanity. The past couple of days, he wandered around the city, trying foods, window shopping, reading and in general, people watching. He also enjoyed his talks with Joshua and other angels that came by. By the time Raziel told him he was needed back, the pain he felt days earlier was gone. Now he wanted to go back home. Back to Dean.

Raziel said nothing of what was happening, just told he was needed back at the bunker. His brother seemed worried, so he became anxious. Raziel assured him that everyone was safe, but that Dean needed him. Though it was meant to comfort him, he only grew more anxious. Thankfully, angel flight is near instantaneous and he was already bounding down the stairs when he ran into Sam.

"Sam! Is Dean ok?" Sam smiled at him, but he knew it was a cover.

"Dean…Dean has been in his room since you left Cas. He hasn't come out." Cas was about to run to Dean's room, but Sam held him in place. "Listen! He's beating himself up pretty bad about what he did Cas. He needs you, he isn't the same without you. And Cas?"

"Yes Sam?" It was kind of Sam to warn him, but all he wanted to see was Dean.

"It's good to have you home."

Cas smiled at him, "it is good to be home too Sam. Now if you excuse me." Sam nodded and he was running to Dean's room.

He opened the door slowly, peeking in. The desk lamp was the only light, so there were shadows in all the corners. However, he saw Dean on the bed, just in his boxers and undershirt. Cas could tell that Dean hadn't bathed in a couple of days, but to him, the room just smelled of just Dean. It was like coriander, leather, gun oil and sweat to him. Dean was facing the wall, not moving at all in the silent room.

Cas moved inside and closed the door behind him. He was so happy to be home, but he was nearly heartbroken to see Dean reduced to a near catatonic state. Taking off his jacket, outer shirt and shoes, he crawled in behind Dean.

"Go away." Dean whispered as soon as the memory foam dipped from Cas's weight. But he didn't stop moving in behind Dean and wrapped his arm around him.

"I don't want to go away ever again Dean." He whispered in Deans ear. Dean flipped around so fast, Cas was nearly thrown off. Actually, he would have fallen off if Dean hadn't caught him and pulled him next to him. He looked disheveled and his beard was scruffy, but his eyes held such hope and disbelief that Cas couldn't look away. "Hello Dean."

Dean smiled, and Cas saw that his eyes were watering. A single tear broke through rolled down his face. Reaching up to wipe it away he also caressed a bruise he saw on Dean's jaw, reveling on the roughness Dean's ginger beard. "I think I like the beard Dean." Dean lowered himself, meeting Cas on the lips. His lips were a bit dry, but the sensation of Dean kissing him ever so lightly, made his heart flutter. He arched his head up to feel more pressure, and Dean responded fiercely but gently. Cas wanted to feel more, so he opened wider, Dean matched him and Cas felt a tongue wet against his lips, seeking entry. Allowing Dean in, the kiss intensified. Dean was now lifting him up and Cas moved an arm behind Deans neck while the other went under Dean's shirt. As soon as he ran his hand over Dean's chest, Dean broke the kiss.

"Cas…I missed you so goddamned much it hurt." He kissed Cas's neck, "forgive me? I know I was an idiot, running out on you. I panicked. But…I need you man." Dean had one hand under his shirt now, Cas was getting dizzy with all the glorious sensations Dean was causing him. "I'll always need you."

Cas laid himself back down on the bed, pulling Dean closer to him. Using both hands, he framed Dean's face to focus on his. "Dean. I have loved you since I first saw you. But Dean, forgive me too. I don't know how to be human, and I don't know if I ever will be fully one."

"You didn't do anything Cas, and don't you dare change. You'll always be Cas to me, angel or not. It's my fault ok. I have no idea what I'm doing here at all. I still don't. It's…hard to explain. But I'm willing to work through it, if you are."

"Yes, I am willing Dean. Remember, patience is a godly virtue."

Dean smiled mischievously, "dude, don't ever change." Dean leaned down and kissed him gently. Cas put as much effort into the kiss as he could, but at the same time used both his hands to explore Dean's body. Finding the shirt in the way, he broke the kiss and took it off Dean, throwing it in a corner. Dean looked surprised, but Cas pinched both of his nipples that caused Dean close his eyes and moan. "Dammit Cas, where did you learn to tease like that?"

"You forget Dean, I rebuilt you, and I maintain a complete anatomical knowledge of the human body." To reinforce his point, he stuck a finger in Dean's belly button and pressed gently. Dean gasped, he felt an electric tickle go up his spine and to his dick. "including all your erogenous zones." Instead of talking, Dean tugged Cas's shirt off. He grabbed the bottle of lotion and after squeezing a liberal amount, he began massaging Cas's chest. Going slowly at first, he slowly increased the pressure and every so often, would stop to kiss Cas on the lips or neck. After a while, Cas was putty beneath him, though he could see Cas's erection through his pants. Dean then straddled Cas at the hip, and the weight of him on Cas causing friction caused Cas to yelp in surprise. He stared wide eyed at Dean, he pupils lust blown. Smiling, Dean began to grind slowly against him, all while he continued to massage Cas's chest, occasionally pinching a nipple here and there.

This was new for him too, he's never felt another guys dick, even though technically, Cas was still in his pants. But he could feel the hard length against his own, and since he only had one layer, his cock not only felt Cas, but also the roughness of the denim and the softness of his boxers. He could hold out longer because of experience, but Cas, this was his first rodeo. And the poor guy was in his pants still, but they were so close now, so close.

"Dean…" Cas breathed out, he looked somewhat afraid and pained. Dean lifted one hand to Cas's face, cupping and directing it to look at him. "Shhh…Cas, I know…" Dean slightly increased his pace and put more pressure, causing Cas to whimper, but still, they looked into each other's eyes. "Let it go, don't hold it…" Dean moved down to kiss him once again.

No more than a minute later, Cas gasped sharply and basically screamed his name and Dean literally saw his face scrunch up in both pain and ecstasy, Cas bucking underneath as he reached climax. Cas then went limp, gasping for breath with his eyes still closed. His limbs hung at his sides while Dean drank in the sight of Cas just completely wrecked.

"Ummm…you ok Cas?" Cas lazily turned to Dean, and obviously enjoying post coital bliss. He nodded. "Was that…was that the first time you ever came?" He nodded again. He can see why humans copulated so often, this was immeasurably pleasurable. "Dean, for a brief time, I felt like I was an angel again, I felt free…and powerful, it was if the sun went nova in my mind. Is this how it is all the time?"

"If it's done right, yeah, it can be real good." Cas reached up to touch Dean's face. Gently caressing downward, Dean froze himself, preparing himself for what was about to come. Slowly, Cas went downward, teasing as he went, until he reached Dean's hemline. Slowly, Cas reached inside with his left hand. Dean felt it his fingers snake past his pubic hair and as soon as Dean let out a breathe, Cas grabbed the base of his cock, causing Dean to inhale sharply as pleasure radiated from his dick. He lifted himself slightly to give Cas better access and using that to his advantage, Cas pulled his dick out. Seeing no point of keeping them, he took Cas's hand from him and shucked off his underwear. Dean froze for a split second, a flash of fear ran through him. He was completely naked, and hard with Cas under him. But then Cas gave him a light tug and he completely forgot what he was thinking.

"Dean, are you ok?" Taking a deep breathe, he nodded. "I want to do something Dean, if you would allow me to guide you." Dean nodded again, though it felt there were a thousand butterflies in his stomach. He was beginning to panic, but he fought it down. He concentrated on Cas, and in the here and now, and now felt good. Cas scooted up, so his back was leaning against the headboard. Spreading his legs, he motioned for Dean to sit against him between his legs. Dean did so, so now he had his back on Cas's chest, while Cas wrapped his arms around him, teasingly pinched his nipples again while Cas kissed his neck. Dean just sighed, letting the warmth from Cas behind him melt into him. Cas grabbed the lotion and was about to squirt some in his before Dean stopped him. He grabbed the lube he had in his bed stand and offered it to Cas. Taking the hint, Cas used that and using his right hand, began slowly stroking Dean while his left wandered about, trailing fire wherever his hand went. Dean relaxed against Cas as he was slowly jerked off. He closed his eyes and just simply enjoyed this languid pace of sex. First Cas was simply going up and down, but slowly began to pick up the pace then began alternating his speed and grip. Now he was just moaning with no shame, clutching at the bed sheets, his knees bending upward. When he knew he was close, he curved his head to kiss Cas, who meet him halfway. They were still kissing when he came, Cas continued to pump even after he was done, though he stopped before it became painful. Dean opened his eyes and looked at Cas, who just smiled serenely at him.

"Cas…that…was…amazing. Where did you learn that?" Cas blushed, "I read it in a book." The idea of Cas reading a sex manual seemed so like Cas. Of course he would. He chuckled. Dean moved to get up. Grapping his discarded shirt, he cleaned himself off.

"Cas, unless you like to have crusty boxers, I say you take off…well, everything." Cas got up and wiggled out if his pants. Dean took off the soiled sheets and grabbed a spare blanket from the drawer. Normally, he would want to shower, but right now, right not all he wanted was to hold Cas. Lying back down, he motioned for Cas to join him. Instead of spooning though, he stayed on his back while Cas laid his head on his chest. Warm, sated and happy, they both fell asleep.


	32. The Rock

Dean woke up after a nice nap. Cas was still on his chest, wrapped around him. For a moment, he wanted to jump out and run away, that this was too much. Talking himself down though, he just let himself enjoy the fact that Cas was here with him again. Somehow, Cas always manages to come back to him, even if he was being an dick.

So...he had sex with Cas...did he? He's done some pretty wild things in the day, but he's never did anything with a guy before. Cas wasn't even naked through it though, and there was…no penetration, so did it count? Oh, he's so not going there right now. Remembering the look on Cas's face though when he came, he couldn't help but smile, because  _he_  did that to Cas. Ok, so it counts he guesses. When it was his turn, he nearly froze up and wanted to run away again, because he's never been touched like that by a guy. But it was Cas, and him doing whatever he learned, it was just…perfect for his level of comfort. And now he was here, naked with a naked man on top of him, smelling like sweat and cum…goddamn, he was getting turned on again!

Cas shifted on top of him and mumbled "you're thinking too hard."

"What, you can still read my mind?" He joked. Cas sighed, which since he was on his chest, he felt it. "No Dean, I cannot. Your body language gave you away." Cas began to circle his hand on his stomach, which grumbled. Oh yeah, he hardly ate the past…however long Cas was gone. "Evidently, your body is now saying you are hungry." Dean chuckled.

"Wanna take a shower and grab some food?" Cas removed himself and sat up, "yes, but keep the beard, I like it." Dean reached up and felt his jaw…oh, he hasn't shaved then for a couple of days at least. Cas walked over and just stark naked, went out of his room and into his to grab his clothes. He lingered on Cas's ass for a little bit, because Charlie was right, Cas had a fine ass. Wait, did he seriously think that? Aw shit, his gay card is now stamped and approved now. Oh well. Getting up himself, he threw the dirty clothes into the hamper and grabbed clean ones from his dresser.

Seeing no one in the hallway, he padded down to the restroom. Cas had already begun his shower. He was half debating about joining Cas or going in alone. Maybe they should move to the Elders Suite, so they can have their own bathroom. Dean checked himself at that thought, was he already thinking about Cas moving in with him? Not that's hard, he already lived in the bunker...ok, maybe this kind of thing they needed to talk about. Hearing the water shut off, Cas already made the choice for him. Solo shower for him then. Cas stepped out as Dean stepped in, he quickly gave Cas a quick peck on the check as Dean passed him. After thoroughly cleaning himself, he looked in the mirror after he exited the shower. He never much cared for having a beard, most chicks liked him smooth. But if Cas liked it, he'll try it out, who knows, he might like it too.

Cas was waiting for him in the kitchen, where he was pulling out items to make a sandwich. "You learned to cook Cas?"

Looking at the cupboard Cas answered, "making a sandwich is not difficult, and hardly counts as 'cooking'." Finding what he needed, Cas assembled everything into a tasty sandwich he wolfed down. Cas took his time with his, and they ate in a comfortable silence. The bunker was quiet, he heard no one. Looking at the clock, he saw it was only nine, probably at night. That's odd, someone should be awake still doing something.

"See anyone around Cas?" Cas shook his head. "I wonder where everyone went?" Cas shrugged and finished off his sandwich. "Perhaps we should check around Dean. Make sure everything is all right."

"Yeah, ok." After putting away the stuff and cleaning the kitchen, they went over to the library, we're everyone usually congregated. It was empty, but there was a note. Picking it up, he saw it was written by Charlie.  _'Went out for movies and dinner, be back late. Sam says to feed Crowley at eight. XOXO Charlie.'_  Ah, so they left to have fun without them. That's cool, he and Cas had their own fun. He noticed a small note at the bottom.  _'PS You naughty animal you, go get him tiger!'_  He blushed, they couldn't have been loud, and the walls were thick…unless, "son of a bitch!" Cas tilted his head at him, obviously curious. "They went out to give us some alone time Cas…but, ummm, I think they 'heard' us if you know what I mean." Cas blushed in his turn, and damn that was a sight to see. "Anyways, Sam said to feed Crowley at eight, so he's probably hungry. C'mon, let's go feed the demon and check the litter box."

Cas made another sandwich, and together they headed to the quarters that they assigned Crowley. It was a another living quarters section that Sam found. It wasn't as opulent or as big as the Elders Suite, but each room had its own restroom. Dean installed a lock on the door from the outside, and it was a heavy door, so it made an effective holding cell. Opening the door, he saw Crowley was reading a book. He looked up and saw that it was Dean and Cas, he smirked.

"Well, if it isn't Dean-o and his angel pie. Come to bring me my bread and water?" Dean rolled his eyes. Cas gave the ex-demon a deathly glare. Crowley scoffed, "please, gentlemen, I jest. It's usually the jolly big giant that comes down to feed me."

"Shove it where the sun don't shine Crowley. Just checking you hadn't hanged yourself or something."

"I would shove it squirrel, it would be more fun I've had in a while. And you know suicide is a sin, I don't want to go back downstairs." Crowley looked at them more closely. "You two…seem different." Dean and Cas looked at each other, wondering what he meant. "Ah! Growing out a beard I see. How manly Dean, tickles me in the nether regions it does."

"I think I liked you more when you were begging for forgiveness and crying."

"Oh, I still want that Dean, honestly I do. However, like Castiel here, I'm human. Again. This is me, and I'm accepting that I am a snarky person. First thing this book says here, accept yourself it says. I'm, just maybe going cabin fever crazy here."

Cas stepped up next to Dean and held his shoulder, "he has a point Dean, we can't keep him locked up in here forever." Dean looked over at Cas for a few moments.

"Please, get a room, every time you stare at each other, it's like a prelude in a bad porno." Dean and Cas broke the connection, both of them blushing. "No…oh you two didn't…did you? Well it's about bloody time!" He looked over at Cas, "if you need pointers Cassy, I've been around the block a couple times, I know things that will make Dean squirm and scream you name."

"Ok! You. Shut up. Cas, we're going." Dean headed out the door, but Cas lingered a bit looking at Crowley, who smiled gleefully. "Cas!" Being summoned, he went out the door, but not before Crowley mouthed 'call me' and Cas smiled and nodded back. As soon as he was out, Dean loudly closed the door and locked it up, all the while mumbling about how to skin Crowley.

"Dean, he was always this…abrasive. It's part of his personality, which I am beginning to understand now. The time I spent with the other angels in Seattle helped illuminate aspects of my own personality." Dean looked at him concerned, but nodded. They began walking back to the main area when Dean asked, "so…you ok, with…you know, sex?"

Cas smiled, "I see now why humanity fornicates so often. Most angels found the act of sexual intercourse messy and barbaric. Others, like Balthazar, reveled in it. I find it…frickin' awesome." Dean chuckled. "I would like to have sex again Dean."

"Yeah…about that. What we did, awesome. It's just, I don't know anything about, gay sex. At all. And…there's something I don't know, I'm not sure about."

"Are you referring to anal sex Dean?" Well, apparently Cas knows his stuff. Still, he couldn't help but turn slightly red, but he nodded. "I know it is something that has a stigma about it, but from what I read, it can be immensely pleasurable. If you're uncomfortable with that though, I understand. My sexual experience is limited to what we did earlier, but I found that to be gratifying. Perhaps we should, take it slow like you suggested?"

Oh, Cas is awesome. He can do mutual jack offs, but going down on a dude, or sticking anything up his ass, yeah, no way Jose. Take it slow, and see where it goes. "Best idea Cas. I want to, you know share, things with you, experience them together, but yeah, as sex goes, let's keep it easy. How about we…just cuddle, keep it simple."

"I like to cuddle too Dean." They reached the library, and Dean waited until Cas was next to him to kiss him on the forehead. He can do this.

"So…wanna watch a movie or something?"

* * *

Sam was worried for a bit when Cas and Dean didn't come out for a while. Charlie waited with him in the kitchen, which was the closest common room to Dean's. Linda and Kevin stayed in the library, working on their respective projects. He was happy that Cas was back in the bunker, back home with them. He hoped to God that Dean didn't screw this up. He can't handle an both and confused emotional ex-angel and a depressed catatonic brother at once.

"So…you think they're doing ok in there? Think we should go knock or something." Charlie asked.

"Naw, if we hear a crash or a shouting match, then we swoop in. Otherwise, let them be." He hoped those two were talking. After last time, he doesn't think Dean or Cas could handle being physical with each other yet. He only slightly threw up in his mouth at the thought. Not that they might be having gay sex, but his brother having sex at all. He's walked in enough times on Dean that he thinks he knows Deans sex life better than his own.

"Sure thing Sam, swooping is bad." They sat in silence for a few moments. They both pretended to be looking at their tablets. Finally, after a few moment, Charlie out her tablet down. "Ok, I can't stand it. I am going to check in on them." She stood up and began walking, Sam jumbled after her. They both reached the door when they both heard Cas cry out Dean's name. They stopped, looked at each other and at the same time said, "they're good," turned around and headed to the library.

"Soooo…anyone want to head out for like, you know, pizza, catch a movie or something?" Charlie asked innocently.

Kevin looked up, "yeah, but is Dean ok with that?"

"Let's just say that Dean is…not going to mind if we're gone for a few hours." Sam answered. He could see that Kevin understood what he meant then.

Linda also got the hint, "I could use some office supplies and some shopping. Set up a PO Box and everything like that. I think we could be gone until late. Better leave a note to feed Crowley."

"Yeah, good idea, we don't want out 'special guest' hungry." Kevin snarked.

Charlie took out a paper and pen and left a note. In under ten minutes, they were all out of the bunker.

* * *

They didn't come back until near eleven. It was a long drive to the nearest mall, but they all accomplished a lot. He and Charlie went to a salon as treat for themselves. Sam's hair never felt better, though the hairdresser spent more time fawning over him than his hair, but she was nice, so he gave her a generous tip. After shopping, they caught a movie and went out to dinner.

When they entered the bunker, it was quiet. Linda and Kevin headed to their rooms with their purchases while he and Charlie tiptoed over to Deans room. Sam knocked quietly on Deans door and Charlie on Cas's but they got no response. Figuring they must be awake, Sam figured they must be in the theater room.

Turns out they were right. They just finished watching  _Star Trek_  when he and Charlie came in. "Hey Sam, have a good time?"

"A blast. And you, you ok?"

"We're good Sam." Cas answered. Charlie let out a small awww behind him. Dean smiled and put his arm around Cas, showing them they were ok. Sam nodded, and they left the lovebirds alone.

"So…I probably should knock before entering any door now shouldn't I?" Charlie asked.

Sam laughed. "I think that's a good policy."


	33. Growing Pains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated M for Sexual Situations and Adult Content

They waited until the following day to tell Dean and himself about the about the spell that Metatron used. After watching  _Die Hard_ , he and Dean went to bed. He wasn't sure if Dean wanted him to stay or not, but Dean lead them both back to his room and he stayed there the night. He preferred Dean's bed anyway, it was much more comfortable than the mattress in his room. His room held nothing to tie him there anyway, but Dean's room was all Dean. He slept well, but Dean had a nightmare that woke him, but he held Dean and whispered encouragement in his ear until he was at rest again. He watched over him like he used to, until he fell back to sleep himself.

They woke up early, and found Charlie in the kitchen trying to make something call quiche. Dean and her worked together to make it and after it was done, they took it to the library.

"You know, maybe you guys should remodel this place. Add a real dining room, expand the library, maybe add a computer catalog system. Sam and I thought to maybe make a digital database of the lore and files." Charlie suggested when they sat down.

Cutting into the quiche and serving it to them all, Dean responded, "sounds great, but it's not exactly we can hire a contractor to do it for us. I'm handy, but that's a tall order. But I have thought of maybe expanding our room, add a private bath."

"Awww, you said our. Welcome to the dark side by the way."

Now that he watched  _Star Wars_  he understood that reference, "I don't understand how being a Sith is welcoming." Charlie squealed with delight.

"You understood that reference! Did you watch the originals trilogy or the prequel?"

Dean cut in. "Originals duh."

"Good, don't watch the prequels, they ruin everything. Anyway Cas, the dark side is sometimes a code phrase for being LGBT." He tilted his head. "It stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender."

"Oh. I don't identify with any of those. I'm indifferent to sexual orientation."

Charlie gave him a surprised look, "that's, very progressive. You know, I might have to steal that line."

"Hey guys." They looked up at Sam, who was apparently come back from a run. "Smells good, what did you make?"

"Quiche, it is quite good Sam, shall I save you a piece? Since it's like a breakfast pie, Dean's liable to eat it all." Dean huffed while Sam and Charlie chuckled.

"Sure Cas, let me take a shower. Oh, and save a piece for Crowley." Sam requested as he headed to his room.

"Oh! That reminds me. Sam and I were talking about letting Crowley out once in a while. You guys can't keep him like Gitmo. Why don't you implant a tracker on him, and strap on a shock collar. I know a person who knows a person who can get one."

Dean helped himself to another slice, "hell yeah, shock him when he gets sassy. I like that."

"Dean, if you shocked him every time he was sassy, Crowley would be dead by the end of the day. I recommend if we so this, we shock him only if he does anything wrong." Dean smiled and shook his head.

"We still gotta work on your sense of humor Cas. I was being funny."

"Oh." He was getting better though, one thing he learned is that humans tend to exaggerate about everything. The rest of breakfast was mostly small talk. The afternoon was devoted to him researching while Dean cleaned the weapons and worked out. It was like that until the evening, when Sam asked everyone to gather in the library. Sam took Dean aside for a moment, and when they came back, Dean looked upset. He sat himself next to him though, and Dean held out his hand so he could it. Dean was not keen on displaying affection with people around, so Cas suspected something bad was about to come up.

When Kevin told him about the ingredients and how his grace was the key to it all, he felt breathless. When Sam added that it was likely his grace was gone for good, he just nodded. He would never fly again. Everything after that was a haze he can't quite remember. He felt Dean lead him back to their room, and he only peripherally heard Dean trying to encourage him, offer his support, but in the end, he gave up and simply held him. It hurt, knowing a huge part of him is now gone, but he had a soul now. He was still alive, had friends, a home and now, he had Dean. He felt pity about the cherub who also lost her bow, and the innocent life of the nephilim he took. However, he felt anger and wanted vengeance on Metatron, and it burned so fiercely it chased the sadness away. When he came out of his contemplation, he knew he wasn't fine, but he would be ok in time. For now, he rested against Dean, who had fallen asleep holding him.

* * *

Dean kept a close eye on Cas the next couple of days. He knew Cas was hurting, missing his wings knowing now that they were likely gone for good. However, he was working through the pain, and he was glad everyone was supporting him. He wanted to make it better for Cas, but he knew there wasn't much he could do other than be there. Rather than get angry about it though, he began helping out with research. He thought about maybe going on a hunt with Cas, maybe ganking something would be beneficial to them both.

Asking for Sam's advice, he was surprised that Sam agreed. He knew Dean was going stir crazy cooped up for so long. The concern about Abaddon was still there, but if she showed up again, they would bug out. Sam also slyly added that he should take Cas out for an actual date, stay in a nice place and explore a little bit.

He called Garth, asking for something relatively easy like a salt and burn. Garth told him there was a possible haunting near Santa Fe at an old Native American School. Thanking him, Dean began formulating the trip. Linda gave him legitimate credit cards and some new ID's. Looking them over, they were a better quality than what he and Sam had before. She even had a fake phone number to use if they ran into trouble. Dean thought of Bobby, if he could only see them now. Their little operation was pretty sweet.

There was no need to convince Cas, he jumped at the chance to go on a hunt. So several hours later, they neared Santa Fe. Instead of going to a crappy motel though, he pulled into an adobe bed and breakfast that Charlie reserved for them.

"This is not the usual accommodations you use Dean."

"Yeah, but we can afford it. I wanted us to stay someplace nice, where the sheets don't have mysterious stains. And it's our first hunt together." Cas looked at him skeptically, but didn't say anymore. Checking into their suite, he and Cas were captivated by the coziness of the place. The walls were an adobe painted a pastel mint green with brick floors and raised fireplace. The bed was a cast iron queen that looked plush. It had high ceilings and windows, to allow enough natural light in but complete privacy. There was folk art paintings and tapestries tastefully hung. In all, it was sweet. Cas seemed happy…no strike that, he was lively. Cas so perked up that he kissed Dean on the lips even before the door closed before he began unpacking.

Dean quickly looked behind him, to see if anyone saw them. He usually kept the affection displays on low, even in the bunker. Not that he was embarrassed to be seen with Cas, he…was just looking out for them both. No one had seen them so he helped Cas unpacked. It was a fairly straightforward case of an angry spirit. It attacked some gardeners near an old school, almost killing them, except for the one who was Native American. After scoping out the scene, interviewing the witnesses and doing some research, they were pretty sure they knew who the culprit. Sadly, the bones were in a crypt under a church. They figured out a way though, and while he fought the ghost, Cas salted and burned the bones. Once the ghost was gone, he used an extinguisher to put out the fire. No alarms went off because Cas thought it best to cut the power and phone lines before going in the church. It was a successful hunt and they returned to their room to sleep.

The next day, Cas was surprised to find out they weren't leaving immediately.

"We've been cooped up in the bunker for while Cas. Figure it's time we had a break from, you know, the routine. And…well, go on," blushing, he continued, "a date?"

"As in courting me, in an attempt to woo me and win my affections Dean?" He nodded. "That is not necessary Dean, you already have my affection." Pulling out his tablet, "however, Charlie says you should take me to see The Miraculous Staircase and take me 'out' for a good time. And Sam wants a souvenir." Hundreds of miles away and he still can't get away from their meddling. Sighing, he'll kick their asses when they get back.

Santa Fe was a nice city, not too big and it was pretty high up, so the it was cool and clean. After eating a breakfast of huevos rancheros that Cas drowned in pico de gallo, they went to the magical staircase. Cas looked at it with interest, though he doubted it was divinely constructed. The rest of the day was going from one museum, shopping and eating. He discovered Cas liked to try weird foods. Seriously, who eats a cactus? There were times that Cas reached out to hold hands, but he usually waited until there was nobody around, and if there was, Dean would take his hand back. Sometimes Cas gave him a pouted look, but he didn't say anything.

At the end of the day, they retired back to their adobe abode. Dean lit a fire while Cas showered, and Cas was reading a book on the bed when he came out of his. Dean flopped down, reveling in the softness of the bed.

"Dean, why do you keep refrain from showing affection when we are in public?" Shit, and it was such a nice day. Now it was touchy feely time.

"It's something I'm not comfortable with yet ok? I've never been a touchy person Cas, to hold hands and all of that PDA stuff. Not goin' to lie either, but I'm afraid that someone will see us, call us names or pick a fight." He owed it Cas to be honest.

"I understand Dean. It's just that I see other couples do the same, I even saw a same-sex couple do that too today. Perhaps one day, we could?"

"Yeah, one day ok. Though if anyone calls us anything derogatory, I'm gonna kick their ass."

Cas put the book down and cuddled next to Dean. "You know Dean, no one's around now." The way Cas said it, he could hear a lascivious tone in it. That peaked his interest. They hadn't been intimate since that first night, neither one of them knowing how to make the first move. He was ok with that, and he assumed Cas was too.

"Oh, and what do you want me to do Cas?" He turned to look at Cas. He could see the lust in that blue eyes of his. And seeing it in Cas, he felt it too. His breathing already was quickening and a warm flush was washing over him. Leaning into Cas, they kissed. They've been kissing every night, so Cas was actually getting pretty good at it now. This time though, he wants Cas to get naked first, last time was unfair. He began undressing Cas, teasing as he went, kissing along the way. Cas was doing the same to him, and before long, they were down to their boxer briefs. Dean stopped, and took a deep breath.

He nudged Cas into laying down, running his hands across Cas, kissing random places. He even playfully bite Cas's nipple, which elicited a carnal moan from Cas. Using his finger nails, he ran his hands down to the hem of where he paused. Slowly, he pulled then down, he avoided looking at…it, but focused on Cas's muscular legs and the relative lack of hair on them. Throwing the bright orange boxer brief on the floor, he looked up at Cas. He was smiling and looked at Dean intently with indecent intent. Cas took the hand closest to him and began guiding it to his cock. He wanted to pull back, but his arm felt like jelly. Slowly, Cas wrapped his hand around him. Dean never touched another dude's junk before, but…it felt warm, hard but soft and…familiar. He looked down to see what he was doing. Cas was cut like him, and had only a sparse black pubic hair with a light treasure trail. He tightened his grip and that bought him a nice moan. Thinking he can handle this, he slowly began pumping Cas, running his thumb under the head the way he liked it once in a while. After a few moments, Cas came just as intensely as he had before. And as before, Cas rode the orgasm for as long as he could, blissed out. They needed to work on his stamina Dean thought. It was weird to feel hot cum on his hand that didn't come from him, but, he thought he handled it well. Grabbing a shirt from the floor he cleaned Cas and his hand before lying next to Cas. He threw off his underwear, and was prepared to jerk himself off before Cas stopped him.

"Dean, thank you. Please, let me reciprocate." Hey, if Cas wanted to rub it out from him, cool. However, Cas reached down into his duffle and brought out some lube. He mentally slapped himself, he forgot to use lube on Cas, well, too late now. Cas maneuvered himself between Dean, and Dean was shocked frozen for a moment, was Cas going to blow him? His dick twitched at the prospect. Cas saw that, and smiling, gently pumped Dean a couple of times before he began massaging the area around his dick. Cas was finding places on him he never knew he had, and he opened his legs wider on reflex to allow Cas more access. He closed his eyes and laid his head back. Cas maybe new to all of this and have theoretical knowledge of sex, but god damn, was he putting is to good use. Cas lifted his hips slightly, so Dean scooted closer. He felt Cas kiss the inside of his thigh, and continued to massage, everywhere  _but_  his dick and balls. His hands went lower, behind his balls and near his ass. Sometimes, he felt the scruff on Cas's face brush against his dick and balls. However, it felt so good, he just moaned, eyes still closed. He used his own hands touch his chest, and he was about to jerk his neglected dick before Cas slapped his hand away. Cas pumped his a couple time before he kissed his naval.

"Trust me Dean?"

"Cas…I trust you," he replied with his eyes closed. Cas kissed inside his thighs again, and pressed softly at a spot in his perineum. When he did that, there was a small tidal wave of pleasure that made him see stars. "What the fuck was that?" he breathed out. Cas didn't reply, but instead lifted his legs up slightly. Then he felt a wet finger brush over his hole, he was about to say something, but he held his tongue. Cas asked him to trust him, and he will. Besides, it felt kinda good. Then he felt Cas's tongue flicker across his back door. It was weird, but it felt good, and relaxing. Cas kept it up for a while, in the meantime, he would jerk Dean off a bit and tease him elsewhere. Dean just focused on what he was feeling, and not what he was doing, and boy, did it feel good. Sometimes Cas would try to tease him open with his tongue, but then moved around the rim. Then he felt a finger massaging him down there, but at the same time, Cas was jerking him off again, he went a bit soft, but Cas was working him up again. He heard the lid to the lube click open, and he braced himself for what was coming next. He felt Cas's finger enter him slowly, and he gasped at the intrusion. But all the prep work Cas did, he felt ok, it didn't hurt as he imagined it would. Slowly, Cas worked on stretching him, circling around, probing deeper. He felt the muscles, especially the ring around his pucker, ease and stretch. It burned a little, but it felt great. Then he felt more full, realizing that Cas added another finger, but it felt even better. What the hell has Cas been reading?

Then Cas went deeper and crooked his finger a bit. He brushed against something that exploded pleasure in him. He moaned and saw a bright light. He felt his dick pulsing to full attention. Then Cas did it again. He looked down at Cas with amazement and Cas smiled back at him amused. Inside, he felt the two fingers beginning to move in and out, scissoring at the same time. Every so often, Cas would hit that sweet spot. He was whimpering, and clutching at the bed sheets. Cas began to move a bit faster, and deliberately hit his prostate every other thrust. Cas was finger fucking the living daylights out of him. At the same time, Cas used his other hand to pump him, between to the two, he didn't last long. He came when Cas hit that spot again, and fingered it while he still rode out his orgasm.

He was still in the tail end of his ecstasy when Cas slowly withdrew from him. Then he felt empty, and Cas was getting up. He was still blissed out, time seemed hazy. It was a few moments before he was able to think somewhat clearly. "Holy shit Cas, that was the best damned thing I have ever felt. You overloaded my frickin brain. What the hell did you do?" Cas smiled and kissed him, leaving a minty aftertaste.

"There was an article about prostate massage. I read it is the male equivalent to the g-spot. Did you enjoy it?"

"Did I enjoy it? Cas, I fucking nearly passed out I came so hard. This was the best sex I've ever had, and that's almost twenty years' experience."

"I am happy to hear that Dean. I know it was a risk to try this with you, but I am glad you trusted me." Dean pushed himself up, there was a small soreness down there, but it was nothing he can't live with. Then he saw Cas was hard again. Smiling, he took Cas again and together, they maneuvered themselves like that first night, but reversed. And he wasn't going to keep a slow pace either. Kissing and sucking on Cas's neck, he almost violently jerked Cas off. He was trying to overwhelm Cas and it seemed to work, he came again hard and all over his chest. They can work on stamina later.

After coming down from his high, he and Cas cleaned up in the shower before snuggling back into bed. Dean liked to spoon Cas from behind, since he was the taller of the two. Kissing Cas on the neck again. "Did you enjoy it Cas?" Cas nodded, he could sense he was tired. He was too, but even now, he felt the pleasure that Cas unlocked him. Was it gay of him to have his ass played with? Well, if it felt like that, hell yes. Sighing to himself, he could quite think of himself in terms like that, or Cas even. But, he sincerely loved the man dozing off next to him. Dean was beginning to drift off to sleep himself. This entire trip was going down in the books. Except for the ass part. That's going next to the Rhonda panty file.


	34. The Great Scavenger Hunt

The Greatest Scavenger Hunt

While Cas and Dean were away, Charlie stuck around for another day before leaving to attend a fair. Sam continued researching like he has been for the past couple of weeks. At the moment, he was reviewing old case files to see if there was anything to find. The Men of Letters wasn't a hunting outfit, they were academics, and their files reflected that. Unlike the Campbell library, which was focused on how to kill monsters, the Men of Letters wanted to understand the monsters. He and Dean really reflect the heritages of their family lines, Dean the warrior and he the academic.

Not for the first time, Sam saw that he could do something like this for the rest of his life. He didn't want hunting to consume his entire life like it has forever. But you never leave completely either. This though, he can find a balance between doing research like this and having a somewhat normal life.

He had Crowley helping go over the files too. It was a risk yeah, but Crowley basically gave them everything he could recall. Linda and Kevin stayed away though when he was around. In the end, he thought the shock collar was a bit extreme, but they did implant a tracker just to be safe. Charlie knows how to get the fun toys. Crowley behaved himself though, and he was actually taken up meditating with him. The ex-demon was trying to find absolution within himself, and Sam helped him as much as he could.

So they sat in the library, looking over the files when one caught his eye. It was from the 1930's and mentioned the Judah Initiative. He smiled about the entire gay thing with Aaron and Dean, if he only knew now. However, it was the content of a message that intrigued him. A rabbi heard about the Thule Society trying to gain possession of Lucifer's Sword. There was a reference sheet attached, explaining the sword was Lucifer's own, taken from him when he was banished. There was some history of it, last known alias of the sword was the  _Corcea Mors_ , the sword of Julius Caesar. There was a follow up file that he went to find. Finding it, he read it immediately. It was on a list of items that was supposed to be shipped to the Men of Letters from the Judah Initiative, but the Thule Society attacked.

They had taken it and some other artifacts. However, he was directed to another file. After a couple of hours, he found it. The Judah Initiative attacked and retook the artifacts. All that was noted that it was too late to send it to America, so the Initiative would conceal and guard them in Europe. That ended the paper trail here in the bunker. However, maybe Aaron and the golem might know what happened to the sword. He called Aaron, asking for a favor, to which he agreed and would be there in a couple of days. If they can get that, they can take on Abaddon.

* * *

Cas and Dean came back to the bunker a couple more days in Santa Fe. Cas thoroughly enjoyed the hunt and small vacation with Dean. They were still taking small steps, but it was new for both of them, so they were fine with the pace. Sam texted them with a promising lead though about Abaddon. Cas had not known about Lucifer's Sword, but he would help with the research when he got back home.

They pulled up to see an unfamiliar station wagon parked near the bunker, which he guessed belonged to Aaron. He and Dean got their stuff and headed inside. After stowing their gear in their room, they came out to the library. Cas saw the golem, a hulking mass of muscle that towered even over Sam., standing next to who he assumed was Aaron, who was seated. Sam and Raziel were seated as well and he and Dean sat down as well.

"Good to see you again Aaron," Dean greeted, nodding to the golem, "you too Big Guy."

"Same here, like the beard. I like men with beards." Aaron replied. Cas suddenly felt a twang of jealousy. He did not like this man.

"So does my boyfriend," Dean retorted, taking his hand. Cas felt better, but he didn't like this Aaron. Sam raised his eyebrows and Raziel cleared his throat.

"Ok, so good to have you back guys. We were just about to talk about the sword."

"The rabbis buried the artifacts in a vault in France. They had me collapse it when the Nazi's overran the country." The golem supplied in a deep voice.

"I already flew over there, but I cannot access the vault. It's warded and only be opened with a key." Raziel added.

"I am the key malakh." The golem responded.

"So, just zap over there and open the door." Dean said.

"I cannot. The magic that constitutes the golem is incompatible with angel flight. We'll have to fly there by conventional means." Cas saw Dean's face go pale.

"Cas and I can go Dean, you can stay here. Keep an eye on Crowley." Dean shook his head.

"I'll go, the sooner we have that sword, the better. I handled a flight to Scotland fine." Dean gulped. Sam got on the laptop and began making reservations. Raziel and Aaron continued talking about the Judah Initiative while he and Dean prepped themselves for another trip. In less than a couple of hours, they were on the road again to the airport where Sam dropped them off.

Cas knew Dean had a fear of flying. He felt bad for Dean, and for his hand. Dean nearly crushed it during take-off, and he was vomited a great deal. There was no chance Dean would sleep either, he was so high strung. Every time there was a bit of turbulence Dean nearly went into hysterics. Cas did not understand the fear, and calmly advised Dean that statistically, air travel is the safest in the world. When they were landing, Dean kept on repeating 'don't crash, don't crash' over and over. He was happy for the both of them when they landed.

Aaron packed the golem into the box for easier travel, and followed them both to the hotel. He and Aaron got the chance to talk on the flight, when Dean wasn't puking, and Cas found that the bearded man was ok. At his request, Cas spoke to him in Hebrew, so he could brush up on it. Once landed, Cas was the translator for them all, making it easier to get around. They had to rent a car since the vault was far in the county. They decided the rest a day before heading off to it though. The jet lag, as Dean called it, set in.

The following day, they got ready to go. The golem was awakened and drew lots of stares when they went on the street. The Thule Society was still very much alive though, so they took precautions. Dean asked Raziel to fly over with their weapons just in case the day before. As soon as the vault was open, his brother would transport it all to the bunker for safekeeping.

It was a long drive, but the country side was beautiful in early summer. The vault was near the village of Toucy. They pulled over to a restaurant where they had some excellent food. It was late afternoon when they reach the vault, which was buried in a wooded area into a hill. Taking shovels, they all began to dig until they reached the door. The golem opened it y twisting a lock in the middle that was impossible to move by mortal hands. Together, they stepped inside. Cas looked around, it was a small repository, large enough for just a couple people to be in at one time. Dean and the Golem waited outside while he and Aaron looked around.

"Looks like no one's been here since it was buried." Aaron wheezed through the dust.

"Indeed. From what I read, the Thule Society was quite dangerous."

"Is dangerous Cas, they're still around. And they're plenty dangerous." Aaron picked up a diadem. "I wonder what this does."

"I would refrain from touching anything. They may be cursed." Aaron dropped the diadem.

"So…how did you and Dean meet?"

"I raised him from hell." Cas knew that Aaron was trying to make small talk, a skill that Dean encouraged him to develop more.

"Oh. So, uh, dating long?" Aaron shined a light over to some boxes in a corner. A box inscribed with Latin caught Cas's eye. He walked over and motioned for Aaron to follow.

"No, though we have been friends many years. It is a new experience for both of us. Dean has never been in a relationship with another male." Lifting the box, he was able to read that it was warded and inscribed with the standard of Julius Caesar. Opening it carefully, he saw that it was indeed an archangel blade. Then he heard shouting. He handed the box to Aaron and placed himself in front of him and faced the door, gun drawn.

"You think we were followed?" Aaron asked. It was a possibility, but Dean kept checking to make sure they weren't. However, they could have been tipped off by other, supernatural sources.

"Possibly. Stay behind me." He knew that Dean and the Golem would protect them. Together, they moved to the door to see what was happening. Peeking out, Cas saw that there was at least five men in camouflage pointing weapons at Dean. The Golem wasn't moving, apparently trying to make sure it stood as shield between the men and the vault.

It was at the moment that Raziel, Itheriel and Ezekiel appeared and attacked the Thule. Necromancers they may be, but they are not match for angels. Ezekiel moved so fast that two of them were on the ground while Raziel and Itheriel sent the others to sleep. Cas rushed up to check on Dean.

Patting him over, Dean took his hand to make him stop. "I'm good Cas, they just got the jump on us. They just popped up literally from the ground. I think they knew we were coming and laid a trap."

Itheriel approached them. "Hello Dean Winchester, I am Itheriel. It appears that we have arrived at a fortuitous moment. I have heard rumor of the Thule Society still functioning. I did not expect something so brazen though."

"Yeah, well, we kinda expected it. It's the Winchester luck." Ezekiel walked over and introduced himself. Ezekiel and Dean got to talking and went on about fighting techniques. He showed Raziel the box he found confirmed that it was indeed Lucifer's blade. Itheriel took the Thule members to a location to be questioned later. Then Raziel went to inspect the Golem, while Aaron came over to him.

"So, who's the one Dean's talking to?"

"Ezekiel. Why?"

"He's hot, that's why." Cas arched his eyebrow at Aaron. "Oh, c'mon, I was being funny." He may be a new human, but he knew a lie when he heard one. Still, he let it slide.

"We should assist in sorting out the contents of the vault."

Together, they went back down, and began pulling things out. Itheriel returned and began transporting the items back to the bunker, where Sam was making room for them. When he had a moment, he spoke to Raziel. He wanted to him to fly him and Dean back with the sword, so they can work on eliminating Abaddon. He also requested that Ezekiel accompany Aaron back to the United States. Raziel agreed, and contemplated assigning Ezekiel to Aaron, as he apparently had a large role to play in the future.

After that, he walked over to Dean. "Dean, Raziel will fly us back home and Ezekiel will guard Aaron from this point. I think it would best to begin planning on how to kill Abaddon."

"Good plan Cas. Though, this seems like a nice place." Dean looked out from the forest to the picturesque farmland. "Wanna come back here someday maybe?"

Cas took his hand, and Dean let him this time, "yes Dean. I would like to see more of the world with you." Cas chuckled a bit, drawing Dean's to look at him begging to ask what's funny. "I think I am trying to set up Ezekiel and Aaron. Aaron is enamored with him."

Dean laughed. "Playing matchmaker now Cas?"

"Hardly Dean, I am just distracting him from you. You're mine."

"Jealous huh?"

"Slightly, yes. I know Aaron is a good man and friend, but the notion he may be attracted to you unsettles me still."

"Listen, it's normal to feel jealous. I feel it too. You don't notice it, but lots of people look you over like a juicy steak, and I get jealous when they do. But don't worry, I won't cheat on you, cause I know you won't cheat on me. Got that?"

Cas felt foolish and petty then. "I understand." Feeling bold, he leaned close to Dean's ear. "I also understand your ass is mine." To affirm that, he squeezed Dean's ass, that caused him to yelp a bit.

"Dammit Cas, don't say that," Dean looked around, and smiling, whispered in his ear, "at least, not in a place where we can't have sex."

Cas cleared his throat. "Perhaps we should ask Raziel to take us now. It is vital we work immediately to stop Abaddon."

Dean nodded, "yeah, we need to do…rigorous research." Cas smiled, and went to find Raziel.


	35. The Tale of the Moondoor Madness

Chapter Thirty Five

The Tale of the Moondoor Madness

A week after coming back from France, they spent time trying to track down Abaddon. However, she was like quicksilver and was never to be found. Finally, they left it up to the angel squads to do the leg work for now since they were faster. Dean was getting excited though; the Mid-Summer Jubilee was coming up.

Sam and Cas were going to join him, but Kevin wanted to come as well. Seeing that they couldn't leave Crowley with Linda alone, the entire team decided to go. The Queen of Moons was more than happy to have a full retinue, so she pulled some strings to get them all of them in. She directed them to places where they can buy clothes and tents for the event so they can be fully prepared. By the time they rolled into Michigan, they were more than prepared for the adventure. Still, they brought all their weapons and the Lucifer sword was tucked in the baby's trunk just in case.

They got three tents, one for Cas and him, Sam and Crowley and one for the Tran's. He was unsure about Crowley being out in the open, but they had a tracker on him and hex bags in his pockets. Sam vouched for his safety and agreed to be his shadow for the trip. When they got all set up, they changed into their outfits.

He picked a similar outfit he had before, with the leather pants and tunic with a full chainmail shirt underneath. Cas went with a kilt and full Scottish regalia. Asking why he picked it, Cas said he wanted something unique and that the Scots were known to be ferocious warriors. Hard to argue with that. Kevin came out looking like Robin Hood, complete with bow and arrows. Linda and Sam came out in commoner clothes, but the fun part was the clothes they picked for Crowley.

He came out of the tent in tight tan hose wearing a jesters outfit with pointed shoes and hat. He looked unhappy and frowned.

"Crowley, hate to break it to you, but you're supposed to be funny." Dean reminded him.

"Oh bowlegs, I'm full of giggles and happiness." Crowley said flatly.

"Ok guys. Let's meet her highness." Sam called out. Heading over the Charlie's tent, she handed them their character sheets. She gave him a knight, Cas as a paladin, Sam as a wizard and Kevin as an archer. Linda was an honorary matron to the queen and Crowly was named the court jester, as Sir Sourpuss Sass. Grumbling about his fate, he lived up to his name in the court.

* * *

 

Sam thought this was weird hobby to have, especially since he actually lives a life that involves magic and monsters. He understood the escape though, and its appeal to Dean. Here, he can actually be a knight in shining armor, a hero that is recognized. Chuckling, he found it ironic that his fair maiden happened to be a fair man. Seems like Cas and Dean are doing ok, though Cas confided in him that he wished would Dean showed more affection in public like other couples. He was at least happy to know that Cas knew why Dean wouldn't, but got a promise from him to work on it. Only advice Sam could give was patience.

After the battle plans were drawn up, he and Crowley wandered about the camps. The festival had a huge area rented, a little over 60 acres that included small patches of forest, a large field, river and hill. Moondoor was situated on the hill, overlooking the other camps. Moondoor and its allies camped on the western edge with the hill and forest, the field in the middle and the other camps on the other side of the river to the east. In the center was the 'free city' that served as the center of the all the crafts, food and vendors. Well over a two thousand people had come, and it was an interesting sight.

"You know moose, it wasn't like this back in the day. Shit and piss in the streets, no one bathed and the food was horrible."

"I know, but this is a fantasy Crowley, make believe. To these guys, magic is bean bags and bad Latin. We know the truth, but you know, it's fun to make believe."

Some men walked over to them from a rival kingdom. "You jester, make us laugh lest be find entertainment by breaking your fingers!"

Sam was about to speak up, but Crowley was quick to retort, "alas, I cannot make you laugh for I have no mirror you see. The only thing funny here is that thing you have as a face."

"You insult the Lord Wrathwind of Darkhold! Pay you must for these transgressions!" One of the other guys hollered.

"The only thing insulting is your whiny voice upon my delicate ears. Lord Wrathwind, what you do to get that name, eat a burrito?" Crowley shot back.

Challenged, the Lord Wrathwind spoke, "I challenge you to a duel, my honor demands it!"

"Bring it, and I'll end you like Ned Stark."

The Lord waved over an official, who apparently was the one organizing all the duels. Sam and Wrathwind agreed upon a time later the afternoon. After the others went away, he and Crowley began walking around again, "You know Sam, I might enjoy this. Rather civilized, a duel. Simple, direct and effective." Sam rolled his eyes.

* * *

 

"The historical accuracy of the camp is widely incorrect. There are blends of several time periods and elements that never existed." Cas told Dean while examining a sword. "The craftsmanship of this blade is remarkable though."

Dean looked over at Cas, "well, as I said, it's fantasy Cas. It's fun and a good escape from reality." He picked up a dagger, "this is pretty sweet."

"Dean, our reality consists of demons, monsters and angels." Looking at the dagger Dean was looking at, "how's the balance on that?" Dean twisted it around, "pretty good, bit heavy on the back end, pommel has nice work."

Cas saw Sam and Crowley approach them, and nudged Dean to turn around. "Hello Sam, Crowley. Enjoying yourselves?"

"Spades full of fun Cassie. I got myself a duel with a windbag." Crowley answered.

"How are you going to fight yourself?" Dean joked.

"He's serious Dean, he was challenged by Lord Wrathwind of Darkhold for insulting him." Sam explained.

"With a name like that, he deserves to be insulted. So, got a duel set up already?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Sam, did you read the handbook?" Sam looked down at the ground, "I kinda skimmed over it."

After rolling his eyes, he turned to Crowley, "you fighting, or do you need a champion?"

"I can handle it." Crowley looked at Cas, "look good in a kilt Cassie, very authentic. I remember wearing those, boys free and in the breeze." Cas arched his eyebrows. "Oh, you're not going commando? It's best, and squirrel here will love it. Easy access."

Sam and Dean shouted Crowley to shut up at the same time while Cas just blushed. Sam looked at Dean, "seen Kevin anywhere?"

Dean pointed down the street, "yeah, he's hanging out with some wench's from the tavern. Let the kid have some fun." At that moment, a young women in a dark cape carrying a staff with ivy and a pine cone came over to the group.

"Hello gentlemen, I am Delilah of The Northhaven Druids." She handed Sam a paper, "we're having a bonfire tonight, we're inviting all the kingdoms to come. It's BYOB, but," and she looked at Sam, "I have some special mead you can have." She winked at Sam and then moved on.

"Sam, I do believe she was being flirtatious with you." Cas pointed. He was getting better at reading emotions and intent in people now.

"She totally was Cas." Dean said before turning to Sam, "you should go, hell, I'll go. Nothing like a fire and a good beer."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll go." Sam said. "Oh, I saw this and I wanted you to have it Cas." He handed Cas a book. Cas took it and looked it over. It was a dark treated leather journal, but there was a design worked into the cover. The design was of two angel wings encircled by a sun symbol. "Figure you might want to start a journal. Reminded me of you."

He traced his hand over the angel wings, "thank you Sam, it's very beautiful." Sam smiled at him while Dean smiled at his brother.

"Moose is so sweet. Now how about we have ourselves a pint? This heat is unbearable."

* * *

 

Turns out that Crowley was a more than competent fighter during the duel, even if it is with boffers. Charlie herself came down to observe the it, as did many others. Apparently, Lord Wrathwind has been insulting people all day, looking for someone to bite. Crowley made him look like a fool, and gained renown. Kevin was even cheering on the ex-demon.

Sam was happy to see that Crowley was adjusting to humanity well. He hadn't displayed any lingering demonic tendencies in weeks and everyone, even the Tran's, was getting comfortable with his being around.

Delilah came around him several times, winking or saying 'hey there' at him. She was obvious, and she knew it, but he liked it. She was very beautiful and she seemed interesting. There was, something almost pulling him to her. When evening descended and the bonfire started, he found her where she said would be, at a tent handing out mugs of mead. She still had her staff, and once he took a drink, he felt himself loosen has he hadn't in for a long time. Taking his hand, they began dance and make out almost instantly.

* * *

 

With Sam distracted, Crowley thought that if he was still a demon, this would be the perfect escape window. However, what good was there to escape when he had no place to escape to? He knew that the Winchesters and company still didn't trust him, but he wanted to earn it. He took a free mug that was being offered and suddenly felt light and free. There was music in the air now, a drum beat that enfolded him, telling him to let go. So he did, and began to lose himself in the growing crowd, dancing away with anyone and everyone.

* * *

 

Dean and Cas arrived a bit later than everyone else, being held up by Charlie, who was trailing behind them. What Dean saw though, looked like a lot of fun. There was music playing loudly of consisted mostly of percussion instruments, a sort of primal beat. A huge bonfire was in the middle, blazing high in the night sky, with hundreds of people dancing around it. He spotted his brother with Delilah, engrossed in kissing her. Good for Sammy he thought, then he saw Crowley, who was doing the same with several men and women. That, he could have lived without seeing.

As if out of thin air, a lovely maiden wearing a very sheer dress that lift nothing to the imagination, offered him and Cas a mug. Not one to turn down a free drink, he threw his head back and took a great draft of the bittersweet drink. It felt warm going down, and he felt his troubles and inhibition float away. Dropping the mug, he turned immediately to Cas and began kissing him fiercely that took him by surprise. So much so that Cas fell into the ground and he with them. They rolled a bit down the slope. He heard Cas cry out something, but all he cared about was feeling every bit of Cas he could.

He was thankful that Cas was wearing a kilt, Crowley was right, much easier access. He felt Cas push against him, but he held Cas down, nipping at his neck. Practically tearing Cas's shirt in half, he began biting and kissing every part he could find, while he pined Cas down. Why he was fighting him he had no idea, but it was interfering with his pleasure, so he struck Cas. Then he felt a kick to his head and blacked out.

* * *

 

When Cas saw the bonfire, he knew something was immediately wrong. Most people were dancing, but he also spied some groups in engaged in sex. But no one seemed to mind, and that made him concerned. He maybe newly human, but he knew in general people did not engage in sex in public. Then he saw a women offer Dean a drink. He never saw her approach, it was if she just appeared there. He was about to stop Dean from drinking but it was too late. Whatever was effecting everyone was now effecting Dean, who grabbed him passionately, causing him to lose balance.

While falling, he saw Charlie in the corner of his eye, "Charlie! Don't drink anything, there's something in it!" Then he and Dean rolled down the small hill. He tried to push Dean off him, knowing something was not right. Dean was never this affectionate in public. Then Dean began kissing and biting him, which was usually highly pleasurable, but this not right, he was not enjoying this. So he tried to escape, but then Dean struck him hard. He was so shocked, he didn't see Charlie kick Dean on the side of the head, knocking him out.

She offered her hand to Cas to help him up. "Sorry I was late, I had to fight off this one chick who kept offering me a drink." She looked down at Dean, "what the hell is happening?"

Now that he was vertical again, he surveyed the area. There was less people dancing now, and more in acts of…well, everything carnal he could think of. The music seemed to be thundering in his head, as if it was call to let go. "I don't know, but evidently, there is something supernatural at work." He bent down to pick Dean up in the fireman carry position. Dean was heavy, but he could carry him for a while. "Let's head back to camp and figure out what is happening."

Charlie looked around as if she was tempted to stay, before he shouted her to come. They raced through the deserted camps to his tent, where he put Dean down. Asking Charlie to watch him for a moment, he ran to the Impala and took out some stuff before heading back. Once in the tent, he tied Dean up and for extra measure, also cuffed him.

"Why are you doing that?" Charlie asked.

"He drank whatever is effecting everyone. It is highly possible that he is cursed at the moment, and will try to escape or…harm us." He rubbed he jaw, it was sore, but he'll live. "I feel a pull, to go join them, some type of magic is certainly at work."

"Frak me, I liked this stuff better when the real magic stayed out of it. I feel it too." Charlie sighed. Just then, Linda popped her head in.

"What's going on? Everyone seems to be acting unusual."

"Have you drunk anything from anyone?" Linda looked at him quizzically.

Shaking her head no, "I know better than to take drinks from strangers. And why is Dean tied up?"

"There's some kind of orgy happening at the bonfire, and we think there's some magic involved. Dean here took a drink and began making out wildly with Cas." Charlie explained. "I knocked him out and here we are." She thought for a moment, "I need to get something from my tent. Be back in a moment." She went out.

Dean moaned then and opened his eyes. Cas looked down and their eyes meet. However, there was nothing of Dean in his eyes, the intensity he usually saw was replaced by a look of wild abandon. Licking his lips, Dean tried to move, but saw that he was securely tied.

"Kinky Cas, I like it. You want to fuck me with my hands tied? I'd like that, just pound me into the ground." Eyeing Linda, "and you can watch. Join in, if you like." Linda stared at him wide eyed. Cas knew for certain this wasn't his Dean. Dean would never say such things. 

"I…I thinks its best we step outside." Linda nodded and they both went out, though he kept the flap slightly open to keep an eye on Dean. Dean continued making offers and called for him, but he ignored them. Charlie came back a moment later with her tablet.

"So, I have a pretty large database on everything on here. No idea where to start though. Cas?"

"This reminds me of the rituals Dionysus used to carry out in Greece. However, he is dead now, so I cannot be him."

"Could someone be trying to raise him, or be using an artifact? Or could it be a ritual of some sort?" Linda asked. Cas thought for a moment. Then he remembered.

"I think it might be an artifact. The staff that Delilah was holding, it is known as a thyrsus. Maenads used to carry them." Charlie typed in the information.

"Got it, ok, you're right, Greek in origin, related to nymphs and sirens. Hmmm, not much info on them beyond that they liked to dance, drink and have sex. A lot, actually to the point of frenzy. People they influenced have been known to literally dance or drink themselves to death, kill and eat animals raw." She sighed.

"Will they do anything else? Like go on a murderous rampage?" Linda asked. Charlie shook her head. "No, the entire point was to reach a point of ecstasy so they can become part of Dionysus. Might tear a bull apart with their bare hands."

Cas was thinking, Greek entities were generally susceptible to bladed weapons anointed in blood. He wished Sam or Dean wasn't infected, they might have a better idea.

"It seems whatever they are doing, it started with the mead. I would hazard a guess Delilah is likely the maenad. Sirens I know can be killed with a bronze blade by someone they infected. However, it might be different for a maenad." He wondered aloud. Thinking for a moment, he pulled out his phone.

He dialed Joshua, as he knew Raziel was engaged in another mission at the moment. Picking up, he told Joshua about the situation, after a few moment, Joshua told him what he needed. "Ok, Joshua said there are two possibilities in this case. One, either a maenad is here and can be killed with a silver blade anointed with an infected persons blood to the heart, or it could be the staff itself, in which case, we just burn it."

"Oh, that's easy." Charlie exclaimed.

"I doubt that it will be Charlie."

"Sarcasm Cas, sarcasm."

They planned what to do in his tent, after gagging Dean. It pained Cas to do it, and he was half inclined to do what Dean asked, but not under the power of spell. They would try to do both. Burn the staff first, and failing that, kill Delilah. They had a couple silver knives and using Dean, anointed the blades. He and Charlie would go for Delilah, while Linda would go for the staff. Slowly, they made their way back to the bonfire.

The closer they got, the more the urge to join in the revelry became. The bonfire was taking place in a small shallow valley next to the river. Looking over the edge, they say that nearly everyone was engaged in some form of physical contact…and nearly or completely naked. He tried to spy out where Delilah was at, but he couldn't find her. So he began looking for Sam, which was easier because of his height. Spotting him near the fire, he saw that Sam was in coitus, but with whom, he could not determine. Figuring that's the best place to start, they warily waded through the mass of bodies.

Some would come and try to make out or fondle them, but as soon as they were rejected, they moved on. The same scantily clad women offered them drinks, but she vanished as soon as Linda made a swipe at her. Eventually, they found Sam who was indeed 'with' Delilah though, she was on top of someone else as well. Both Cas and Charlie tilted their heads at the difficult position of handling two men at once.

As soon as Delilah saw them, she lifted her herself up from Sam and the other man, holding the staff. Lifting her arm up to them, they froze. The draw she pulled was immense, and he had a difficult time resisting her. He looked over at Charlie, who was faring worse than he, she began to buckle. He tried calling for her, but she fell into the crowd, lost to a sea of hands. Next he called for Sam, but he was busy with the other man. Looking back at the maenad, she smiled sweetly.

"What is wrong my child? Is pleasure so abhorrent to you? There is no sin in this, let go, feel free and let the divine take you." He gasped, the pull was so strong, but he focused on Dean. He only wanted to be with Dean, and no one else. As if reading his mind, "ah, you want your lover? Why limit yourself to one person? We all love, and we love equally." His resolve breaking, he fell to his knees.

That's when Linda took the staff from her and threw it into the fire. The maenad screamed, but it was enough for Cas to regain control and stab her in the heart. She looked at him surprised, then ecstatic as she began to burn like the staff. In a couple of moments, she was ash and the pull, and the music, stopped.

"How did you resist her?" He asked Linda.

"Easy, I just didn't want to do anything here with anyone. And I have very good self-control. You were distracting her though, giving me the chance to take the staff away." He nodded. He looked over to where Charlie was getting up. She looked dazed, but had most of her clothes on. Sam on the other hand, gave a surprised yelp. Actually, there were several before a uneasy quiet same over the revelers.

Linda and Charlie had the discretion to not look and began heading back to Moondoor. Cas turned to Sam, who was scrambling away from the other man, who looked just as embarrassed as Sam. Seeing Sam's clothes, he walked over and handed them to Sam, who gave him a shaky thanks. Giving him a hand, they tall Winchester looked around, as did he.

Everyone was silently heading back to their camps, most had embarrassed looks, though some looked happy. Among those was Crowley, who sauntered over to them. Then they spotted Kevin, who gleefully came over. Apparently, he enjoyed the revelry as well.

"Well, I hadn't had a good orgy like that since the 1960's." Cas gave him an irked glare. "What? I'm not complaining of what happened. Felt good to let loose."

"Cas, what happened?" Sam asked in a low voice. Cas gave them the rundown, and after being thanked for saving them, they headed back. Nearing their tent, Sam pulled Cas aside. "Uh, Cas, I would really appreciate it if you don't…you know, tell Dean?"

"Of course Sam. You have my word." Sam gave him a hug before heading into his tent.

Cas went into his and saw Dean still tied up and gagged. Cas was careful with the tape, he didn't want to pull at Dean's beard.

As soon as it was off, Dean spoke, "I'm sorry Cas."

Moving behind Dean to untie him, "an apology is not needed Dean. You were not yourself. It was a maenad. She placed a spell on everyone, including Sam, Kevin and Charlie. I nearly fell to its influence as well, hadn't Linda intervened." Uncuffing Dean, he walked back to sit with Dean. "I knew it was not you the instant you kissed me. But you gave me strength Dean, to fight her. I want to be with no one else, just you."

Dean moved in to kiss him, but Cas flinched a bit on reflex. He couldn't help himself, but he chided his subconscious no less. Dean saw that and backed off. "Cas, you know I would never force you to do anything you don't want to," he said pained.

Reaching over to kiss Dean on the cheek, "I know. For right now though, let's just go to bed." Dean nodded. After undressing and putting on sweats, they went over the covers. The resumed their normal position, and fell asleep.

* * *

 

The following day, the festival closed, citing a health concern. Officially, the reason given was that some mind altering substance was in the water, and the area unsafe. Most people couldn't look at each in the eye without shame or embarrassment anyway, so nothing would have been accomplished. Charlie was sad that it had to close, however, after the night before, she understood. They broke camp together and headed back to the bunker in relative quiet.

The trip back home was small talk and sweet nothings between him and Dean. Once again, it was just them in the Impala. Cas theorized that Sam was giving them room to develop their relationship, which was just fine. Outside of Lebanon, they stopped though. Pulling to the side of the road, they both got out of the car. The sky was red with fire and black with smoke. Just then Itheriel appeared wounded by them.

Dean caught him before he fell to the ground. Before passing out, he whispered, "Abaddon. She's taken over the town."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a huge fan of True Blood and always wanted to work it in a little bit. Final stretch! Only seven more chapters and it is all done. Until the sequel comes out.


	36. Perhaps Today is a Good Day to Die!

"What's that in the distance?" Kevin asked, pointed out the windshield. Sam looked to where he was pointing. Against the late afternoon sky that was normally cloudless and blue, there was a trail of black smoke.

"Looks like a fire. Kev, can you check the news? I'll call Dean, they should be ahead of us." Taking out their phones, Kevin shook his head at a report of a fire while he waited for Dean to answer. He wasn't answering, so he tried Cas. Cas picked up on the fifth ring. He placed him on speaker.

"Sam. Abaddon has taken over Lebanon, we have Itheriel who is injured." Oh shit.

"Has she breached the bunker?" Linda asked.

"We don't know. We're not getting a response from Raziel or any of the other angels. We think they might be in battle." There was a hand off and Dean took over. "Sam, we're about four miles north of the bunker, take the side road and you'll see us. Call Charlie and tell he to head to someplace safe."

"Will do Dean." The line clicked.

"Bullocks. She has the stones to lead an all-out assault. Lebanon has over two hundred people in it, that's an army." Sam agreed, that many demons are too much to handle themselves. He dialed Charlie.

"Charlie, it's not safe at the bunker. We want you to head someplace safe." He said when she answered.

"No way Sam, I can help. I've taken on djinn and leviathans, and now a maenad. I can fight."

"Charlie, these are demons, an entirely different level of evil. Not to mention, that's a Knight out there, no, it's better you went to another place and wait."

"That's not your call Sam, I'm only a couple minutes behind you. See you in a bit." She hung up.

"Dammit Charlie!"

"We could use her help Sam, she did good back in Michigan. She's a fighter." Linda added while driving. "I have some demon bombs in the back, and some weapons. We're not new to this Sam. We can hold our own."

No use arguing with Linda, she was right. All of them here have fought and lived. Still, he didn't want any of them in danger, even Crowley. Dean was going to blow a gasket though.

* * *

Cas held up Itheriel, who was leaning against the Impala. "One of the perimeter alarms sounded an hour ago near the bunker. Abdiel flew in to check it out, and at the moment he saw Abaddon. She lead a host of demons to possess the townsfolk and others as well. We think they have maybe five hundred demons." He took the water that Cas offered.

"Has she made it to the bunker?" Dean asked, checking a gun.

"No, she hasn't pinpointed the exact location, and the wards are holding. There's no way she can get in. And she knows it too. We think her plan is to lay siege to the bunker."

It was they feared, however, she picked the worst time to invade. "No one is there. She can lay siege for all eternity if she wanted." Cas remarked.

"Perhaps brother, but last reports indicate that the Thule Society has allied itself with Abaddon. That's what those operatives we interrogated told us. Human allies would be a boon for her." He paused to take a breath. He was cut in some places with an angel blade, as some grace was leaking out of him. "The bunker is immune to supernatural attack, yes, but not to modern human weapons. A concentrated artillery strike may be able to collapse part of the structure."

"What! I thought the Men of Letters tried to make the damn place impenetrable." Dean yelled.

"They did Dean, but the last major update to the bunker was the late 1940's. It could survive the weapons of that time, even a nuclear bomb, but its 70 years out of date."

A cupid and Raziel flew in with a couple of other de-powered angels. They looked weary and some were injured. Raziel headed to him and Dean though he had deep shoulder wound on his left side. At that moment, Linda parked behind Dean. She went to help tend the wounded while Kevin, Sam and Crowley came over to join them. Cas went over the updates with the new arrivals before Raziel spoke.

Raziel faced Dean, "she has laid holy oil traps and angel banishing sigils around the town. We got out before a Thule banished us. She holds the town now." "She's surrounded herself with demons and Thule. We can't fly in because of the traps and sigils. Abdiel is dead and both Itheriel and I are nearly drained." Looking over to the injured group of ex-angels, "they were the closest team we had. We took some out before we were overwhelmed."

Sam spoke next, "I called Aaron on the way over, he's about two hours away. He and Ezekiel will come as fast as they can." Looking at Dean directly, "and Charlie is coming too, she won't take no for an answer Dean."

"Raziel, have you called for the other angels?" Cas asked.

"Yes, but we have only so many angels to ferry them, and I am hesitant to call them down before we formulate a battle plan. Now, is Lucifer's sword in the bunker or with you?"

"Got it in the trunk." Dean answered. "So we can take her out, but there's an army between us and her. Figure we make a distraction?"

Crowley spoke up, "let me play bait, bet they would love to get their hands on my arse." Everyone looked at the ex-demon. "what? None of you have what she wants, but she would love to get her hands on me. Those demons would go wild to catch me, to curry favor from her."

"You sure about that Crowley? If they get you, you're dead." Sam asked.

"You denim wrapped plaid loving knuckleheads don't have a monopoly on self-sacrifice. It's the best shot."

Cas interrupted them, "excuse me, but what is she after?"

"Besides us two," Dean said pointing to him and Sam, "no idea. Must be something in the bunker she wants."

Raziel nodded in agreement, 'then it would be prudent to hold you two back until the distraction has succeeded. I suggest we set up a command post so we can organize." Everyone nodded. Cas and Kevin worked on laying salt lines and wards. Dean , Itheriel and Raziel began making calls, trying to find support and back-up. Sam and Linda, and Charlie when she rolled in, began doing weapons inventory and checks. After a couple of hours, Aaron and Ezekiel joined them with the Golem.

The plan that they formulated would use Crowley as a bait to draw the demons out. To that end, he'll take a car and a couple ex-angels as guards. The powered up angels would lead the ex-angel teams in a pincer movement on opposite sides of town to thin the center around Abaddon. Then Ezekiel, Aaron and the Golem with another team of ex-angels, would try to do a final distraction to break the center. This was a cover so Dean, Sam and Cas could get in and kill her. They convinced Charlie, Linda and Kevin to stay on the sidelines and head to the bunker. Some hunter back up was underway directed by Garth, but most were too far away to be any use. However, some were able to come. They would be paired with the angels. In all, they had a little under two hundred persons. Odds were not with them, but the hope was with Abaddon dead, then her army would break. Otherwise, they're all dead.

Now it was mid-evening, they had maybe a couple hours of sunlight. The attack would happen in fifteen. Raziel did some last minute planning, advising Joshua to send other teams at hell mouths and portals to limit reinforcements. Sam and Charlie were giving each other hugs, while the Tran's checked their super soakers and guns. Dean pulled Cas to the side.

"Cas, I know we've done this a hundred times, but, promise me you'll stay safe. If there's a chance to save yourself if things go south, take it. Even if you have to leave me behind."

"Dean, you can't ask that of me. I'll never leave you. We both come back, or we both die. I'll follow wherever you go."

"Dammit Cas," Dean leaned forward to rest his head on Cas's, "I'm not worth dying for 'k. In the grand scheme of things, I'm just a grunt. This is what I do, and I'll die doing it. So, if I say run, you run." He lowered his voice, "I won't have your death on my hands Cas. I…can't bear it. Not again."

"Dean, I've already died for you, and I'll do so again. Why? Because I love you. And you are worth dying for, you're not worthless, or just a solider. You're Dean Winchester. You killed Azazel and shot the devil in the face. So you're worth more than you think, and…you're everything to me. So you don't get to ask that. It's my choice."

Dean said nothing, just moved to kiss him. It wasn't sweet, it wasn't passionate, it was hope in that kiss. They lingered for a few moments, savoring it as if it would be their last. Seeing that it might very be their last, Dean finally had the courage to voice what he could never say before. The truth. "I love you Cas. You'll always be my angel." Cas hugged him tight, and Dean responded by hugging tighter. Finally, they moved apart, ready for battle.

* * *

Sam and Crowley walked over to a car that some ex-angels brought. A couple of them were in the car already, guns ready and blades in reach. "Crowley, I know you're still looking for redemption, but please don't be reckless. I can't believe I'm saying this, but came back alive ok?" Sam handed the gun Crowley had when they captured him.

"Ah Sam, my moose, you really do care and love me. I would kiss you for good luck if you're your big head wasn't in the sky." Sam rolled his eyes. "In all seriousness, I want to come back from this too. I think there's some good I can do in the world still. Besides, I want to see the next season of  _Girls_." With that, Crowley got in the car and off it went.

The angels moved to their position, and their rag tag group, Team Free Will, stood ready. As soon as Crowley called over the radio that a lot of demons were on his trail, the angels attacked. Watching the movements from an outlying house, Dean waited until it looked like most demons were heading to deal with the angels. At that moment, he sent the Ezekiel's team with the Golem to scout the center and locate Abaddon, at which point Aaron would radio it in then he would move.

Lebanon is a pretty small rural town, so he could survey the entire battle. About a third of the town was burned down, probably by the earlier battle. There were some explosions, and bright flashes of light. Sometimes the ground shook and thunder was heard. They only had less than a dozen powered angels, and some of them were weakened already by the earlier fight. They kept their distance though, as the Thule had readied banishing sigils at every turn.

Charlie radioed in that they made it to the bunker undetected. They'll hold the fort and prep for triage. Cas held onto his hand while the battle waged. Aaron radioed that Abaddon was in a granary complex at the southern end of the town, mostly undefended. They'll try to distract whatever guards she might have while they make their way down.

Night had fallen at this point when the three of them made their way down. Keeping to the shadows, they were able to sneak all the way t the southern end of town. Working together for so long now, they only needed glances and small hand signals to communicate. Peeking into the doorway of a warehouse, Sam indicated seven inside. Cas lit a demon bomb, counted to three and threw it in. Once it blew they rushed in, there were a couple humans still, likely Thule unaffected by the bomb. Sam knocked one out while Dean fought the other until he shot him in the knee. Moving on, they entered the inner processing area.

In the middle stood Abaddon , alone. "Hello sweeties, nice to see you again." Her vessel looked remarkable like the one the Winchesters first encountered her in. They all trained their guns on her and spread out, so she can't knock them all down. Cas took out Lucifer's sword with his free hand.

"Let's cut the pleasantries shall we toots?" Dean said, immediately firing at her head. However she ducked and when she ended her roll, threw her hand up to Cas and threw him across the room.

"I see you brought daddy's sword. Wondering where that went. I'll be sure to gut wingless first so I can hang you with his intestines." Dean shot off a couple more rounds before he ducked behind a pillar, at which point Sam threw a holy oil molotv.

It missed, but hit the wall instead, and the building caught fire. Cas was back up and fired off more salt rounds, annoying her, and she was about to send him flying when Dean tackled her. Which was a bad idea, like last time, and she grabbed his throat before Cas tackled her at the same moment he threw holy water on her. Cas rolled away, but Abaddon used her power to pull Dean to her and throw Sam across the room.

She hugged Dean with one arm tightly, until Cas heard some sickening cracks until Dean cried out in pain and passed out. Sam and Cas stood up, hands up.

"Not bad, not bad at all." She bite Deans neck, piercing the artery there. Cas screamed for Dean and nearly rushed to him, but Sam held him back. Using her other hand, she covered the wound. "He'll bleed out in minutes if I let go. Now the sword. Throw it here."

Cas threw the sword at her feet, where she kicked it behind her to the main entrance. Behind Sam and Cas, part of the warehouse collapsed. "Let him go Abaddon." Cas demanded.

"Oh wingless, I never said I would let him go." She let go for a bit to lick Dean's blood, then placed it back. "Hmmm, tasty. He owes me a pair of hands, and I really do want to make souvenirs of his eyes." Just then, Lucifer's sword erupted from her chest, narrowly missing Dean.

"Now now Abaddon, did they ever tell you to never do the evil dialogue?" Crowley remarked. Abaddon froze in a silent scream as her body began to glow in divine fire from the inside. She dropped Dean, causing Sam and Cas to rush to him. Cas reached him first and held his hand to his throat to put pressure on his wound.

"Cas! Hold his head and keep pressure on the wound, I'll lift him, We need to get out, now!" Sam yelled. More of the building was collapsing, and Abaddon was will being consumed. Crowley pulled the sword out and began moving out with others.

As soon as they were out the door, the earth trembled and an inhuman scream nearly ruptured their ears. Then a huge explosion occurred, throwing all of them a fair distance. At the same moment, the demons knew they were beat, and made a hasty retreat, leaving whatever vessels they had. The Thule, being few and human, surrendered.

When they landed, Cas scrambled back to Dean and kept pressure. Dean was going pale though, and Cas was having difficulty keeping pressure on the wound because of his emotional state. Sam took over, and yelled for help. Cas just broke down, taking Dean's hand, praying for him to hang on. Crowley and the ex-angels followed him with a med kit. They took out some gauze, and Sam let them place it over the wound. It was quickly soaked. For Sam, this was too similar when Dean was shredded by the hell hounds.

It seemed an eternity, but Raziel came running over, and held his hand over Deans throat. Taking his hand back, the angel collapsed but one of his sisters helped him up, "I've used what grace I have to heal what I can. Many have sustained injuries; we're healing all we can. I repaired the arterial wall, but that's all I can do. He should live though."

"Thank you Raziel, thank you." Cas said between tears. Raziel looked down at Dean, saddened.

"I am sorry Castiel, I wish I could do more. It'll be several days before any of us will have the strength to heal him completely."

Sam checked the wound, the flesh was still torn, but was no longer bleeding profusely. Sam breathed a sigh of relief. "Dean will pull through Cas." Sam placed clean gauze and taped it over the wound. "We'll need to take him back to the bunker." Getting up, he turned to the ex-angels behind Crowley, "tell everyone to take the injured to the bunker, we have triage set up there." They nodded and took off, running down the street. Sam patted Cas on the back, but Cas was just silent, staying next to Dean, softly caressing him.

Sam turned to Crowley, and gave the man a huge hug. "You did good back there Crowley. If I had a vote, I would say that's a deed worth forgiveness." Crowley hesitantly hugged back.

"Thank you Moose. That's means a lot, but seriously, evil dialogue, she had it coming." Releasing his hold, Crowley looked down at Dean. "Let's get everyone back to the bunker."


	37. The Bunker of Healing

Sam took charge in the aftermath of the battle. Lebanon itself was a complete disaster, with half the town burned and most of its residents dead. Those that survived were now no longer possessed and were clueless to the devastation. Using what little they had, the angels wiped their memory and convinced them it was series of propane explosions. That seemed to hold up well when the authorities came to see how an entire town blew up.

By that time, they had all made it to the bunker. Almost everyone was injured varying to simple cuts to near death. Cas took Dean to their room, never leaving his side and focused solely on caring for him. Sam knew Dean couldn't be in better hands. To count, they lost a couple dozen ex-angels and a couple powered ones, which was regrettable, since they were an endangered species now. No other humans were lost thankfully.

The powered angels were basically drained by the battle, and had little juice left to heal, so they resorted to the good old fashion human medicine. Surprisingly, most of the ex-angels took their wounds with pride, so perhaps them being human made them humble. Needless to say, the bunker was full of people and everyone was doing something. It was hectic, but at least they were alive.

* * *

 

After Sam and Crowley helped carry Dean to their room, Cas took over. He gently took all of Deans clothes and checked for his injuries. Seeing bruising on his ribs and arms, Cas knew that they were broken. Injuries like these, they should take him to the hospital. Just then, Rahmiel knocked and came in. She looked tired, but she touched Dean's forehead for a few moments. Withdrawing her hand, she explained that the bones are set and accelerated the healing, but that was all she could do, she had more people to heal. Cas understood, healing drained even a fully powered angel, more so the lower the rank. Still, he gave her his thanks before she went out. Cas spent the rest of the night cleaning Dean up and then passing out in the chair next to the bed, watching over him.

* * *

 

Dean remembered being squeezed by Abaddon, the snapping of his bones, the cold feel and horrid sulfur stench. He's had plenty of broken bones, but having an entire ribcage and arms? Hurt like a son of a bitch. Everything went black after that. He was slowly regaining consciousness, but he still felt a large amount of pain. Opening his eyes, he saw that he was back in his room. That's a plus. Looking over, he saw Cas asleep in the chair. That's a plus plus there. So he's alive, and safe, and other than feeling like shit, ok. When he tried to lean over to wake Cas, he felt tape and an ache on his throat. He tried to lift his arms, but that hurt too much.

"Cas…Cas, you 'wake?" He rasped.

Cas stirred for a bit and slowly woke up. When he saw that Dean was awake though, he snapped to attention. "Dean, you were out for a while," he placed his hand on Dean's chest, "we healed as much as we can, but you shouldn't move."

He nodded, "Sammy is he ok. And did you get her? Is she dead?"

Cas smiled, "Sam is fine. You're not going to believe it, but Crowley was the one who did it. He saved us all at the last moment."

That smarmy sassy son of a bitch saved them? "What do you mean Crowley did it?"

"She had us hand the blade over to her or else she would kill you." Cas touched his neck, where there was a flash of pain, causing him to wince. "She bite into your artery, you would have bleed out in minutes." He withdrew his hand, and cupped Dean's face, "she thought she threw it behind her. But Crowley came back to us and stabbed her."

"Son of a bitch." Thinking for a moment, "wait, she bite me?"

"Basically almost tore your neck out, you lost a great deal of blood. Raziel healed the neck wound as much as he could, and Rahmiel set your bones. We suffered a great deal of causalities, some angels did die. Most of the wounded are back here."

"Damn." He hated to lose anyone, even dick ex-angels, but they fought the good fight. Abaddon was dead. He was beginning to feel tired again. "And you Cas, you ok?"

Cas smiled tiredly, "yes Dean, I am mostly unscathed." Dean nodded.

"Think I might feel better with you next to me. That chair isn't comfortable, I should know."

"I don't think that is wise Dean, you're still injured and movement is not advis" Dean cut him off.

"Yeah yeah, I know, but the bed's big enough, no funny business and we'll be good. This isn't my first rodeo with broken bones Cas." Seeing no point arguing, Cas laid himself next to Dean, intertwining their hands. Together, they drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

Crowley had a devil of a time getting the ex-angels to turn around back to the town. It was only when he pointed out that no one was following them that they did so. Hearing over the radio where Abaddon was, he told them to take him there. Seeing that it was partially on fire, he knew that was not a good sign for the good guys. Once they pulled to a stop, he ran into the building just at the moment Abaddon kicked the sword to his feet. Not sure if it was coincidence or providence, he picked up the sword to end her.

She didn't go down as he expected. Usually, when a demon is killed, it's like an electrical storm inside for a second. Abaddon, being a knight though, went out in spectacular fashion. He had to hand it to her, she died a beautiful death. He didn't think why he did it, he just did it because it was the right thing to do.

It even pained him to see Dean hurt, even though he has tried his damnedest to kill that bowlegged model of a hunter. However, he no longer had the compulsion, because the Winchester's weren't a threat any longer, they're his…dare he say it, friends. And the love between Cas and Dean, or even the brotherly love of the Winchesters, he was envious of that. He thought the he knew the way the world work, he thought it was built on systems of power and control. Now, now he knew the world moved because of love. It trumped just about everything, even death.

After the battle, he stayed mostly in his room. Many of the angels and hunters had no idea who he actually was, but he didn't anyone to find out. He was content with being anonymous though. There was small knock on the door. Sighing, he got up. Who it was surprising, by all accounts, should be dead. Naomi smiled warmly at him.

"Well, well, shouldn't you be dead?" He was heard from the grapevine, i.e. Sam, which was that she was dead. He was genuinely sad at that, she was one of the most cunning adversaries he ever had. The fling in Mesopotamia was an elaborate ruse he fell for, having a weak spot for corrupting anything holy. In the end, she played him.

"Metatron incapacitated me, not outright killed me. May I come in?" Seeing why not, he opened the door wider and let her in.

"Care for some scotch? Dean thought it was a good present to have for killing Abaddon, if he only knew he gave it. Johnnie Walker, black label deluxe, aged well and not bad at all." She nodded while she took a seat.

Handing her a glass, he sat on his bed. "Have to say Naomi, it's pleasant to see you again. You're not trying to play me though are you?"

"No Crowley, I'm not. I hear you're human now, is that true?"

"As true as angels walking the Earth ma cherie. And you, how is being human treating you?"

"It is…different, but I see now why God favored them. They may be weak, but they experience the world in such a way it can be more wondrous than being an angel."

They sat in silence for a moment before he spoke again. "Yes, living as long as we have, we forget the simple things. I suppose, we got hung up on power eh?"

She nodded, "we were only doing what was best for our people." She sighed, "so you were the third trial?"

"Bingo, the Winchesters have a sense of ironic humor. Never underestimate them I always said, and here I go, doing exactly that. However, I am grateful that I was cured. Now I see the truth of the world, and all I want is forgiveness and, if it's possible, love."

She snickered at that, "love Crowley? You must be joking."

"Hardly, love is a wonderful thing to have. See how Cassie and Dean make sweet love to each other they even look at each other? Or what they've, and so many others throughout history, have done in the name of love? Hell, those boys even stopped the Apocalypse with love alone."

Naomi thought about it, "I suppose you're right. Before I fell, I realized a truth too. Angels were meant to protect creation. I don't know where I lost my way, but, if there's a way to remedy our situation, I want to return Heaven to the way it once was."

He crooked an eyebrow, "oh, and how was it before?"

"It was…a place of pure joy and happiness. Angels and human souls walked freely, it was a place where human ingenuity knew no bounds, where marvelous cities glittered and singing was heard in all corners. Now, it's so broken."

"Sometimes, something has to be broken before it can be fixed even better that it was before. I only hope I find forgiveness and redemption before I die, to go up those pearly gates." He sighed, remembering that Sam said. Taking a Knight of Hell down was a hell of a thing to do, but it's not a guarantee ticket upstairs. "Why are you here Naomi? Surely it wasn't to see me."

She chuckled, "actually, I was recently found by the angels. I fell in a mostly empty area in east Europe. A godly couple took me in until I heard about CAS a week ago."

"Cas?"

"Celestial Assistance Services. Hmph, more irony in our lives. I asked to come see Cas and the Winchesters. Like you Crowley, I am seeking forgiveness."

"Ah, well, Dean was injured pretty bad, so I wouldn't bother with him and Cas for a while. Their…monogamous now."

"Crowley, I don't think there is a being in Heaven, Earth, Hell or Purgatory that can't see their love for each other. You know, he never put up warding against us, in case Castiel came back to him? They're each other's weaknesses, and their greatest strength. I even tried to reprogram Castiel, took direct control of him and still, he disobeyed for Dean."

"Ah, well, those three have the most peculiar relationships with each other. Giant wrench in everyone's plans, especially the gigantor with the flowing hair."

Namoi nodded, "and yet, they're the best chance out of any of us to fixing heaven. I also came to see what knowledge I can offer them, to fix it."

"They've been working on it Naomi. They got hung up on trying to kill Abaddon, which in fairness, was a pretty big deal. Now that she is permanently indisposed as ashes, we can concentrate on getting your wings back."

"We, they trust you know?"

He shrugged, "only as far as they can throw me. I've been doing the same, giving them all my knowledge about Hell." He thought for a moment, "I wonder who's going to run it now that there's basically no one left of the old order. No Azazel, Lillith, Lucifer, Alistair, Abaddon or me." Taking a sip, "you know, I think it just might collapse into madness down there, well more madness than usual."

"Might be, though you know better than most, someone will come along and try to make themselves king."

"Oh, some demon always has some ambition to become king, but most lack the wits to do it. It'll be like Congress, supposedly working together, getting nothing done." He got up, and poured them another drink. They continued talking about the old days and new ideas, cementing a friendship they never knew they had.

* * *

 

Sam poked his head in to Dean's room. Thinking they were asleep, he tiptoed in to leave a plate of food for them both. However, Dean was wide awake.

Dean whispered, "hey there Sammy." He startled him, but he was used to Dean doing that to him. He took a couple of pills and glass of water, he motioned to Dean to open his mouth.

"Pain killers. The angles are wrung out for now, but everyone's good. You?"

Dean nodded and took the pills, which Sam had to drop in, and then help with the water. "Been better, but I'll be ok." He looked over at Cas, who remained asleep. He nudged closer to Dean when they were asleep, which was fine with him.

"Good, well, I brought some food. And I wanted to let you know that everyone is ok. There's also a surprise guest here now. I wanted to tell you before Cas finds out from someone else." Dean looked at him warily. "Naomi is alive and she's here." Before Dean had a chance to talk, Sam cut him off by holding his hand up. "I know, she tortured Cas and everything, but she's here to help…and to see if Cas will forgive her."

Dean thought it over, Naomi was a Class A bitch, but she did help them a lot. Yet, she also tortured Cas, and nearly killed him through Cas. She's like the female version of Crowley, but with a bigger stick in her ass and wings. Crowley though, he pulled through for them. Might be worth to see if Naomi will do the same.

"Yeah, ok. I'll talk to Cas. Thanks Sam."

Sam just nodded, and head out the door, leaving Dean alone to figure out to tell Cas. However, Cas moaned sleepily, and Dean smiled. For now, he'll just enjoy his angel next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with the story so far! Not many left, but I am happy to announce this is the first part of the trilogy. The second story is complete and I am drawing up the outline for the third. I might add a fun 'deleted' chapter, like...oh, Charlie and Cas shopping at a special store. thanks again for kudos and comments!


	38. Powwow Wow

As soon as Cas woke up, Dean told him about their newest guest. Cas was quiet for a moment, then stomped over to the door. "Dammit Cas, come back!" Dean yelled from his bed, though he regretted it immediately as his bruised ribs stung, causing him to wince. Cas was at his side in an instant.

"You should remain as still as possible Dean." Cas said, checking him over.

"Well don't run off then. I know what she did ok, with her Clockwork Orange thing and trying to kill me. But seriously, who hasn't tried to kill me? She helped us in the end Cas, she helped save Sam and tried to help the angels. Hell, she even brought Bobby up to Heaven." He scooted back so he can be at an incline. Cas saw what he was trying to do, and helped him.

"I know, but you weren't the one with the drill in your brain Dean. You didn't have to kill me over and over again, thousands of times." Dean could hear the anger in his voice. "It was a nightmare Dean. She has to pay for what she has done." He stood up, clenching his hands. Dean reached over and held one of the fists. It hurt like a bitch to do so, but he wanted to stop Cas from doing something stupid. "Dean, let go. You would do the same."

Cas was right, he would do the same thing. He would charge headfirst into a fight because he didn't think. But because it's something he would do, does not mean Cas has to too. Not letting go of Cas, "Don't. Whatever you're thinking, just don't Cas. You're not me. I don't think about the repercussions. And that's how things get fucked up."

Cas sighed, and slumped into the chair beside him, but he unclenched his hand and intertwined it with Deans. "I feel so  _angry_  Dean, it hurts. I want to…just hurt her, punch something, I don't know."

Dean knew the feeling all too well. That anger demands to be feed, and hell, he kept it well feed for a long ass time. The need to lash out, to just break something, to destroy, it's intoxicating. That's him though, not Cas. Cas is cool, collected and thoughtful. Dean sighed, "Cas, don't let that anger control you. It's like a drug, once you start, it's hard to stop. I know. I've beat the shit out of cars, drank myself under, ran into fights. It solves nothing thought, so yeah, go, scream and fight with Naomi, but what's it gonna do Cas?"

He was silent for a few moments. Dean kept his eyes glued on Cas. He's been human for months, and he's been through an emotional ringer, but anger. That's a beast to tame. Cas shifted and looked into his eyes, "Dean, it is…hard to reconcile my anger with Naomi. I do not know if I can forgive her."

"Not asking you too man, just, don't do anything stupid or rash." Dean paused, thinking, "listen Cas, if you want to vent it out, use the gym, using the punching bag, or go do shoot some rounds. Just vent, and think it out."

"I do not feel like doing any of those things."

"Go for a walk then! Or watch a movie, just do something to vent Cas. You can't bottle this crap in, it's not good for you."

Cas withdrew his hand, "and why not Dean, that's what you do! You keep it all bottled up inside! All of it! Because you're too afraid to let anyone see! So don't lecture me about venting it out Dean!"

Dean was stunned. He felt an ugly beast turn its head inside, and before he could rein it in, "Get out Cas, just get out. I don't fucking care. Do whatever you fucking want."

"Avoiding your feelings as usual Dean, how typical." Cas got up and slammed the door on the way out.

"Cas…" he called out, but he knew there was no point. Good going he thought to himself, try to teach Cas how to control anger and he went a failed to heed his own words. Now he felt like a jerk.

* * *

Cas stormed out of Dean's room, passing Crowley, who was getting something to eat. It was early morning, and most people and angels were asleep. He couldn't rest though, not with Ezekiel and Aaron next door 'celebrating'. The walls down here were thick, but damn. It was nice to see Naomi, and they talked in length, before she retired for the night. Seeing Cas head outside under a dark cloud, it could only mean a fight between the lovebirds. Debating the merits of going to read a boring romance novel or seeing what's up, he went after Cas.

He caught up with Cas in a few moments. "Cassie love, whatever is the matter."

"None of your business Crowley." Cas growled.

Not intimated, Crowley pushed on, "lover's quarrel with Dean then?"

Cas sighed, seeing that he wouldn't be chased away. "Naomi's here."

Ah, that's the trouble then. She told him some about her misdeeds, though, in comparison to him, that was nothing. Still, Cas must have wanted to hang her from a high tree and Dean must have argued with him. "I see. Yes, I know. We had a chat she and I. Something of fremeny." He walked beside Cas, "walk with me, and tell me your troubles."

Surprisingly, Cas did, and they walked under the stars in a moonless night. "I feel so angry Crowley, at what she did to me. What she tried to make me do."

"And what was that?" He said feigning ignorance.

"She made me kill Dean, in every conceivable way, thousands of times over and over until I would kill him with no hesitation. Then I really tried to kill him. I nearly did. I can't forgive her for that."

"Cassie, have you forgiven me?"

They stopped, Cas looked at him confused. "What do you mean?"

"I asked you to kill them too remember?"

"That was different Crowley, and a long time ago."

"Not so different in my book. See, I asked you to do something you couldn't possibly do. I know that now. But you wouldn't. No, you went around and out of your way to protect them. Now I ask again, have you forgiven me?"

"I don't see the relevance of the question."

Crowley rolled his eyes, "it's a simple question Castiel."

Cas thought for a moment, and sighed. "Yes. I believe I have. You have proven yourself an ally."

Close enough he thought. "Ok, the reason why I asked is because if you could forgive me, you can in time forgive her as well."

"But I won't." Cas shot back.

"Tsk tsk Cas, holding onto that anger gives one wrinkles."

"Well I am angry!" Cas shouted. "I am angry that she made me live a nightmare. Angry at Dean, angry at my own stupidity, I am just angry!"

Crowley arched an eyebrow, he's never seen Cas become so unlike himself. However, he was shouting now, venting without realizing it. Primal screaming, does wonders, however, there was a lot of anger buried. Learned from the best emotional denier he mused. Sighing to himself, he's going to regret this in the morning.

"Punch me Cas. Let it out."

Without hesitation, Cas punched him, hard in the chest. The in the arm, the chest again and then across the jaw. He buckled under the pain, but he knew what he was doing.

Cas stood panting over him, then suddenly unclenched his fists. He kneeled down next to Crowley. "I am so so sorry Crowley." Cas offered his support and he took it.

Taking out a handkerchief from his pocket, he wiped the blood from his mouth. "No hard feelings Cassie, I had it coming."

"But…why, why did you let me? I…I don't have a quarrel with you."

"Listen Castiel, everyone needs to vent. And I mean everyone. You're new to this human condition, and Dean isn't the best teacher. You can't keep emotions inside you buried, or try to forget them. You have to, understand them and flow out of you." He was paraphrasing a self-help book, but no need to share that.

"Yes, I think I understand. I am sorry for hitting you, but thank you."

"Pleasure Cassie, remember, bit of sadist here. Next time though, use the Moose."

Cas smiled, and together they walked back to the bunker.

* * *

Cas came back to Dean's room, where Dean was sitting in the chair. Evidently he tried to follow him, but was stopped by his injuries.

"Did you forget already what I said Dean, don't move." He walked next to Dean and helped him back into bed.

"Cas, I'm sorry, look…" Cas silenced him with a kiss.

"Hush Dean. I know, and I am sorry. You were right though, I needed to vent. And I did. So thank you."

Dean licked his lips, and thought for a moment. "Good, that's good. But I'm sorry, sometimes my temper gets the better of me. And…yeah, I do avoid my feelings ok."

"Dean, I'm here now. You don't have to hide them from me, because I'll love you all the same. Just promise me that we'll work together on this."

"I promise." Dean tried to reach to kiss Cas, but he couldn't so Cas meet him halfway. "Now, you're not going to go all Dr. Evil on her are you."

"Seeing that I don't have a flamethrower room at hand, no."

"Good. Because there's only three rules in this house. Don't use all the hot water. Clean your mess. And no ganking."

Cas chuckled, and after changing into his sleepwear, nestled next to Dean. "We'll deal with her tomorrow." Dean nodded. For a while, they talked and watched a movie on the tablet before sleeping. After Cas was asleep, Dean felt pretty certain that Cas was the one.

* * *

The next couple of days the angel left after they recovered. Raziel was finally able to heal him mostly all the way, afterwards he said he'll deal with it from there. Naomi and Cas eventually had a long talk with her, and talking it out with each other, they reached a tentative reconciliation. Dean was proud of his angel, taking the high road. Eventually, all the guests were gone and a house/bunker meeting took place.

Around the table was Dean at the head, to his right, Cas, then Sam, Kevin, Linda, Charlie, Raziel, Naomi, Crowley, Ezekiel and then Aaron. The golem stood silently behind Aaron. Looking around, Dean was impressed that the small ragtag team of just him, his brother, a drunken old man and a nerdy angel evolved to this multi-species organization.

Raziel called order, and motioned to Dean to begin. He sucked at this. Sam was the talker, not him, but somehow, he became the de facto leader of…whatever this was.

"Ok, so…to begin, well, Abaddon is dead." Looking over to Crowley, "thanks to Crowley. Man, I can't believe you ended up saving the day, so…uh…good job." He gave Crowley a thumbs up. Crowley dramatically waved his arms mouthing 'oh you shouldn't have'. Aaron laughed.

"So, that said, what's next?" asked Charlie.

"With Abaddon gone, Hell has no central authority to direct it. Crowley is most likely correct in assuming that Hell will devolve into bickering demon lords. Still, we will keep an eye out on developments." Raziel said.

Aaron spoke next, "there was a number of Thule agents in the battle. I want to go and interrogate them. See what they are planning. Been trying to find out on my own, but it's hard."

"You know we can help Aaron." Sam offered.

"And I'll stay with you" Ezekiel supplied. Aaron and Ezekiel stared for each other a bit.

Dean leaned to Sam over Cas and whispered covering his mouth, "is that how Cas and I look at each other." Sam nodded. "Damn."

"There is also the matter of the angels still here on Earth." Naomi said. "When I was…searching Metatron's mind, I saw his intent to cast the angels out, but there was nothing in reversing it. That's when I went to find you Castiel."

Cas nodded, "yes, you were right. However, we've been looking for a way to reverse the spell."

"I found it a couple weeks ago on the tablet, but nothing yet if there is way to reverse it." Kevin added. "I'm going to focus on just the angel tablet for now. Since Abaddon is gone, the demon tablet can wait."

"We have also been looking for clues and leads across the globe as well. As of yet, we have found nothing. For the moment though, most of the angels are doing well, But…" Raziel sighed, "we have heard that some are not adapting well, and have terminated their existence." Dean felt Cas reach for his hand under the table, he took it, offering silent support. Raziel continued, "for the moment though, we have begun working on long term integration."

Crowley spoke next, "and I want to go help them." Everyone turned to him.

"Excuse me, what?" Sam asked.

"I want to go help the angels. Listen moo..Sam, I have done all I can here. Abaddon is dead, and all the other demons that might be gunning for me I can handle. You don't need to protect me."

"Crowley, you can't just leave us. You're….a friend." Cas stammered out.

"Aw, thank you Cassie. But the truth of the matter is, I'm a liability and dead weight here, and you know it. I'm a hell of a businessman, and they could use my expertise on that."

Raziel stroked his beard in thought, "he's right, we could."

"And I'll keep an eye on him." Naomi offered.

"Whoa there, we didn't agree to anything yet."

"Dean. He's right." Sam said. "We can't keep him here all the time. And if they could use his help, let him. I think he's earned his freedom." Dean thought about it. Yeah, Crowley has done good, not for the Abaddon thing, but also helping Cas the other night. He's not sure when it happened, but no longer thinks of the ex-demon as an enemy, but…not friend, but ally.

"Ok. If it's what you want, you're on parole then."

"Thank you Dean, Sam. I'll make the best of it, promise." Crowley looked over at Naomi, "so, you're my parole officer. Such a bureaucrat."

"Crowley, I will not hesitate to revoke your parole and stuff you in a freezer if you call me that again." Dean wasn't sure if that was meant to be taken seriously or not. No matter, no skin off his nose.

"I was wondering guys, if I can stay full time. You could use my help in setting up a database here and you can train me! It'll be fun!" Charlie offered.

" Ah, yes, about that. Dean, Sam. Itheriel and I were talking about upgrading the bunker. The weapons that the Thule could have breached the physical defenses. Also, some systems could stand to be upgraded."

"Yeah, we thought about doing that. But we can't do it ourselves and it's not like I can call and ask, 'hey, want to upgrade my super-secret underground bunker' to a contractor." Dean replied.

"You forget Dean, that angels have many skill sets. We can do it." Raziel responded.

"I would like a larger room and private bath Dean." Cas whispered in his ear. Sighing to himself, if Cas wants it, sure, why not.

"Ok. Fine. Charlie you can stay. We'll work on that later." Looking around, "is there anything else?" No one said anything. "Cool, so…I guess, meeting adjourned?"

They all broke up, Aaron and Crowley departing to pack their things to head out. Dean thought to himself a moment, things appeared to looking up for once. He had his family, a home and at the moment, no one trying to end the world. Of course, it would be a matter of time before the shit hit the fan.


	39. Brotherly Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Rated M for Sexual Content

It was difficult to admit, but Sam missed Crowley. The smug bastard was away doing whatever 'businessmen' do. They were given updates on his activities and the tracker they implanted was still in him, and he had his own [phone](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/39/Of-Secrets-and-Truth). They even texted a couple of times, but it wasn't the same. Dean joked it was empty nesters syndrome, which was actually accurate.

The dynamic in the bunker had change with his leaving, Kevin and Linda were noticeable more at ease. But there were a ton of angel workers in there right now, renovating and reinforcing the place. Unable to stand the noise and the number of people in their home, Dean was itching for a hunt. This time around, Cas wanted to stay behind and Charlie was needed for the renovating, so he and Dean went together.

Like old times, they rode away in the Impala with Dean's horribly off-key singing while he found a case for them. Finding a promising lead of missing persons being seen again, they headed off to Kentucky. It was another several hours to get there, so he struck up a conversation when a lull in music came.

"So, a lot of new things happening, new digs, Charlie joining [full time](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/39/Of-Secrets-and-Truth), Crowley off doing good with Naomi."

"Yeah, it's like a reboot. Not sure about Crowley going off in the wild blue yonder, but, his call. You talk to him?"

"Yeah, they were in London. Sent over a case of gin and jellied eel as gifts. He's been emailing Linda on some [investment opportunities](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/39/Of-Secrets-and-Truth)."

"Jellied eel? Aw, c'mon man, who eats that stuff?"

"Apparently Brits." He wasn't going to touch it. Cas might though, man has a weird sense of taste. "So, Charlie, Linda, Kev and Cas. Seems like we're inadvertently reviving the Men of Letters."

"Seems so. Think we should though? I mean, you're the brains here."

It was indeed something that he has thought about. And Raziel had been hinting that they should, but they kinda already have restarted the order already. He looked over some the practices of the order, and they were academics through and through. There was stuff that he's never heard of in their [archives](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9476002/39/Of-Secrets-and-Truth). It would be a crying shame if they were forgotten.

"I think we already have Dean. Think about it, we Charlie, our tech expert, Kevin the prophet, Linda as the accountant, Cas and I, we like the research and you love to hunt. And we have allies in Raziel and Aaron besides other hunters. You know, I think, I think I could find a way to like, live an actual life doing this."

Dean was silent for a moment, "what do you mean by that Sam?"

"Well, it's like that light at the end of the tunnel Dean. You know I don't want to drive around all my days hunting things that go bump in the night. Now, this is a chance to live as close to normal as we can get. Become, you know, like Bobby. Coordinating hunts, access to research, but like a 9 to 5 gig. We have the resources to do that now, we got money and a home, things we never had before." He looked over at Dean, who looked pensive. "What's wrong Dean?"

Dean took a deep breath, "I know what you're saying Sam. It's, just that you always seem to be trying to get out of this life. Stanford, Amelia…is it so bad? I mean, yeah, there's a lot of shit we deal with, but…I can't do it without you man."

"Dean, I know there's no getting out of this life. You can run for a while, but it comes back. I just, want to find a balance…I guess. Maybe settle down? And you and Cas, what about you two? Does he want to keep on hunting?"

"Well, uh, we haven't talked about that." Dean always becomes uneasy whenever the subject of their relationship came up. "He's never talked about it , I just, you know, assumed he would be a hunter."

Of course, Dean never really thinks too far ahead, 'cause in his view, it's not likely he'll live long enough. It's hard to have hope when it keeps on getting snatched away. Still, that wasn't an excuse Sam thought, they had a shot at this. "Did you ever ask him?"

"Never came up, between the angels falling, Abaddon and becoming human, it's not like we had time to think about, our future."

"So, you want a future with Cas?"

"Of course I do!" That was quick of him thought Sam. "It's just, I haven't thought about…this all new to me Sam. This is different from…from anything."

"Do you want to, maybe settle down with Cas? For like, good?"

Dean smiled slightly, "I do, I actually want to do that Sammy. Jesus, when did I become domesticated?"

"I think it was about when he pulled you out if perdition."

* * *

Cas spent the days without Dean coordinating his brothers and sisters in the bunker with Charlie. In his downtime, he spent researching what he could to solve the angel problem, but nothing was to be had. He and Dean spoke to each other when they had a chance, letting each other know what was going on. They solved the shapeshifter case in Kentucky after a couple days and were now pursuing a lead on a vampire den in Vermont. He let them know that most of the major overhauls were done, and was looking in forward to using the steam shower Dean insisted on. After a couple of days, Charlie decided they need a break and leaving Linda in charge, headed to the mall.

Sitting in the salon that Charlie dragged him into, he begrudgingly let them cut and style his hair. He was content for months with his hair getting longer and Dean seemed to be ok with it. Sitting next to each other for their pedicures, which he'll admit, felt good, they talked.

"So Cas, every think about what you want to do?"

"I just assumed I would assist Dean and Sam in whatever endeavor they choose." That is what he has been doing now for years with the brothers.

"That's a given. I mean, is there anything  _you_  want to do. For yourself?"

He tilted his head at her, "I do not understand the question."

"Look Cas, you've been human for months now, in all that time, you haven't thought about what, I dunno, places you want to see? Maybe see a concert, or go to a comic-con?"

He hasn't really, but he believes knows what Charlie was asking. "I would like to go back to France with Dean. The countryside there was rather idyllic and peaceful when we went to the vault."

"That's what I'm talking about. Any place else, or maybe something you would like to try? Maybe bungee jumping, or a roller coaster?"

"Actually, I would like the still ride a ferris wheel. From what I understand, it is a ride couples take in order to make out."

Charlie chuckled, "you like making out with Dean?"

"Immensely. Sometimes it even leads to sex, though he is rather unwilling to go further than mutual masturbation, though he does like anal stim.."

"Cas! TMI! TMI!" Charlie exasperated.

"TMI?"

"Too much information. Goddess, I can't ever unthink that ever." She rubbed her head. The two ladies doing their feet continued their task without a skip, apparently unfazed.

"Apologies."

"Oh, don't worry about it. Nothing that Destiel fanficition hasn't prepared me for." She paused, "do you ever think about what kind of life you want to have with Dean?"

"I…have not thought about it. Nor do I have an idea on what possibilities he may want. Dean was not happy living what he called the 'apple pie life' with Lisa, so I would want to avoid that."

"You know, the reason why that didn't work out was because Lisa wasn't the one he was supposed to be with."

"What do you mean?"

Charlie smiled, "look Cas, if he wanted to move into a house, have BBQ's and work on the Impala on the weekend, would you follow him?"

"Of course."

"Alright, if you two do that, it would work. I know it would. Because you both would be happy. Dean wasn't happy last time. He loved Lisa, sure, but she was an escape, temporary and kinda forced on him. For you, it would be different."

He mused on this for a while. "I believe Charlie, that regardless of our circumstances, I will be with him in whatever place we end up. Be it the bunker or a house, hunting or not."

She looked happy for him, "aww, that's so cute! You should write that down as a wedding vow someday."

The idea of marriage struck him suddenly. "I…we have never discussed anything in regards to marriage. Do you think Dean would marry me?" He asked innocently.

"Oh sweetie, he would be an idiot not too."

* * *

A couple days later, Dean informed Cas that they wrapped up the vampire problem and were heading home. He and Sam had been gone for a week and a half, and he missed him. More importantly, he missed having Cas beside him.

After another day, they strolled back into the bunker. The angel renovation squad finished the day before and it smelled of fresh paint. Raziel had called him to let him know that the bunker is now fortified to such a degree, nothing can't get through, magical or otherwise. Looking around, it appears superficially the same, though the War Room was turned into a more compact command center. Instead of the old huge consoles, flat screens and nifty surface table top computers lined on side of the wall. The old world map desk was still there, but was now digitized like one huge touchscreen. It was like the CIC from Battlestar Galactica. Heading down, he saw that the kitchen was left mostly untouched, but a dining room had been added. Other than that, it looked pretty much the same.

Dean saw that there was pie on the counter. Putting down his bag, he was going to cut a slice before Cas stepped into the kitchen.

"No touching my pie Dean, it's still cooling." Cas smirked, walking to him.

"Wait, cooling? Did you…did you bake this?"

"From scratch. I watched some cooking videos and decided to try my hand at it. This is my first attempt at pie. Apple of course, in case you were wondering."

Cas made him pie? "God, you're the best Cas." Grabbing Cas's waist, he pulled him into a kiss. No one else was around, so he could do this. He was working on being more affectionate with Cas though. He also felt that Cas was more than happy to see him, literally.

"Umm, a little happy to see me Cas?" Cas smiled and pressed closer into Dean. Reading the message loud and clear, he lifted Cas and carried him to the bedroom. It's been weeks for him, and well, he could use some…relief.

* * *

Sam saw Dean carry Cas away briefly in the hallway. Walking over to where library where Charlie and Kevin were, he asked if anyone wanted to go to the store with him.

"Oh, Dean saw Cas?" Kevin asked.

"Uh-huh, and Dean was…excited to see him too."

Charlie turned the page calmly, not even looking up. "Cas requested extra soundproofing in their room. We won't hear a thing."

"Oh…that's…thoughtful."

* * *

Once he was through the door, he let Cas down and looked around his new digs as Cas undressed him. "Sweet," was all he could say. The room was larger, and there was another door for the restroom he was guessing, but Cas kept his weapons, and more, on the wall. The furniture was more modern and he noticed some pictures on the wall…but then he got distracted as Cas shrugged his pants and underwear off.

He stopped Cas and undressed and kissed him as soon both of them were fully divested of their clothes. Leading them to the bed, he felt Cas slowly stroking him, and he did the same. They took things slow as they agreed, never going beyond jerking off though he liked Cas playing with his ass once in a while. Hell, he even returned the favor a couple times to Cas. Still, he wasn't about to get fucked and he still hasn't gone down on Cas. To him, that was still an invisible line that he just couldn't cross, not yet at least.

He was though, adept at foreplay, and Cas was near equal to him in this regard by this point. That was something he could do for hours. Had done for hours in fact. Finding each other's sweet spots, tantalizing kisses and soothing massages, it was enough for him. Though, sometimes he wanted it rough, but it wasn't something he felt comfortable asking Cas.

After several moment of creating hickies on each other, Cas got out the lube. "You or me?" he asked, as in regards on who was going to go first. He usually liked Cas to go first, usually by jerking him, though the frotting they did a couple weeks back as fun too. The sight of Cas heaving and just wrecked almost made him come most times, so Cas had little trouble finishing him.

"Neither." Cas said, lying on his back, and spread his legs in front of Dean. Dean's cock twitched at the sight, Cas flayed out naked, his dick resting against his stomach erect, his balls, which are normally pretty low hanging, firming up. He thought he would never think this, but Cas had the most spectacular cock he's ever seen. Which wasn't many, but he'll bet on Cas any day. Then, he noticed something else.

"Cas…is that, is that…is there a butt plug in your ass?"

"Yes…I got, bored." Cas grinned. "And extremely horny." He was a horrible influence on Cas, thank God.

"So…you just got bored and said, well, nothing to do, let's stick something up my ass. What happened with the stick that was up there already?"

"I took it out so I can spank you later with it." Cas lustfully replied. God damn, Cas was a kinky son of a bitch. He liked it, judging by how much harder he got. "Charlie and I went shopping, and well, let's just say we didn't come back empty handed." Charlie you wonderful woman, he thought, he's gonna get her a damn crown for being awesome.

Cas reached down, and slowly removed the toy, letting him watch. Damn weird sight to see, but it was…hot. As soon as it was out, Dean moved in, and began playing with Cas's hole, keeping it loose and relaxed. Cas moaned at the warmth he provided, and bucked slightly when he ran over his prostate. Between the moans, Cas breathed out, "Dean…I want you…to…ahhhh….fuck me."

Dean stopped. He scooted up over Cas so that they were nearly chest to chest, looking directly into each other's eyes. "You sure? I mean, you're ready…to do it?" This was it, the final hurdle, full on consummation here.

"Yes, I am Dean. I trust you, and I love you. I know…that this is still new and unusual to you, but this is the closest I can offer to what you are used too."

"Cas…I don't care about that. This is, like, I dunno, a big step. But I want to take it with you. Only you." Kissing Cas, he leaned against him, and moved his hips, grinding their erections together. Blindly, he reached into the drawer next to the bed for a condom. But Cas grabbed his arm.

"I don't want anything between us Dean. I've only been with you, and we're both healthy and clean. Please. I trust you."

Well, if that's what Cas wants, why not? Still, "I've never done bareback Cas, I…don't know, uh, how long I'll last." Cas gently pulled him down, so he could nip at Dean's neck and whisper.

"I don't care Dean. You have been faithful right?" He could hear the note of worry, and sadness in there.

"Yes, I…I don't even think about other women, or anyone else for that matter Cas, I just want you. I'm game if you are though."

Cas pushed him up smiling, "I'm game, now can we please carry on? I won't last if we keep on talking."

Smiling, Dean scooted back. He was more than ready though, but Cas saw fit to pump him a little while he fingered Cas open a bit more. When he felt Cas was ready, he took the lube and generously applied it to both his cock and Cas's ass.

"Ready?" Cas nodded, and held up his legs a small bit, hands gripping the sheets. Dean made sure one leg was wrapped around him and the other he had one hand on, pushing it up. With the other, he guided himself in, slowly. He felt a soft resistance, but soon we won entrance and only went in up to his head. Cas was so warm and tight, but not too tight, just right. It made his head spin by the waves of pleasure rolling up. He bite his lip to try to keep control.

He pushed in a tad more after a moment, pulled out, then back in slowly. Every other thrust he went in deeper. Cas was clutching the sheets, eye closed, obviously trying to get used to the sensation. However, Cas was rock hard still and was leaking a bit of pre-cum that was sticking to his stomach. Teasingly, Dean stopped and pumped Cas a bit, but Cas clenched his ass in response, making them both moan with abandon.

After several minutes, he was all the way in, buried balls deep into Cas. For a moment, they both didn't move, Cas reveling in the sensation of being full, Dean in the tight warmth of Cas. Slowly, he began to move his hips, coming out and then back in. It felt…amazing to Dean, so different. Maybe because there was no condom, or because Cas was a dude, but really, he thinks it's  _Cas_.

Cas laid a hand on his stomach, suggesting him to stop. Dean did so, and Cas shifted position a bit, being more of an incline now and opened his legs wider, but pulling them back, to open himself a little bit more to Dean. Dean waited until Cas nodded at him, and resumed fucking him. Dean moves slightly closer, so he could lean over Cas, Cas gasped and clenched up again.

"Dean! Do that again!" He figured he must have hit Cas's prostate, little fucker was hard to find. Smiling, Dean thrust extra hard in the same spot, causing Cas to cry out loudly and making him buck.

"Found the magic button?" Dean teased. "You know Cas, sometimes" thrust "you really" thrust "push" thrust "my buttons" thrust "too." With each thrust Cas bucked a bit and whimpered and with the last word, Dean began moving faster, pulling Cas closer. For a long while, all that was heard was the hard slap of his balls on Cas's ass and both of them moaning each other's names. Then Dean moved himself so he can be chest to chest with Cas, and Cas's dick digging into his stomach.

"Dean...I …can't…." Dean kissed him and began to move faster that it began to hurt, but in a good way. He wiped a bit of sweat off Cas's forehead before he moved back. Pulling up Cas's legs to his shoulders to allow himself to go in as deep as possible, he made sure every thrust hit Cas's sweet spot. He felt a tight heat begin to coil in him, he was close. Cas was nearly withering under him, wildly caressing him or gripping the sheets. However, he when he opened his eyes, the made sure they connected with Dean. They were so lust blown and wild, so fierce that Dean nearly came right there.

He felt Cas clench unbearably tight around him, the heat of him sinking into Dean, he felt his mind slipping away to when Cas began wailing his name in complete abandon and lust. Their eyes broke contact when Cas threw up his head back when he began coming hands free, shooting high and all over. At the same moment, Dean began came deep inside, feeling a literal explosion of euphoria over come him. Panting, he fell on top of Cas, both of them riding out the ecstasy kissing, grinding against each other while he was still in Cas.

After a few moments, covered in sweat and cum, he slowly pulled his softening dick out of Cas. The loss of the delicious warmth and cool air hitting his cock made him whimper. His dick never felt like this before, it was still feeling…good, like a pleasurable and dull ache rolled into one. Feeling adventurous, he fingered Cas, hitting his prostate just for kicks, causing Cas to arch his back and cry a bit. Pulling his fingers out, they came back slick with lube and cum. Using the same hand, he began stroking Cas again.

"You're one kinky son of a bitch Cas." He said as he collapsed next to Cas. Cas rolled on top of him, "but, and I really mean this was awesome." Cas hummed in happiness.

"It was a curious feeling at first, but…it is a feeling I cannot describe, you being in me. The level on connection…and Dean?" Dean looked over at Cas. "I can now honestly declare, I am not a virgin. The phrase, you popped my cherry is correct?" Dean chuckled and nodded. "I am rather sweaty and sore, perhaps we should…test how well the steam shower operates?" Smiling mischievously, he simple rolled them both out of the bed, grabbed the lube and headed to their private restroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, that was kinda hard to write. Anyway, four chapters to go!


	40. Body and Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the end begins.

Cas and Dean didn't get to eat his pie until the next day. He still didn't know what came over him the previous day, but it seems his libido kicked into overdrive. Perhaps it may have been the store that Charlie took him to. He also attributed it to Dean being gone for an extended period of time, he was happy Dean obliged him. Granted he was sore, walking somewhat unusual and avoided sitting, it was amazing. Taking Charlie's and Aaron's advice previously, he decided to be more assertive, and slyly suggest to Dean to try new things. So far, it was a working strategy.

Dean was in a happy mood, as he usually was after they had sex. But this time was different, Dean even kissed him when Sam was in the kitchen when they were making breakfast. Sam faked throwing up and Dean flipped him the bird before Sam went away laughing. He helped Dean cook, which he found enjoyable as well, and together, they made a full spread for everyone.

Gathering in the new dining room, everyone caught each other up, Dean going over the shapeshifter case and the bottle of bourbon he brought back. He tried some of the jellied eel that Sam gave him courtesy of Crowley, and not surprisingly, found it interesting. Sadly, nothing was new to be found in regards to sending the angels back up. Breaking up, they all went to do some chores or research.

Some weeks later Kevin let Raziel and Joshua in, leading them to the library were everyone gathered. Joshua rarely travelled, so whatever motivated him to come to the bunker must be huge. Taking a seat next to Dean, he felt Dean's hand on his lap. Smiling to each other, Sam coughed and Charlie rolled her eyes. Joshua smiled and winked at him before he spoke.

"So, you might be wondering why I came to pay a visit. Well, simply put, we have a theory on how to open Heaven back up."

"What? How?" Kevin asked.

"It's a theory, nothing more at this point, but it's the best we got at the moment." Joshua answered.

"Ascension. That's what we're thinking might work." Raziel continued.

"Uh, excuse me, but what's that?" Dean questioned.

"It's when a person enters Heaven without dying first." Sam explained. "But only the pious and chosen of God get to go up I thought."

"You are correct Sam, but we think we might have a workaround on that." Raziel responded. "Namely, you."

"Me?" Sam looked confused.

Joshua explained, "yes, you Sam. When you tried to close the gates, you were filled with divine energy, literally the power of God himself. Some of us theorize that if a bridge between Heaven and Earth were made, you can enter Heaven and reverse the spell."

"Hold up, we don't even know how to do that!" Dean interrupted.

"Yeah, nothing in the tablet I have found yet shows how to reverse the spell." Kevin added.

"True. But, we think the spell would end if the person who cast it is killed." Said Raziel.

Cas thought for a moment, it was possible perhaps. Some spells end when the caster dies. As the only angel in Heaven, and untouchable by the souls there, Metatron was safe from any harm. This was a guess though. He spoke to voice his concern, "is there any certainty that the spell would end if Sam did kill him?"

"None, it is a risk."

"Ok, so we gank Metatron and everyone goes back to Never Never Land? I'm down with that, but getting Sam up? How?" Dean asked.

"As I said, a bridge would need to be made on both Earth and in Heaven, like anchor points. The idea is that we use the divine energy in Sam to send him up by amplifying it." Raziel said while stroking his beard. "It's all highly theoretical, and new, so it is something Metatron would have no idea about."

"So, what? I become an angel or something then if we do this? And how do we amplify this thing in me?"

Joshua smiled, "simple. Love." Seeing the questioning look from everyone, he continued, "the power of love is the most powerful force in the universe. It is the source and ultimate expression of free will. If loved ones here connect to the ones in Heaven, it will create a path that Sam can use to enter Heaven."

"You hope." Charlie added.

Raziel nodded, "yes, it is a small hope, but a hope none the less. We're still trying to work on the details, and that's why we came here."

"And how do we get a message upstairs? I think it's outside our coverage area." Dean asked.

"A psychic of course, there's one that's not far, and she's the best." Joshua answered.

"Who?" Sam asked.

"Missouri Mosely, she's been in retirement, but I think for this, she'll help."

Dean clutched his hand before he spoke, "yeah, we worked with her a long time ago. She knew our dad."

"But who do we contact in Heaven? Mom? Bobby?" Sam inquired.

"That is a good question. I would say a larger group of people establishing the anchor point would be best. However, contacting a soul in Heaven is difficult. Most are so lost in their memories that they never hear someone call them."

"Ash. We call Ash." Sam suggested.

"Ash?" he asked.

"Before you came down Cas, he helped us with Azazel and in Heaven with Zachariah. He said he found a way to listen in angel radio and find peoples Heavens."

"Has he? A most exceptional person if he was able to listen in to us." Raziel exclaimed. "And perfect. If we contact him, it may be possible for him to go and gather the other souls under Metatrons nose. Using a psychic causes a disturbance in Heaven, the less we summon, the better."

Dean spoke next, "and what happens to Sam once he's up there and takes Metatron out? Does he come back down?"

Raziel and Joshua looked at each other, and Cas knew too. If Sam did this, who would be in Heaven, for good. Joshua spoke, "if Sam ascends Dean, he'll be in Heaven body and soul. He would become part of Heaven."

"No way. No deal." Dean spat out angrily.

"Dean, it's my call." Sam said calmly.

"No Sam, listen, we're not doing this again. I am NOT losing you."

"Don't you think I know that Dean? But you know what, I've tried to let go of this power, I still feel it, burning underneath. And if this can fix Heaven? I'll do it. You need to let me go."

"Dammit Sam! Are you just going to throw your life away?"

"It's not throwing my life away Dean! Trust me on this. I've tried to let go, I really have, but my desire to complete the trials is never going away. Never completely." Sam sighed, "look, I'll be going up body and soul, maybe we can find a way for me to come back? But if we can't, I would be in Heaven, with mom, Bobby…Jess. Is that such a bad thing? Is it Dean?"

Cas looked over at Dean, who was red with anger but also had water in his eyes. He knew Dean felt conflicted, and just squeezed Dean's, assuring him he's there. He spoke next, "Sam…it is a noble thing for you to do. But…I don't want you to go. We need you here too." He sighed, "but, the choice is yours, but please, think about it. Let us try to find another way still."

Sam smiled at him, "Cas, I love you man, I do. But you know why I can do this with a clear mind and heart? Because I know you'll take care of my brother. But if there's another way, we'll do that. Promise."

Joshua nodded, "very well, as Castiel said, the choice is yours. If you choose to do this, let us know. We'll also try to find a way to send you back to Earth if do." He got up, "now, we need to do some research as well, may we stay here for a while?"

Sam nodded, while Dean got up and walked out of the library. He followed Dean, who was walking to the outside. No one followed them.

"Dean!" he called, stopping Dean, who waited for him at the top of the stairs. Silently, he just took Cas's and walked outside in the cool autumn air. They walked hand in hand, but Cas knew Dean was trying to find words to express himself. So he waited, walking in step.

Finally Dean spoke, "Cas, I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can live without him. When he was gone for that year, I thought he was dead. When we were in Purgatory, my only two goals was getting you and getting back to Sam." Cas could hear the deep sadness in Dean's voice, knew he was trying not to cry.

"Sam, Sam's been my responsibility since he was a baby Cas. When he died, I sold my soul with no question. When I was being torn to shreds by those hell hounds, all I could think of was how he'll survive without me. When he jumped in Cage, I wanted to die. I can't do it Cas, I can't." Dean's control broke, and he leaned on him for support.

"Dean, I know. I know he's the world to you." It pained Cas to say it, but he always accepted he would come second to Sam. "But Sam…"

"He's not Cas," Dean interrupted. "yeah, I love Sam, he may be the world to me, but you're my sun. I need you both."

That, made him very happy to hear, but seeing Dean distressed neutralized that elation. "I love you too Dean, but I love Sam. He's like a brother to me too now. We're family. I don't want him to go any more than you do. We'll find another way."

Dean shook his head, "no. we won't and you know it too. We've been looking for months Cas, nothing. This crazy ass plan of Raziel's, it has a shot."

"Maybe it does Dean, but we…"

"No, no we don't Cas. Sam's right." He felt the deep sorrow and the immense strength it Dean was pulling on to say this. "I…I need to let him go."

That took everything from Dean to say that, everything. He could Dean's heartache because he felt it too. So together they stood, leaning against each, watching the sun set.

* * *

 

Once Sam heard the plan, his gut told him it was the only way. In a way, he was happy. As plans go, this one doesn't end bloody for anyone, well, except for Metatron. Once the meeting was over and Dean and Cas were gone, he went over to talk to Joshua alone.

"I know what you're going to ask me, and to be honest, God's silent on this one, even to me." Joshua said, not even looking up from the book he was looking at. Closing it, he looked at him, "Sam, this is all about choice. Your choice. No guarantees on what happens afterwards."

Sam nodded, "if I do this, what would I be in Heaven, just another soul? Or would I become an angel?" He read that has happened before.

"Ascended persons occupy a special place in Heaven Sam, usually apart from the other souls. Before, they served as guiding points for the souls of the righteous in Heaven. Maintaining the balance between human and angel." Joshua took hold of his shoulder, looking directly in his eyes, "Sam, you could fix Heaven, change it back to what it was before."

Sam looked at him confused. "You mean before Cas ki…cleansed it?"

Joshua shook his head, "no, long before that. Change it back to the way before Michael reorganized everything. Make it better."

Sam blinked surprised. Remake Heaven? "How?"

"You know what God is Sam? God is love, and he is creation. His love lead to the creation of all things. The love you have, in your soul, is immense, huge. So much power resides in you, you already have reshaped the world. In Heaven, you can reshape it as you see fit. Before, Heaven was open to all souls to wander, to rejoice together, not like the prisons everyone is in. Beautiful, happy prisons, but prisons still. I have tended the Garden waiting for the day someone like you came along."

Sam was astonished, he never knew. It only compelled him to do this, not for the angels, but for every soul in Heaven. Still, he had to ask.

"Would there be any chance of me coming back to Earth?"

"To be honest, we have no idea. No soul has ever voluntarily left Heaven except for reincarnation, which wouldn't be possible for you, since you're going up body and soul."

He figured as much, even so, he'll be in Heaven, and he'll wait there with all his family for Dean and Cas. For his friends and family, he'll wait an eternity.


	41. The Last Supper

Cas and Dean came back late in the evening, when everyone had gone to bed. They quietly entered their room and simply held each other, knowing an end of an era was near. The next day Dean asked Raziel to take him and Sam far away, so they can talk alone. When Cas got Sam, he simply nodded at Dean before Raziel flew them to a small lake in a mountain valley. It was quiet, peaceful and just what they needed.

Raziel left without saying a word. Together the two brothers looked at each, and just walked until they came to a hill overlooking the picturesque scene. Together they sat down side by side.

Sam spoke first, "this is not good bye you know. We'll see each other again."

"I know." Dean said solemnly.

"How many times have we done this Dean?"

"Lost count." Dean said smiling sadly. Seems like every year they ended up dying, making a deal or sent to hell or purgatory. It just, never ended.

"I wish there was another way Dean. I really do. I don't want to go, but, I'm the only one who can do this."

He sighed, he knew, that's why they were here. "Why'd you think we're here? I know, but I hate it. Why Sam? Why does it always have to be us?"

"Seriously Dean? We kinda started it. Hell, it always seems to boil down to us. Destiny or some crap like that." Sam fidgeted next to him. "Dean, I want you to do something for me, if I don't come back."

"You're coming back." Dean said through clenched teeth. "Don't you dare think otherwise."

"Be realistic Dean, I'm going up on half a plan with no return flight. And we don't know what'll happen even if a I do kill Metatron or end the spell." Sam sighed, "I want you to promise me that you won't look for me Dean. Please."

"Screw that Sammy!" Dean clenched his hands into fists. "I'm gonna do whatever it takes."

"You can't Dean, no demon deals, no magic summoning or anything like that. Promise me that…and something else."

"What?" Dean spat out.

"I want you to marry Cas." Sam wanted Dean to be happy, and Cas was the path to that happiness. It's why he can do this, Dean would be ok because Cas will be there to take care of him. Looking over at Dean, he saw that his brother was had a small smile on his lips.

"Was going to anyway Sammy. He's the one." Dean chuckled, "After all these years, catching me with how many girls? Falling for how many? And I end up with a nerdy angel guy."

"Dude, you guys started having eye sex the first time I saw you two together. I always knew Dean. He'll be there for you, if you're there for him."

"You were going to be my best man." Dean looked down, "and I hoped you'll find a girl one day, make baby Winchesters, continue the family business."

"You can have kids too Dean. You'll make an awesome dad. I know, you raised me."

"Yeah…well, look how that turned out."

"Seriously Dean. Who was there when someone bullied me at school? Who cooked me my meals, held me when I had nightmares? You stole, fought and did everything for me Dean. You Dean, you raised me."

Sam saw a tear fall from his brother, and he couldn't help it, but he was hurting too. It may not be a good bye, but it might be a long time before they saw each other.

"But you can't do it forever Dean. I'm a full grown man now. This is my choice. This is our chance to make the world better, not just save it. Our chance Dean. But you need to let me go."

"Sammy, I can never let you go. You're a part of me ok? We're brothers. We've been to hell and back, literally, several times."

"Dean, you're my brother, we'll always be in each other's hearts. Always. But Cas is as much a part of you as I am. You love him until the day you die, or I'll come down with and angel or two to kick your dumbass."

Dean turned to look at him and grabbed him into a hug. Sam hugged back just as fiercely.

"Promise me you'll try Sam. Try to come back."

"Only if you promise me that you won't spend your life trying to find a way to do that."

"Promise."

"Then I promise too."

"Bitch"

"Jerk"

Sam silently prayed for Raziel, who immediately appeared. Breaking their hug, Sam faced the angel. "We're ready."

* * *

Crowley left a meeting in LA to head back to the bunker with Naomi. The angels were preoccupied, so they had to use conventional methods. When Cas told him the plan, he wanted to say good-bye to Sam before he went up into the clouds. Seriously though, if Sam wanted to get into Heaven, all he had to do was jump.

* * *

Sam and Linda were the ones to go pick up Missouri. She looked practically the same, not even some stray gray hairs. Smiling, he helped her with the bags after giving her a hug.

"Why thank you Sam! You filled out nicely yourself. That hair though, what happened, you forget to get a haircut?" She said chuckling. Then her tone turned more serious, "You know Sam, I've been watching you two since you left. Hard to miss with all the mess you two make."

Sam chuckled, "well, we were just trying to save the world ma'am."

"I know you were sweetie. Sad to see you leave that poor girl behind."

"Amelia? Yeah, well, you know how our lives go. I can't live two lives. Once you're in this life, you never get out."

She only nodded, but she knew that Amelia would be back one day. Instead, she asked Sam how Dean was treating his angel.

* * *

Cas was basically glued to Dean the entire day while they waited for Sam and Missouri to come. Together, they went through the newly concocted ritual. He didn't ask what Dean and Sam talked about the previous day, figuring that's something those two can only have. Talking to Raziel, they figured they'll try to the ritual the next day, so tonight was the last night they would have as a family. Convincing Dean to at least do a supply run, they went shopping to make a big dinner. He knew Dean was barely holding up, knew he was going to lose his brother for a very long time, maybe for good. Cas was preparing himself for it too, as he was involved in Sam's life almost as much as Dean's.

When they arrived back at the bunker they were surprised to find Naomi and Crowley there as well. He still felt a desire to stab her in the neck, but he tried to let that feeling go. Crowley, on the other hand, he was surprisingly finding was becoming a good friend of his. The ex-king even gave him some pointers in the bedroom. They had a lot of commonalities between them, but were in essence polar opposites of each other in personality.

He and Dean began working in the kitchen. Together, they made a large turkey, a couple of salads and ratatouille. Cas baked a couple of pies and Charlie even helped out by making risotto. By the time Sam came down with Missouri, dinner was just about done.

Missouri came over to Dean and knocked him on the back of his head.

"Ow! I didn't do anything!"

"Don't you lie to me Dean Winchester. You run out on that man again, and I'll more than whack you with a spoon." She gave him a hug anyway.

Sam poked in, "smells good." He was about to snatch a taste of the risotto from the stove before Missouri whacked him with a spoon. Dean and Charlie giggled, Missouri was lively as ever.

"Git you scrawny butt to the dining room and set the table." Putting the spoon down, she approached Cas. He let her hold his face and look into his eyes. She sighed and smiled. "You are the most interesting soul I've seen Castiel. So much love." He smiled at her.

Once Sam set the table, Kevin went to gather everyone for dinner. Sam sat the head this time, with Dean to his right and Cas next to him. After giving thanks, at Missouri's insistence, they dug in. Dean was having his usual beer, but mostly everyone else was having wine. It was about midway through dinner when Sam called attention to himself.

"Thanks guys for the great meal. It's awesome. I know this is kinda like a last mean before we, you know, send me up. But I promise you, I'll try my best to come back."

"Oh Moose, you better. Otherwise I'll have to hitch a ride up on Naomi to see your flowing locks." Crowley paused, and smiled, "in all seriousness Sam, we've been in the foxhole, you and I. You allowed me the chance to redeem myself. Thank you. Come back to us, if you can." Lifting up he glass, "Cheers to the lumbering Moose!"

Charlie spoke next, "Sam, I'm not going to say goodbye, but in your honor I am chaining my house sigil to a moose. Be back next year, where hopefully, there won't be a maenad. Ok?"

Sam blushed, "ah, I'll try."

Cas and Dean didn't say anything, for them, saying good bye would hurt too much. The dinner went on late into the night, reliving memories. Especially when Missouri started telling stories of the brothers childhood. To Sam, it was a glimpse of what a normal family was. Then realized that his family included an ex-angel, a former king of hell, a hacker, a prophet, a lively psychic and then some.

After dinner, Sam pulled Cas aside to talk to him in private.

"Cas, take care of Dean all right? I know he's hardly perfect, and he'll be an idiot. A lot. But he loves you 'k"

"Of course Sam, and Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"No one's perfect, not even angels."

Sam hugged Cas, and in his ear, he whispered, "he's gonna marry you Cas. And, if I don't come back, I want you to know, I'll be proud when you become a Winchester legally. But you're my brother already."

Cas squeezed him back, "you'll come back Sam. I know you will."

Letting each other go, Cas wiped a tear away from his eye, and Sam had to do the same. Damn, he thought to himself, all these goodbyes were taking a toll on him. When he went to sleep, it was too the mantra that this isn't good-bye at all.

* * *

The next morning, they all drove to the to a small forest a couple of hours away. They choose the spot because it was once holy ground to Native Americans, and hasn't been touched in centuries. It was as close to unspoiled beauty they could reach, meaning closer to purity as God originally made it. Since it was autumn, it as crisp, but it was a beautiful day. The ritual itself was simple, the only thing was that it had to be mirrored in Heaven. Dean was half hoping this would be a bust, but the other half was hoping it would work.

Missouri stood beside Itheriel. Itheriel was going to 'boost' Missouri to try to get through to Ash in Heaven. Since they had nothing of Ash to draw him, they had to hope he would hear Missouri.

Closing her hand over Itheriel's she raised her voice. "Ashley Miles! I summon you to come down and speak with us! The Winchesters call upon you!"

Dean could see this was putting a large strain on Missouri, and he was about to call it off before there was a breeze…of blood, bud and then beer nuts.

"Buenos Dias bitches." Holy shit, it worked. "I heard my name called, had to see what's up, especially if it's the Winchesters." They looked at Missouri for that was where the voice came from. In a few seconds, Ash physically appeared as a spirit to them.

Dean smiled, he liked this mullet haired genius. "How's it going in the bar Ash?"

"Ah, you know, hosted a couple keggers with some interesting dudes. But the more important question, is where did all the angels go?"

Sam stepped forward, "that's why we summoned you Ash, to fix that. One angel expelled all the ones in heaven."

"Oh, that Metatron dude. Why, he's been wandering around, talking to writers and getting stories. Tolkein and I had a chat about him."

Cas spoke, "we need to kill him."

"Whoa there man, I don't kill. Can't. Angels can do whatever up there. I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"We're not asking you to. I'll kill him. But we need your help to do it." Sam answered.

"Ok, lay it on me."

"Basically, we need you to draw these sigils," pointing to a paper Raziel held up. 'then gather my mom, Ellen, Jo, Bobby, anyone who loved or cared about us. Circle the sigils, and concentrate on me, send…well, send me literally your love."

Ash looked closely at the paper, then snapped his fingers. "Got it memorized. So, we're beaming you up then?"

Dean nodded, "basically."

"Boys, I can't hold this for much longer." Missouri called out.

"Ok dudes and dudettes. See you top side amigo." With that, Ash flickered away. Missouri let out a sigh of relief.

"That man, was a pig." She said simply. "Smart but a smart ass too." Itheriel led her to a chair, so she could rest.

Everyone but Itheriel, Linda and Missouri huddled around for one last meeting.

"How long before phase two?" Charlie asked.

"Heaven exists outside of time, technically, they could be doing it right now. But I suggest waiting for a couple moments so we can set up everything from our end." Raziel answered. Everyone nodded, and Raziel broke away to being drawing the sigils.

Dean looked at Sam. "So…this is it Sammy."

"Yeah, it is." Dean chuckled. "What's funny Dean?" Sam asked.

"You know, last time you threw yourself into danger, Cas exploded. He hasn't exploded, so that's a good sign."

"That's hardly funny Dean, combusting was an unpleasant experience." Cas huffed. Dean just kissed him on the check, causing Sam to roll his eyes.

"You always pick the worst time to crack a joke." Sam said.

"Yeah, well at least I have a sense of humor." Dean retorted.

"Ok, stop acting like ten year olds and do a group hug already?" Charlie exclaimed.

Listening to her advice, everyone did a group huddle before Raziel called Sam over. Time to get the show on the road. Everyone broke up to form a circle around Sam, who would stand in the middle of the sigil. He had Lucifer's Sword in his hand, which would be enough to kill Metatron. Dean stood facing Sam, and he had Cas to his right.

"Ok, is everyone ready?" Raziel asked. They all said yes. "Very well, everyone, link hands."

Dean reached out to Cas, who linked with Charlie, then Kevin, Missouri, Linda ending in Crowley. Ironic, a year ago, this guy was actively trying to kill him, not they stood united in the love of Sam. Which, even more absurdly, he didn't doubt. They all were encircling Sam, clasping each other's hands tight. Dean took measured breaths, mentally preparing for what was coming next.

Raziel began chanting in Enochian behind him, and lit a ring of holy fire, encircling them all. As they were instructed, they began pouring all their love towards Sam. Dean closed his eyes and remembered when he saw Sam for the first time, his mom holding him. That Christmas long ago when Sam gave him the amulet. When Fred gave them their first beers and Sam puked. The movie night at Bobby's. He recalled every one of those happy memories, and let it flow out of him to his baby brother. He knew he was crying, not out of sadness, but happiness.

Dean opened his eyes. Sam had the same glow emanating from him in the church. But instead of being pained, Sam looked…ecstatic. The light from him became brighter and brighter until Dean had to close his eyes. Then there was soft breeze and a scent of roses in the air. He cautiously opened his eyes. Sam was gone.


	42. The Pearly Gates

Sam felt hot, felt as if he was burning, but it wasn't painful, no…it was euphoric, like being incased in happiness and love. Then he felt like the rug was pulled underneath him and felt he was being pulled, as if he was attached to rocket. He could 'see' but not really see, all around him was light and streaks of color. Then it stopped, and he was staring at a dirty old carpet on his hands and knees, Lucifer's sword next to him. His stomach felt like it was in a knot and he gulped for air. It was like the first time Cas flew him anywhere, but a ten thousand times worse. Then he felt warm hands on his face, looking up, he saw his mother smiling at him.

"Mom?" he asked weakly.

"Right here Sam, you made it. It worked." He hugged his mom after she helped him up. It was something he never got to do, and for a moment, he was happy.

"Now can you idjit tell us what you boys need help with this time?" Bobby said behind him. He was in Bobby's house, in the living room where he spent so much of his time in. Behind his mom he saw Deanna, his grandmother, and Henry. Ellen, Jo and Pamela were behind him with Bobby. Ash was in the kitchen drinking a beer.

"Have to kill Metatron to open Heaven back up for the angels Bobby. He cast them out by tricking Cas, stole his grace to do it."

"He ok?" Ellen asked.

Sam smiled, "yeah, he's fine. Human, but ok. You know…he and Dean are a couple now."

"Dean's in a relationship? With Cas?" Jo exclaimed disbelieving.

Bobby turned to Ellen, "told you, you owe me twenty bucks."

Sam turned to his mom, "I hope you're…ok with that mom."

"Oh Sam, all I ever wanted for my children was for them to be happy. That's all a mother ever wants. If Cas makes my boy happy, then good. I always told him that angels were looking over him."

"Fascinating spell work, quite a feat Sam." Henry told him. Mary looked at Henry with skepticism.

"Oh yeah, I found Henry here a couple months back, wandering about like I was. Told me he was your grandfather. Asked him to come over." Ash supplied.

"Mom, this is Henry Winchester, dad's dad. Henry, Mary Winchester, my mom, and John's wife. It's a long story mom, but Henry never ran out on dad, and he knows about the supernatural world. A lot actually." He looked around again. "Where's dad?"

"No word on papa Winchester Sam." Ash said. "These folks, was the best I can do"

"Thanks Ash. Miracle it worked." Sam replied.

"So, what's the plan Sam?" Bobby asked.

"Take out Metatron. But the plan we had just got me here." He picked up the sword. "We used the energy that I had from the trials to ascend me. Souls can't touch an angel here, but I'm here in the flesh, so I can take him out with this. We're hoping it'll end the spell he cast and allow the angels back."

"Trials?" Ellen asked.

"Uh, yeah. We tried to close down Hell. For good. But, it would have killed me, so Dean begged me to stop." He scratched his head, "but we cured Crowley, he's human too. And I think I'm cured of, whatever I had from the trials." The energy he felt was gone, he actually felt, normal for a change.

"So amigo! I've been trying to find Metatron for you." Ash pulled out his homemade scanner. "Now, if you remember, Heaven is a billion little worlds. And he's been going all over the place. Word on the street is he's looking for stories. Talking to famous people, writers, poets. But, he usually returns to the Garden at some point. Best chance to find him there."

"Ok, good. So, can you get me a shortcut there?"

"No problemo. Give me…seven minutes." Sam nodded and Ash walked away. He knew Ash didn't need that long of a time. He was giving him time to talk to his family.

"So Sam, how are you going back down?" Bobby asked gruffly.

"Well, ummm, we didn't get that far in the plan."

Bobby shook his head. "You mean to say that you three idjits didn't think how to get you back home?"

"Bobby, you know how these things go. They're Winchesters." Ellen said.

"Son, I love to have you stay, but it isn't your time yet." His mom said wistfully.

Sam sighed, "I know, I want to go back. But now, I have a mission to complete." He looked around, "it's good to see you all again. When this is done, I'll find you all again."

* * *

Cas had to shut his eyes tight when the light became too intense, then it was gone. In its place, a warm breeze laden with the scent of roses wafted through. Cas knew then that Sam made it, it was the scent of Heaven, as his mortal body could perceive it now. Looking around, they were all holding hands still, and the ring of holy fire was extinguished.

"Did it work?" Dean asked, barely above a whisper, looking up to the sky.

Cas squeezed his hand, "yes, it worked. He's in Heaven." He felt Dean's heard drop, and letting go of Charlie, he pulled Dean to him in an embrace. Dean clung to him for support, and Cas calmly soothed him best he could. "It's OK Dean, he'll be back." He kissed Dean on the cheek. "All we can do now is wait."

* * *

Bobby and Henry followed him to the kitchen to the back door where Ash was waiting. Bobby grabbed his shoulder, making him pause.

"Wait Sam, you can't just go charging in there without a plan."

"Plan's simple Bobby, kill Metatron."

"That's something Dean would say and you're smarter than that boy." Bobby gruffed.

"He's right Sam, stop a moment. We can help." Henry interjected.

"You guys can't. As souls, he can send you wherever, even reprogram you, for a while at least. You wouldn't stand a chance."

Bobby scoffed at that, "and what, you stood a chance against an angel on Earth Sam? Did your brain leave your head to make room for all that hair?"

"Gentlemen, please." Henry interjected before handing a paper to him. "Sam, draw this sigil like a devils trap. It'll bind his wings temporarily. Give you a chance to take him down, which, frankly, I cannot believe still."

"Why not?" Sam asked curious.

"Well, in the Men of Letters, we were always taught angels were our allies. Our defenders and messengers of God."

Bobby snickered, "well, newsflash, they are a bunch of egotistical, thick headed arrogant sons of.."

"Bobby!" Sam said before looking at Henry, "there's…a lot you don't know. And Bobby's right, most of them were dicks, but some weren't. Like Cas and Joshua."

"Oh. I see. I know I'm missing a lot jumping through time. I wish I could have stayed to help you both."

"If it makes you feel better, we were finally able to kill Abaddon. For good this time." Sam offered.

"Swell, that's just swell. Proud of you both." He pulled Sam into a hug. "You're a Winchester, remember that." He whispered in Sam's ear.

"Yo Sam, you want to head out or not?" Ash called. Sam let go of Henry, and strode over to the door. Before he went through, Bobby gave him a spray can and chalk.

"You'll need these if you're going to draw anything." Bobby pulled him into a quick hug before he let go.

"Wish me luck," he called over his shoulder as he stepped through the door. When he stepped through, he found he was in under a large dome. Looking around, he recognized the place as the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco.

Taking out a spray can, he drew the trap that Henry gave him. He drew it as large as he could, hoping it's something that Metatron would miss. Not likely, but it was a shot. Once he was done, he waited in the center. While he waited though, he remembered the memory of being here. It wasn't afternoon like it was here, but late evening, when the colonnade and dome were bathed in golden light in late summer. It was warm still, and the salty sea air brought a cool refreshing breeze, but enough chill causing Sam to wrap his arm around her. They walked around, talking aimlessly, when she pulled him down for a kiss. This was the place he and Jess had their first real kiss. The kiss that began the serious stage in dating, which after a year, began leading him to take the next step. And he would have, had Jessica lived.

"It's a tragic story, to be sure Sam. But intricate, subtle and long planned. Makes for a good story."

"Metatron." Sam glared at the angel in the pudgy body.

"Hello Sam. Surprised to see you up here so soon." Metatron folded his arms behind him, "it's good to back home. Not the same as I remember it, but it's home."

"Why'd you do it? Why did you cast everyone out?" Sam glowered. "Why did you pick Cas?"

"Sam, you have no idea about being run out of your home. Imagine, if you can, if the demons never came for you. What if your dad and mom were still alive, you and Dean growing up in happy home. Then one day, John disappears and Dean kicks you out. How would you feel?"

"That's not a reason, that's an excuse to get petty revenge." Sam retorted. "it's sad and pathetic. You left, that was your choice. But you weren't the only one, you weren't alone on Earth. There were other angels too. But no, you had to go boo-hoo on yourself and hide."

"They were jealous of me Sam, God CHOOSE me to be The Scribe out of all the angels. And the secrets I have, the knowledge. You think the Apocalypse was bad as it was? Imagine if Michael or Raphael knew what I know. Earth would be a glowing cinder now."

"Not what I heard. No one ever spoke bad about you, Raziel, Itheriel…they admired you, loved you as a brother. But you ran because you were scared. So, yeah, Michael was a dick, we all know that, and you were right to be scared of him. But that doesn't give you the right to punish everyone, and it sure as hell didn't mean to destroy Cas's grace." Sam was angry, more angry than he ever has been. "You tricked him you asshole. All he wanted was to help, knowing what he's done, looking for forgiveness and you tear out his grace from him as thanks."

"They were jealous, I was one of the few to ever see God. You know how few angels have seen him? Less than a dozen. In all of creation, I was blessed to have seen the face of God."

"Well, you know who else was jealous? Lucifer."

"I am nothing like him." Metatron scowled.

"But oh, yes you are. Lucifer thought he was better than humans, better than other angels. You thought you were better too. But at least he wasn't petty." He brandished the sword he tucked in his jacket.

Metatron widened his eye in surprise. "Lucifer's sword. How did you get that up here?"

Sam smiled, "I have my ways."

"No matter, you can't touch me here." He stood still, and Sam realized that Metatron was trying to fly away.

Seeing an opportunity, he rushed Metatron, but Metatron flicked his wrist, sending him flying back. He really hated telekinesis, he really did. In his flight, he dropped the sword and was unarmed when he landed a couple yards away. Metatron looked around and snapped his fingers.

"Ok, clever, haven't seen this sigil in ages, totally didn't notice it. Just broke it though." He snapped his fingers again and he was holding the sword now. "I'm an angel in the heart of Heaven Sam, did you think you ever had a chance?"

Sam scrambled to his feet. "Yeah, I did actually."

Metatron only tilted his head, and chuckled. "Story of your life I suppose. Always working on half a hope and bit of luck to save the day. But there's nothing to save here Sam. It's better this way, having the angels on Earth. Don't you see, I'm the good guy here."

"So did Michael. You're no better than either Lucifer or Michael. You don't care about the angels, or humans. You only cared about yourself."

Avoiding the point he made, Metatron continued, "doesn't matter now. You can't undo the spell and you can't kill me. So sit back, relax, you're in Heaven now. You can finally have peace."

"I'll have peace when I am done." Sam pulled out Crowley's gun and fired a shot directly in Metatron's chest.

Metatron clutched his chest in pain and fell to his knees. "But…how?"

Sam walked over and leveled the gun to Metatron's head. "Melted angel blade bullets. Gotta hand it to Crowley, he is resourceful." He pulled the trigger and bright light exploded, causing him to look away. Once it faded, he saw the burnt angel wings and Metatron's lifeless body at his feet. "That was for Cas you son of a bitch."

Just then, the ground shook, nearly knocking him down. Looking around he saw that the entire structure was beginning to fracture, with blinding light spilling through the cracks. Everything a cracking, everywhere, he broke into a run trying to outrun whatever has happening. However, the very ground broke apart and he fell into a pure white oblivion.

* * *

On Earth, only a couple hours passed. Since time flowed differently in Heaven, they had no idea how long it would take. Or even how they would know if Sam was successful. He insisted that they wait for a while, to see if Sam came back.

Cas just held onto him for a long time, even when everyone began to walk away. They just stood there, it was all he could from just sobbing and calling for Sammy. The tears he originally shed in happiness eventually fell into sadness. After a while, feeling slightly less morose, he and Cas walked the little ways to where they parked the cars.

The air had a definite melancholy feel to it, and everyone was mostly silent. Charlie passed out sandwiches and a thermos, and tried to make attempts at small talk. Some took up playing a card game, or reading, but he and Cas waited in the Impala, holding hands, waiting. It was when Itheriel and Raziel yelled in pain that they rushed out.

"What happened?" Cas asked when they recovered themselves.

"Something has happened in the heart of Heaven, it was if a loud signal was pumped through our grace." Raziel exasperated. "It overloaded our angel radio if you need a comparison."

"Did he do it? Is Sam ok?" he asked concerned.

Raziel nodded to Itheriel, who vanished with a flap of his wings. "We'll know in a few moments." He turned to Joshua, "Do you feel anything different old firend?"

Joshua closed his eyes, and smiled. At the same moment, Itheriel returned, who nodded to Raziel. Dean looked at the angels. "Well, don't keep it to yourselves." Dean said tensely.

"Dean, Heaven is open again." Joshua said, "however, something unintended happen. And God has a message."

"What is it Joshua," asked Cas anxiously.

"The angels may return, but only if they truly desire it and when the time is right." He looked all around, "God says he is proud of all you." He walked up to Dean and Cas, "and he is sorry about your grace Castiel, but he has a plan. He asks you both to be patient." He stepped back some feet. "And, it is time for me to say good bye. Until I see you again." Before anyone can say anything, Joshua disappeared with a flap of wings. Itheriel nodded at them all, and also flew away.

Dean grabbed Raziel, hoping to keep him from flying away as well, "Sam, where's Sam?" he basically yelled before Cas took his shoulder to calm him down.

"Apologies Dean. It's a bit of a jumble at the moment, but he made it and Metatron is dead. Itheriel and others looking for him right now. Heaven is vast and this is unprecedented, so please, give us time."

"Dean, trust them, they will look for Sam. And find a way to send him back home."

Dean let go, "sorry," he apologized. "It's, well, he's my brother."

Raziel nodded. "No apology or explanations needed Dean, I promise you, we'll do all we can. Now, I must ask for your leave. I have to check on the other angels." Dean nodded, and Raziel soon flew off himself.

Seeing no point in sticking around, they all headed home. All during the drive, Cas leaned on him, with head on his shoulder and hand on his lap. It was, comforting. Though after a while, he couldn't bear the silence.

"I don't know how I can do it without you Cas."

"I'll always be there Dean. Always."

"It's going to be rough, and hard."

Cas chuckled, "when has it ever been smooth sailing for us?" Dean couldn't help but smile, his angel was getting the hang of using normal talk.

"Got a point there."

"He'll be back Dean. I know it. We just have to be…patient."

"Easier said than done Cas, you know that." He sighed, "do you think you'll get your wings back? I mean, God said to be patient, so maybe…you know, he'll reward you?"

"I don't want them. Not any more Dean."

Dean was confused, "but I thought, you wanted them back. Hell, you nearly fell apart when we learned your grace was gone. What changed?"

"You. Where would my wings do but take me away from you? What would my grace offer besides suppress my emotions, my love for you?"

He was speechless, Cas was willing to be human with him. "So…you want to get old and wrinkly, popping Viagra and complaining about everything?"

"Only if you are." Cas smiled back.

"Hell yes." Suddenly, the day wasn't so dark. He wanted to see the next day, and what it brought. He had hope.


	43. As in Heaven, As on Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ends has come.

He was floating in nothing. Literally nothing, no color, no ground, sky, it was just and endless white void. He thought he must have broken reality, and now he's stuck in limbo. Then he saw a figure walking toward him in the distance. Since it was the only thing in all of whatever where he was, he just waited until the figure approached. It was a man, short, wearing a white suit he couldn't make out the facial features quite yet….wait, hold up.

"Chuck?" he asked disbelieving.

Chuck chuckled, "yes…and no. Nice to see you again Sam."

"Where, where are we?"

"Think of it as the beginning, a blank canvas. Seen The Matrix? It's like the loading program."

Sam touched down, there was no ground still, but he was standing level with Chuck now. "Ok…what are you doing here?"

"Well, there's only one explanation. Obviously I'm a god... I'm definitely a god. A cruel, cruel, capricious god." Chuck smiled, and sat down on a chair that suddenly appeared. He waved Sam to do the same. Looking behind him, there was also a chair, so he sat down. Sam remembered him saying that when they first meet the prophet.

"Are…are you God?"

"Yes, yes I am."

Sam got angry, and wanted to punch the smug look off Chuck…Gods face. But it probably isn't a good idea to hit the creator of…well, everything. Biting his tongue from what he really wanted to say, "what the hell? Where the hell have you been?"

"Like any parent, standing back, watching the kids growing up." He folded his hands to a point, and looked at same with his blue eyes. "I know you're angry, asking why I didn't do this, or allow that. However, you have to understand why I didn't intervene. Much."

He calmed himself down from the anger rising in him. Sam thought for a few moments, and he knew. "Choice. You allowed us to make choices."

"Right on Sam. Now before you ask, yes, I may have intervened a little, but only as much as I needed. The analogy that Joshua used? Pretty accurate. You, and everyone else, took it from there. I only…nudged here, pushed there." He sighed, "the days of me being wrathful and taking a direct hand is over Sam. You're all my kids, and 14 billion years is enough time to grow up. Well, humanity gets a little leeway, you've only learned to write some millennia ago, but you're fast learners. That's why I put you and Dean on that plane, and brought Castiel back." He smiled, "you know why I keep bringing Castiel back?"

"He thinks it's a punishment." Sam remembered.

"No. Painful, yes, but punishment no. His love was so profound, it moved even me."

"So, what about his grace?" Sam asked, curious. He owed it to Cas to ask at the very least.

"Gone. But…he doesn't want it anymore, and he has something far more precious. A soul, and not just any soul, but the soul infused with grace but tied directly to another, literally."

"Dean's…" Sam realized.

"Yup. Those two are so intertwined, it's almost as if they share the same soul. It's a whole new level of soul mates." Chucked sighed wishfully. "It's a beautiful sight."

"So, what now, what about the angels?"

"They can come back to Heaven, the spell ended when Metatron died. However, there was an after effect, which I added. They can only come back if they truly want it. And you know, I think it might be surprising on what they choose."

"Why? Why add that criteria?"

"Choice Sam. Remember what Raziel said? He choose to be banished, to be on Earth, because he loved humanity. It's the same, I want the angels to  _choose_  to be in Heaven. To find their own happiness and role in life, existence. Some might want to stay. Listen Sam, the world has gone through the ringer the past several of years. An almost apocalypse, Heaven devastated, Leviathans and a whole boatload of problems. It's time to…slow things down. Let the dust settle."

"So you're stepping up to the plate finally, coming back?"

"Me? Naw, just doing a house check. The status quo held last time for nearly two thousand years. It's time to set up a new one. And I need your help Sam."

"Me, what can I do?"

"Be a guide for the angels, be the bridge between angel and human. Reshape Heaven. I know Joshua told you a little about the changes Michael made. He's a good son, but always so serious in his duty." He shook his head. "Anyways, I want you to help reorganize things up here."

"Sure, I mean, Joshua warned me, but yeah. But…I want to go back home too."

Chuck smiled, "home is where the heart is Sam. If you want to head back to Earth, then you'll find a way. But only when the time is right." Crossing his legs, "listen, we both know Dean will worry, so you'll worry, so how about you write him a letter?" He pointed to a desk to the right, which magically appeared.

Write Dean? He knows his brother would be suspicious about a letter, but Chuck was right. Maybe, he'll be able to send more messages via the angels later. Sam got up, and thinking what to write, he jotted a bit down, signed it and handed to the Lord of Lords. Chuck didn't read it, just sealed it in a golden ball. Then he threw it, and Sam watched is disappear in a golden light. "I always wanted to send a message that way. Not as dramatic as a whirlwind of fire, but just as great."

"If you're not staying, where will you be going?" Sam inquired.

"Watching, listening, and enjoying the fruits of my labor. Humanity is on the threshold of a new age, and I'm excited to see what you guys will do."

Sam nodded, though he had to ask one question. How often do you get to meet God? "I just have a question, just one if I can ask."

Chuck cracked his knuckles and stretched, "shoot."

"What's the meaning of it all?"

"42."

"Seriously? 42?" Sam said not amused.

"Listen, that's something you all have to figure out on your own. That's why I gave you guys free will. To find it yourselves." With that, Sam noticed that Chuck was fading. "See you around Sam, oh, and congratulations." Then Chuck was gone.

Confused, "congratulations?" he said to himself before he was swept up like before, in a stomach turning twist before landing back in Bobby's living room.

* * *

For the past couple of weeks, Dean was on edge, waiting for word from the angels on news from his brother. Apparently, the Garden was damaged immensely, which Raziel theorized was Metatron's grace sending an energy feedback or something like that. All he understood is that it basically collapsed a part of Heaven. The angels were looking high and low for him, both in Heaven and Earth, in case he was sent back down, but no luck.

He hardly ate, and if it wasn't for Cas shoving food down his throat, he would have starved to death. Cas knew this was going to happen, and so did he, but they worked at it. He missed his baby brother, and it hurt, but having Cas there made it hurt less. He promised Cas a nice vacation once they find out what happened. Everyone in the bunker was missing the presence of their own giant, even Crowley seemed depressed. However, things went on and they resumed their normal activities in time. Missouri went back home, but told Dean to call her once in a while. Dean forced himself to spend time around the others, and tried to keep away from the hard alcohol.

Cas was patient with him, and shared his pain and grief as well. Knowing Cas wanted to stay human with him lifted him up, and kept him from sinking into a deep depression. Every evening, Cas insisted they go for a walk, citing the benefits of fresh air. It was their alone time, to just enjoy each other's company. It was on such a walk when Dean caught sight of a shooting star.

Nudging Cas, "hey, look there Cas, shooting star."

Cas looked up to where Dean was indicating, "you know Dean, the Earth's atmosphere is bombarded with several thousand objects a day. However, it is very pleasing to observe."

"You're such a nerd." He said kissing Cas's hand while they walked.

"Since I have to think for the both of us, I take that as a compliment." Cas stopped, eyeing the shooting star more closely. "Dean, I may be mistaken, but I think that meteor is heading towards our location."

Excited, he looked up. Getting a falling star would be awesome. Cas was right, but it was coming right at them. "Uh, Cas, I think we should run. Now!" Not hesitating , they both ran toward a large rock for cover. Just as Dean jumped to over and covered Cas, there was a small boom and the ground trembled a bit. He thought it must be a small rock, but it shone so brightly, he thought it had to be larger. Peeking over, he saw there was no fire or large crater. Just a small little hole with something glinting the weak light of the sun.

Pulling Cas up, who unceremoniously was crumpled under him, they walked over to the landing site. Peering in, he saw it was a small golden ball, no larger than a football.

"What you think it is Cas? Alien?" He picked up a stick and poked at it.

Cas tilted his head, "I don't think you should touch it Dean." Which of course, meant he had to. Since the stick hadn't caught fire, he tentatively reached his hand over the object. It wasn't hot, so he picked it up. Cas rolled his eyes, but walked next to Dean to get a closer look.

"It appears to be made of gold" Cas said.

"It's light too, I think it might be hollow." Lifting it up, he looked over the entire object, it was smooth and had no seam at all. "Wonder what it is."

Just then, a seam did appear along with what appeared decorative scrollwork, while it vibrated slightly, causing him to drop it. Standing in front of Cas, they both watched curiously was it began to glow. "Stay behind me Cas, it this thing hatches a flying space bat, we run." Cas nodded.

Nothing hatched though, the ball just opened with a small hiss. Both of them leaning in, Dean saw there was an envelope inside. Reaching for it, he pulled it out and opened it with Cas looking over his shoulder. It was a letter on a parchment, written in golden ink.

_Dear Dean and Cas,_

_It's Sam. In a weird place but in heaven still. Meet God, who is Chuck by the way. Needs some help reorganizing things up here now, going to stay a bit. Dean, mom is ok that you're with Cas, all she wants is you to be happy. Everyone is up here, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Deanna and even Henry. And Cas, since your probably reading this over Dean's shoulder, God says your grace is gone, but you have the most beautiful soul he's ever seen, yours and Dean's actually. I'll come back, but don't wait up._

_Love,_

_Sam W._

They both read and reread the letter. He couldn't believe it, Sam was ok. He didn't doubt the authenticity, it was his handwriting and it did fall from Heaven. Cas wrapped his arms around him from behind and rested his head on his shoulder. Dean knew he was smiling. He was too. Sam saw mom, who gave her blessing on his relationship with Cas. He knew his dad would never approve, but he didn't give a rat's ass on his opinion. Mom was ok with him being, well, he didn't think himself as gay or even bi but she was happy, happy for him. He turned around to passionately embrace Cas and kissed him deep and long until the sun set.

* * *

After returning to the bunker, he basically bounded up the steps to the library to tell the good news to everyone. However, Charlie stopped him before he could say a word.

"Dean, do you know Amelia Richardson?"

He froze for a second, he and Sam hadn't talked about her, as a courtesy to his brother. "Yeah, she's the girl Sam was with while Cas and I were in Purgatory. Why?"

Charlie looked nervous, "well, as you know, I made a search algorithm to track anything on Sam. Well, she kept on showing up in my net. So I did a little research. She's looking for Sam."

Sam told him about the choice that he made, choosing him over Amelia months ago. It hurt him to knowing what his brother gave up, though he was happy at the choice at the same time. It was conflict for him, but Sam conceded it would never work, she knew nothing of the supernatural world.

"Why?" he asked.

"That's what I asked myself. So I dug a bit deeper, hacked her email." Her hand shaking slightly, she handed him a paper. It was a medical correspondence that doctors were using these days. Most of it meant nothing to him, being blood work and medical history Then he saw it.

She was pregnant. Since late January. When she last saw Sam.

"Son of a bitch."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you all for reading! I know, its been a long long read. I wasn't expecting it to get this large...but it did. So, yes. Cliffhanger. Because how else do you end a Supernatural story? Worry not! The sequel is already done and I will post it one here in one weeks time! Once again, thank you all for the comments and reviews!


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